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Author
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Topic: I don't know if I can actually attempt suicide I just want God to take me now ..
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Saraintheski
Knowflake Posts: 547
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 08, 2011 05:06 PM
  
I don't think I want to be a human anymore ever since I was 11 I wrote multiple suicide and self hate notes .. I don't hate everything or mentally ill and overly depressed unable to feel happiness i'm sick of getting ir ripped away I don't want to live if I continue to get treated in this way maybe I deserve what I dish out ..I just hope this skin/menstrual porblem i'm having is a sign that I have some sort of heart problem or an auto immune disease .. I want a reason to die i'll feel safe then ..I don't like the uncertainties of life the constant confusion the good things that get trampled on ..and I don't want to leave people here but I fantasize about it or how they would feel but I can't...IP: Logged |
Chahldean
Moderator Posts: 171
From: Everywhere I've Been
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted September 08, 2011 05:54 PM
Halo Saraintheski~ I cannot resist such pleas of Humanity. What you have written here for All to see
is a cry each One of Us has had once or twice
even more
in our LifeTime. That doesn't lessen it's importance by any means
but simply knowing we are All in this Together
certainly makes One Wonder
Why Life is the Way IT is? I will not go into any specific diatribe of my scenario
as I find it futile to discuss such details of emotion...
FOr it is the catharsis we Feel that matters most.
And I feel what You are feeling and expressing here.
It is healthy to share such things...
Casting a line into the waters of the Unknown
Hoping to to feel a tug on the Heart Strings. Yes. There are many who feel this Way.
Especially at this poignant Time. THere is a tempest brewing
and you are the Special Ingredient.
Without You
and those like You
the Whirled will remain in it's tailspin. Do not forgo Your importance in the myriad
of this recipe. Earth Mother needs such empaths Now.
She is reMinding You of how Lucky You are
to Feel such things.... People who transcend here
can no longer yearn... Chin up.
Stiff upper lip.
Deep Breathe and press on. I promise...
IT will All Be
OK.
------------------
Gnosis ThySelf
but alas...
Knowledge must bow to Spirit IP: Logged |
lechien
Knowflake Posts: 1465
From: my 30 cubic square meter room with a rat!
Registered: May 2009
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posted September 08, 2011 06:25 PM
 IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 7946
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 08, 2011 06:42 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Saraintheski:
I don't think I want to be a human anymore ever since I was 11 I wrote multiple suicide and self hate notes .. I don't hate everything or mentally ill and overly depressed unable to feel happiness i'm sick of getting ir ripped away I don't want to live if I continue to get treated in this way maybe I deserve what I dish out ..I just hope this skin/menstrual porblem i'm having is a sign that I have some sort of heart problem or an auto immune disease .. I want a reason to die i'll feel safe then ..I don't like the uncertainties of life the constant confusion the good things that get trampled on ..and I don't want to leave people here but I fantasize about it or how they would feel but I can't...
I totally can relate.
Keep talking please.
May I ask for your age/birth information?
Do you have a picture posted?
I am recovering from a neurological event/mini stroke that started yesterday, plus other chaos (so bear with me if I am a wee bit daft in any way) but saw your post and want you to know I sincerely do care , and I know others here do care about you.
Please keep talking OK?
{{{hugs}}}
PS.
Being disabled and having experienced too many near death situations and potentially fatal ills, (such as this recent one).....
please take my word for it,
you do not want to have physical ills or die.
You want very much for things to get better, for happiness and love to be yours.
Please keep talking.{{{hugs}}}
------------------
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
}><}}('>~ IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 7946
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 08, 2011 07:33 PM
I remember now, you are 17,
and having what appears to be hormonal issues.
I can identify with your Pedechiae too.
My feet and legs to knees are terrible and often bleed.http://www.primehealthchannel.com/petechiae-petechia.html http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum3/HTML/002872.html
quote:
Originally posted by Saraintheski:
I'm 17 years old and a few months ago my periods got all wacked off when one month I didn't get it last month I got it around the 26th now I don't have it .. I have petechiae on my feet and I am slightly overweight ..I don't have acne or facial hair so I don't think it is pcos ..I was diagnosed with a cyst that popped on it own in December ..I have no idea what to do my Dr never spends more then 5 minutes with me I feel totally disgusted with myself for being overweight and missing my periods ..any natural ways of regulating my period and what I should get tested for
I replied to you there as did others.
Please keep talking. PS.
For the Pedechiae try taking extra vitamin C.
It has not cured my skin but has helped quite a bit.
