posted May 10, 2013 10:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
I never would have assumed that about you.
Going by your posts and your personality, there are times that
I've wished that I were more like you:
you're so smart, good-natured, very funny, interesting, competent, etc.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
mockingbird you are a sweetheart!
I am sad you feel like you do not fit in.

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posted May 11, 2013 05:16 PM            

I know that you (and Faith) have small ones to care for right now. When I had two small ones long long ago, I recall how tedious and repetitive the chores were. Not that I minded it as much as NOT getting the intellectual and 'grownup' contacts and stimulation I needed.

I had met another woman in our childbirth classes.... seems we were having our children on same cycles. We became close. Our kids got together at playdates with other moms. If we visited each other's house, there were still child distractions going on... We could call each other on the phone (before the era of cell phones), but AGAIN, there were still child distractions. Her husband and mine were both computer programmers. They decided that we needed to get away from all of it, and that they would be full-time caretakers for a few hours....

She and I made EVERY single Tuesday night 'the night' that we could meet at a local ice cream parlor to just BE together without any children, to be a support to each other. For the while that this lasted, it was very refreshing....

Even if my kids were napping, my 'mommy-antenna' was on... I think my daughters were psychic because it would seem that if I 'forgot' them for a brief moment, one of them would 'feel' it and come get me.

mockingbird? How much time do you get COMPLETELY alone.... no mommy-antenna out? Do you get any time to 'detach' your consciousness from your 'role' as mommy, and are you able to give yourself to YOU in silence? And then LATER, also, to focus on aligning with your higher Source...

Sending you love on this Mother's Day Weekend...

posted May 14, 2013 09:58 AM            

Just before mockingbird posted this, I had been asking my friends, "How does anyone get along with anyone else when we are all so different?"

It's something I really don't understand too well...what holds people together? It seems like institutions do, but on closer inspection they often lend the illusion of solidarity more than any real cohesiveness.

posted May 14, 2013 07:16 PM            

Sometimes dissimilar people in a group can bond together because they have a "common hate" -

Hate energy can bind people together, as well as the unity of Love.

posted May 14, 2013 08:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mirage29:
Great thread!

Sometimes dissimilar people in a group can bond together because they have a "common hate" -

Hate energy can bind people together, as well as the unity of Love.

Evolution, or devolving?

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posted May 14, 2013 08:17 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
I relate to others as an individual, and I don't need a tribal identity which I see as too limiting. I can affiliate myself with various groups, subcultures, etc, but it's more of an understanding, I don't give up who I am to belong (though I can play the mole). ................

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posted May 15, 2013 01:16 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
query;
"mole" in what way?

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Generally speaking, it means I try to pass, though usually I do so passively (meaning I dress appropriately and hide the parts of me that would mark me as an outsider, but I don't actually claim to be one of them, and if asked directly I'll probably be fairly honest). Though I have done it for safety reasons (I mentioned that guy who thinks I'm a Christian in the God & Guns thread), I've also done for both social & economic reasons as well. When doing business I definitely nod my head a lot more than share my actual thoughts, no matter how absurd (or even offensive) they can get sometimes, and some people would be surprised to know what I'm like with my close friends & loved ones.

As a very simple rule I don't talk about listening to Disturbed or Bella Morte (and certainly not the Dixie Chicks) when with many casual redneck acquaintances in Texas (and I'll be dressed to blend in with everyone else as that helps minimize trouble) as well as when I used to visit neighbors of similar mind, and when I went to a gothic watering hole (as I liked the music, the people watching, and the lack of the "meat market" atmosphere of most other clubs) I dressed the part (subtle but effective) and didn't talk about raves & free parties I'd been to (which many goths hate) nor about liking some country singers (save one time when I was surprised when a group talked about admiring Johnny Cash who did a cover of NIN's Hurt and "made it his," and then I shared about how morbid & depressing a lot of country is, particularly certain songs, such as one by Dolly Parton regarding a tragic tale that ended with a woman becoming a ghost as they liked the depressing & macabre like that).

posted May 15, 2013 09:53 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
I like to take care of the little ones. I would much prefer to do that than anything else in the world!

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I love it, too. I am so fortunate to spend my time with these marvelous, hilarious people.

And I know your children are amazing and I wish you could stay home with them, too.

posted May 15, 2013 10:08 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Generally speaking, it means I try to pass, though usually I do so passively (meaning I dress appropriately and hide the parts of me that would mark me as an outsider, but I don't actually claim to be one of them, and if asked directly I'll probably be fairly honest).

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Same here.

