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Author
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Topic: neediness
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aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4432
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 09, 2012 01:49 PM
  
this seems to be a word that is thrown around alot to describe people who value relationships and togetherness, especially men who are this way. if a man is interested in keeping in contact with the woman he likes on a daily basis and wants to spend time with her he is invariably labeled needy ,why is that? most women fit that description, they get very upset and emotional if they guy they like doesn't call or blows them off, so why is it such a bad thing in our culture for a guy to be like that? what gives?IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 6996
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted October 09, 2012 01:56 PM
My Leo moon is very needy. I need to be stroked in more ways than one. If it ain't being stroked I look for others. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4432
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 09, 2012 01:58 PM
quote:
Originally posted by sand:
My Leo moon is very needy. I need to be stroked in more ways than one. If it ain't being stroked I look for others.
haha my sister is a leo moon and the most needy person I've ever seen, but she's a cancer sun so maybe that's why. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 22115
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 09, 2012 02:08 PM
Chicks don't dig needy guys. Or what they view as needy rather.------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4432
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 09, 2012 02:13 PM
that's what's odd to me randall because most chicks are extremely needy, but yet they hate attentive guys. its a contradiction.IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 6996
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted October 09, 2012 02:13 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
haha my sister is a leo moon and the most needy person I've ever seen, but she's a cancer sun so maybe that's why.
I have cancer mc. I'm most needy in career actually. I need special treatment. Leo moon is a needy placement no doubt. IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 4035
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted October 09, 2012 02:46 PM
I want you to want me, but then you must leave me alone. Huh?I want to be in a committed relationship but I need my space. Huh? Yeah. Leave me alone so I can go oogle others, but don't you dare let your eyes wander. Make up your f mind. By that time, I would be doing a Berlusconi. He would wave his hand at his pool filled with them... Next in line. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4432
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 09, 2012 02:58 PM
haha that's great ytaIP: Logged |
libraschoice77
Knowflake Posts: 325
From: NYC
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted October 09, 2012 03:03 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
that's what's odd to me randall because most chicks are extremely needy, but yet they hate attentive guys. its a contradiction.
I must be an exception then, I don't mind if a man is alittle needy. But for full on cling day and night is not sexy lol. Had a guy I was dating few years back that thought he had to text me every two hours, I found it rather annoying after awhile. But then again most of the time other guys were just too aloof with me, thinking it was ok to return my calls the next day or "forget" to text me back about something important. So I sent them on their way 
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libraschoice77
Knowflake Posts: 325
From: NYC
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted October 09, 2012 03:19 PM
Some women like a happy medium when it come to attentiveness  IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 4035
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted October 09, 2012 03:33 PM
True event. For real. So it isn't even a story.It was a Friday afternoon. She was at home and was busy with a chore or another for her mother. "You don't have to call me all the time. Sometimes, can't you leave me alone." "Oh, alright." So I didn't call that weekend. I did call Monday at noon. By that time, she had freaked out to high heaven and I didn't even think it was a big deal since I'm too used to thing at face value. And she continued freaking out for all of Monday. "You told me not to call you!" We decided to get married by Saturday. That's my wife of 20 years. Some may say that the heart grows fonder with absence. I say that reality smacks you in the a$$ like a carton of Red Bull/Monster. IP: Logged |
Yin
Moderator Posts: 2954
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 09, 2012 03:38 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
this seems to be a word that is thrown around alot to describe people who value relationships and togetherness, especially men who are this way. if a man is interested in keeping in contact with the woman he likes on a daily basis and wants to spend time with her he is invariably labeled needy ,why is that? most women fit that description, they get very upset and emotional if they guy they like doesn't call or blows them off, so why is it such a bad thing in our culture for a guy to be like that? what gives?
Marry me. Ha-ha. All joking aside, if a man is NOT keeping in touch with me, doesn't call me or show attention, then something is wrong. At least in my book. I need to be needed. Just how I am. I can't stand aloof on and off relationships.
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aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4432
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 09, 2012 03:38 PM
@ libraschoice, you've just confirmed the contradiction, you ladies get annoyed if we text or call everyday but you also get annoyed if we go a day without calling or texting, its a no win situation. IP: Logged |
libraschoice77
Knowflake Posts: 325
From: NYC
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted October 09, 2012 03:47 PM
*Edited* IP: Logged |
libraschoice77
Knowflake Posts: 325
From: NYC
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted October 09, 2012 04:10 PM
Thing is Aquaguy91, I have had as many problems with men before as you claim you do now with women. Now I am married, and I never thought I would be. Eventually you will find the woman that is right for you, it's all about timing  IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4432
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 09, 2012 04:26 PM
@ libraschoice I'm just commenting on this because its something I see alot, its not me in particular.IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 4336
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted October 09, 2012 04:50 PM
I think it depends.If someone tells you to back off, and you don't, or else if the person is clearly uncomfortable with being contacted that much, then you need to stop contacting that person and move on. I think that people just have different needs when it comes to personal space, and that if it seems like there's a problem, the people involved need to have a conversation about it, figure out what each other's needs are, and then reach a fair compromise that makes both people happy--if it is not a stalking situation. If someone is being stalked, obviously the stalker needs to stop immediately. However, if it's unintentional, and one person just likes to talk A LOT, then I think it's helpful for both sides to figure out what feels comfortable for each person and what works. What is "attentive" to one person will freak another person out. Again, it just depends on the individual, and open, direct communication is what is needed if there's an issue. I'd say that if someone doesn't respond a lot, responds in sentences or phrases, and doesn't seem interested, back off. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4432
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 09, 2012 05:24 PM
um we aren't talking about stalkers lol, atleast I'm not.IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 4336
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted October 09, 2012 06:15 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
um we aren't talking about stalkers lol, atleast I'm not.
