posted August 21, 2012 03:29 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Xiiro:
It does:
Mars Leo 11
trine
Sun Sag 11/Neptune Sag 15

I also have Mercury in Cap so I feel you there, though I don't see Mercury in Cap coming off psycho, as much as it seems to come off "Aspergers-y" or "Spock-ish".

---

Lol, it kinda does.. sorry. My Aries Mercury being in square, to me it kinda does.

posted August 22, 2012 12:57 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hera:
Lol, it kinda does.. sorry. My Aries Mercury being in square, to me it kinda does.

Jan, if you start chatting people up out of the blue, that can be offputting. I mean, sometimes, it seems creepy. Gives a weird vibe, like there is an ulterior motive for being nice to them and yeah, sometimes people think the worst.
If a dude would come up to me and initiate conversation, just like that, I would seriously think wtf does he want?? What kind of violent act does he have in mind?! Sorry but I attract violence so naturally learned to expect it. Keeping people at distance is a must so when they try to come closer I am suspicious. But that's just me.

---

It is extremely creepy to just go up to someone and talk to them. I agree completely, Hera.

It's especially uncomfortable, creepy, and inappropriate if you're a man going up to a woman and talking to her--even more so if you're flirting, hitting on her, and if she's alone, or else in a place where you don't flirt with people (or shouldn't, anyway), like the grocery store or library or while she's out for a walk, or on the subway. It is not OK to do those things.

If you're a man going to another man for, say, directions or something, that's different. But to go up to a woman, you have to understand that this isn't OK.

Women have to live in fear of sexual assault, stalking, harassment, and rape. And no, to anyone who would refute it or make some kind of unwelcome comment on this issue, women shouldn't just "get over it".

So, too, Padre, I think that it might be helpful to consider who you talk to as well as the setting and when--consider your 'audience' (i.e., the people that you approach), too. And remember: you know your intentions. Others do not and can only make guesses.

posted August 22, 2012 02:52 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hera:
Lol, it kinda does.. sorry. My Aries Mercury being in square, to me it kinda does.

Jan, if you start chatting people up out of the blue, that can be offputting. I mean, sometimes, it seems creepy. Gives a weird vibe, like there is an ulterior motive for being nice to them and yeah, sometimes people think the worst.
If a dude would come up to me and initiate conversation, just like that, I would seriously think wtf does he want?? What kind of violent act does he have in mind?! Sorry but I attract violence so naturally learned to expect it. Keeping people at distance is a must so when they try to come closer I am suspicious. But that's just me.

---

I feel you Hera, I rarely just step and ask anyone anything..seriously I keep strictly to myself...MOSTLY!

Keep in mind the Sagi part of me is a chatty Cathy, I want to talk to anyone who'll listen, in return, I listen back.

On the weirdness side, the cat who runs the local amateur music night, a serious rake, literally told a women (of whom I had no interest at all in) this evening:

"Him, he just stares at people"

So if I go up and strike a conversation up, then I'm pushy, if I keep to myself, then je' accuse..staring at people.

Scorpianic probably, but I happen to over hear someone mention they were from my hometown, struck up a conversation with them and all of her erastz friends, including her wannabe beau cleared out..literally, as soon as I started talking to her..they all left!

I was so embaressed! We chatted about the most neutral stuff imaginable, restuarants, parks, etc, they all left her!

Tried to be obvious about.."uhm..my goodness I monopolized your time, I have to go" and she replied "oh no, you're fine stay"

Ugh, I literally had to make up an excuse to find something else to do..and her wannabe beau of course then found the kajones to return and start talking to her!

When she left she gave the little "Hey!" hand wave.

This Scorpio stuff, so chatted about..kinda sucks..in my heart I'm not at all like that but, people just project stuff!

posted August 22, 2012 02:58 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:
if they choose to see my friendliness as creepy they can kiss my tooshie for every stuckup person there is somebody who enjoys talking to you.

---

Here's the problem Aqua..when I talk to a women..it is just assumed that I'm trying to sex her up..seriously..literally for me..say hello and it is just assumed that I wanna, well you know.

A part of that is looks, the other part is (IMO) the Scorpio nature of asking really personal questions..point blank.

It is then just assumed that one is trying to..well..you know..

Fact of the matter is that is more or less a big heart just being interested in someone else and not myself.

posted August 22, 2012 06:53 AM            

To insist on one's way when one clearly infringes on the boundaries of others is violation, and it's inappropriate. It also tells the person that they were right in staying away.

@ Padre, I really hope that you'll be able to figure out the cause of the problem and work for a healthy solution.

I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but if I didn't (and even if I did, I reiterate it): talk to the friends that you have, or family members, who are most honest and blunt, and ask them if there is something off-putting about you.

