posted February 21, 2011 07:01 PM            

I lost someone I love deeply because of Cancer Moon stuff...he felt like me feeling insecure and scared of getting hurt meant I didn't believe in "us" and didn't believe in the relationship. I was hardly a basket-case, no weird behavior, really...so if he's been just a teeny bit more patient and more into me, we could've ridden that out. He thought I was "perfect" (!!!) at the beginning, which is so immature I think, nobody's perfect, and me being not perfect doesn't mean I'm not great. But still, I know I let MYSELF down by being so needy and insecure...it feels like not-the-real-me, like the real me is a LEO who's too busy having fun to get all moony. I tried so hard with him, with myself, and I couldn't manage it.

posted February 21, 2011 07:11 PM            

And part of me thinks, so what that he isn't perfect. Even if you get hurt, it's worth just letting that happen to yourself, rather than hold and axe over some guy's head and wait till he screws up to drop it on his head. I feel like Cancer Moon desperately looks for positive and negative validation at the same time, like: "Prove to me you love me and will love me forever!" at the same time as "I know you'll hurt me, so just hurt me NOW to get it over with."

Which is so not FUN!! The Leo part of me wouldn't be into a guy who tested like that...I'd rather have him enjoy what he loves about "us" and hope for the best.

I wish I was just not worried about getting hurt or ashamed or having my low self-esteem validated. I wouldn't want to be with a guy who put me under that kind of emotional pressure or got really clingy. And I don't like my own company when I get like that. I don't know what to do about it, though.

Sorry, this belongs in the Cancer Moon Women thread!

But I'm so glad things are okay.

posted February 21, 2011 07:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lucia23:
EES, I'm glad you posted it here, it has helped me because I'm trying to figure a lot of things out.

I lost someone I love deeply because of Cancer Moon stuff...he felt like me feeling insecure and scared of getting hurt meant I didn't believe in "us" and didn't believe in the relationship. I was hardly a basket-case, no weird behavior, really...so if he's been just a teeny bit more patient and more into me, we could've ridden that out. He thought I was "perfect" (!!!) at the beginning, which is so immature I think, nobody's perfect, and me being not perfect doesn't mean I'm not great. But still, I know I let MYSELF down by being so needy and insecure...it feels like not-the-real-me, like the real me is a LEO who's too busy having fun to get all moony. I tried so hard with him, with myself, and I couldn't manage it.

---

Don't I know the feeling . . . he kept saying how hurt he was that I didn't trust him and I can't love him if I don't trust. He spent nearly 20 minutes giving me every reason why he wouldn't do that to me (in the middle of it, I go "wait wait wait a second, are you bullshiddin me?!?!?" and he goes "here we go again" lol)

It's really pitiful. Putting myself through all this chit was a great Cancer moon lesson for me.

I thought I was doing good. Apparently not. Still insecure, still second guessing :/

I will try again I guess, he's dealt with worse than this out of me, I told him this probably won't be my last time, but I'm trying.

I'm sorry it didn't work with your guy
It's amazing how similar we are and how powerful Cancer moon is over the Leo sun.

posted February 21, 2011 07:21 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lucia23:
I was thinking about your guy and his chart. A reason he may trigger your insecurities is that, like I said earlier, fidelity might be a challenge for him because he needs and craves so much freedom. (He's also very young.)

And part of me thinks, so what that he isn't perfect. Even if you get hurt, it's worth just letting that happen to yourself, rather than hold and axe over some guy's head and wait till he screws up to drop it on his head. I feel like Cancer Moon desperately looks for positive and negative validation at the same time, like: "Prove to me you love me and will love me forever!" at the same time as "I know you'll hurt me, so just hurt me NOW to get it over with."

Which is so not FUN!! The Leo part of me wouldn't be into a guy who tested like that...I'd rather have him enjoy what he loves about "us" and hope for the best.

I wish I was just not worried about getting hurt or ashamed or having my low self-esteem validated. I wouldn't want to be with a guy who put me under that kind of emotional pressure or got really clingy. And I don't like my own company when I get like that. I don't know what to do about it, though.

Sorry, this belongs in the Cancer Moon Women thread!

But I'm so glad things are okay.

It's almost like you're saying to him, "Don't ever think about sexually molesting a koala bear"--and it's this ludicrous thought, he would never think about that...but if you say it every day, he can't help starting to think about it. It's kind of like that with "I'm scared you'll hurt me, you're going to hurt me" and "Are you betraying me?" and "Did you hurt me?" For freedom-loving people, a partner's fear of being rejected/cheated on/betrayed can feel like being suffocated in a straightjacket.

