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Author
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Topic: I am Filled With So Much Hate I Don't Know What To Do
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Hera
Knowflake Posts: 5630
From: Aries fantasy land ^_^
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 25, 2013 02:02 PM
  
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
Yes, think back to the you of around five years ago. What would you say to her if you knew she would read your letter and would believe it is her future self? If you do it and really take it seriously and think it through, you will be amazed at the present-day healing you achieve.
It works. I did it too in counseling. My therapist had me do a different assignment but I felt the need to write to my child version and felt very.. peaceful and whole. Ami, you might want to also write to your mother. For me this is the hardest. I've been trying for more than 1 year to write to my father and I can't. I don't intend to send it, I think I will either bury or burn it after I am done. You need to tell her how she made you feel and also to take back all her negative opinions and judgments about you. Tell her they're hers and she's entitled to take them back. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 40304
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 25, 2013 06:01 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
Yes, think back to the you of around five years ago. What would you say to her if you knew she would read your letter and would believe it is her future self? If you do it and really take it seriously and think it through, you will be amazed at the present-day healing you achieve.
Thank you, Randall. I was a very different person back then and I am proud of how far I have come( with a little help from my friends  ) ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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T
Knowflake Posts: 8860
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 25, 2013 06:09 PM
I wrote to my mom a few times, years ago and actually sent what I wrote. Yes, it was theraputic. Yes, it was very harsh and I let a lot of anger out. But so did she towards me, all my life. I think she needed to hear it all and I needed to let it all out.  You can only be a doormat for so long and put up with crap. At some point it's best to walk away - end the dysfunction for good. For some it maybe be helpful to write to the person and send it or not send it and instead burn it or whatever. I don't feel like much healing would have come about if I didnt sent my thoughts and instead burnt them. Sometimes people need to know. And since I had to listen for so long, I made sure that she knew this time, it was a one way conversation and I was not looking for a reply or answers or anything. This time, she was listening to me for once and I didnt want to hear one word back. She told me she didnt even read it (yeah, right  ). Then again, it would not surprise me if she didnt. Because she doesnt want to face things and never has. After that, you can really start to begin to heal. It's not good to hold everything inside.....and in a way, simply "writing to the ethers" is still holding things inside.....for me anyway. IP: Logged |
T
Knowflake Posts: 8860
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 25, 2013 06:18 PM
This thread reminded me of a show i watched last night on Bio:Escaping Evil : My life in a Cult
http://www.biography.com/tv/escaping-evil-my-life-in-a-cult The woman on there, Flora, a former member of the FLDS was told to continually forgive her abusers. and that she would not have suffered the abuse, rape etc if God did not want her too. The abuse would stop when God decided it to. That she was not devoted enough to God and it was all her fault she was being raped and tortured. So, she had to just shut up and continue to live with it and recieve the abuse and continue to forgive, forgive, forgive. It was quite sick and I think that whole forgiveness thing trips a lot of people up, especially people who are very religious or spiritual. IP: Logged |
Sorcha
Knowflake Posts: 849
From:
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted March 25, 2013 06:31 PM
Well forgiveness is usually the last step in the process. You've got to feel all the feelings, let them go and hopefully, eventually, forgive. But it's like the process of grieving. It doesn't usually happen in a nice, neat orderly fashion. It's messy and non linear. Another thing you can do is buy a parenting book and essentially re-parent your inner child. That works for some people IP: Logged |
T
Knowflake Posts: 8860
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 25, 2013 06:37 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Sorcha:
Well forgiveness is usually the last step in the process. You've got to feel all the feelings, let them go and hopefully, eventually, forgive. But it's like the process of grieving. It doesn't usually happen in a nice, neat orderly fashion. It's messy and non linear.