I would say that yes, Padre, it is inappropriate to ask people personal questions, especially when first meeting them. That's not something that you are supposed to do until you get to know a person and establish trust and respect, mutually. You have to have a certain closeness level for that to be appropriate.

And again, Padre, I reiterate: you have to be aware of social cues and of the messages that your behavior, appearance, and demeanor send to others. Yes, as a woman, I do assume that someone talking to me has other motives, and am constantly on guard. You have to understand what women face on a daily basis and why these fears exist. Men do not live with the same fears and anxieties that we do. They don't have people telling them to "get over it" or making misogynistic comments. They don't have people insisting that they can treat them however they wish and women just have to take it as a joke or compliment. I could go on and on, but I'll stop there. Again, I repeat: you know your intentions. Others do not, and others have good reason to be afraid, considering all of the sickos and psychos out there who approach women and the con artists who are nice--at first, on the surface. You have to understand that. Even psychos and sickos wear t-shirts.

I recommend the article "Schrodinger's Rapist" (I forget the author, but you can Google it). It really makes this point--that a woman cannot tell who's OK and who isn't, and addresses some of the fears that we live with. The only thing I don't agree with is that they are OK with people approaching a woman at church--I would be uncomfortable if someone did that--but the rest of the article is good.

posted August 22, 2012 08:27 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:
I think most women want men to approach them, but they have an unrealistic attitude in thinking only the man of their dreams will try to talking to them, and any other man who dares to think he might have a chance is a creep.

---

posted August 22, 2012 08:35 AM            

soft

posted August 22, 2012 12:41 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:
@regardes, I do understand why men approaching you would be uncomfortable, because you don't like men in the first place

---

I'm afraid I completely disagree with this statement. I've read plenty of Regardes's posts and tho she's spoken about some of her past experiences, she does not come across as someone who dislikes men at all.

Imo some of her unfortunate experiences have taught her to be wary of certain approaches by men and she's decided that she would like to be treated with respect rather than be objectified. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.

In fact if more women in the US took that approach rather than put up with cr*p, I think the bar would be raised and American women would get more respect than they currently do. And the "bad boy" image/behavior would become much less appealing and acceptable than it is. We teach others how to treat us. This is a psychological fact.

Also, if you can be so free in your judgment of her, remember that LL is strewn with your own posts of all your terrible experiences with and complaints about women (your current post is a perfect example). So you could be judged in exactly the same manner and others could easily conclude that you dislike women.

posted August 22, 2012 01:01 PM            

My caveat to that is one persons jerk is another persons assertive, confident man.

For myself, I'd prefer women actually be more confident in themselves and think to themselves that "I'm not perfect, but no one else is either, and I love myself".

I cannot tell you how many conversations I've had with women that basically turn into prolonged counseling sessions. I don't mind doing that b/c imo EVERYONE needs someone to at least talk to..however it can get burdensome.

That is where the direct questions come from, I do not initiate most conversations but once they get rolling the young lady will bring stuff up and I just follow whatever it is she brings up.

posted August 22, 2012 01:21 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Linda Jones:
I'm afraid I completely disagree with this statement. I've read plenty of Regardes's posts and tho she's spoken about some of her past experiences, she does not come across as someone who dislikes men at all.

Imo some of her unfortunate experiences have taught her to be wary of certain approaches by men and she's decided that she would like to be treated with respect rather than be objectified. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.

In fact if more women in the US took that approach rather than put up with cr*p, I think the bar would be raised and American women would get more respect than they currently do. And the "bad boy" image/behavior would become much less appealing and acceptable than it is. We teach others how to treat us. This is a psychological fact.

Also, if you can be so free in your judgment of her, remember that LL is strewn with your own posts of all your terrible experiences with and complaints about women (your current post is a perfect example). So you could be judged
in exactly the same manner and others
could easily conclude that you dislike
women.

My point? Be careful of being
dismissively judgmental toward others.
:)

---

posted August 22, 2012 01:26 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Padre35:
I agree with that Linda J, to me I think men are pretty much forced into being jerks as that is what attracts SOME women (not all certainly).

My caveat to that is one persons jerk is another persons assertive, confident man.

For myself, I'd prefer women actually be more confident in themselves and think to themselves that "I'm not perfect, but no one else is either, and I love myself".

I cannot tell you how many conversations I've had with women that basically turn into prolonged counseling sessions. I don't mind doing that b/c imo EVERYONE needs someone to at least talk to..however it can get burdensome.

That is where the direct questions come from, I do not initiate most conversations but once they get rolling the young lady will bring stuff up and I just follow whatever it is she brings up.

For example, I ask stuff like what books are they reading, what is the next logical question if they say "50 shades of grey"?

---

I hear you Padre, and I see absolutely nothing wrong with your approach. Maybe it's my own natal Pluto influence, but I've never been into "fluff" convos.

