posted July 30, 2012 01:30 PM            

Women who express their anger are looked down at. God knows how many times I heard nasty comments about *that* girl who threw tantrums and *embarrassed* her family and friends. Well.. God forbid that a Cap rising would ever feel even remotely that he/she could be an embarrassment, or anything but proper, polite and preppy! It is, literally, the end of the world for us. Well, I also have Aqua intercepted in my 1st and guess what, I had no clue, but I am a friggin' rebel!! Yeahhhhhhh!!!!!

To be honest, it feels pretty damn good to let it out. I've been self-distructing for too long, because I was worried how they would react, ashamed for their shame, sort of speak. And some things are taboo, we don't talk about daddy coming into my room drunk and mom crying in the other room. Well not anymore. Maybe they should be ashamed. Why should *I* be, I was just a kid. I'm just wondering if I'll have any family or friends left when I'm done. I kinda have a sharp tongue and know exactly where it hurts the most (though I didn't stoop so low, not yet anyways.. hope to have enough self-restraint as to not go there).

Ugh..

Anyone struggle with this or has struggled in the past? Anyway to positively exorcise the angry demons without killing everyone on a 10 mile radius with their poison?

posted July 30, 2012 02:00 PM            

Assertive is more akin "look, here is how it was, I know, I was there two" when one is generally angry it allows that to be sidestepped with a "oh, she's just.."

Assertive also builds confidence, angry offers a shorter term good feeling.

posted July 30, 2012 03:52 PM            

People usually see me as laid back until they cross me. I express my anger directly and sometimes loudly. Once it's done I move on. When I was a teenager my brothers were my main targets, but I matured and we get along quite well now.

I understand the childhood thing. I'm starting to wonder if all Cap Risings are denied a happy family in their childhoods. I had the drunk father too (he's dead now and I can't bring myself to feel bad about it anymore. I don't miss him at all now) and a physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive mother. My mother denies a lot of what happened too. Despite it all, we get along until she starts reminiscing about a cutesy childhood that I must have been elsewhere during.

posted July 30, 2012 04:36 PM            

Second - My philosophy is "fukem". It sounds harsh, but the friends who can't support me in a healthy lifestyle slowly get phased out, and family who wants to maintain an abusive environment, I walked away from (for my own sanity). My door and arms are always open to family and friends who are habitually negative, but the moment they try to drag me into something negative, I politely decline participating or smile and nod.

Just a couple days ago, my mom blurted out randomly "I talked to your sister last night and she was saying all sorts of nasty horrible things about you. I told her I didn't want to hear it". In her mind she thought, "I'll tell him I stood up for him and he will pat me on the back". But only slightly deeper she was really thinking, "If I cause drama between his sister and him, then he will be my friend and not hers". She's a peach.

Something to consider: When we are out n public and we do something unacceptable, society ignores, shuns, or corrects us. We learn from society "this action is acceptable/this action is not". But for some reason people feel ashamed to offer that same criticism to friends and family. If they are acting toward me in private, a way in which they would fear acting if the issue were public, then there is something wrong with the way they are treating me.

You come into this world alone and you leave this world alone. Your life is the story of YOU, so that YOU should be handled with love and care until it is healthy enough to spill that love and care over to others. Feeding the world is a commendable cause, but starving your self while doing it is just not practical, right?

Third - is your Mars close to 15 degrees?

posted July 30, 2012 06:08 PM            

Comedy (and a sense of humor) also helps me to deal.

If you don't mind reading then getting this book (the library should be able to get it for you) could be very interesting and potentially helpful:

Kill the Body, the Head Will Fall

posted July 30, 2012 08:20 PM            

My mom had plenty of her own hostility towards me, but unlike my dad she would remember and then come in and apologize later. Often with tears. It was a never ending cycle, as long as she apologized she saw it as a free pass to do the same thing over and over. And the best part is that it still ended up being about her and how bad she feels, and what she’s going through, and how she is just such a victim which is why she can’t always control herself…

So yeah I can relate to feeling like there’s no healthy outlet for emotions and shutting down externally. I built up so many walls growing up and I would never let anyone see what I was going through, but inside I was dying emotionally. I was a broken person, if I couldn’t stand up for myself around the people who knew me best, I couldn’t do it in other situations either. And my anger was only amplified by having so much guilt thrown on me about how great my life is and how I have no right to be anything but grateful towards my family.

