posted April 25, 2011 07:51 PM            

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Originally posted by Randall:
I've changed by position on BPD...in light of all the wackos I've run into recently. Yes, Virginia, there is a .

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posted April 27, 2011 01:19 PM            

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Originally posted by Randall:
I need to learn how to tell.

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Step 1: Stop thinking emotionally. Which means, do not deflect your instinctive responses to anyone (you know the ones that say, jeez, that's offensive, or, Hmm, that person isn't very smart.

Do not give immediate character passes for others, just because your own integrity or want to believe in someone else. Allow your opinions to be developed and grown over time, and ALWAYS make note of certain behavior and/or characteristics (as defined ahead).

Unless you want others to continuously play on your own integrity, and your rose-colored biased opinion of humanity - start seeing in technicolor - which means, allow people to sketch themselves in - stop doing it for them.

To Be Continued...

posted April 27, 2011 01:45 PM            

Knowing yourself, your flaws, your strengths, your motivations, your weaknesses, your desires, and the age old rights and wrongs...

YOU need to know yourself very well, because being self-aware is one of the greatest defenses against being manipulated by others.

Are you prone to making exceptions for your own poor behavior, do you live in a lot of denial, or are you generally afraid of yourself or of seeing your flaws?

Are you prone to making exceptions for your own behavior - as in, saying things like, "yeah, well... I may have cheated on that test, but I was just scared of failing?"

Well, if so, you will also make those exceptions for others - which means you will be more blind to the poor and dangerous qualities of those with Personality Disorders.

When your partner lies to you, instead of the correct response of... "Well, that's not ok..." you might say something like, "Well, that person is just having a bad day."

Self-deceit, and excuses for others bad behavior will get you in abusive and dangerous situation, every time.

It will also make you a perfect target for a sociopath, who will very quickly hone in on the truths about your character that you refuse to acknowledge, and use those facts to play you like a puppet on a string.

You need to know yourself better than your potential enemies.

You need to know yourself, where you stand, what you want, unashamedly what you desire, what makes you happy, mad, angry, sad, and what is right and wrong in order to have a good solid base to compare and contrast.

You need to have a commitment towards knowing the truth, living by and in the truth... this way you will quickly see where you go wrong, change when you need to, and also spot the P.D.'s from a mile away.

posted April 27, 2011 01:55 PM            

Do you spend a lot of the day sad, lonely, or feeling incomplete? Do you constantly feel confused, depressed, or just bad?

If so, you are not doing what you need to take care of your own desires. And, YOU MUST take care of yourself, your life, your obligations in order to maintain peace, happiness, and fulfillment.

Why is this relevant to seeing Personality Disorders in others? Ever hear the saying that you shouldn't go grocery shopping when you're hungry?

This is basically the same thing. No one should start a relationship, friendship, business partnership in a bad state of mental, emotional, spiritual health. These are the WORST times to start anything, as it is likely that self-deceit, anxiety, depression, loneliness will cloud your judgement and make you BLIND to the character study you must do in order to access whether or not your partner is someone you really want to get involved with...

Every day, your life should be spent mostly happy, mostly moving towards personal goals, feeling confident, healthy, and with hope and excitement (mostly) for tomorrow...

posted April 27, 2011 02:11 PM            

I hate this one, of course, because it applies to me ... but truth be told, we must ALL be held accountable for our bad behavior. And, it is by this bad behavior that we will be judged.

This segment is to not tell you to be intolerant or to be cruel to others who make mistakes - only to acknowledge their mistakes and bad behavior.

What was it that they did wrong? How did they handle that situation? Did they demonstrate character within that moment, or degrade further into more poor behavior.

You'd better be making your mental notes, lazy brains! This stuff is important!

What THEY do to others, THEY WILL do to you.

Those are character, empathy blind-spots that you're seeing...

If your girlfriend lies to get out of bad situations, that's an empathy/character spot!

If your boyfriend cheated in prior relationships, that's an empathy/character spot!

If your friend curses out people for no reason, that's an empathy/character spot!

No excuses. It is what it is...

posted April 27, 2011 02:26 PM            

I should probably tell you that if you think these people are going to be ugly, nasty, immediately offensive people... YOU'RE WRONG!

Often times, the WORST of the personality disorders will be - Beautiful, Charismatic, Proud, Confident, Intense, Immediately Charming, Lovely, Perfect, Strong, Exciting, Bold, Mysterious, Clever, Intelligent on the surface - but DANGEROUS.

Or, seemingly sensitive, overly-empathic, Nurse Nightingale, Doting, Focused lovers.

If you think these people get into others lives by letting their beautiful masks slip, you're wrong!