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T
Knowflake Posts: 8860
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 25, 2013 06:40 PM
Recommending this book, as i have a few times elsewhere. I've jumped around with it and read pieces here and there. Would like to read it through sometime when I am in more of a reading mode.The parts I did read really hit home. I gifted one to my therapist before I stopped seeing him and moved and to another friend of mine, here on LL. The Language of Emotions
What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You
Karla McLaren
http://www.amazon.com/The-Language-Emotions-Feelings-Trying/dp/1591797691 IP: Logged |
T
Knowflake Posts: 8860
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 25, 2013 06:48 PM
quote:
Most of us relate to our emotions by either running from the difficult ones or clinging to the pleasant ones. Karla McLaren suggests a radical new perspective: that all of our emotions are equally important messengers, ready to assist us in acting with full awareness and integrity. With The Language of Emotions, this empathic counselor and researcher gives us a breakthrough guide toward a new and empowering relationship with our feeling states. As a practical lexicon for working with a full spectrum of emotions, The Language of Emotions explores: The latest insights about emotion from psychology and neurology and how to apply them in real life Discovering your "internal compass" to utilize your emotions responsibly--instead of over-reacting to or repressing them Emotions as the gateway to personal healing and fulfillment When we learn to speak their language, every emotion becomes a powerhouse of energy and information that reveals the perfect solution to the situation in which it arose. For anyone seeking a wiser approach to their emotions, here is a muchneeded resource for self-understanding and inner freedom.
Karla McLaren is an award-winning author and pioneering educator whose empathic approach to the emotions has taken her through the healing of her own childhood trauma into an empathic healing career, and now into the study of sociology, neurology, cognitive psychology, and social psychology. Karla has taught thousands of people through her four books and five audio-learning sets, and at such venues as the Omega Institute, Naropa University, and the Association for Humanistic Psychology. She lives in California.
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crabbypatty
Knowflake Posts: 721
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 26, 2013 07:33 AM
It helps me, Ami, to think of my mother as mentally ill when I think back to some of the things she put me through during my childhood/teenage years. I mean, really, who throws a cinderblock at their child because the child "mouthed off"? When I view her as a loony through the lens of someone who is superior to her (in mental stability), I can bring myself to a place where the anger melts because I can convince myself it wasn't her fault.Of course, I know some of the details of your experience with your mother, and it was worse than my experiences. But still, knowing what your mother did, I can come to no conclusion other than that she was stark raving mad. She must have been going through some long, nasty transit, maybe. And so, for me, that takes the blame (mostly) off of her. And so I can be a lot less angry with her. ...But I like the idea of writing a hateful letter and then burning it. I imagine that might take some of the hate and dissolve it. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 40304
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 26, 2013 08:19 AM
Hi Crabby
Miss you!
Miss our crazy talks.
Yes, it is a slow and hard process. The placement of Chiron seems to show each person's wound. Do you think so? Mine is in the 4th house and my mother's Sun combust merc is an exact conjunction. God made the charts, to me. He must have known what we need in His wisdom. We can't know while we are on the earth. ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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crabbypatty
Knowflake Posts: 721
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 26, 2013 03:55 PM
we'll talk soon, Ami, soon as I get out from under my mountain at work...Yes, I agree with you one hundred percent that it's all built into our charts. Every single thing points at that, for me. And so, yes, it's not a stretch for me to believe that when we are "out there" where souls go after death, we and those in charge of us get busy planning our next incarnation, including all the trauma to be experienced in order to get us closer to the spiritual ideal. And including who in our soul group is going to incarnate with us in order to inflict that trauma. I know how you feel about past lives, and we can agree to disagree and still love one another. But I think it's likely that you and your mother had this kind of "soul contract" they speak of, where she pledged to make you miserable in her own particular, unique way. And then incarnated and kept her "promise". Sad to think we have to slog through sh*t for years in order to become closer to that spiritual ideal, but maybe that's the way things really are. Either way, I have no doubt that internalized anger/rage cause disease, so Ami you had BETTER find a good way REAL QUICK to release it. Whether you have to throw bricks in an empty parking lot, make a voodoo doll, or take up kickboxing. I have been blessed with a chart that allows me to be intense and really obsessive in the moment, but to let things go easily quickly thereafter. I don't stew in my juices. I recognize how lucky I am to be like this without any effort. Most people I know get stuck on anger and resentment for much much longer. Hmmmmm, maybe you could go see John of God in Brazil and get a healing? IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 40304
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 26, 2013 04:13 PM
I am cool for whenever we talk. My Gemini is always busy with a million things. I just started a garden and I am in love with it and I am going to be singing harmony in my friend's band, so God is good to me! xx------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 40304
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 26, 2013 04:43 PM
My mother apologized for her last deal and I accepted. I am not perfect either. My goal is for personal humility and this is very hard, as you know if you have tried.My mother loves me but she can't be counted on to have maturity or the things you want from a parent. Thank you all for your answers and being here for me.
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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Lindaland
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