posted August 14, 2013 03:52 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mockingbird:
This started a a Geek-fest which drew in a few guys, during which I spanked one dude with Tolkien trivia, inquired as to why one fellow preferred early Dune to late Dune, and spazzed out with another man about the works of Jim Butcher.
None of that, to me, was flirting.
It was chatter WITH the bonus that I now plan on checking out R.A. Salvatore.

---

posted August 14, 2013 04:04 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Randall:
I think guys often take friendliness for something it isn't.

---

This.

However, I've seen multiple articles for men and women both that basically interpret any sign of showing polite acknowledgement for their existence (holding a door open, smiling a little while talking, etc) as "sure signs s/he's into you." In my view, if people DON'T do that then there's something wrong with them (hopefully just a bad day), the attitude seems to be "Expect to be completely ignored unless someone wants you for something, be it money, sex, and/or romance."

Usually it's women who put out this drivel (to men and women both), but a few days ago I saw a Matthew Hussey vid explain how to know if a guy is attracted to you which included approaching you (however casual and unrelated to you it may seem), wanting any physical contact whatsoever (no matter how playful, silly, including "thumb war"), smiling when he talks to you, etc, and I thought if that was accurate then about everyone I know who likes me is attracted to me (female and male both) including my cousin and little boys!

Seriously, how does advice and "insights" like that ever become respectable? Why not just sum it up as, "If he doesn't run away from you shrieking then he or she is into you" and be done with it?

Granted, there are men and women so desperate to hook up with somebody (maybe even anybody) that it's true in THEIR case, but not all of us are so obsessed! Nor do we need to "want something" from someone just to be friendly.

posted August 14, 2013 04:18 PM            

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes to all.

When did we become so jaded and insular that not being rude = interest?

posted August 15, 2013 02:22 AM            

And women wonder why men are not gentlemen anymore and men wonder why women are soulless B's.

I believe men mistake being open,friendly and having an extrovert personality as flirting or as something more than casual conversation, like she wants me to..you know..bam bam, when it's NOT AT ALL THAT.Women mistake aimless flirting from men for romantic interest.

posted August 15, 2013 02:36 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jessica2407:
Yes!Yes!Yes!!!

And women wonder why men are not gentlemen anymore and men wonder why women are soulless B's.

I believe men mistake being open,friendly and having an extrovert personality as flirting or as something more than casual conversation, like she wants me to..you know..bam bam, when it's NOT AT ALL THAT.Women mistake aimless flirting from men for romantic interest.

---

posted August 15, 2013 03:08 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PixieJane:
Ah, I know what you mean. And I'm the only woman I know who ever got into a playful lightsaber fight as an adult with other adults (or ANY age, come to think of it).

---

I'm a woman and I can say that I have kicked major a** within toy shops whenever encountering light sabers. Although, I don't think anyone ever thought I was flirting because I was so adamant that I had won, it usually weirds them out.

Count me disappointed that this isn't yet possible:

posted August 15, 2013 03:34 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Jessica2407:
[b]Yes!Yes!Yes!!!

And women wonder why men are not gentlemen anymore and men wonder why women are soulless B's.

I believe men mistake being open,friendly and having an extrovert personality as flirting or as something more than casual conversation, like she wants me to..you know..bam bam, when it's NOT AT ALL THAT.Women mistake aimless flirting from men for romantic interest.

---

I can understand your confusion

Withdrawing into yourself isn't the right solution though. Just be yourself,love yourself for who you are.

posted August 15, 2013 06:26 AM            

It's subtext. It is weird because I have just been thinking about this.

I have told you about my mother. She is black and white. People are good OR people are bad. She is good or she is bad. I was good or bad. No one is both, gray, a mixture of things.

This is called black and white thinking and is in some psych conditions where people get stunted in their emotional growth.

Or else, it is based on the charts where she has an exact combust of the Aqua Sun and Mercury. This makes for little detachment from oneself.( This is an exact conjunction with my Chiron)

The point was that she never gets subtext. Subtext is what is UNSPOKEN. Most of human interactions are unspoken.

People talk #@$#. This took me some time to learn having grown up with the black and white thinking.

You see people talk all spiritual, even on here, and are the nastiest, back biting creeps.

So, I got to see that talk means nothing.

The point is that you have to be able to see under the surface to what they person is REALLY saying.

This goes for normal interactions where a guy is telling you something with his body language but his words are different.