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
I just blend in and let them think that, because otherwise my presence would've been much harder for them to handle,

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That's how I am in most (all?) conversations, always holding something back. But I ascribe it to the nature of our times, where you are running into strangers all the time. It's like a psychological safety mechanism: you preserve yourself and don't just put it all out there for every new person you encounter. And even if you integrate yourself into groups, you probably are doing so with people who you met in adulthood, therefore your story is different from theirs, and we can only relate to other backgrounds so much if we weren't there. It's not like growing up in a small mountain village where the same people knew the same people for generations and you really are integrated. Integration in modern society is more like a proactive art form where you decide what to reveal and how you might help shape the group dynamic by what you say, do, or don't say or do.

posted May 15, 2013 06:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mirage29:
Pixie Jane! "WHAT do you have your PhD in??!" Girl... you are sooo deeply knowledgeable about politics, world religions, sexual politics, and cinema/media. All around LL, you make incredible, well-thought, organized writings. And you're funny as hell! How/Where did you learn all these things?

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I just pick up & retain a lot, which I think is mostly a mix of my Sag curious about other people & philosophy (I used to be interested in philosophy itself a lot more than I am today) and Libra looking for mental stimulation, so that I've read a lot and mixed with a lot of people genuinely curious about them and following up on what they said (even if only to "understand the method of their madness"). Having a BFF who's an Aquarian neophiliac helps.

More than a few think I really should go to college, which I might do one day, even one professor who said he'd help me get the grants & loans. It must help that I have a quick mind, I taught myself to multiply & divide using flashcards and I'm not certain how I taught myself to read at age 5. I got put through a bunch of tests when I was 16, and even though I missed a few on purpose (believing myself of "average intelligence" and wanting to be put in "resource," a place in between regular classes & special ed, where I had friends) I still scored college level on everything but math (math being where I was supposed to be) and a borderline genius (Mom claims she was tested once and had an IQ in the genius range).

Still, my Leo ascendant thanks you.

posted May 17, 2013 05:16 PM            

I can "pass" in any number of social situations if I put in the effort, but I seldom feel a real connection with most of the people. It usually feels forced and draining - and why would I want to constantly engage in draining interactions?

I really hate the play acting so often necessitated in groups. Some people love it, I guess, but it's not my bag.

There are a few friends with whom it just "works", but most of them are far flung (from military moves or general transience).

The one "place" I effortlessly fit in is with my husband.
Interestingly, as the first response correctly intimated, I *am* an INxJ (test very close to tr T/F line) as is he, though he's thankfully less "N" than me.
Perhaps that's some of it.
I brought this up to him, and he replied, "I don't feel like I fit in anyplace but with you, either, but I don't mind it."
I should be happy that we have that - many don't - but...yeah.

Perhaps it's a place thing.

I've felt more at home in other cities/areas, but we're here for the moment.

Re: Just me time: Not really.

Daisy meeting's over.

posted May 17, 2013 05:28 PM            

The statement about the flow of "me" feeling effortless with you husband is sooo warming to me!

The tide of friends go out, then come in again... Perhaps this is a long tide...

Here's a HUG to the "me" texting behind her phone, and who's doing one of the MOST IMPORTANT JOBS IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW.... That's being a "Mom"--- It won't last forever, so enjoy while they're still little "Daises"!!

posted May 31, 2013 04:27 PM            

I brought my middle daughter to her Daisy meeting while in my paint splattered coveralls. They're what I wear when doing heavy or messy work around the house or on our property because - hey - why not? They're durable and breathe.

"Yep, we've been painting trim all day."

"Wow. I'm impressed that you're doing it yourself."
(Implied: That you can't pay someone to do it.)

"Heh, yep. We've also refinished the floors. They were all carpeted, but we've been working on restoring the original wood."

(The ladies drift off.)

To someone who was watching, but looked down at her smartphone as soon as I looked over: "The fun thing about doing it yourself with this little one (motions with baby on hip) is that it's also baby torture."

(Lady on smart phone looks up, gives tight smile and smug head nod, looks back at smartphone.)

And one of them just walked by without looking at me.

And I was asked by a teacher if I was here for "an...after school activity...or something..." while holding the hand of my Kindergartener.
(None of the other mothers were asked.)

This area sucks.

posted May 31, 2013 06:38 PM            

You, YOu, YOU, BABY TORTURERERERE!!! (and she really gave a flip, didn't she?)

Agh!-- You are a riot, mockingbird! Sooo creative~~ PLUS, YOU have a "personality" and OBVIOUSLY, she didn't! You are from a different dimension.... tuck a bit of Les_Kuie's tin-foil in the front pocket of those overalls!

Personally? I am REALLY quite impressed at these DIY tasks that you undertake! You're such an artist!! Nothing like applying that good old "coat of care" to all things in your possession. Caring for your wooden-beings, your metal-beings.... and your tiny little precious flesh-beings at the end of your hand, and on your side --- mostly, in your Heart! awww!

Take Courage, mockingbird! Life is slow, but oh so fast, at the same time!!

posted May 31, 2013 06:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
Yeah, I feel the same way.

I don't understand tribalism or even just having ONE place or group of people among whom you truly belong to the exclusion of all others. If I tried to do that I would feel like I'm ignoring the other aspects of me. This applies to every facet of life for me from music to ideology. Eclectism is the Uranian's burden and our gift. Tbh, I wouldn't have it any other way.

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