you could come off that way, though, without meaning to--that's my point what you might feel is "attentive" might not feel that way to someone else the way to know is to just ask for a conversation about it, and about what feels comfortable to the other person; if they don't want a conversation, then that's a BIG indicator that you should move on and just forget it some people just have higher communication needs/lower needs than others; I've learned this from personal experience me, I can talk a lot, but I have learned through direct conversation that it sometimes overwhelms others, so I've tried to meet people halfway: not be scared to talk to them, but not talk as much/so much--it has worked out a lot better, and I get more communication that way, actually and then I have this site and others where I can let it out and talk my little heart out IP: Logged |
Lava Flower
Knowflake Posts: 373
From:
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted October 09, 2012 06:34 PM
To me, needy is very, very different from attentive. Attentive is romantic, sweet, supportive, etc. Needy = pressure to me. I end up feeling like this person relys on me for happiness and entertainment. There is something about a man who WANTS you, and a relationship with you, I feel valued and chosen instead of pressured and clung to. I feel like this is someone dependable, and safe and I feel desired and free. I personally love communication and lot of it, but it depends what we are talking about. If its just a boring "what's up" over and over, I eventually get like "don't we have better things to talk about?". If its variety of subjects, facts, news, I want to talk with this person more and more. Its too bad independent women inspire insecurity in some men considering society encourages this and labels them as desirable. Btw, do you have mars in the 3rd? Most people that I know with this placement feel bonded and included if you keep in daily touch with them. IP: Logged |
RedScorp
Knowflake Posts: 3751
From: GMT-5
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted October 09, 2012 06:43 PM
quote:
what you might feel is "attentive" might not feel that way to someone else
Very gooood, RegardesPlatypus! I agree - everyone has different needs and different wants. There's relationships and togetherness, and then there's dependency and neediness. But, typically in "our culture", the convention is that the male is seen as the provider. Being the provider, he has to pander to her needs, not the other way around. IP: Logged |
RedScorp
Knowflake Posts: 3751
From: GMT-5
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted October 09, 2012 06:44 PM
quote:
I need to be stroked in more ways than one. If it ain't being stroked I look for others.
Lmao! Dammit sand, put down the absinthe!  IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4432
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 09, 2012 06:45 PM
quote:
Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
you could come off that way, though, without meaning to--that's my pointwhat you might feel is "attentive" might not feel that way to someone else the way to know is to just ask for a conversation about it, and about what feels comfortable to the other person; if they don't want a conversation, then that's a BIG indicator that you should move on and just forget it some people just have higher communication needs/lower needs than others; I've learned this from personal experience me, I can talk a lot, but I have learned through direct conversation that it sometimes overwhelms others, so I've tried to meet people halfway: not be scared to talk to them, but not talk as much/so much--it has worked out a lot better, and I get more communication that way, actually and then I have this site and others where I can let it out and talk my little heart out
i get what your saying, people can definitely go overboard but i'm talking about men being labeled as needy and having a negative stigma attached to them because they actually value having a real relationship and spending time with their partner, it really puzzles me. i have heard alot of women complain about getting a lack of attention from their men but when they get a man who is attentive they end up hating him too and say he is too needy, lol so whats a guy to do? i was labeled as needy once which is laughable because i'm anything but needy, i needd my space and freedom to an extent but at the same time i'm not a complete space cadet and enjoy quality time with the girl i'm dating. every girl who has been interested in me has been very needy texting me 24/7 and if i dont respond within like 10 minutes they freak out, but yet i'm needy if i try to keep in touch on a regular basis psh. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4432
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 09, 2012 06:49 PM
quote:
Originally posted by RedScorp:
Very gooood, RegardesPlatypus! I agree - everyone has different needs and different wants. There's relationships and togetherness, and then there's dependency and neediness. But, typically in "our culture", the convention is that the male is seen as the provider. Being the provider, he has to pander to her needs, not the other way around.
oh yes! the princess mentality...
IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 6996
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted October 09, 2012 06:57 PM
quote:
Originally posted by RedScorp:
Lmao! Dammit sand, put down the absinthe!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sAPC9pwP_U IP: Logged |
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