posted November 09, 2011 02:57 PM            

My ex-bf's cousin was one of my two best friends. These two were very close for many years, up until he went to study at the Uni.
We had shared and done quite a lot. I was always there for her. Anytime. Anywhere. No matter what.

The thing is, at least during the summer she was supposed to look after her cousin in order to not do anything stupid. Eventually she lost her sh**, freaked out and gave up. Hell, I was one of those people that told her to quit stressing herself out because of him and just let go and relax. I understood that the whole case about him being chemically imbalanced was heavily exaggerated by his parents and he was taking advanateg of it for personal reasons. He might be a son of a ***** but back then he knew what he was doing. Looks like he's frivolous by nature.

The problem was that I had feelings for her cousin. He did too. She knew all about this but instead of just speaking her mind, she kinda made me choose between her and him. She said she wouldn't be able to handle the stress of being torn between me and her cousin, that she wouldn't able to see me as a friend/take me seriously anymore because I'd then be his "one-night stand" etc etc. so, if I wanted to keep being her friend I would have to get then idea of hooking up with him outta my head. Initially, I chose her .

The feelings were there though. I thought if me and my ex had managed to appear as a stable and reliable couple, she wouldn't mind and would be on our side. I wanted him to take a hold of his life again and become his good old self.

Eventually, we started meeting each other secretly. I thought I could handle this situation and at the right moment I would have talked her about us.
I wanted him to get his **** together. HE DIDN'T.. He was full of bullcr@p and mind games and and...
And the right moment wasn't coming... I had only managed to tell her that were keeping contact with each other and she was OK with it. GOD knows I wanted to tell her but I couldn't.. I knew that under those certain circumstances she would have raged...

Furthermore..How could I have talked to her when every time I tried I would hear her bash him about how heartless and irresponsible he had been to his parents and what an overall lousy person he was.
What impression would that have given to her? "Oh your cousin might be bipolar but I thought it'd be a good idea we become an item" or something. I mean, would you people take your partners to meet your parents if you knew they hated them beforehand?

.. I only wanted to protect her, make her feel secure with us two being a couple. I remembered how pressured she was during the summer but on the other side, you can't tell someone who has feelings to make a choice between you, the bff and the romantic partner. .. She is right to protest that I mocked and made her look like a fool but I am right too!! I meant no fu##ing harm!!!

Despite all the things we've been through together and the intimate things that I have shared with her, she just sent me to hell without trying to listen to my argument. She even deleted me from her FB page. I know I should have talked to her some time ago and I TRULY DEEPLY wanted to but my bf wasn't up to par with my expectations and I was feeling insecure. HELL I wasn't even sure if I still wanted to be with him!!! The thing was a mistake from the beginning but 1]I felt like he could provide with some love, I needed some warmth and affection and 2]I am a frigging adult, I make my own decisions, so what if it was wrong? I would have dealt with it.. What was her problrm anyway?!!

All I wanted was some companionship. Not only did I not get any, I also lost a good friend.

PS. She found out through my ex's ex gf. My arsehole ex had told her about us.. Looks like she was waiting for the moment where she would go and talk to her.. She claimed she didn't know my bestie was unaware of our "relationship" .. She even acted as if she were a victim..MY victim!!!!

PS. My ex's genius plan to get my friend back was to infuriate enough so I would go back to my bestie, say it's her fault he broke up with me, that he's an arsehole and eventually that kind of BS will bring us back together or something. He actually believes that this 'plan" - taking the blame - will actually work. Or something....His words.

PS. He was supposed to keep our connection a secret from his parents.. The last thing I have ever wanted was to have strangers messing with my personal business, especially the guy's parents. He was lying from the get go. His parents were aware from the very first moment.

PS. Why oh why should I give a crap about their family issues?

posted November 09, 2011 06:20 PM            

it's really ****** , but i think, if it's possible, maybe email her a brief letter telling her that you do feel sorry and the short explanation of what happened. then let it be.

if the friendship was genuine, there will come the time she will forgive you and even realise it was ultimately YOUR choice and not hers. if she doesn't, then the friendship is not worth rescuing.