posted August 02, 2012 09:01 AM            

I am sorry I missed what you guys said, I had some paperwork to take care of and was out for a few hours.

posted August 02, 2012 09:24 AM            

I saw what you posted and replied but it poofed too. I felt your raw emotion.

You are not alone.

posted August 02, 2012 02:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
FireMoon,

I love you! I am always in awe at how wise and mature you are! I'm Sag Mooner like you, you know we don't sugarcoat!
Reading your post made me feel even more angry. I find it terribly unfair that things like these have happened to you, to me and to a great deal of people out there! I also find it maddening that it seems to be a vicious circle and abused kids learn to become abusers themselves and drag other innocents down this path. I hope you will find a way to let out your anger without becoming self-destructive. You are a beautiful, beautiful soul, I really really mean it, inside and out! I hope for you, as for me and for everyone who deals with this, that we'll find our way to the light. I am so done with the darkness, I don't want it anymore, don't need it. I want to release it from my spirit.

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Aww thank you Hera I love you too That is very nice of you to say, I think you are a very beautiful and wise soul as well!! I definitely agree about moving on from the darkness. I think you have a very healthy mindset about things you’ve been through and the road you’re on to putting them behind you. If anger and strong emotions are coming to the surface after a long time, I agree that it’s a good thing… Even if it takes catharsis for a bit, it just means you feel strong and safe enough to finally express it, which means it can finally be fully acknowleged and let go of. But I am really sorry to hear about your dad and what you are going through. Trauma can take many many years to fully process, and sometimes the good and bad stages of the process come in bursts that seem out of our control. But I know that us Sag moons also have the faith and optimism to believe that light we know is there is within us and within our reach…

Lots of good wishes and hugs to you!!

P.S. sorry it’s taken me so long to respond, I haven’t been on LL for a few days…

posted August 04, 2012 10:25 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by charmainec:
There is absolutely nothing wrong with your energy. LL just went tarty for a bit. The thread was closed to prevent more posts from vanishing.

I saw what you posted and replied but it poofed too. I felt your raw emotion.

You are not alone.

If the posts begin to vanish again, then you may have to start a new one.

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posted August 04, 2012 10:52 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by FireMoon:
Aww thank you Hera I love you too That is very nice of you to say, I think you are a very beautiful and wise soul as well!! I definitely agree about moving on from the darkness. I think you have a very healthy mindset about things you’ve been through and the road you’re on to putting them behind you. If anger and strong emotions are coming to the surface after a long time, I agree that it’s a good thing… Even if it takes catharsis for a bit, it just means you feel strong and safe enough to finally express it, which means it can finally be fully acknowleged and let go of. But I am really sorry to hear about your dad and what you are going through. Trauma can take many many years to fully process, and sometimes the good and bad stages of the process come in bursts that seem out of our control. But I know that us Sag moons also have the faith and optimism to believe that light we know is there is within us and within our reach…

Lots of good wishes and hugs to you!!

P.S. sorry it’s taken me so long to respond, I haven’t been on LL for a few days…

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FireMoon

It is indeed a very up and down process.. One day I am angry and punching walls, the next I am crying and feel sorry for myself, the third I am completely numb and it all feels surreal to me.. Then we're back again. There are days when I feel I will pull through this, at least grateful that now I understand what was wrong with me all these years, other days I feel terribly hopeless.

posted August 04, 2012 11:31 AM            

Was at a pizza place downtown on St Paddy's day as it is a good place to read a book.

The place was packed with large Irish Catholic families, children were running everywhere etc. When I noticed this tiny pre teen girl in a wheel chair who looked she had down's or MS. Her father was this huge guy who looked like a HS football coach sitting next to her eating pizza and trying to feed her some pizza.

The young lady could not really chew very well, and even with a straw she could not drink w/o it coming out of her mouth. All the while her father was patiently trying to feed her, when some dribbled out he'd patiently wipe her mouth then feed her some more. All the while his two healthy sons were running around and doing what little boys tend to do..run amok.

posted August 07, 2012 08:02 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Moonfish:
^ Sorry to hear that I hope things between you and your family gets better.

