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Author
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Topic: Sexual Abuse
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9486
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 10, 2011 07:15 PM
  
I never realized this before. I feel filthy.I feel dirty.I feel like I am worth nothing but I hide it under perfect hair and clothes and make up and a perfect personality so it won't show through and no one will see what I really feel and really believe.
Most importantly,no one will hurt me ,again,in that place that is so wounded.------------------
Throw away your books and listen to your heart.Listen the closest when it hurts the most.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
PlutoSquared
Moderator Posts: 4347
From: Mars
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted May 10, 2011 07:43 PM
Why?IP: Logged |
PlutoSquared
Moderator Posts: 4347
From: Mars
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted May 10, 2011 07:44 PM
Why?IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9486
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 10, 2011 08:36 PM
Thank you PS  ------------------
Throw away your books and listen to your heart.Listen the closest when it hurts the most.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Mblake81
Knowflake Posts: 1407
From:
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted May 10, 2011 10:29 PM
I hope sunnier days find your smile again.
  
IP: Logged |
centaurbythesea
Newflake Posts: 24
From: The Desert
Registered: Apr 2011
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posted May 10, 2011 10:39 PM
I'm sending you all the love I can. I admire your bravery for even sharing such a thought with us. I empathize with you, and I want you to know that I believe you will be healed. I don't know how, or when, but you will..  Centaur by the Sea p.s. you are perfect. IP: Logged |
saronna
Knowflake Posts: 291
From: Australia
Registered: Jan 2010
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posted May 10, 2011 10:51 PM
I remember when I was about six or seven when I sucked **** to please a sick him. I was so innocent but my innocence wasn't shattered as I lived in denial and fantasy with my fluffy toys and teddy bears and dolls that I use to stick pins in thier head. i remember sucking **** alot before I was ten years old with another sick him, another teenager. i remember coming from chruch and wanting to stay with someone i called aunty and her husband practically tried to rip off my clothes just after a sermon. I was about four years old. The sexual abuse started when I was about four years old by someone in our local church and he was about in his early 20's. I disassocaited most of the sexual abuse and started overeating. But, now I can confront the sexual abuse and become aware and accept it happened and take my power back by taking action in other areas.
I know that all the sexual abuse by teenagers was because they themselves are sick and probably were sexually abused themselves. I remember enjoying sucking **** but thinking how big his **** was as I was just a little girl not even old enough for school. I was introduced to sex at such an early age that i was a damaged flower. we need to take action to protect our children from abusive and sexual abuse by being aware that there are alot of sick hims and to talk about educational sex when it's approiate and protection that is a woman's self worth and children self worth.IP: Logged |
PlutoSquared
Moderator Posts: 4347
From: Mars
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted May 10, 2011 11:29 PM
Saronna,Wow. How disturbing... tragic, terrifying... IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9486
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 11, 2011 03:09 AM
I am up in the middle of the night lol
I will read everyone's posts with the closest attention to detail in the morning,
Thank you for writing  I felt embarrassed for writing this like I am whining and complaining,again,but I need to say these things somewhere that it MATTERS to me,if you understand that which I think most people who have been through it ,will. I have been learning with my heart,not my head.
My heart,soul and body let a burden go,yesterday.
I touched this horrible place inside and cried.
I didn't KNOW I felt this degraded about myself.
Thank you to anyone who reads or writes.
Thank you to any one who is in the same sorority I am and is with me in this---- a known or unknown friend ------------------
Throw away your books and listen to your heart.Listen the closest when it hurts the most.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9486
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 11, 2011 03:09 AM
Thank you Mblake ------------------
Throw away your books and listen to your heart.Listen the closest when it hurts the most.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9486
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 11, 2011 03:11 AM
Saronna May I surround you in warm hearts, Darling.
We are sisters in a family no one ever wanted.
I am gonna link you to a way we can talk more,in the morning! ------------------
Throw away your books and listen to your heart.Listen the closest when it hurts the most.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9486
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 11, 2011 10:31 AM
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum23/HTML/000232.html
Dear Saronna
Please check out this thread
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Throw away your books and listen to your heart.Listen the closest when it hurts the most.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9486
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 11, 2011 10:35 AM
I realize I had been talking from my head and not my heart, to a large degree.