IP: Logged |
Saraintheski
Knowflake Posts: 547
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 08, 2011 08:18 PM
Thanks all of you guys Idk what got into me earlier i'm not going to run off and commit suicide because the fear that it isn't going to solve anything.. <3 I was hysterical earlier <3 Lexx I ended up getting my period the other day thank you Chalhdean idk what more of a perfect more pleasant thing you wrote <3 I was sitting here and I thought I can't hold this in right now and I don't have anyone to talk too it was just hysteria ..<3 <3 <3 <3 empath? sometimes I feel selfish becuase my closest feelings get washed away sometimes and my mistakes I see how past choices mess everything up ...sometimes I just lose my closeness with people / other beings that always make me feel warm and I start getting bitter .. I'm thankful for my life in a way so i'm not going to take it away i'm sorry if I upset you guys ..<3 Lexx I know how dibilitating strokes are and how much shock and trauma that can put a person in the person who i'm closest to in this world has been paralyzed for 16 years thats a long story.. i KNOW i HAVE MORE TO LEARN i'm only this young I don't have it so bad ..IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 7946
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 08, 2011 08:22 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Saraintheski:
Thanks all of you guys Idk what got into me earlier i'm not going to run off and commit suicide because the fear that it isn't going to solve anything.. <3 I was hysterical earlier <3 Lexx I ended up getting my period the other day thank you Chalhdean idk what more of a perfect more pleasant thing you wrote <3 I was sitting here and I thought I can't hold this in right now and I don't have anyone to talk too it was just hysteria ..<3 <3 <3 <3 empath? sometimes I feel selfish becuase my closest feelings get washed away sometimes and my mistakes I see how past choices mess everything up ...sometimes I just lose my closeness with people / other beings that always make me feel warm and I start getting bitter .. I'm thankful for my life in a way so i'm not going to take it away i'm sorry if I upset you guys ..<3
I am glad you got your period! 
And please, no worries about "losing it" at times! I lose it from time to time but have learned to spill, to talk, because holding it in would drive me to do something crazy.
So please sweetie, rant on all you need to OK?
{{{BIG HUGS}}}
IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 7946
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 08, 2011 08:36 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Saraintheski:
<3 Lexx I know how dibilitating strokes are and how much shock and trauma that can put a person in the person who i'm closest to in this world has been paralyzed for 16 years thats a long story.. i KNOW i HAVE MORE TO LEARN i'm only this young I don't have it so bad ..
You are doing fine! The first thing is to not close yourself off to people.....something I did for far too many decades of my life to date.
I am going to be 57 in November.
Yes, I have recovered from several mini-strokes and severe head traumas and yes,
it has left its impact.
Mostly song titles, names and so forth.
Other injuries and autoimmune conditions are part of my being disabled.
Life is still worth living. 
Oh yes, some days it is harder to see and feel that, especially when overcome and overwhelmed by pain or blindness episodes or other things.
Dealing with an ill depressed ex to be whom I live with who is also grieving the death of his dad last week and his grandma the week before.....and financial chaos.....
yeah....
it is not always easy to be happy about life.
But I grab and savor every good thing, every simple joy I can.
So hold on sweetie!
And rant on all you want and need to here!
I will listen and so will others!
LindaLand is like a big chosen family.
And you are part of the family! 
------------------
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
}><}}('>~ IP: Logged |
Saraintheski
Knowflake Posts: 547
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 08, 2011 08:40 PM
I want to hold on to the simple things they get more and more complicated i'm scared of my love just being a phase i'm scared for my disabled boyfriend how he starts to hate me sometimes how I can't be with him 24/7 how he quickly turns on me life is getting more and more strange <3 IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 7946
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 08, 2011 08:47 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Saraintheski:
I want to hold on to the simple things they get more and more complicated i'm scared of my love just being a phase i'm scared for my disabled boyfriend how he starts to hate me sometimes how I can't be with him 24/7 how he quickly turns on me life is getting more and more strange <3
Keep talking!{{{hugs}}}
I must take a break....but shall return asap.PS.
My life has always been strange LOL! Some bad, some good.
And it keeps getting stranger!
I guess a typical life is not my fate nor destiny so just got to go with the flow and enjoy the crazy ride when I can and ride out the storms the best I can.
IP: Logged |
Saraintheski
Knowflake Posts: 547
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 08, 2011 08:48 PM
<3 It's okay lexx take your time ..I think your from PA too did you have terrible flooding out your way last night ?IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 7946
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 08, 2011 09:47 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Saraintheski:
<3 It's okay lexx take your time ..I think your from PA too did you have terrible flooding out your way last night ?
Thank you. 
I was born in PA but live in Ohio.
It rained here but not much flooding.
Had a lot in the Spring though.
Well I must say good night for now.
Do not want to overtax myself.
{{{hugs}}}
Sweet Dreams to you!