Most personality disorders get by because they are able to hone in on others expectations and emulate, almost immediately mold and decision-make so quickly as to shape-shift into what YOU WANT!

These people, because they lack a definite core of self, a day in and day out core of character, are masters at emulating what others want... and this gets them what they want!!!

So, beware... if someone is almost too good to be true... if someone "love bombs" you... where they rush into your lives, lavish you with attention, show themselves to be almost flawless in every way - you'd better take a step back, run a background check, and take a breather.

posted April 27, 2011 02:35 PM            

Borderline Personality Disorder:

As per the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Treatment Revision) definition , in order to qualify for the diagnosis of BPD, an individual must have at least five of the following symptoms:

Unstable self-image, in that they may drastically and rapidly change in the way they perceive their own likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, goals, and intrinsic value as a person

Unstable relationships, in that individuals with this disorder rapidly, drastically, and often frequently change from seeing another person as nearly perfect (idealizing) to seeing the other person as being virtually worthless (devaluing)

Unstable emotions (affects), in that the sufferer experiences marked, rapid changes in feelings (for example, severe anger, joy, euphoria, anxiety, including panic attacks and depression) that are stress related, even if the stresses may be seen as minor or negligible to others

Desperate efforts to avoid being abandoned, whether the abandonment is real or imagined

Significant impulsivity, in that the person with BPD tends to act before thinking to the point that it is self-damaging (for example, sexual behaviors, spending habits, eating habits, driving behaviors, or in the use of substances)

Recurring suicidal behaviors, threats, or attempts

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty managing their anger when it occurs

Transient, stress-related paranoia or severe dissociation (lapses in memory)

Anti-social Personality Disorder:

Interpersonal traits

• Glib and superficial
• Egocentric and grandiose
• Lack of remorse or guilt
• Lack of empathy
• Deceitful and manipulative
• Shallow emotions

Antisocial lifestyle

• Impulsive
• Poor behavior controls
• Need for excitement
• Lack of responsibility
• Early behavior problems
• Adult antisocial behavior
• The complete picture

Narcissistic personality disorder:

posted April 27, 2011 02:52 PM            

well worth repeating

quote:

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You need to know yourself better than your potential enemies.

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...and...

quote:

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allow people to sketch themselves in - stop doing it for them.

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posted April 27, 2011 02:52 PM            

In reality, these people also can have very pleasant personality traits, as well!!!

They will be the first to suggest a fun thing to do (maybe on your credit card)...

Or, the first to help with you with a project, secretly lining themselves up to benefit...

They may be in a seemingly healthy relationship, but underneath it abuse their partners and control them with fear and manipulation...

Please reference the post above speaking about the "masks" of P.D.'s...

They may seem to be genuinely caring, who underneath it all, are using their emotions to control and subdue...

The P.D.'s use these masks, and there are many... they blend in like chameleons and are experts. If you want to spot them, you have to know what to look for...

posted April 27, 2011 03:11 PM            

1. Maintain objectivity and completeness within yourself...

The number 1 way P.D.'s get into your life, is through a need/desire. If you are happy, and not looking or needing anything, consider yourself immune.

These people should not be able to "sell" you into anything, because you are content and complete.

2. Mandatory question #1: What do THEY WANT?

Look for cause and effect trails in people's behaviors. Why do they do what they do? What do they want? You would be shocked to find some very dark motivations if you start connecting the dots... these dots are important for character illumination, and for spotting a P.D.

3. Mandatory question #2: Do they lack empathy?

A lot of us will fall short of complete love for everyone, but if someone shows gross disregard for the rights/feelings/property of others, this is a biggie...

If someone you know lacks empathy for others, ask yourself if this is a consistent theme in that persons life? If so, you may have yourself a P.D.

posted April 27, 2011 04:19 PM            

The 48 Laws of Power
http://www.amazon.com/48-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/0140280197

The Art of Seduction
http://www.amazon.com/Art-Seduction-Robert-Greene/dp/0142001198

posted April 27, 2011 04:53 PM            

quote:

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This is basically the same thing. No one should start a relationship, friendship, business partnership in a bad state of mental, emotional, spiritual health.

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posted April 27, 2011 05:07 PM            

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Whose left

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I would appreciate if you didn't heckle my effort here, Ami Anne. Any persistence on your part won't be interpreted as humor, rather as rudeness...

posted April 27, 2011 05:37 PM            

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I was totally kidding PS but I know humor walks a fine line so I am out of here.

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posted April 27, 2011 05:40 PM            

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Thank you PS
I was laughing at people,in general,not YOU

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posted April 27, 2011 05:42 PM            

I will give examples, too...