I think the deeper issue plaguing American culture is the one regarding self esteem ... of men ... but particularly of women. My personal pov is that the success of any society or culture depends quite a bit on the emotional health of the women in that culture. So if little girls are brought up with adequate self esteem, they grow up to be adults who are intelligent, unafraid, and self respecting.

posted August 22, 2012 10:13 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:
@regardes, I do understand why men approaching you would be uncomfortable, because you don't like men in the first place, but I don't think most women feel that way.I think most women want men to approach them, but they have an unrealistic attitude in thinking only the man of their dreams will try to talking to them, and any other man who dares to think he might have a chance is a creep. I understand women having to protect themselves, but I don't think a man simply trying to talk to a woman is creepy providing he is polite and respects her peronal space and takes a hint if she appears uninterested and leaves her alone. I don't have a problem with women protecting
themselves or even calling a man a creep
when its warranted, however I do take
issue with women being hypocritical and
calling men creeps for trying to talk to
them and use the afraid of rape card to
justify being mean/rude to those men but yet a lot of those same women will be out at clubs on weekends and will get drunk and go home with strange men and sleep with them, which is fine and all because they obviously liked the guy or whatever but I do not buy these women being rude and mean to the average guy and trying to use the excuse that they
are protecting themselves when they
lose all inhibitions when a guy they think
is hot talks to them, they can reject my
advances if they want to and I'll be ok
with it, but I'm not cool with them being
rude to me and then justifying it in the
name of protecting themselves, because
I highly doubt if I changed into robert
pattison they would have any qualms with talking to me. women are open to talking to guys they think are attractive which is understandable , I get it, but if a woman is open to going home with one guy on the first day of meeting him they shouldnt turn right around and be mean/rude and insult the next guy who tries talking to her, when he didn't do anything differently then the guy she ultimately went home with .I understand the importance of social cues and trying to read them, but sometimes we all misread them. again I understand women having to worry and protect themselves however I don't buy it when women who are comfortable going to clubs and meeting strange men and hooking up( i estimate that 70 % of the women my age in my town do this) but yet will be rude to me if I try talking to them sober in a bookstore, I think they are the creepy ones not me.

---

That is disturbed, effed up reasoning my friend. If I meet a guy in a bar and I get a good vibe of off him and I WANT to have sex with him, I can take him home and do that. I have judgement. That doesn't mean if some creepy creep walks up to me and makes me feel uncomfortable that I can't be afraid of that guy or use hostility if I fear his intentions. Seriously, how the feck do you justify your position on that? Because women like sex with men sometimes, they shouldn't fear assault and rape from other men they don't know or don't feel okay about being approached by? Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

posted August 22, 2012 10:29 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by redshift:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[b]@regardes, I do understand why men approaching you would be uncomfortable, because you don't like men in the first place, but I don't think most women feel that way.I think most women want men to approach them, but they have an unrealistic attitude in thinking only the man of their dreams will try to talking to them, and any other man who dare

s to think he might have a chance is a creep. I understand women having to protect themselves, but I don't think a man simply trying to talk to a woman is creepy providing he is polite and respects her peronal space and takes a hint if she appears uninterested and leaves her alone. I don't have a problem with women protecting
themselves or even calling a man a creep
when its warranted, however I do take
issue with women being hypocritical and
calling men creeps for trying to talk to
them and use the afraid of rape card to
justify being mean/rude to those men but yet a lot of those same women will be out at clubs on weekends and will get drunk and go home with strange men and sleep with them, which is fine and all because they obviously liked the guy or whatever but I do not buy these women being rude and mean to the average guy and trying to use the excuse that they
are protecting themselves when they
lose all inhibitions when a guy they think
is hot talks to them, they can reject my
advances if they want to and I'll be ok
with it, but I'm not cool with them being
rude to me and then justifying it in the
name of protecting themselves, because
I highly doubt if I changed into robert
pattison they would have any qualms with talking to me. women are open to talking to guys they think are attractive which is understandable , I get it, but if a woman is open to going home with one guy on the first day of meeting him they shouldnt turn right around and be mean/rude and insult the next guy who tries talking to her, when he didn't do anything differently then the guy she ultimately went home with .I understand the importance of social cues and trying to read them, but sometimes we all misread them. again I understand women having to worry and protect themselves however I don't buy it when women who are comfortable going to clubs and meeting strange men and hooking up( i estimate that 70 % of the women my age in my town do this) but yet will be rude to me if I try talking to them sober in a bookstore, I think they are the creepy ones not me.

