posted March 23, 2013 10:32 AM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted March 23, 2013 12:24 PM            

*edited* I don't know why but your thread here has stuck in my mind all day. For some reason I feel the need to say more. And I'm not a therapist, I have no college degree, all I have are my memories and experiences to look to in order to help you. I wanna say its ok to be angry. I know that sounds whacked bc I think you already know anger doesn't really help in most situations; it just adds fuel to the fire. But in this case give yourself permission to be angry over it. I tried to hide the fact that I was still angry after all these yrs and thought it was pointless to be angry in the first place since I haven't spoken to my father in 14 yrs and I never will. And that is my choice too. I had no intentions of finding him and trying to reconcile the past as I know he will never admit to his mistakes and even if he does, he will not give me what I seek from him, which is the unconditional love he denied me all those yrs. But I realized I WAS angry. VERY angry, I just buried and surpressed it. I had to tell myself that God wasn't going to punish me for being angry still. I had to purge and release. The purging was the hardest part which is where the letter came in handy. I had to force myself to admit to myself on paper I was angry and what for. So if you choose to do the letter thing, you can write it to where you are speaking to your mother. Write whatever you want. Swear if you have to. You're not gonna send it anyways you will be burning it. I had no closure with my father so this was ideal for me. And I wasn't about to seek help from a therapist bc I don't fully trust them. (My opinion only I'm not sayng they are bad. I'm entitled to my own opinions lol) Just start with a letter and tell your mother how you feel and why you feel that way. Pour your heart into it as if you were actually speaking to her without holding back.

posted March 23, 2013 01:47 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hera:
Let it out. It's the only way that works. I have no recipe for it. You'll find something that works for you. But do let it out or it will eat you up.
I punched stuff. Walls, pillows, furniture. Yelled with every lung cell. Had very angry imaginary conversations with my abuser. Exercised like a mad woman. Got into SM.

Lucky I live alone. Phew.

---

I'm so sorry it happened to you too. I did the same as you - had imaginary conversations with my abuser. During those convos I cursed at him, called him names, told him off, called him every mean and nasty name I could think of lol I think I even stomped around my apt when I was doing it. Kids were gone so it was just me myself and I at home and I bet if my neighbors heard it they probably assumed I had a bad case of tourette's lol I hope it brought you peace my dear

posted March 23, 2013 02:12 PM            

What I've learned, to short circuit the emotional hijacking, is when I have an angry feeling I INTERMEDIATELY think of what I love and enjoy in my life.

posted March 23, 2013 02:45 PM            

My eldest has punched a brick wall more than once, my youngest and her bfriend beat the hell out of eachother, which I am trying to helping them with that.

Good God knows I have alot to be angry about in my 51 years as well, but as a simple Fish, I just dont go there...for all that I have survived I should be angry as hell, but I am not....I just loathe the anger energy and cant do it.

As a matter of fact, my youngest and her bfriend were going at it all day, yesterday, so I finally left to spend the night with my mother.

Personally when I really begin to boil about something I vocalize, "grrrrrrrrrrrrrr" or scream, outside, all alone....

to each is own, but the key is letting it go!

posted March 23, 2013 05:28 PM            

I agree with all the suggestions that people have posted here. Do one or two of them or try all of them. One benefit of a therapist is that he or she acts kind of like a witness. Going through abuse and trauma can leave you feeling very isolated and distrustful in addition to all that anger and sadness. The act of speaking to someone about your pain or actually showing/expressing your pain to someone can be very healing. For the inner child who has felt neglected, it is a way to finally feel seen and heard and validated.

Just my thoughts. Obviously, do what makes you feel safe but I agree with all the other posters that rage will eat away at you from the inside out...and as painful as it is, it's a good sign that it is finally coming out to be healed

posted March 24, 2013 12:28 AM            

But I think it's okay to be hateful. I mean, I'm not condoning the actions made because of hate, but feeling negative emotions is natural and really quite okay, in my opinion. I dunno man but personally some people just have to stew in their feelings before they can really have the desire to change.

posted March 24, 2013 03:17 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by T:
I also think negative emotions have a healing purpose and one should not 'shut them up' or push them away, or talk themselves out of them so quickly.... with "positive thinking" or any other method. Sometimes it's best to 'sit' with them, feel the feeling with every fiber of your being. Hear what it's really saying to you.

It's not bad to feel a wide range of human emotions, it can actually make you a more well rounded person and able to help others down the road. You don't want to get stuck there, but you don't want to completely ignore them either. Anger and hate are there for a reason. They are powerful learning tools. Use them. Work through them. Accept them. They won't stick around forever.

---

posted March 24, 2013 04:12 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by T:
I also think negative emotions have a healing purpose and one should not 'shut them up' or push them away, or talk themselves out of them so quickly.... with "positive thinking" or any other method. Sometimes it's best to 'sit' with them, feel the feeling with every fiber of your being. Hear what it's really saying to you.

It's not bad to feel a wide range of human emotions, it can actually make you a more well rounded person and able to help others down the road. You don't want to get stuck there, but you don't want to completely ignore them either. Anger and hate are there for a reason. They are powerful learning tools. Use them. Work through them. Accept them. They won't stick around forever.

---

posted March 24, 2013 12:13 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by T:
I also think negative emotions have a healing purpose and one should not 'shut them up' or push them away, or talk themselves out of them so quickly.... with "positive thinking" or any other method. Sometimes it's best to 'sit' with them, feel the feeling with every fiber of your being. Hear what it's really saying to you.

It's not bad to feel a wide range of human emotions, it can actually make you a more well rounded person and able to help others down the road. You don't want to get stuck there, but you don't want to completely ignore them either. Anger and hate are there for a reason. They are powerful learning tools. Use them. Work through them. Accept them. They won't stick around forever.

---

posted March 24, 2013 02:17 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by T:
I also think negative emotions have a healing purpose and one should not 'shut them up' or push them away, or talk themselves out of them so quickly.... with "positive thinking" or any other method. Sometimes it's best to 'sit' with them, feel the feeling with every fiber of your being. Hear what it's really saying to you.

It's not bad to feel a wide range of human emotions, it can actually make you a more well rounded person and able to help others down the road. You don't want to get stuck there, but you don't want to completely ignore them either. Anger and hate are there for a reason. They are powerful learning tools. Use them. Work through them. Accept them. They won't stick around forever.

---

Very wise T. Thank you!

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted March 24, 2013 02:18 PM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted March 24, 2013 03:39 PM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted March 25, 2013 11:06 AM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted March 25, 2013 11:08 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
Where/whom;
is this hatred directed to?
Your mother only;
or is it more complex than that?

I had to let go of my mother and have no more contact with her.
I forgive her but will not allow her to spew her insane cruelty and threats at me ever again.

---

The person can die and someone can still have the hatred. The hatred gets stuck inside and is not longer directly related to one person, although that was the original source.

I feel better. I think abuse makes you throw away your anger which is a protective device given by God to keep us safe. I force myself to express myself and I don't feel as angry.

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted March 25, 2013 01:55 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
My mother was sadistic to me, for some of the people who don't know my story. I pushed it inside and tired to be perfect and have no anger. I had stomach aches and all sorts of things and I realized I had to face the source. I could not allow myself to be angry as an adult because I was hurt for it, as a child. Now, all this anger, hatred and rage is coming out and I don't know what to do with it.
Thanks for any help.

---