posted December 18, 2012 09:31 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
faith,
i'm not being negative

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Do you have Mercury conjunct Neptune or something? Of course you are being extremely negative. Or do you imagine that several of us just conspired to tell you the same exact thing, which has no basis in reality?

So yeah, you're terribly negative, and that's why you don't get dates.

It doesn't matter if you have a job and would make a good father. You lump all women together into this homogenous mass, and women don't like that.

And you ignore what we say.

Like I doubt you even read what I say, because I'm a woman.

All you do is look at my post and think "here we go again, a woman is nagging me."

Right?

posted December 18, 2012 09:34 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Your words, bold mine for emphasis:

1. the thing that really bothers me about this article is how it takes a stab at guys like me and insinuates we must be flawed [b]if women dont like us.

2. as you all know i have complained about women of my generation choices in men, i dont like the choices they make

3. i am not popular with women

4. the way i see it i have alot to offer a woman and if they cant appreciate me

5. i will continue to improve myself and achieve things in life regardless of womens opinions of me.

6. i know guys who are immature, irresponsible,on drugs and with lots of issues who get pretty girls, so i have a hard time seeing how im the one with issues.

7. heck i know a guy who is 20 and does nothing ... and guess what? he gets women! tons of them! and cheats on them too...so is he a superior man to me because women would rather spend time with him? hardly...... but thats just my opinion.

All of that is complaining (and it's just ONE post! And you've written dozens like that.) Believe it or not, you have to option to NOT make bitter, negative comments about women. Those comments are red flags, reflecting a very sh*tty attitude, which is the MAIN REASON you don't get dates.

You degrade women by talking about us like we are fish for you to catch.

But you can turn this around. It's only a matter of taming your mouth.

[/B]

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Well Faith, I used to be a bit like that myself until one day I realized:

-My happiness+contentment is not dependent on having a female companion.

Very liberating on a number of levels. Suspect this also puts women at ease b/c they don't have the sense I'm playing some angle with them.

posted December 18, 2012 09:35 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Padre35:
Hah!

If a POLO SHIRT means that much to someone's self image IDK what to tell them!

To be clear there is -0- wrong with dressing well, there is something amiss (imho) when that becomes a locus of self esteem instead of accomplishment.

Which is what the Writers' thrust is from my pov.

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posted December 18, 2012 09:42 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Do you have Mercury conjunct Neptune or something? Of course you are being extremely negative. Or do you imagine that several of us just conspired to tell you the same exact thing, which has no basis in reality?

So yeah, you're terribly negative, and that's why you don't get dates.

It doesn't matter if you have a job and would make a good father. You lump all women together into this homogenous mass, and women don't like that.

And you ignore what we say.

Like I doubt you even read what I say, because I'm a woman.

All you do is look at my post and think "here we go again, a woman is nagging me."

Right?

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posted December 18, 2012 09:44 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
I feel as if Alec Baldwin's character wrote it.

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I suspect the writer just went through this sort of thing with someone as the genesis of the article.

FWIW, I do think there is a time and place, or vision, that calls for such an aggressive approach to something like a goal or a failing relationship etc.

There are times or goals that demand direct, assertive behavior.

posted December 18, 2012 09:45 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Padre35:
Well Faith, I used to be a bit like that myself until one day I realized:

-My happiness+contentment is not dependent on having a female companion.

Very liberating on a number of levels. Suspect this also puts women at ease b/c they don't have the sense I'm playing some angle with them.

I prefer to log my 10,000 hours doing what I want to do.

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posted December 18, 2012 09:51 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Padre35:
[b] Well Faith, I used to be a bit like that myself until one day I realized:

-My happiness+contentment is not dependent on having a female companion.

Very liberating on a number of levels. Suspect this also puts women at ease b/c they don't have the sense I'm playing some angle with them.

I prefer to log my 10,000 hours doing what I want to do.

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That would seem to be quite the conundrum, you don't need a female companion, but you want one?

What is the difference if you don't mind my asking?

posted December 18, 2012 09:54 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Padre35:
That would seem to be quite the conundrum, you don't need a female companion, but you want one?