---

That is disturbed, effed up reasoning my friend. If I meet a guy in a bar and I get a good vibe of off him and I WANT to have sex with him, I can take him home and do that. I have judgement. That doesn't mean if some creepy creep walks up to me and makes me feel uncomfortable that I can't be afraid of that guy or use hostility if I fear his intentions. Seriously, how the feck do you justify your position on that? Because women like sex with men sometimes, they shouldn't fear assault and rape from other men they don't know or don't feel okay about being approached by? Wrong
. Wrong,

wrong, wrong, wrong.

If you are seeing a woman turn you down and welcome another, it's because she thought you were a creep and that the other guy was not and based on your posts, I'd say she was right. [/B][/QUOTE] congrats on completely twisting what I just said. I'm not implying women shouldn't. protect themselves at all, I'm all for it and understand it completely. my point is I don't think its fair to label men creeps if they try to talk to you, or ask you to dance or whatever
providing they are polite, just simply say no thanks, I don't see adding insult as neccesary. I'm simply saying it ticks me off when people are unnecesarily rude. and also I understand that a lot of guys really are creepy, I
agree 100% with that, but if a nice friendly guy tries talking to you , and you say no thanks and he leaves you alone, that guy is not a creep. all I'm saying is I really think its unfair to label a man a creep simply because your not into him, just say" no thank you" and. decent guys will respect that and leave you alone, if he doesn't then I agree he is a creep, but if he approaches once and you let him know politely you arent interested and he respects that and leaves you alone there is no need to call him a creep.I hardly see how I'm effed up for having this belief, I'm simply saying its not cool to insult/label somebody when its just not neccesary. and what I meant with the whole scenario about women going home with a guy from the bar is this: I have seen women rudely reject and publicly humiliate guys when all the guy did was ask for a dance, but yet another guy comes over and she's all sweet, but the guy approached her the same way guy #1 did , so what justifies publicly humiliating the first guy when all he did was talk to her like the second guy did. its very understandable that she likes guy #2 and just isn't into guy #1, but doesn't guy #1 still deserve to be rejected in a respectful way that leaves him with dignity? that's my whole stance on this issue! I don't see how thinking guys deserve to be treated with respect and dignity makes me the monster ya'll make me out to be.

posted August 22, 2012 11:03 PM            

I can't believe were back to this discussion of bad boys and women being approached by men. Ok there are some experiences a man will never understand what a woman goes through and vice versa when interacting with other people in public. We live in a society were perfectly seemingly nice people aren't nice people therefore people are apprehensive of others. Yes do some people let their guard down if they are physically aka sexually attracted to someone but those aren't necessarily the best options either. You can't fault a person for being apprehensive of another people because they are uncomfortable sometimes you pick up a bad vibe and more than 50 percent of the time you should follow your gut. After a number of times dealing with it certain actions and thoughts become ingrained. Some of the seemingly nice clean collar men were serial killers ex. a few years ago that med student from Columbia came from a good family, was engaged and he ended up being a craigslist killer.

posted August 22, 2012 11:21 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by ail221:
No one wants a puppy......

I can't believe were back to this discussion of bad boys and women being approached by men. Ok there are some experiences a man will never understand what a woman goes through and vice versa when interacting with other people in public. We live in a society were perfectly seemingly nice people aren't nice people therefore people are apprehensive of others. Yes do some people let their guard down if they are physically aka sexually attracted to someone but those aren't necessarily the best options either. You can't fault a person for being apprehensive of another people because they are uncomfortable sometimes you pick up a bad vibe and more than 50 percent of the time you should follow your gut. After a number of times dealing with it certain actions and thoughts become ingrained. Some of the seemingly nice clean collar men were serial killers ex. a few years ago that med student from Columbia came from a good family, was engaged and he ended up being a craigslist killer.

In the case of women if you have never been stared down like your prey when you just trying to go about your day not even in a social setting such as a nightclub or a bar just in a park, or riding the train home, going grocery shopping in regular clothing etc. You will not understand that feeling of vulnerability. Not that a women's clothing should be taken as a reason for her to be stared down like prey or made comfortable by someone else because of what she chose to wear. Nor should there be a labeling of a sexuality because of her choice of dress, but I am deviating. 50 shades of grey is just a book that is popular at the moment just because a few women want to relish in the weak erotica doesn't mean they actually want someone to force that sort of behavior on them or to feel that way. If anything part of the fascination for some women with that book is having the choice to choose to engage in such sexual activity without it being considered a punishment, illicit, or someone forcing them to be submissive its a choice of choosing submission or domination. Its become more of a open forum to explore other expressions of sexuality without being condemned because its popular at the moment. A couple years ago people were crazy about Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings but that doesn't necessarily mean they want to live in hogwarts land, people were just able to express a bit more of their inner nerd.

---

posted August 23, 2012 01:44 AM            

Isn't it a bit presumptuous to assume that just because I said hello, I want to get you into the sack?! What gives one such an ego that one is so incredibly gorgeous that sex is on everyone else's mind?