My cousin and I didn't get along when we were young, but as we got older we became closer. However, lately I noticed that she would get mad at me for the dumbest things and started avoiding me. Finally, we met up yesterday and she straight out told me
"You know what... I don't like you... your one of the people in the family I can't be around for long peroids of time."
and I said "Why?? What did I do?" and her response was.. "Because your You."
She said something hurtful like that to me before and Idk why it just comes out of no where. But I finally told myself that related or not, I no longer consider her family.

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posted August 07, 2012 08:51 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
I am finally doing better. Yesterday in therapy I really started to see the way out.. as in that there is one. I know I have to keep on fighting, I know it won't be easy. I have been smashing my head against all walls, felt sorry for myself.. no more. Time to make changes in my favor, not against myself. Time to finally reach my potential. I am a fighter, not a quitter. I may wobble a little before reaching a decision but once I do, I am relentless. And I have decided to always put myself FIRST. I decided my peace of mind and self validation will never again be dependent on another being, be it a parent, a lover or a God. It comes from within. I feel peace coming.

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posted August 07, 2012 12:33 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
I am finally doing better. Yesterday in therapy I really started to see the way out.. as in that there is one. I know I have to keep on fighting, I know it won't be easy. I have been smashing my head against all walls, felt sorry for myself.. no more. Time to make changes in my favor, not against myself. Time to finally reach my potential. I am a fighter, not a quitter. I may wobble a little before reaching a decision but once I do, I am relentless. And I have decided to always put myself FIRST. I decided my peace of mind and self validation will never again be dependent on another being, be it a parent, a lover or a God. It comes from within. I feel peace coming.

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Hera, imo EVERYONE should deal with those who uplift them, not those who drag them down with negativity and implied guilt.

There is a difference between showing concern for someone, and imposing their agenda on them, one comes from a loving place the other is the other person trying to live their life for them.

posted August 07, 2012 03:04 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
Glad to hear it H!

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posted August 07, 2012 03:17 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Padre35:
Hera, imo EVERYONE should deal with those who uplift them, not those who drag them down with negativity and implied guilt.

There is a difference between showing concern for someone, and imposing their agenda on them, one comes from a loving place the other is the other person trying to live their life for them.

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posted August 08, 2012 12:49 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Yes, I agree. I agreed before too, but wasn't strong enough to "demythisize" my parents. Even though they did me a lot of wrong (not saying EVERYTHING was wrong, but actually 80% maybe was mostly bad times), I didn't really stand up for myself. I kinda rebelled out as a teen, but mostly ignored them, I never confronted them. My therapist thinks we don't have that much work to do in therapy now. I knew I needed to bring up the sexual abuse, that it was the source of all evil. I feel extremely relieved now. I kept this from my therapist because I didn't think she would believe me, I had no actual proof and doubt I'll ever get an honest confession out of him. But I guess my need to get it off my chest was bigger than my fear and when it came out, it came out explosively. But I am glad it's finally out. It was eating me up and I had no idea what it was, all those years.. Now I can start building my future the way *I* want it, and nobody else ^_^

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Good, just keep in mind that is a process, it will take time and there will be good times and bad times, lots of laughter as well as tears I think.

Just keep at it, imo this is one of the areas where perhaps your self doubt spring from.

You'll always be awesome in my eyes H!

posted August 08, 2012 08:53 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Hehehe, thank you Jan, but what do you mean about the kick in the behind?? lol Do you think I need one? I actually don't mind, I know sometimes I get a wee crazay and don't mind being told gurrrl you're acting all weirdish. I appreciate honest feedback, the blunter the better.

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I make it a general life rule to rarely hang around with people who are either negative all of the time, or the unlucky Hera, there is infection in everything and to me such attitudes and outcomes tend to rub off on those who hang around with people in that state.

There is a difference between being negative/constantly critical and those who offer to say the unpleasant, but needed to be said thing. IE..the kick in the ass should rarely be much over 10% or so of any conversation.

That breaks down to a 90%-10% ratio of positivity vs constructive, but painful to hear advice. Negative types are more like 40% to 60% normal v critical.

As an example, a curriculum professor drilled into the entire class the importance of doing highly detailed marketing plans before starting a small business, and if I did not, my idea would fail.

Positive constructive criticism, do this, or fail otherwise.

A fellow student who is in Vet Tech, and taking remedial classes, point blank told me my Business degree, once achieved, would be useless and I'd never land a job based on it.

Negative criticism.