|
Author
|
Topic: Thoughts on Divorce
|
ueharaa
Knowflake Posts: 278
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
|
posted June 20, 2012 09:05 PM
  
My parents hate each other, they keep arguing and when they do it can get really bad.
Now , as a child I got to witness this every week if not every two days. I can honestly tell you that when they got divorced (I was seven, my sister was 1 year old) I was relieved!! And I can safely say that the few months they stayed apart felt like heaven. Peace was at home and also I don't think my father has ever cared for me this much than at that time (I got to have him for myself, which I hardly did before). Anyway, as I said it didn't last long because they got back together. And then begins the break-up / make-up every six months. I spend all my childhood and teenage years watching them arguing, fighting, which always ended in my father living the house (he had his own house ever since they divorced). At one, point he left with another woman but after a year or two he came back.. and now but they're officially not together.
Now if it was just that.. the worst to bear was how I was brainwashed into hating one of my parents. Witnessing their arguments ultimately led us to side with one or the other.
Because of this and all the time spent weighing the pros and cons I am a huge believer in divorce. I do believe that when two people have reached a point where all they do is hurting the others (through mean words for example) and that the house becomes sort of a war zone, then YES it is best to just end things.
I don't see it as being selfish, how can it be selfish to be willing to spend a lot of money and lose all that you once cherished and still cherish ? I see it as being wise, especially when you've tried relentlessly to fix things out but it just won't work.
As far as allowing divorce only in case of physical abuse and infidelity, well, who said that pain and suffering among a family could only be caused by this? I know that verbal abuse is a sure way to cause severe pain an distress in people. And it can be used in different context such as one partner being sort of a manipulator who makes you feel low about yourself and isolates you from the world.
Now when it comes down to children, well I never understood how people can claim things such as "divorce isn't the best thing for the children". Yes, sure, if the children live with the belief that their parents are okay, that they still love each other then it can be really hard on them seeing everything falling apart, but when the children know what's going on, when they themselves are on the receiving end of their parents' disagreement, then I am sure that they'll just be either relieved or won't mind at all.
I do not mean to sound offending but as a child of divorced parents I never really understood how so many adults believe children are stupid enough not to be able to understand. Children do understand. And even if some may have a hard time at the beginning,at one point they will understand and realize that what their parents did was best for them. Finally, I believe that when two people have reach a point of no return, where all they do is hurt not only one another but everyone around them including their children then it is BEST for them to just end things and let it go. I would not understand why two people would remain married in such conditions. What is the point? What are they trying to save? The image of a good family who still holds everything together ? But even then, they would only be fooling the others, not themselves, and definitely not their children.
I guess the "irony" of it all is that even though I think like this I do believe that everything can be worked out as someone said previously. I just don't believe that anyone can work everything out. And it's even more complicated when it takes two to work it out.
IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 3848
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
|
posted June 21, 2012 08:36 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
RegardesPlatero, I feel that I've already stated the many reasons - hundreds in fact - why I am anti-divorce. To me it's not a matter of liberal or conservative, it's just a matter of common sense. The family is the foundation of civilation. You destroy the family, you destroy the civilization. The stats and facts speak for themselves, with the most telling one being that the number of single-parent households in a given neighbourhood is the biggest predictor of problematic behaviour among the kids in that same neighbourhood. Not only is it ruinous for children to be children of divorce, but on a macro level, too many divorces will serve to convert America to a third-world country. So in the most rudimentary sense imaginable, divorce is definitely self-serving and it's to be avoided at all costs. My question to those who deny what is so self-evident to me would be, why are you so pro-divorce? Do you expect your own marriage to fail?
I'm not pro-divorce. Pro-divorce would mean that I would prefer divorce in every case or most cases over staying together. Sometimes, divorce is the best choice. It's seldom an easy choice, but sometimes, it is what has to be done for the good of all involved, and it is what has to be done. I'm not going to argue about it anymore, as I'm not getting anywhere, and people sharing their stories hasn't changed anything. I'll agree to disagree peacefully.
IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 2173
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
|
posted June 21, 2012 09:04 AM
Aquacheeka,What do you call America, then? If the building blocks of our civilization, the intact families with intact marriages, are over 50% ruined...what do you call this place? Seriously, what's the name for it? IMO, divorce isn't ruining civilization, any more than the Kibbutz system in Israel has ruined Israel (system where children are separated from parents almost entirely from the time of birth, raised by strangers or nurses.) Unless you consider Israel mostly wrecked? Again...not meaning to sound confrontational, but I'm genuinely curious...what's your definition of civilization? And what's so great about it, that it needs to be preserved through forceful measures to keep enemies in the same house? I suppose divorce is just another symptom of civilization being already ruined, torn apart to a large extent by technology: pollution; culture clashes due to transportation & communication advances; dissemination of mind viruses that thicken the veil, that keep us living in illusions. And so on. Stop all of THAT and the divorce rate will settle down naturally. "Civilization" is a farce if people aren't FEELING civil, because they are forced to stay in unhealthy, unworkable marriages against their will, because they live under tyranny. That angst will boil over somehow, somewhere. Maybe a good short-term solution is, everyone should study astrology and make sure the composite chart looks good before settling down.   They actually do that in the East more often, where divorce is not as prevalent. Of course, the subjugation of women in India is nothing to celebrate and often manifest in the accepted, long-standing practice of wife-burning... Which raises the question: Is non-divorcing India MORE a "civilization" than America, or less? Or does that question show that intact families really aren't the foundation of civilization?
IP: Logged |
sunnigrl83
Knowflake Posts: 42
From: texas
Registered: Jun 2012
|
posted June 21, 2012 04:43 PM
I got pregnant @ 16. I stayed with the man for 9 years. It was horrible. Emotional and physical abuse. On top of that he cheated on me alot. I never knew my father so I really wanted to keep my family together.(for the children) It took me nine years to convince myself that ending that relationship was the best thing for me and my children both. It is very unhealthy for children to grow up in a home where mommy and daddy hate each other. My children are much happier now. Yes I do believe in divorce. I'm just not sure if I believe in marriage anymore...IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 3676
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
|
posted June 21, 2012 07:14 PM
I still dont understand why you ladies focus on divorce so much. Shouldn't your focus be on having the best possible marriage? Why even get married in the first place if you are so intent on divorce??To me, divorce is the epitome of failure. IP: Logged |
MoonWitch
Moderator Posts: 1038
From: The Beach
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted June 21, 2012 08:37 PM
Ahhh yes. I miss the good ol' days of the grand America when women were considered property, it was legal to beat your wife and she couldn't do anything about it - oh! - and the whites and coloreds stuck with their own kinds. Let's hope the queers can never marry because then America's glory days are really over!/end sarcasm. I just don't know when the magical time was in the past 250 years that America was perfect. The 50's? Leave It To Beaver was just a TV show.  . IP: Logged |
MoonWitch
Moderator Posts: 1038
From: The Beach
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted June 21, 2012 08:39 PM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
I still dont understand why you ladies focus on divorce so much.
lol
Just guessing here but...
Maybe because this thread is about thoughts on divorce?
IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Knowflake Posts: 891
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
|
posted June 21, 2012 08:43 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
Perhaps you can specify what type of link you are looking for. With respect to what exactly?
For this, as can be clearly seen without my having to repost it: quote:
Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
A lot of the problems that plague the African-American community can be directly attributed to single parenthood, out-of-wedlock births, and divorce.Once you adjust for family intactness, the crime rate between black Americans and white Americans is identical.
I asked for this link. You gave a link but it didn't give the info, and furthermore it had the same weakness I mentioned before. You also take this subject way too personally and resort to personal attacks and insinuations (while acting shocked whenever anyone responds in kind to you), show very little relevant recognition of other points of view, seem unable to show your usual reason on this topic (with multiple logical errors present here that I've never seen you show on any other topic), and so I'm not interested in this dance. And I'm sure you'll make another illogical zinger like me wanting all marriages to fail or how I'll selfishly crush children and destroy their lives for my own petty desires or whatever it is this time, but don't mistake my silence for conceding the point. Actually, it's possible that I may not even look at this thread again as it's not about sharing thoughts but rather bickering pointlessly. IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