Subtext goes into all situations.

Having grown up with this kind of a mother, I was still always very perceptive. I think it was my chart.

However, I lost trust in myself and believed my mother's version of life. That really is why I had ALL my problems.

I lost trust in what I saw with my own eyes, which was subtext.

To bring it back to AG. A person must be able to pick up subtext. If not, relationships are like Greek.

I think it can be learned because not having it is a block and blocks can be undone with help and effort.

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 15, 2013 08:43 AM            

I think standing in the middle of an active volcano crater is less volatile and predictable. At least seismic activity provides a nominal level of visibility.

My answer is not look at anyone, not maintain eye contact and not smile. My standard look is the Angry Asian Man face. Sort of an Eastern version of the Donald scowl. Seems to work well for him. I can out-unfriendly unfriendly people. Very simple. I hold open a door for you and smile. It doesn't mean that I want to F you. If I drive by and smile, it doesn't mean I want to pick you up and F you. If you drop a coin and I pick it up for you, it doesn't mean I want to F you. Period.

posted August 15, 2013 08:54 AM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 15, 2013 08:57 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by T:

I'd draw the line at doing anything in secret that you would not want your SO to find out about. If you have to hide it from them, then you are probably doing something wrong.

---

posted August 15, 2013 09:13 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mockingbird:
Someone has to hit me over the head with the flirtation stick before I get it. Otherwise, I just assume it's friendly banter.
I'm kind of dense that way.
Blame my Aqua moon, I s'pose.

O

---

Same here. And incidentally also an Aquarius-Moon.

I LOVE friendly banter.
However, I also recently started to notice how what starts at friendly banter can slide gradually into ... something else.
I never noticed that before.

Sometimes lines get blurry and friendly banter may go a little too far. But after all we are all responsible for ourselves and can change the course, if we feel it is suddenly headed in a direction it should not be heading to.

Though most of the times I don`t even notice. LOL
Recently I only noticed that something was maybe not as friendly and harmless as it seemed to be on the surface with the banter or even talking with a colleague, and I only noticed because it became obvious how much he tried to not touch me. Like literally stopping in the middle of the movement, probably remembering that we were at a workplace and he is married.
I actually make it a point to ALWAYS ask how his wife and kids are doing, when we are talking.
No, I donīt think he really is trying to hit on me; he is a committed family-man, but he seems to like me a bit, and being an Aquarius for him maybe the lines between friendliness and flirtativeness get a bit blurry from time to time.

So, not so much friendly banter with this colleague for me anymore, as I am not completely sure it could be misinterpreted.

But that is just my Sag-Sun and Aqua-Moon I guess, I am never flirting, but somtimes stumbling into these situations, where maybe a bit of completely harmless and merely friendly mental-plays could be misinterpreted.
I didnīt think of it before, but actually, since changing my Selfpresentation and -conception, oftentimes people start to look at me differently (not all mind you), but I also noticed that for some reason people seem to drawn to me, wanting to touch me or hug me or whatever (doesn`t matter the gender).
Maybe it is just a sign that I am not exuding that much selfdefensive air anymore, maybe it really has something to do with losing weight.

But bottom line is, I never needed to think about boundaries like this, when I was 28 kilos heavier, and I suppose it will not make things easier losing even more.
If you are REALLY overweight, in a way you are invisible, untouchable, somehow floating above the rest and not needing to even think about all these "social rules/ games" (which I think was one reason i put on so much weight, so I di dnot have to assert boundearies for myself).
But now, well, it`s somehow different.

Sorry I digressed so much, but it just never before occured to me that "friendly banter" is not always just friendly banter.
Though most often it is.

posted August 15, 2013 09:15 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PixieJane:
Ah, I know what you mean. And I'm the only woman I know who ever got into a playful lightsaber fight as an adult with other adults (or ANY age, come to think of it).

---

Oh I am jealous"! I want a lightsaber, too! And fighting wtih it.

Which reminds me of an interview with Nathan Fillion I once saw, where he mentioned getting caught up in a lightsaber fight with a youth from the neighbourhood.
That would be my kind of guy!

posted August 16, 2013 02:43 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by T:
If you are in a relationship with someone, you should not email or text other people showing interest in them - expressing much more than simple "friendly banter".

