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Author
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Topic: Shame and humiliation
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Hera
Moderator Posts: 4384
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 29, 2012 11:46 AM
  
Hello all..Yet another disturbingly deep thread by me. It has recently dawned upon me that *shame* is at the root of my psychological turmoil. Basically, I have translated all my abuses as humiliation, for which I have felt shame, as if being abused is something one should be ashamed of, for allowing oneself to be brutalized. It is something I have a very hard time forgiving myself for, even though I fought back in most abuses (like the rape attempts and against my father, when I was older). But there were some that let me literally bleeding on the floor. And that to me is something to be ashamed of. Maybe because I have always been the strong one, Idk. Maybe because my ego is too big and I'm too proud of a woman. I haven't gone that far in this. But while others would interpret these as rejection or injustice or betrayal, my interpretation is - humiliation. Being abused is humiliating.. This is why when my father hinted on the child sexual abuse on my FB page, my reaction was DELETE it NOW, people will see!!!!!!  But it's not really my shame I am carrying.. it's his. Why should I feel burdened by it??
It is something pretty difficult for me to admit out in the open. Shame is one of the things I desperately try to hide. For obvious reasons. Maybe that is why I took on such a respectable career as a plastic surgeon, where nobody can touch me, where I'm kick ass and nobody dares to humiliate me - as I carry sharp instruments around and know where the major arteries are. Anyways.. wanted to share this here. I wonder if there are others struggling with shame and humiliation as well. Also, wanted to ask what you think might indicate this in a natal chart? Saturn-Neptune maybe?  ------------------
Wisdom comes from experience and experience comes from making bad choices IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 37269
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 29, 2012 11:50 AM
YES YES YESIt is all shame ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Hera
Moderator Posts: 4384
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 29, 2012 11:51 AM
Ami I love you hun!IP: Logged |
doommlord
Moderator Posts: 1268
From: israel
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted September 29, 2012 11:53 AM
i think a strong sun and strong saturn...especially in aspect to each other can make one be very VERY worried about shamemaybe some 10 house influence too or some leo/cap thats my opinion IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 4384
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 29, 2012 11:57 AM
Cap Asc, yes. Squared by Saturn, but very widely (9 deg). Mars opposite Saturn.. I wonder. IP: Logged |
doommlord
Moderator Posts: 1268
From: israel
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted September 29, 2012 12:00 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
Cap Asc, yes. Squared by Saturn, but very widely (9 deg). Mars opposite Saturn.. I wonder.
im not so sure mars has a connection to it imo its the sun one should look at or the rulers of the 10th and asc... IP: Logged |
ail221
Knowflake Posts: 1663
From: Mary Margaret Blanchard's home
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted September 29, 2012 12:09 PM
maybe you have some moon/saturn aspect or dejanira -mc aspectIP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 4384
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 29, 2012 12:11 PM
quote:
Originally posted by doommlord:
im not so sure mars has a connection to it imo its the sun one should look at or the rulers of the 10th and asc...
My Sun is well aspected and dignified, exalted in Aries and trined by Jupiter and Uranus, in the 2nd house. 10th house ruler is Pluto... which conjuncts Saturn. Which rules Asc.. IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 4384
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 29, 2012 12:11 PM
quote:
Originally posted by ail221:
maybe you have some moon/saturn aspect or dejanira -mc aspect
Moon sextile Saturn
Dejanira quincunx MC.. IP: Logged |
doommlord
Moderator Posts: 1268
From: israel
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted September 29, 2012 12:15 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
My Sun is well aspected and dignified, exalted in Aries and trined by Jupiter and Uranus, in the 2nd house. 10th house ruler is Pluto... which conjuncts Saturn. Which rules Asc..
well a strong sun can actually make shame worse in a way becuse you wish to project your good qualitis outward instead of your failings pluto conjunct chart ruler might indicate you take the image you show to others very seriously and shame can cause you great distress that my opinion at least... IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 4384
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 29, 2012 12:16 PM
Thanks DL.. I think it's very fitting. Now I have to find a way to put this info to good use.. IP: Logged |
doommlord
Moderator Posts: 1268
From: israel
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted September 29, 2012 12:26 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
Thanks DL.. I think it's very fitting. Now I have to find a way to put this info to good use..
well....taking so much care of your image can gain you the respect and admiration of many it might even make you a great voice of influence in which field you would take interest in... although it does reqire hard woek in the area... having respect is not something everybody get and it can save you a lot of interaction with idiots XD personally i think you ptesent a very strong image...even your forum name somehow inspires me to respect you  IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4379
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted September 29, 2012 12:27 PM
theres no reason for you to feel ashamed,they should be ashamed. none of us look down on you for sharing this. it wasnt your fault.IP: Logged |
doommlord
Moderator Posts: 1268
From: israel
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted September 29, 2012 12:30 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
theres no reason for you to feel ashamed,they should be ashamed. none of us look down on you for sharing this. it wasnt your fault.
every word here is gold!
too bad many people dont share your opinion... IP: Logged |
ail221
Knowflake Posts: 1663
From: Mary Margaret Blanchard's home
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted September 29, 2012 12:34 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
Moon sextile Saturn
Dejanira quincunx MC..