I can’t say I have the answers as to how to deal with old wounds and patterns, I’ve turned to plenty of self-destructive methods of dealing with unwanted emotions. I’m still not close with my family despite them being completely baffled as to why I don’t want to let them in to my personal life. I still feel very resentful and alone sometimes. But with time I am healing, and have realized I have to forgive my family, not for them, since there never has and never will be any sort of apology on their end (at least from my dad), but I have to forgive them for myself, or else the anger will continue to eat away at me.

posted July 31, 2012 03:20 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Delilah:
Cap Rising with Aries Moon in 3H.

People usually see me as laid back until they cross me. I express my anger directly and sometimes loudly. Once it's done I move on. When I was a teenager my brothers were my main targets, but I matured and we get along quite well now.

I understand the childhood thing. I'm starting to wonder if all Cap Risings are denied a happy family in their childhoods. I had the drunk father too (he's dead now and I can't bring myself to feel bad about it anymore. I don't miss him at all now) and a physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive mother. My mother denies a lot of what happened too. Despite it all, we get along until she starts reminiscing about a cutesy childhood that I must have been elsewhere during.

If they love you they'll always be there. If not, can you say that you're worst off without them? I say tell people off when they anger you. Holding it in for too long will only hurt you and if you confront people right away about how they've wronged you they may make an effort to think about how their actions effect those around them.

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posted July 31, 2012 03:23 AM            

When I opened my FB today, the first thing I saw was this picture someone had just posted.

posted July 31, 2012 03:44 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Xiiro:
First - I at least understand the "you're crazy, your childhood was perfect. We never did anything negative" thing. When it came time to face my own issues, my father decided he was too old to remember anything throughout his life, and my mother either feigned ignorance, said I made my memories up, or tried to make me feel guilty for mentioning any of the horrible, selfish, abusive, and neglectful things she put me through as a kid.

Second - My philosophy is "fukem". It sounds harsh, but the friends who can't support me in a healthy lifestyle slowly get phased out, and family who wants to maintain an abusive environment, I walked away from (for my own sanity). My door and arms are always open to family and friends who are habitually negative, but the moment they try to drag me into something negative, I politely decline participating or smile and nod.

Just a couple days ago, my mom blurted out randomly "I talked to your sister last night and she was saying all sorts of nasty horrible things about you. I told her I didn't want to hear it". In her mind she thought, "I'll tell him I stood up for him and he will pat me on the back". But only slightly deeper she was really thinking, "If I cause drama between his sister and him, then he will be my friend and not hers". She's a peach.

Something to consider: When we are out n public and we do something unacceptable, society ignores, shuns, or corrects us. We learn from society "this action is acceptable/this action is not". But for some reason people feel ashamed to offer that same criticism to friends and family. If they are acting toward me in private, a way in which they would fear acting if the issue were public, then there is something wrong with the way they are treating me.

You come into this world alone and you leave this world alone. Your life is the story of YOU, so that YOU should be handled with love and care until it is healthy enough to spill that love and care over to others. Feeding the world is a commendable cause, but starving your self while doing it is just not practical, right?

Third - is your Mars close to 15 degrees?

Fourth - I say process it any way you need to (within reasonable and lawful means). If it went in, it eventually needs to come out. Those who complain about the vacuum being too loud while you are attempting to clean your house, need to either grab a mop or GTFO.

