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Author
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Topic: Shame and humiliation
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Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1901
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted September 29, 2012 02:42 PM
  
I was abused as a child and I share your sense of shame and embarrassment about it. I think at the root of it all, we just want to be and feel like we're normal, and that's where the humiliation comes from.IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 37269
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 29, 2012 02:48 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
I was abused as a child and I share your sense of shame and embarrassment about it. I think at the root of it all, we just want to benand feel lije we're normal, and that's where the humiliation comes from.
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lilithpluto
Knowflake Posts: 1381
From: pluto
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted September 29, 2012 10:08 PM
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Hera
Moderator Posts: 4384
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 30, 2012 12:12 AM
Someone sent me a book about the 5 fundamental wounds people suffer from on an emotional level. There's rejection, humiliation, betrayal, injustice and abandon. I have all 5 but it seems the most powerful one is my wound of humiliation.
It's painful to go back and remember how I translated a lot of things as humiliation, that were/were not intended as such. Mostly not. I have rejected a lot of things and people because of my fear of humiliation. What irks me mostly in another person is arrogance, though if I think deeper about this, people could say I am arrogant too. I am arrogant to avoid humiliation. As if I say don't you dare try to humiliate me, or I'll squash you like the bug that you are - and some, I have. Men usually reproach me that I'm too proud. In my opinion, what they see as pride, I see as dignity. Not sure which one is right, at this point. May have started as dignity and ended up as arrogance and pride. I'm mostly fire so I flame up easily if offended. Being ignored is humiliating. Having feelings for another is humiliating (because you're the vulnerable one). Obviously, being vulnerable is humiliating. Crying is humiliating. Asking for help is humiliating. Any type of weakness is humiliating.. The other 4 types of wounds I interpret as humiliation - being rejected, abandoned, betrayed, enduring injustice - they are ALL humiliating for me. It all translates into that.
No wonder I used to think my Moon might be in Capricorn. There was a time when I was very, very cold as a person. I am warmer now, I think, quite a lot more I'd say. But I used to be very insensitive. I hurt people easily, verbally - Mars conjunct Mercury in Aries opp Pluto, imagine that when I cut, I cut deep and to the point. I guess all my life I have struggled not to be hurt again, humiliated again. Sometimes I'd attack first, sometimes I'd defend and most times I'd isolate myself. It's really weird to think back and realize just how much control shame had on my life, how much damage and further hurt it brought to me and those too unfortunate to be around me at the time..No wonder I could never be submissive  If a guy humiliated me, I'd break him. I desperately want to heal. I really do, if it's the last thing I do in this life. I think I'm getting closer and closer, but it's also getting harder and harder. Or perhaps I'm just weakened by all the struggle from all those years, I don't know. I want to find my peace. IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 4384
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 30, 2012 01:19 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
Let me point out though that the close brother of shame is fear.They tend to go hand in hand in ones approach to life.
I am actually seeing very clearly just how paralyzed with anxiety I really am. I remember when I started taking meds for my depression, the psychiatrist said what am I going to do about my anxiety? I thought HUH??? WHAT anxiety?? Oddly, the same thing I answered to my therapist when she asked whether my relationship with my father was incestuous. What the hell are you talking about?! Isn't it weird how oblivious we are to the most severe pains in us?.. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 508
From: charlotte, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted September 30, 2012 03:15 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
I am actually seeing very clearly just how paralyzed with anxiety I really am. I remember when I started taking meds for my depression, the psychiatrist said what am I going to do about my anxiety? I thought HUH??? WHAT anxiety?? Oddly, the same thing I answered to my therapist when she asked whether my relationship with my father was incestuous. What the hell are you talking about?!Isn't it weird how oblivious we are to the most severe pains in us?..
True, for me what drives me to this day is this feeling that if: -I'm continually more clever
-I'm continually quippy
-I'm more hardcore than..
-I "know" more than Eventually..I'll measure up... A part of that is still quite true, maturity however, tells me that I have it all wrong..just be myself..and just be. Hera, trust yourself and you may be misled, maybe things do not turn out the way you wish, what I've learned is..at least one is honest with onesself! No one can then take that away from you. IP: Logged |
redshift
Knowflake Posts: 227
From:
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted October 03, 2012 12:23 PM
--This page has some great insight about shame and it's origins and affects and how to heal
http://www.psychsight.com/ar-shame.html
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Hera
Moderator Posts: 4384
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 06, 2012 01:57 PM
Thank you, Redshift! I found the article very helpful!IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 4384
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted October 06, 2012 01:57 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
I was abused as a child and I share your sense of shame and embarrassment about it. I think at the root of it all, we just want to be and feel like we're normal, and that's where the humiliation comes from.
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