---

I'd like to think I'm improving as this tantrum hasn't happened in a long while. I'm in school, single parent and working, you'd think with all these things going on I'd be too distracted to get that way but it happened.

I think I had valid reason to go crazy (I stood by that in the midst of our quarrel) but he disagrees.
My insecurities turned him off, I can tell

posted February 21, 2011 07:22 PM            

quote:

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he kept saying how hurt he was that I didn't trust him and I can't love him if I don't trust.

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I know, they don't understand! The truth was I loved him AND I had neediness, insecurities, self-esteem issues. It was like the Leo alongside the Cancer. He thought those issues meant I didn't love him.

posted February 21, 2011 07:22 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Love you EES
When I go down, which I will,I will pay you back

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posted February 21, 2011 07:26 PM            

quote:

---

I'd like to think I'm improving as this tantrum hasn't happened in a long while. I'm in school, single parent and working, you'd think with all these things going on I'd be too distracted to get that way but it happened.

I think I had valid reason to go crazy (I stood by that in the midst of our quarrel) but he disagrees.

---

With my guy, he was the first one I'd been with who didn't easily play into those emotional patterns...the others (because of their own stuff) confused my neediness for love.

This one understood that neediness is actually about creating distance, not love...a way to push someone away or push-pull them that isn't really about being open to THEM.

So even though I had really big relationships before, it feels in some ways like he was my first love.

Ugghh, I'm so PMS-y and loony and moony tonight.

posted February 21, 2011 07:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by EverEvolvingSpirit:
30 years old. Still kissing frogs

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posted February 21, 2011 07:55 PM            

quote:

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PS.I think lots of my previous were not even frogs, but cockroaches and other vermin.

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posted February 21, 2011 08:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LEXX:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by EverEvolvingSpirit:
[b] 30 years old. Still kissing frogs

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PS.I think lots of my previous were not even frogs, but cockroaches and other vermin.[/B][/QUOTE]

LEXX,

It took alot of roaches for me to find a decent man.
I've dated physical and emotional abusers all my life. This is the first man to not put me down and always call me beautiful at all the right moments that sometimes I actually believe it.
Alot different from my ex husband that would tell me no man would ever want me, that I was evil/crazy/ ugly/ unfit mother etc. Once he cursed me out for spending $20 of MY money on a Sesame Street DVD for our son. Super jealous constantly accusing me of sleeping around and of our son not being his (had to give him a DNA test) Once punched me in my face repeatedly while I was giving our son a bath in his li linfant bath thing. At one point I thought he was going to kill me. Friends would say "don't let him kill you" I thought of how my dad used to beat my mom. Even set her hair on fire. I remember pushing the chair up against the wall so I could climb in the chair and reach the phone to call my grandma because I'd be sooo scared of them fighting.

That gave me the strength to kick his ass out of my house. I couldn't live like that.

But soon after, in my "sick of black men" phase, I rebelled and began dating white men. Unfortunately I picked the most phucked up of the bunch. Mentally abusive, jealous, insecure, racist . . . SIGH.

I realized then, men are phucked up no matter what race.
I deserve this guy after all I've endured. Hey, I can't be perfect, like Lucia said. He will have to be patient with me as I grow.

posted February 21, 2011 08:38 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by EverEvolvingSpirit:
I deserve this guy after all I've endured. Hey, I can't be perfect, like Lucia said. He will have to be patient with me as I grow.

---

posted February 21, 2011 09:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by EverEvolvingSpirit:
I was scared to put myself out here, but I am glad I did. I do feel safe with you guys. I'm also glad people can relate to me.

LEXX

---

So my thanks to all who were there for me.

posted February 22, 2011 02:19 AM            

LEXX,
I can understand why you'd understand why you'd delete certain threads. Just know that there is a family here, a sisterhood, I've been there, girl! Had it not been for my son I probably wouldn't be here. He gave me a reason to continue.
I have many stories. From homelessness to alchohol/pill addiction to being deeply depressed and suicidal. But, you know what? You heal when you come to terms with it, which is what I've done. Had I not been through hell, I would not be who I am today. Above all going through the things I've been through has made me a genuine, non judgemental, kind and honest woman. Not many people have these traits. I see them in you, Lucia, Ami and many other people here!

I'm happy I opened up to you guys, it feels good to let folks in.

((((HUGS)))))

posted February 22, 2011 06:12 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Stawr:
"30 years old. Still kissing frogs, while all my old classmates on facebook have the love of their lives."