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Xiiro,

I love you, man! I liked you before, totally smitten by your posts, but now gotta say I love you! lol (yes I know you're gay lol, not what I meant)

Reading what you people said, about your parents pretending those things never happened and that you made them up, made me feel so much better. For YEARS I thought I imagined things and that only enhanced the feeling that I was a "rotten little girl". I had to be rotten, to think ill of my parents, they were such saints! God, this is such a huge relief! My parents use guilt to shut me up too. I get it, they're not strong enough to handle their own guilt and shame so they project it on me. Well, I don't friggin want it! I don't care if they confront the past or not, it's their lives, their choices, but if I want to have a healthy life, I have to. I cannot afford to bring these issues into my future family or relationships, it has to end right here, right now.
When I saw that posting on FB this morning, it reminded me of what you said. How true! To be honest, one of the things that I truly appreciate most about my life right now is the fact that I am self-reliant. It gets lonely quite often but it is also empowering to know that I do not need validation from another person, do not depend on them to feel good, that I can take care of my mess by myself. I'm not 100% there yet, but I think 80-85% yeah, maybe more lately.
My life has always been about other people. Get good grades, be polite, don't talk too loud, don't make a mess, be supportive, take the high road, for God's sake don't make any scenes. Oh yeah. Well yeah, like you said, fukem! Either you're with me, or hit the road, Jack. Don't need nobody. And sure as hell am not going to censor myself anymore to not ruffle anyone's feathers. If people have a problem with it - it's THEIR problem!

posted July 31, 2012 04:00 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PixieJane:
I find physical activity gets lingering anger out of my system (more precisely they get the anger-inspired adrenaline out which otherwise builds up and creates a toxin if it's not burned out and that can create all kind of mental & physical problems). As an added bonus, if you do it enough you can forget your problems for awhile (as you get so focused on something else) and can even get a rush from it (as the brain produces endorphins).

Comedy (and a sense of humor) also helps me to deal.

If you don't mind reading then getting this book (the library should be able to get it for you) could be very interesting and potentially helpful:

Kill the Body, the Head Will Fall

It explores female anger, how it's trivialized (and why that's bad), and how to use it constructively rather than destructively (and self-destructively).

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posted July 31, 2012 04:15 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by FireMoon:
I can relate Hera. My dad has the most amazingly selective memory… He could be screaming at my face that I am stupid, ugly, worthless, etc. and if I started crying that was just validation for him, but god forbid I ever stand up for myself. And if I would bring it up later in a calm way, his response was either “What are you talking about that NEVER happened, or… Well, I don’t remember that but you probably deserved it”.

My mom had plenty of her own hostility towards me, but unlike my dad she would remember and then come in and apologize later. Often with tears. It was a never ending cycle, as long as she apologized she saw it as a free pass to do the same thing over and over. And the best part is that it still ended up being about her and how bad she feels, and what she’s going through, and how she is just such a victim which is why she can’t always control herself…

So yeah I can relate to feeling like there’s no healthy outlet for emotions and shutting down externally. I built up so many walls growing up and I would never let anyone see what I was going through, but inside I was dying emotionally. I was a broken person, if I couldn’t stand up for myself around the people who knew me best, I couldn’t do it in other situations either. And my anger was only amplified by having so much guilt thrown on me about how great my life is and how I have no right to be anything but grateful towards my family.

I can’t say I have the answers as to how to deal with old wounds and patterns, I’ve turned to plenty of self-destructive methods of dealing with unwanted emotions. I’m still not close with my family despite them being completely baffled as to why I don’t want to let them in to my personal life. I still feel very resentful and alone sometimes. But with time I am healing, and have realized I have to forgive my family, not for them, since there never has and never will be any sort of apology on their end (at least from my dad), but I have to forgive them for myself, or else the anger will continue to eat away at me.

I think it’s also important to have a support system of positive friends who are willing to be there for you and listen to you vent when you need to. I’ve also found that working out and doing yoga have been extremely helpful in releasing pent up emotions and feeling more centered… Also writing, music etc. can be good outlets…

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FireMoon,

posted July 31, 2012 04:27 AM            

quote:

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I am so done with the darkness, I don't want it anymore, don't need it. I want to release it from my spirit.