Woah my spidey senses were right. Actually the Moon sextile Saturn is a favorable aspect so it could be the Dejanira quincunx mc, hiding shame and humiliation beneath success and determination. You can't satisfy your needs to recover from your past with your career and success. It sounds like you need to accept and confront the past in order to be happy and release the shame you may feel. Or else you'll keep feeling this see-saw of emotions. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 508
From: charlotte, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted September 29, 2012 12:39 PM
It goes well with my soul to see you dealing with this Hera! Let me point out though that the close brother of shame is fear.They tend to go hand in hand in ones approach to life. IP: Logged |
C1ND3R
Knowflake Posts: 1237
From: Dorsia
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted September 29, 2012 12:55 PM
From what i've learned by dealing with someone and becoming familiar with a similar situation, this is apparently what they struggled with the most and is not something that is frequently or openly discussed because of the already existing stigma: http://www.net-burst.net/hope/abuse_pleasure.htm It's a challenge, to say the least. It takes a strong person to survie and overcome anything like that so kudos to anyone walking into the dark to make it through and reach the light.
http://imdb.com/title/tt0243255/
http://imdb.com/title/tt0499101/ IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 4384
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 29, 2012 01:21 PM
Thanks you guys! Love you Aqua and Padre! Hehehe you hunks! 
Cinder......
Man, woman! I swear that article hits so many buttons in me I have no idea which one is screaming the most..
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Wisdom comes from experience and experience comes from making bad choices
IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 508
From: charlotte, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted September 29, 2012 01:28 PM
You are so cool Hera, I want to be you when I grow up! IP: Logged |
C1ND3R
Knowflake Posts: 1237
From: Dorsia
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted September 29, 2012 01:33 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
Cinder...... Man, woman! I swear that article hits so many buttons in me I have no idea which one is screaming the most..
^ i considered that before i posted it... I figured it might be a good starting point but i was also skeptical because i didn't wanna set off any triggers. Imo, a forum may be a good place to sort your thoughts out but it remains a very delicate issue and if you're discussing it and finding yourself a tad bit emotionally overwhelmed, place a bookmark where you left off and maybe seek a professional who can guide you accordingly. Disengage or clean the house or go for a run... It may give a shock to the psyche and turn out to be counterproductive as the psyche will shut down and push it further into the subconscious if it isn't ready to deal with it in a rational, conscious manner. Make sure you have a support group (whatever that may be) and if not, even look into survivors of abuse support groups.. Some of those groups go hand-in-hand with the support groups for those in SAA. It may help to feel a sense of camaraderie to those who may be able to relate. It may be liberating and fearful at the same time if the situation played a very important part in building your identity as of today depending on how significant the person considers it to be (it may differ from person to person) so either way, a professional is good to have handy so that there is no "relapse" or self-destructive tendency that suddenly develops.. It'll take coaching to reshape who you are one step at a time but it has to be done with guidance from someone who hasn't had the same past to be able to develop patterns that'll lead you to be someone more like you and not the person you've been which you may or may not have wanted to be. Along with the progress, cleaning house, moving furniture and moving away from older connections to get rid of any mental triggers or unhealthy reminders of it will be of tremendous help! Use the furniture as a mental reminder every time you make progress... Your mind will automatically rewire once it continues seeing something different and will help as you start to DO things differently. IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 4384
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 29, 2012 01:40 PM
Cinder, I appreciated it. No worries about it, I'm a tough cookie and can handle the truth even if it triggers deep pain. I'm doing therapy and I'm very motivated and willing to get better. And I will heal even if I have to crawl to get there.
Thank you!
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C1ND3R
Knowflake Posts: 1237
From: Dorsia
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted September 29, 2012 01:41 PM
Hugs.IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 4384
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 29, 2012 01:44 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
You are so cool Hera, I want to be you when I grow up!
Stop saying that, you know I have a soft spot for Saggies!  IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 4384
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 29, 2012 01:45 PM
quote:
Originally posted by C1ND3R:
Hugs.
Thank you for that as well! IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4379
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted September 29, 2012 02:04 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
Thanks you guys! Love you Aqua and Padre! Hehehe you hunks!
Cinder......
Man, woman! I swear that article hits so many buttons in me I have no idea which one is screaming the most..
<3 IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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