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Author
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Topic: Co-Dependency
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aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9471
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted March 18, 2013 06:38 PM
  
I am beginning to realize that my relationship with my mom is very unhealthy and I need to put lots of distance there.I really need to get out on my own very soon if I want to have a life.But it would be nearly impossible to do that right now because we are locked into a viscious cycle of financial co-dependency. Basically my mom has always been terrible with money and always borrowing from people or getting loans and digging herself a deeper hole.The worst part is she blames all her financial problems of me. To be fair she did raise me and my brother alone and most of the time my dad didnt pay child support, but those excuses arent flying anymore.My brother graduated college and got a job and moved out a few years ago and i've worked consistently since i was 16. I've also worked 2 jobs (50 + hrs a week) the past year. What usually happens is my mom gets broke and I have to loan her money and thus i end up being broke faster and have to borrow money from her,its just a viscious cycle... tired of it all.IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 6994
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted March 18, 2013 06:48 PM
You can't marry your mom. Just think about that. You will eventually have to be loyal to one woman. It isn't going to be mom. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9471
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted March 18, 2013 06:52 PM
^God dang, I wish she would marry someone so i could have breathing room.but she has terrible taste in men and isnt into any men who would want to marry her,thats another matter though.IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 6994
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted March 18, 2013 07:10 PM
A girl your age ain't going to share you with mom. You will be forced to choose one woman over the other. So, you might as well make your decisions now. IP: Logged |
juniperb
Moderator Posts: 8123
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 18, 2013 07:37 PM
One of you have to grow up and move away to have a future. Like YTA says, no emotionally stable girl is going to share you with Mom.------------------
We need to listen to our own song, and share it with others, but not force it on them. Our songs are different. They should be in harmony with each other. ~ Mattie Stepanek IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9471
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted March 18, 2013 07:49 PM
I'm planning on getting out of dodge as soon as i can. as for girls "sharing" me with my mom,that wont be an issue because I have zero interest in relationships anymore.IP: Logged |
somethingexcellent
Knowflake Posts: 4122
From: vodka fine, I'm so divine
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted March 18, 2013 08:12 PM
Definitely get out of there.IP: Logged |
ShyVirgo1979
Knowflake Posts: 1665
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted March 18, 2013 08:16 PM
So from right now til the day u die u won't have any interest in dating women? Ok lol whatever u say....u will one day. I agree with what was said above: no chic is gonna wanna share ur space with mom. I'm sorry to hear ur relationship with ur mom is like that. It makes it harder to break the cycle bc its ur mother. Have u talked to her about this matter? Not that she will wanna hear it.... IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 7437
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted March 18, 2013 08:25 PM
Have you considered building and living in a tiny house/gypsy wagon?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zl58kpKLsFk That's what I would do if I had a small income.
IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9471
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted March 18, 2013 08:34 PM
quote:
Originally posted by ShyVirgo1979:
So from right now til the day u die u won't have any interest in dating women? Ok lol whatever u say....u will one day. I agree with what was said above: no chic is gonna wanna share ur space with mom. I'm sorry to hear ur relationship with ur mom is like that. It makes it harder to break the cycle bc its ur mother. Have u talked to her about this matter? Not that she will wanna hear it....
apparently you havent seen anything i've posted in the past year lmao.basically dating has been nothing but headaches/heartaches for me and i'm not gonna do it anymore. With all the stress I already have to deal with I dont need anymore.but this isnt relevant to the topic at hand,so moving on lol.
IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 6994
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted March 18, 2013 09:10 PM
Swampys is a girl with AS who woukd understand you, and she is age appropriate and seems very sweet. Just saying. IP: Logged |
ShyVirgo1979
Knowflake Posts: 1665
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted March 18, 2013 11:42 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:apparently you havent seen anything i've posted in the past year lmao.basically dating has been nothing but headaches/heartaches for me and i'm not gonna do it anymore. With all the stress I already have to deal with I dont need anymore.but this isnt relevant to the topic at hand,so moving on lol. [/B]
Ur right that's why I went on in the next paragraph to discuss the topic at hand and I expressed my sympathy....maybe u missed my question too. IP: Logged |
Kerosene
unregistered
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posted March 19, 2013 12:07 AM
you should get out of there just because it seems toxic...IP: Logged |
Venus
Moderator Posts: 1758
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted March 19, 2013 08:14 AM
she's your mother aquaguy, i think that if she needs your help you can't just leave her there! that's how i see it, then again where i come from kids don't move out until they are already married..i thought the comment about a woman won't share you with your mother to be quite crude actually.. your mother should never have to share you with anyone, your mother is your mother and your partner is your partner, they CAN co-exist you know... Ideally, imo you both should agree on giving each other a reasonable amount of space for you to fend for yourself and for her to find her own grounds.
IP: Logged |
juniperb
Moderator Posts: 8123
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 19, 2013 08:28 AM
Venus, I thnk it is a culture difference . Of course share isn`t ment physically but emotionally. If a man is emotionally bound to his mother and worried constantly, he can not be a steady man in the womans life.