That happened to me online once. I did not know dude was in an online relationship, but later found out through the SO's friend that he was (i didnt like him anyway, but when i found that out, my jaw was on the floor after how he came onto me). I was appalled, disgusted and it changed things permanently and even though I had a feeling the guy was a creep, I now knew for sure.

I think what ended up happening later was he convinced the girl that he didnt do anything wrong. If I forwarded her the emails sent at the time, I'm sure she'd think otherwise.

Anyway, that debacle cemented my thoughts on him and we never spoke again. I have a real issue with someone being in a relationship and trying to hardcore flirt with someone else who doesnt know about it. Later i realized exactly what kind of scheme he was up to and.....well, I've said too much.

That being said.....

I feel blessed that i found out the way I did.

I'm turned off by people in relationships and steer clear of them. This time, briefly the wool was pulled over my eyes. Lucky for me I was not interested anyway so did not get hurt.

I'd draw the line at doing anything in secret that you would not want your SO to find out about. If you have to hide it from them, then you are probably doing something wrong.

---

That was EFFED up.^^^ Seriously, you should have outed the jerk! > My ex (the Gem) did something similar to me and I wish SOMEONE had told me and spared me a lot pain.
The b**stard lied through his teeth and as guys most commonly do - they CONvice you that it's the chick who's pursuing/hitting on THEM
And then they tell you she's crazy or something to make her character look questionable. I felt like a fool..
Men and the games they play but the truth always comes out in the end. Always.

posted August 16, 2013 08:03 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Same here. And incidentally also an Aquarius-Moon.

I LOVE friendly banter.
However, I also recently started to notice how what starts at friendly banter can slide gradually into ... something else.
I never noticed that before.

Sometimes lines get blurry and friendly banter may go a little too far. But after all we are all responsible for ourselves and can change the course, if we feel it is suddenly headed in a direction it should not be heading to.

---

For me, that's when "socially awkward mockingbird" comes to town.

"Oh, my...this has turned into flirtation for you."

posted August 16, 2013 11:43 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mockingbird:
For me, that's when "socially awkward mockingbird" comes to town.

"Oh, my...this has turned into flirtation for you."

---

You crack me up

Yes, exactly.

posted August 16, 2013 01:49 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by charmainec:
Oh, and if he did it once he most likely does it all the time. A natural born cheater always trying to keep his foot in the door.

Jerk!

---

posted August 16, 2013 02:57 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
[b] It's all very confusing to me! Lmao I have Asperger's syndrome I can't deal with it. IMO people over complicate things.

It's subtext. It is weird because I have just been thinking about this.

I have told you about my mother. She is black and white. People are good OR people are bad. She is good or she is bad. I was good or bad. No one is both, gray, a mixture of things.

This is called black and white thinking and is in some psych conditions where people get stunted in their emotional growth.

Or else, it is based on the charts where she has an exact combust of the Aqua Sun and Mercury. This makes for little detachment from oneself.( This is an exact conjunction with my Chiron)

The point was that she never gets subtext. Subtext is what is UNSPOKEN. Most of human interactions are unspoken.

People talk #@$#. This took me some time to learn having grown up with the black and white thinking.

You see people talk all spiritual, even on here, and are the nastiest, back biting creeps.

So, I got to see that talk means nothing.

The point is that you have to be able to see under the surface to what they person is REALLY saying.

This goes for normal interactions where a guy is telling you something with his body language but his words are different.

Subtext goes into all situations.

Having grown up with this kind of a mother, I was still always very perceptive. I think it was my chart.

However, I lost trust in myself and believed my mother's version of life. That really is why I had ALL my problems.

I lost trust in what I saw with my own eyes, which was subtext.

To bring it back to AG. A person must be able to pick up subtext. If not, relationships are like Greek.

I think it can be learned because not having it is a block and blocks can be undone with help and effort.

[/B]

---

posted August 17, 2013 03:11 AM            

I hear a lot of affair stories (with tarot) & I wouldn't recommend it (unless both sides know it's an open relationship), because it gets heartbreaking & emotions are getting tangled.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kerosene:
-I don't consider casual flirting cheating
- I don't consider just any form of intimacy cheating.
ex: hugging, cuddling, kissing on the cheek unless there is a romantic undertone. Two friends cuddling is not a big deal imo.

You can emotional cheat on your lover.
When you have feelings for someone else, and you desire them instead of your current partner.
Obviously sex, and going on dates because the intention is to seek romantic intimacy elswhere

---