What is the difference if you don't mind my asking?

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posted December 18, 2012 09:59 AM            

Meaning more likely to motivate behavior.

A need for say breakfast can be met with a bowl of rice krispies, a want means you have to drive to say IHOP for breakfast.

If one has the ceral than you may have satisfied the need, but you did not get what you wanted which leads to discontentment.

posted December 18, 2012 10:07 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Padre35:
I suspect the writer just went through this sort of thing with someone as the genesis of the article.

FWIW, I do think there is a time and place, or vision, that calls for such an aggressive approach to something like a goal or a failing relationship etc.

There are times or goals that demand direct, assertive behavior.

I do find people who are like that all of the time off putting though.

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It's the chest beating i find off putting. I prefer cool, calm, confidence.

posted December 18, 2012 10:11 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
It's the chest beating i find off putting. I prefer cool, calm, confidence.

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There is also a time to chest beat, there is timing in all things sand.

Calm and cool can eventually be seen as "boring and disinterest" just like constant chest beating can be seen as "lack of confidence leading to juvenile behavior".

posted December 18, 2012 11:36 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Padre35:

B/c "wants" are always more powerful than "needs".

Meaning more likely to motivate behavior.

A need for say breakfast can be met with a bowl of rice krispies, a want means you have to drive to say IHOP for breakfast.

If one has the ceral than you may have satisfied the need, but you did not get what you wanted which leads to discontentment.

"I had rice krispies but I WANTED IHOP"

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posted December 19, 2012 12:27 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
wow 36 times.. you don't say.

well... maybe in some cultures ^

definitely not in aussie-land haha..

unless you count every fake smile... then you might get to 36 - but it's doubtful.

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You would be surprised Odette . Depending upon the woman in question, 36 could very well be a slow day Lol!

quote:

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Originally posted by Padre35:

Xodian, the writer did not make that point which is why I brought up the happiness in job/less nonsense on credit purchases.

To me, people do that b/c they are using retail therapy to cover up their deep unease with themselves.

Which does go to the whole "..if the only knew..they'd love me.(but since they don't I'll buy this on credit further sapping my self will and self image".." line of thinking.

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Like it or not Padre, Money is power (or it represents avenues of power.) Money at itself is worthless but it opens up areas for you that you may wanna advance in (for one reason or another.) All us humans are programed with the Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs in us and "retail therapy" only satisfies the absolute bottom base of pyramid.

Look at it this way:

Taking the real estate market in mind (since it co-relates to the article Lets say you invest your money in a second house (mortgage, buy it, etc. etc.) You now have an avenue to support yourself and another person. You can now rent the property out to a prospector. You can retail it at a competitve price and now you can cover your baseline as the property manager and at the same time and cover your base expenses, and at the same time, provide housing for someone else. You can now use the profit to support not only your own self but open up more market level renting opportunities for more people.

Keeping the same ideology in mind with jobs and careers; The opportunities in mind open doors for personal growth. I work with an OEM company (Management level Job.) My job is a learning experience for me since we deal with high-tech electronics (everything from Smartphones to defense equipment.) The industry as a whole allowed me to gain knowledge far exceeding just a simple management/engineering position. Plus I get to travel, meet new people, see new sights, get first hand look at some of the most cutting edge communication technology in this world .

Sure the position is demanding, but that is what any position of leadership will demand out of you.

I F***ing love my job!

quote:

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Originally posted by AstroNewb69:
Xodian,

What a great article. Not sure how you found it or who wrote it, (I really was overtaken by this article.) but thanks a lot for posting it. You did great work by just letting everyone else read it. Everything in this article made so much sense to me. I would really appreciate if you would give me a way to contact the author of this article just to provide a little gratitude toward them. If its in the article then I will find it later. I'm just a little but too high on life/my future to care about finding it right now haha. You'll see me on TV one day, and I will credit the person behind this post for unleashing the dormant volcano of talent I possess in myself into an erupting agro-crag of extravagance and wonder.