It appears there are more factors that figure in his life and taking care of Mom/family and a wife would tax him greatly.------------------
We need to listen to our own song, and share it with others, but not force it on them. Our songs are different. They should be in harmony with each other. ~ Mattie Stepanek IP: Logged |
somethingexcellent
Knowflake Posts: 4122
From: vodka fine, I'm so divine
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted March 19, 2013 09:01 AM
quote:
Venus: then again where i come from kids don't move out until they are already married..
Quite a story actually, there's this girl I work with on a school exchange program from India. She said the culture here is so different because everyone here seems to be rushing to finish to school, get a job, move out... She said that for sure it was far more common back home for children to stay with their parents until the children's careers were stable and well rooted. I thought it was an interesting difference between societies!! IP: Logged |
Kerosene
unregistered
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posted March 19, 2013 01:12 PM
^
Yeah I'm actually a huge momma's boy, like I don't care if its attractive or not. I think I would put my mom before anyone else.I know sometimes when people get married they toss away their parents because their spouse has an issue with them
aka my uncle. I would toss away my spouse... Instead of hanging out with my friends on a weekend I'll probably vist my mommy, and she can cook me food. I just aqua guys relationship is toxic so he should get out for his own happiness... He can salvage his relationship when he's on his own. She'll probably understand!
Personally I find it unattractive if people weird relationships with their mothers, she birthed you..
Even if the mom is at fault.. that would just bother me.
Anyways I would rather be with someone who has a good relationship with their parents
IP: Logged |
Swift Freeze
Moderator Posts: 599
From: One World
Registered: Nov 2009
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posted March 20, 2013 04:54 AM
Edit
------------------
Learn lots. Don't judge. Laugh for no reason. Be nice. Seek Happiness. Follow your dreams.IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 4525
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted March 20, 2013 05:12 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
Not sure what you mean by "with AS"
AS = Asperger's Syndrome, which both AG & Swampys have been diagnosed with. IP: Logged |
swampys
Knowflake Posts: 765
From: St. Louis, Missouri, USA
Registered: Feb 2013
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posted March 24, 2013 07:06 PM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Swampys is a girl with AS who woukd understand you, and she is age appropriate and seems very sweet. Just saying.
Oh my God!   Thank you! And I hope your situation improves, Aquaguy!
I'm codependant on my mother and too afraid to break the cycle but I know I need to because my mom is 38 years older than me and I'm going to have to do something with my life, or get married really early. IP: Logged |
starfairy
Knowflake Posts: 812
From:
Registered: Jul 2010
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posted March 24, 2013 07:41 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
^
Yeah I'm actually a huge momma's boy, like I don't care if its attractive or not. I think I would put my mom before anyone else.I know sometimes when people get married they toss away their parents because their spouse has an issue with them
aka my uncle. I would toss away my spouse... Instead of hanging out with my friends on a weekend I'll probably vist my mommy, and she can cook me food. I just aqua guys relationship is toxic so he should get out for his own happiness... He can salvage his relationship when he's on his own. She'll probably understand!
Personally I find it unattractive if people weird relationships with their mothers, she birthed you..
Even if the mom is at fault.. that would just bother me.
Anyways I would rather be with someone who has a good relationship with their parents
omg I agree with everything you wrote here!! I'm the exact same way. We both have really special relationships with our moms <3 it's definitely very unattractive when I see people treating their moms terribly :/ IP: Logged |
starfairy
Knowflake Posts: 812
From:
Registered: Jul 2010
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posted March 24, 2013 07:44 PM
Aquaguy do you have Chiron in your second house? Anyway I agree that the relationship between you abs your mom is kinda toxic.. If it's having such a horrible effect on you, you'd better get out.. IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 4339
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted March 29, 2013 04:02 PM
Well my background is Central EU, so I love my family very much and have a close relationship with my mum. We are best friends. I could tell her absolutely anything. She really gets me.
This sharing business (what YTA and others mentioned) is entirely silly from my perspective.
My family, friends and boyfriends or future husband/s will always be sharing me with each other, as I also expect to be sharing them with other people in their life. I am certainly not one to play favourites or to feel like because I maried someone they are now the most important person in my life. Marriage is NOT a flipping bubble. That seems completely ridiculous to me. My family will always be important. The ONLY people in this world who I would ever favouritise and put first are my actual children, if I end up having them, but certainly not my husband who should be a self-sufficient adult - not someone who needs so much emotional attention that he gets jealous over my friends or family. How utterly ridiculous! IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 4339
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted March 29, 2013 04:07 PM
Aqua guy - obviously if this situation is toxic for you and she is upsetting you - you should move out. And it's definitely nice to have space and have your own place. That doesn't mean you have to abandon your mum on an emotional level or choose between her and a future gf.
Seriously reading this stuff I feel like I'm reading something from the Middle Ages lmao IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 4339
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted March 29, 2013 04:10 PM
Also - any emotionally mature woman would like it if her SO had a good relationship with his family.
Only a person who has low self esteem and needs constant attention would feel threatened by your mother. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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