Posts: 2312
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 28, 2011 07:50 PM            

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lexx, can you share what you`re thinking about on this subject?

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Christian, Jew, Muslim, Shaman, Zoroastrian, stone, ground, mountain, river, each has a secret way of being with the Mystery, unique and not to be judged. Rumi

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Posts: 416
From:
Registered: May 2011

posted August 05, 2011 11:15 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by cappy1277:
@sara- here's a great big hug for you...{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}
Are you still in philly? I feel like its the city that makes me feel this way. I envision it as demonic black hole sometimes. I would never commit my self to institution because I'm afraid I would never come back the same. Nevertheless...I was on zoloft for about a year but I didn't appreciate the weight gain...lol. its the kind of weight gain you never see coming and then you're like "holy cow!!! I'm fat!!" Lol. I felt great when it kicked in but I have bipolar tendencies too and the zoloft will "purge" all the tendencies meaning you become super depressed for a couple weeks to the point of debilitation and then you wake up as a brand new person. Not a good thing if you are suicidal. I have premenstrual dysmorphic syndrome too so it was wonderful for that...I could turn into a homicidal monster. I'm off of it now and I feel the anxiety & pmdd coming back but right now I am trying to exert self control until I can get health insurance & find another alternative.

Its good that you recognize it as not being teenage angst. Its hard to have medications around people who have/had drug issues. I empathize....I've had other medications that have gone missing (klonopins- helps with the insomnia) thanks to my recreational pill popping family members.
My oldest daughter is 17 years old...its hard being a teenager nowadays.

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{{<3 }}Hi cappy sorry for not replying right away I haven't really been on here much but yes this city can be really depressing dull and creepy ..I have really crazy pms sometimes I got my period at such a young age I didn't know what hit me ..My mom lets me take klonopin once in a while i'm not severely depressed but when it hits me it brings me down and I hate the rollercoaster I hate feeling like okay I just had a great time now some thing is gonna come back up again ..and embarassment from things iv'e done ..I live in the Northeast it's so bland I can't wait until the day I can just get away from this corrupt creephole ..I try to find beauty in it I can but i'm far from it now .. :/whomppp lol

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Posts: 6667
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 05, 2011 11:57 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by Archaea:
Actually, my mom was about to throw me in a mental institution after I got extremely angry at the police. :\

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quote:

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Originally posted by LEXX:
{{{hugs}}}

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quote:

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Originally posted by Archaea:

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{{{hugs}}}
I had breakdown when I was 18 and was hospitalized for weeks. I flipped out at school and threw desk across the room. Then ran out and passed out.
I was going to high school and living on my own. The stress just finally broke me.

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~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
‎~Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other."
~ Dalai Lama
}><}('>~

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Posts: 6667
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 06, 2011 12:08 AM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by juniperb:
lexx, can you share what you`re thinking about on this subject?

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Of course.
Last fall it crossed my mind.
But I know that in my case probably would have made things worse so instead had my breakdown here in front of everyone here at LindaLand and asked for help.
I would not be here if it were not for the kindness of folks here. Yes, after my partner's suicide attempt I found myself in a suicidal fugue of my own. I felt I was just biding time until I died anyhow and was tired of being a burden to others and myself. Tired of daily pain and agony and the humiliation of needing help like a baby on worse days. Tired of trying to make my marriage work when it was pretty much over.
Tired of dealing with his suicidal talk and attempts. There were other issues even more personal of course.
For privacy reasons those threads are deleted by my request due to the intense nature of them and concern for the privacy of others.
If you would like a recap of all that led up to my serious fugue I will recap as best as possible without telling too much detail.
I honestly could not cope any longer.
Oddly in some ways things are worse now and in some ways same and thankfully some better or at least hope for a chance of happiness is now there.
Just taking it one day at a time.

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~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
‎~Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other."
~ Dalai Lama
}><}('>~

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Posts: 645
From: philadelphia,pa
Registered: Jul 2009

posted August 10, 2011 06:14 PM            

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Lol....omg! I live in the northeast too. By franklin mills....small world.

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Posts: 1334
From: my 30 cubic square meter room with a rat!
Registered: May 2009

posted August 11, 2011 10:38 AM            

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when i was a teenager i wished so bad that they'd just put me away, to prove that i really was suffering, to my indifferent mother, who in the recent years i discovered is a Borderline patient.

so after all, it was SHE who needed to be taken in, not me.

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