Oh yes, some people are good at making their lives look perfect and fabulous on fb.

Here is a funny web article that cosmo did about people who are good at making their lives seem perfect on fb. I love it! It's so funny, so harsh, and so true.

"You know those friends who post endlessly about how unbelievably awesome their lives are? Don¡¯t buy the hype. We translate what their updates are actually saying."
"With all that bragging, it¡¯s no wonder a Stanford University study found that social networking sites create feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction. The reason? Since we generally use FB to report only on the good things we have going on, reading status updates makes you think everyone else is happier and having more fun than you are. Rarely do we hear about people getting dumped via text or see photos of them looking like a zombie after a long Monday. Rather, we get news about their exciting career and relationship developments, and see pics of them looking their hottest."

"The Type: In a Relationship and Flaunting It

Profile Picture: A close up of her boyfriend kissing her on the cheek. That she took herself.

Status: Above an uploaded picture of a dozen roses: ¡°Flowers from the sweetest boyfriend in the world. ¢¾¡±

Translation: Did you hear? I have a boyfriend. So not a big deal or anything but I just wanted everyone to know that I¡¯m not some single loser and I have one. A boyfriend, that is.

The Type: The Easy-Breezy New Mommy

Profile Picture: Her totes adorbs bundle of joy

Status: Everyone told me I was going to get zero sleep these first few months of parenthood, but little Matty is just so amazing and lets his Momma get eight solid hours every single night!

Translation: Lack of zzzs has made me delusional to the point that I really think this is true. Did I also mention that Little Matty was born potty-trained and bilingual? Yup-sir-ee!"

---

I was wondering if u have an FB account??

Lol strawr...yes that is absolutely correct!
lately i have developed a kind of aversion for social network sites...true there seems to be so much hype and gossip and taunting, everything seems to be picture perfect! and no depth at all.

Yes as everybody says LL is a place where one can seek refuge during a very vulnerable time without even knowing each other...where we are respected for our views,where u feel loved, understood, cared for.A place of hiding where rest is assured and A place which keeps telling us that you are not alone!A place where we can meet people from different backgrounds and seek solace and guidance in our personal matters.
A perfect example for service to humanity!

posted February 22, 2011 10:10 AM            

Causes, incidence, and risk factors

The causes of borderline personality disorder (BPD) are unknown. Genetic, family, and social factors are thought to play roles.

Risk factors for BPD include:

*

Abandonment in childhood or adolescence
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Disrupted family life
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Poor communication in the family
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Sexual abuse

This personality disorder tends to occur more often in women and among hospitalized psychiatric patients.
Symptoms

People with BPD are often uncertain about their identity. As a result, their interests and values may change rapidly.

People with BPD also tend to see things in terms of extremes, such as either all good or all bad. Their views of other people may change quickly. A person who is looked up to one day may be looked down on the next day. These suddenly shifting feelings often lead to intense and unstable relationships.

Other symptoms of BPD include:

*

Fear of being abandoned
*

Feelings of emptiness and boredom
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Frequent displays of inappropriate anger
*

Impulsiveness with money, substance abuse, sexual relationships, binge eating, or shoplifting
*

Intolerance of being alone
*

Repeated crises and acts of self-injury, such as wrist cutting or overdosing

Signs and tests

posted February 22, 2011 11:04 AM            

Some of those psychiatric diagnoses are tricky, controversial, and insurance-driven. BPD bothers me, because often women who have been abused or raped are given this fuzzy, murky diagnosis...and I don't like that we call their complicated responses a disorder (as if there's something wrong with them, like a deformity). I wish mental health professionals would call it something like "Coping Symptoms of Abuse Recovery."

Especially since most people with the diagnosis just exhibit some of the symptoms, and there's a high, high rate of comorbidity with other (fuzzy, murky) mental health diagnoses/labels.

Often someone will see a patient for 3 minutes and give them a label, in order to medicate them.

I'm so glad I've never been diagnosed with a psychiatric problem, myself...my Cancer Moon-Saturn would just hear it as a slur.

posted February 22, 2011 11:35 AM            

It's hard cause I want to be able to be my self, and express myself. But fb is the public eye! Ahh!

I'm young and can be uber dramatic at times. So sometimes I do wanna vent on fb. So if I wanna curse I bleep it out with stars.

I defenitly vent fml status' on fb sometimes, but I gotta toot my own horn sometimes too. lol

posted February 22, 2011 12:26 PM            

Was that particular information meant for me