Your heart is the only thing that will really heal you,ime
You can be a talking head with smoke coming out from the top and your ears and it is just words.
You must feel the pain, the degradation, the awfulness of what happened to you.
Then,something seems to leave.
I don't know what leaves.I think it is some structure you built up inside in order to survive.
When you grieve it,you don't need it,anymore.------------------
Throw away your books and listen to your heart.Listen the closest when it hurts the most.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9486
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 11, 2011 10:36 AM
Dear MBlake
I am sorry I joined in that fray where you ended up calling me Raggedy Ann lol
It was immature and stupid of my part to be involved in that.
Please forgive me.------------------
Throw away your books and listen to your heart.Listen the closest when it hurts the most.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Mblake81
Knowflake Posts: 1407
From:
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted May 11, 2011 11:26 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Dear MBlake
I am sorry I joined in that fray where you ended up calling me Raggedy Ann lol
It was immature and stupid of my part to be involved in that.
Please forgive me.
I forgive you. I like you Ami, Your cheer is appreciated even though I may not say it. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9486
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 11, 2011 12:59 PM
Thank you Mblake
We go way back  ------------------
Throw away your books and listen to your heart.Listen the closest when it hurts the most.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
saronna
Knowflake Posts: 291
From: Australia
Registered: Jan 2010
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posted May 11, 2011 10:49 PM
Thanks so much darling Ami Anne. Hugs to you too. Thanks for the link.IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9486
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 11, 2011 11:12 PM
quote:
Originally posted by saronna:
Thanks so much darling Ami Anne. Hugs to you too. Thanks for the link.
------------------
Throw away your books and listen to your heart.Listen the closest when it hurts the most.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 8376
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 11, 2011 11:22 PM
Ami, you have finally learned the two hardest Lessons so far: 1) Humbling yourself to admit your part/asking for forgiveness for it. And 2) Forgiving others for theirs. It takes a lot for people to be able to see themselves objectively enough to recognize the role they played in a conflict. I'm proud of you.  IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9486
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 12, 2011 03:32 AM
Thank you Randall ------------------
Throw away your books and listen to your heart.Listen the closest when it hurts the most.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9486
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 12, 2011 09:03 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
Ami, you have finally learned the two hardest Lessons so far: 1) Humbling yourself to admit your part/asking for forgiveness for it. And 2) Forgiving others for theirs. It takes a lot for people to be able to see themselves objectively enough to recognize the role they played in a conflict. I'm proud of you.
So, Randall,are you saying the lessons get easier from here on  ------------------
Throw away your books and listen to your heart.Listen the closest when it hurts the most.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 8376
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 12, 2011 11:49 AM
Not easy, but easier. Most people never learn those two Lessons. They choose to stay bitter, resentful, and blame everyone else but themselves.IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9486
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 13, 2011 09:28 PM
These last few days ,I am seeing a level of myself which was hidden.
It came out in trying to be perfect and always feeling I was failing cuz I never could,
Prior to this,I would look around my house and everything would scream"Failure"
Now,the thought is coming to me that *I* can fail but not BE a failure.
This is really,really big.
Shame is you are a failure.Guilt is you failed at some thing.------------------
Throw away your books and listen to your heart.Listen the closest when it hurts the most.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9486
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 14, 2011 08:29 PM
This is my current lesson and a welcome one. I am just beginning to embrace it.
I can fail and I do but *I*,the essential core of me is NOT a failure.
I am just on the road to fully embracing this.
I am on the first step of the wrung.
I wish I could catapault to the top.
I have Saturn conjunct the ASC. I earn every ounce of self esteem at the pace of a snail.
However,on the good side of Saturn,it sticks .------------------
Throw away your books and listen to your heart.Listen the closest when it hurts the most.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
abcd efg
Knowflake Posts: 356
From: India
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted May 15, 2011 01:15 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
................ Now,the thought is coming to me that *I* can fail but not BE a failure.
This is really,really big.
You got it Ami. You have learnt a very imp thing in your life. LOL. i.e. for Lots of Love.  I am glad that you realise what an important turning point this is in your life. We want celebration. Cakes! Chocolates! IP: Logged |
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