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Glad it inspired you . The author's name is David Wong. He is a New York's Time best seller and he actually does has an account on cracked itself:
http://www.cracked.com/members/David+Wong/

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
the thing that really bothers me about this article is how it takes a stab at guys like me and insinuates we must be flawed if women dont like us. as you all know i have complained about women of my generation choices in men, i dont like the choices they make but its their choice and they are within their rights to choose whomever they wish. however i disagree that im messed up just because i am not popular with women... i work 2 jobs, im starting school back in august , im mature for my age,i value commitment and take relationships seriously, i love kids and would make a great father. the way i see it i have alot to offer a woman and if they cant appreciate me and what i bring to the table then so be it. i will continue to improve myself and achieve things in life regardless of womens opinions of me. i know guys who are immature, irresponsible,on drugs and with lots of issues who get pretty girls, so i have a hard time seeing how im the one with issues. heck i know a guy who is 20 and does nothing but sit at home and plays video games, he doesnt have a job (completely dependent on mommy) and doesnt have a car, heck he doesnt even have a drivers license or high school diploma and guess what? he gets women! tons of them! and cheats on them too...so is he a superior man to me because women would rather spend time with him? hardly...... but thats just my opinion.

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Ask yourself then; Are the type of women I am hanging around with are WORTH hanging around with considering that they want to throw away their lives for a man child who still shacks up with his mommy?

Let go of the idea of trying to get an immediate relationship for now. Focus on your future. You are already doing that with your studies and future plans. Good. Keep at it. Who knows? During your time in school, you might come across the girl of your dreams .

Its how I met my wife .

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
[B] lmfao that is like a steamroller/ bulldozer your choice of heavy machinery. i.e. steve jobs

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Pretty much . ENTJs are the generals of the personality spectrum. They were born for a leadership position.

posted December 19, 2012 06:30 PM            

I know that this article can obviously appeal to a man or a woman, but since it was written by David Wong and Cracked articles are written with a male readership in mind, I just wanted to comment on that aspect of it.
What I find really interesting about both the article and this discussion is that it reinforces how deeply a man's identity is intertwined with what he does. I found that the article was focused mainly on 'doing' and as a result of that, it (in large part) references the career.

Men are more likely than women to suffer depression from the loss of a job. I'm not saying that women do not derive part of their identity from their jobs as well or feel upset if they lose their job, but for men it is typically far more deeply rooted.

I do agree with the article as far as the basic message is concerned (as I read it), which is that finding things that we can accomplish and contribute in the world leads to a feeling of value - both internally and externally. I think that the author went a little above and beyond the basic message and placed a lot of the focus on 'doing' and thus the career. This could have been to make a point or because, as I mentioned, men have historically tended to identify more deeply with their careers (for a multitude of reasons).

I don't necessarily agree with the fact that all that people (or women) are going to value in a man is their doing-ness. I personally *do* care about a man's emotional intelligence! I think that focusing on the message in #1 is probably the most fruitful for men (and women). Creating an identity that you value and makes you feel good about yourself leads very organically to contributing in the world and attracting other people who fit with those values.

posted December 26, 2012 01:54 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sorcha:
What I find really interesting about both the article and this discussion is that it reinforces how deeply a man's identity is intertwined with what he does. I found that the article was focused mainly on 'doing' and as a result of that, it (in large part) references the career.

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Actually, IMO identifying with a certain aspect of work (may it be career or just a title that someone betows on you for doing something) is no different for women then it is for men. Women who are mothers for instance identify with that title very closely. By every given def. of work, that is a demanding job .

posted December 26, 2012 09:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Xodian:
Let go of the idea of trying for an immediate relationship right now...

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posted December 26, 2012 02:17 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Xodian:
Actually, IMO identifying with a certain aspect of work (may it be career or just a title that someone betows on you for doing something) is no different for women then it is for men. Women who are mothers for instance identify with that title very closely. By every given def. of work, that is a demanding job .

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Fair enough! I do think that parenting is the hardest job in the world. But I am coming at it from a job loss perspective and hopefully the number of parents who 'lose their job', so to speak, are few and far between. I will say in the cases I know of women or men who are estranged from their children, it definitely impacts their identity (of course!)