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You and me both.

My long term astro forecast said something about recieving a lot of hate from females. I'm noticing it.

Anyway, anger channelled positively can be a gift, constructive. It can help you see unhealthy patterns in your relationships and can help clear the way for a new way of living with someone - after clearing the air with them, for example.

Anger is a wise teacher, if you choose to learn and grow from it.

posted July 31, 2012 04:44 AM            

Lol, don't get my thread closed, I like coming here to vent/air out things, it feels really good. I don't know what that is about, personally I love you both and even think you guys would be great friends once this thing (whatever it is, I don't know, don't really care) is solved. I would like everyone to get along nicely but since I started a thread called "Anger", obviously know it's not always the case. And anger/conflicts do have their point and can be beneficial if you can see them like that, for no other reason than it is a good occasion to make you reexamine the motives behind your sensitivity.

I am looking forward to the next phase, once my anger is over.. Peace. I know I will get there. But I also know that if I don't allow myself to live out this anger, the peace would be fake, it would only be a temporary mask until the anger resurfaces.

posted July 31, 2012 06:08 AM            

quote:

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Lol, don't get my thread closed,

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That's the funniest thing I've read all week.

posted July 31, 2012 06:22 AM            

quote:

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. I don't know what that is about, personally I love you both and even think you guys would be great friends once this thing (whatever it is, I don't know, don't really care) is solved.

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There is nothing to solve. There's no mystery. That's what's so annoying.

And there shouldnt be any anger. There's no conflict, there's nothing wrong.

And that's what makes me angry. Leave me the f alone. Because youre clueless. Carry on with your life. How hard is that?

****.

posted July 31, 2012 06:24 AM            

lol

posted July 31, 2012 07:02 AM            

quote:

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If they are acting toward me in private, a way in which they would fear acting if the issue were public, then there is something wrong with the way they are treating me.

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posted July 31, 2012 09:28 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Delilah, I am Aries Sun. I am sorry to hear about your parents.. Indeed Cap risings are not born with the Aces on their sleeves.. but perhaps it is what we need to fight to win them. We really have it harder than most people. But I also think it makes us survivors, not victims. I will never think of myself as a victim, not anymore. I am a friggin survivor for going through that **** and turn out the way I have.
I try as much as I can to let the anger out nowadays, or at least tell people when they are upsetting me instead of brushing over. It feels good and I try to make it as diplomatic as possible (but don't always succeed, unfortunately), it makes me feel more authentic. Repressing anger has a fake note to me, but I didn't know anything else, for years.

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Yeah. I think it also helps to make us more of advocates for victims. As you get older you become less of the victim. Sure, you have your moments when you're down, but Saturn has a cold wraith that makes you less afraid of putting people who offend you in their place.

I'm glad that you've come a long way from your childhood. Not everyone overcomes an unpleasant start to life. I think having an earth sign on the Ascendant gives people a little more encouragement to go further than people think they will. It certainly makes us stubborn as hell, so giving in to others' supposed "predictions" is not an option even if we do seem idle for a while.

posted July 31, 2012 11:48 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Today I realized I have no way around the anger. I can't dull it anymore or pretend it isn't there. It is overpowering and I feel so relieved to finally let this stuff out. But I really don't have any other option than getting the dirt on my hands. This is why I failed in the past, I wanted to keep things clean. They were never clean, but that wasn't my doing. The only thing I am doing now is to get the stinkin cat out of the bag, but I didn't kill it, nor put it in the bag. I'm just tired to keep carrying it on my back. Wasn't even my cat in the first friggin place.

But damn it catharsis is draining. I feel lightheaded and dizzy. Is this normal??

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Good, that is being assertive Hera as you've chosen to deal with it forthrightly and then you can put it into it's place in your life.