 IP: Logged |
Saraintheski
Knowflake Posts: 547
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 08, 2011 10:09 PM
Goodnight Lexx {<3 }IP: Logged |
Saraintheski
Knowflake Posts: 547
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 09, 2011 01:50 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Chahldean:
Halo Saraintheski~ I cannot resist such pleas of Humanity. What you have written here for All to see
is a cry each One of Us has had once or twice
even more
in our LifeTime. That doesn't lessen it's importance by any means
but simply knowing we are All in this Together
certainly makes One Wonder
Why Life is the Way IT is? I will not go into any specific diatribe of my scenario
as I find it futile to discuss such details of emotion...
FOr it is the catharsis we Feel that matters most.
And I feel what You are feeling and expressing here.
It is healthy to share such things...
Casting a line into the waters of the Unknown
Hoping to to feel a tug on the Heart Strings. Yes. There are many who feel this Way.
Especially at this poignant Time. THere is a tempest brewing
and you are the Special Ingredient.
Without You
and those like You
the Whirled will remain in it's tailspin. Do not forgo Your importance in the myriad
of this recipe. Earth Mother needs such empaths Now.
She is reMinding You of how Lucky You are
to Feel such things.... People who transcend here
can no longer yearn... Chin up.
Stiff upper lip.
Deep Breathe and press on. I promise...
IT will All Be
OK.
<3 <3 <3 I can't put into words how much that meant to me today IP: Logged |
Venus
Moderator Posts: 593
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted September 09, 2011 02:53 AM
theres this saying by a great lebanese man who died years ago it roughly translates to "..life, is a victory for those who are strong in spirit and not for the weak.."you will survive i am sure.. you're young and have years ahead, you will go through worse and over come it, its in your capacity to survive you just have to be patient.. have you tested your thyroid like i suggested, it can cause depression we're speacial you and I, for one we dont write our names with an"H" (im a sara too ) IP: Logged |
Saraintheski
Knowflake Posts: 547
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 09, 2011 03:01 AM
haha us special saras with no H ..most arabs don't spell it with H .. I think ..I made a DRs appointment scheduled in 2 weeks i'm gonna ask for multiple tests . IP: Logged |
Venus
Moderator Posts: 593
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted September 09, 2011 03:19 AM
growing up, my friends at school would make fun of my American accent and call me "Serah" because of that i always make a point of correcting people when they pronounce my name .. its SARA not serah  IP: Logged |
Saraintheski
Knowflake Posts: 547
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 09, 2011 03:55 AM
Lol I would usually get Sahda IP: Logged |
Venus
Moderator Posts: 593
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted September 09, 2011 04:24 AM
sahda?!  IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 3219
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 09, 2011 06:40 AM
 ------------------
quote:
Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.
Linda GoodmanIP: Logged |
abcd efg
Knowflake Posts: 1118
From: India
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted September 09, 2011 02:41 PM
I am glad you are feeling better.  IP: Logged |
Anglerfish
Knowflake Posts: 409
From:
Registered: Jan 2011
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posted September 10, 2011 03:20 AM
Sara, I get you, I want to kill myself at times too. But if you make all the bad things go away all the good things will go away too.I get that it comes and goes. It's good that you have Lexx to talk to. *hugs* ------------------
Transit Saturn giveth and Transit Saturn taketh away... IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 7946
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted September 10, 2011 03:48 AM
Sweet dreams all!
 ------------------
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
}><}}('>~ IP: Logged |
AquaGem
Knowflake Posts: 162
From:
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted September 12, 2011 06:01 AM
Saraintheski
Good morning!
I hope you are feeling well today.
I was born and raised in the medical field as well as being in the career myself more then half of my life.
My experience is.. suicide thoughts are never to be taken lightly .... feelings are real!
Emotional support is huge, someone/ANYONE you can talk to, who you trust... friend,teacher,neighbor,pastor,grocery store clerk,etc...is essential!!!
I read you are 17 years old...
May I be frank?
Being a teenager SUCKS!.....trust me, it gets better
Hormones level out around 21 years old...thank goodness...
next comes "mentalpause" around 50 ..but thats another story
Life should be about YOU right now..what do YOU need? What do others have to offer YOU?
How can YOU be the best YOU?
Discovery of yourself is part of adolescence. In order to help others ... we must nuture and love ourselves too. Your worth it...your a kind, compassionate soul..who deserves appreciation and kindness in return!
It really does get better!
((hugs))
AquaIP: Logged |
abcd efg
Knowflake Posts: 1118
From: India
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted September 12, 2011 10:57 AM
@ LEXX: Very attrative picture there. @Aqua: I am glad we have an advice of a resident med here. So that makes two as far as i know. Hera is one. IP: Logged |
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