posted August 27, 2013 10:34 AM            

We know life isn't always fair, and that people could be other people's biggest problems at times....but we know to carry on, or not to dwell on our scars, or wish others death etc because of that....

From my own experience, sometimes the happiest of people have the deepest of wounds, deep enough to know to keep them to themselves and not to share,and just enjoy the minute they've got, as they know they won't be here for ever. They don't put their wound in a jar, and then put in on a shrine somewhere....

on the other hand there are some, if you hear them, then oh dear...clearly no one on planet Earth throughout time and space, neither parents who lost their children, or don't know what happened to them, or those left at wedding altars without knowing where there spouse to be has vanished to...

clearly all those people haven't suffered like them.

so they feel justified to launch and attack that is the equivalent of a medusa's head at you, and say some really deplorable things.... because 'they suffered and you didn't' in their little heads (and little hearts)....

clearly walking away from such vortexes of negativity is the best thing to do, as it is clear they do wish harm to others.

But if you had no choice, what would you tell such people to get them snap out of it, and know that you yourself aren't always going to tolerate such self-obsessive behavior....without letting them know anything about your own experiences or the people who have passed by you in life, with real problems that are the weight of the world above their shoulders?

okay sorry about the 'negative' kind of post, but i'm really sick and tired of some type of people, and how they cause trouble to others because of what they presume, and not what is real...ugh bleh!

posted August 27, 2013 10:53 AM            

if anything i never understood that line, as i'm not vindictive, and the 'you try it' shows how much the other person has no problem wishing harm to others...to me that is a 'red line' anyone i know says it,

and i make a mental note to drop them as a friend or acquaintance, as shows they are presuming everyone lives a great life if they aren't projecting their 'pains' on others....and that they wish the other harm, due to this fantasy they have in their head about how other people live....

posted August 27, 2013 01:26 PM            

Many times people jump right into, "well, you know others have had it much worse, so......" (essentially saying "get over it") Or they go right into an expernience they've had that in their mind, is much worse. I'm not sure if they are uncomfortable with hearing about it and don't know what to say, or they really are rolling their eyes in their head and can't stand to hear people complain.

I grew up with someone like that and was constantly told I'm "too sensitive" with this look of disgust. It wasnt until I got older that I realized how damaging that is/was. It has ultimately made me a better listener and realize that most people just sometimes need to share how hurt they are and for someone to understand that. Not to compare it to everyone else in the world, but to understand how hard that experience must have been for them and leave it at that. Most people already know that many out there have had it worse. That does not help what they are going through, nor should it. It's not always best to focus on that and instead focus more on how you are going to heal yourself. Not feel bad that you are feeling bad because others have had it worse. Or, often, they arent truly listening, with their heart - they've already started thinking about stories in their own life that are worse, that they will tell you.

On the other hand, there are people you are describing that become so wrapped up in the negative experiences they have had that they can't let them go - don't want to let them go. They don't want to become empowered and healthy because that seems scary to them. They are comfortable in a victim role and the only way they can find what they feel is love, or it helps keep them locked in that cycle of "no one understands what i've been through, poor me"

more to say....

when i have less distraction and can relay my thoughts in words more properly

great subject!

posted August 27, 2013 01:36 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 27, 2013 01:38 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:

On the other hand, there are people you are describing that become so wrapped up in the negative experiences they have had that they can't let them go - don't want to let them go. They don't want to become empowered and healthy because that seems scary to them. They are comfortable in a victim role and the only way they can find what they feel is love, or it helps keep them locked in that cycle of "no one understands what i've been through, poor me"

more to say....

when i have less distraction and can relay my thoughts in words more properly

great subject!

ETA a few things..

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I totally agree with you, for example i'd never say anything to an abuse or rape victim and i would listen to them even if it's forever. As that is a violation in the most extreme and violence sense of it.

on the other hand yes, some people it is not like that, and like you said so comfortable playing the victim, i think they enjoy it.

I just draw a red line when they start wishing violence or bad stuff upon others. With energies not under control it is possible that bad wish does come real....but it also goes back to the sender.
Like okay, if they enjoy feeling down, let them, but they have no right to drag others to it.

Also i agree i never tell people to 'get over it' as clearly if they could, they would have lol.

but very good reply! you covered it all

posted August 27, 2013 01:53 PM            

the thing is i know the 'experience' of the person i have in mind, and i'm sorry to say it happens to so many people and isn't fair, but others have had it (the same experience, it isn't rape or attempts on life, or anything that deep in its darkness,) much worst and they've never gone on tirades against others.

Actually thinking about it, happened to me, and am going to say i had neither family support or anything at all..just me, and one poor friend who had to listen at my 'shock' speaking, but i never remember wishing 'death' or such to anyone, just clarity about what happened...so just a bit bemused at how some people are.....

still don't know the deal with the "you just try it!" phase....i'd have said it back to them to a few things, but am not a 'poor little me' person, i like getting over stuff (I guess whatever sun sign, a draconic Aries intense chart does that lol)

i also came to a conclusion that these team:you try it....end up having a happier life than others, as while others are wishing them well, they are wishing others harm.....

posted August 27, 2013 02:50 PM            

My mother is a big one!

But, she is my mom and while I dont have to tolerate her I choose to.

When she gets like this I listen, say, "o, mother woe is me...." and at her age, finally, she gets it when I say things like this.

I would not entertain a "friend" in my life with such.

At work, with coworkers (I am a RN so patients and families are a way different situation) I desperately find a way out...I smile and listen, and desperately find a way out.

If it were an individual who I didnt give a crap about, I would get very sarcastic, probably mutter something like "whatever..."

And walk away...

posted August 27, 2013 08:45 PM            

I have found it interesting that some people believe only they themselves have suffered while others think more on others. For example, 2 runaways I know shrugged off the extreme abuse they received (not to say they weren't affected by it) but couldn't imagine what it was like for the other. To be clear, one had been raped repeatedly since she was 12 with abortions forced on her until she escaped to the streets (in addition to other trauma like losing her biological family who treated her well to a drug raid and then put into the system where she learned to hate the government fast) while the other was a boy sodomized at a young age and probably part of why he had to be put in a mental ward even at that age (there was talk about making it permanent but an aunt got him out before they could), and even that hospital abused him further, too. And they were utterly horrified by what the other endured while shrugging off their own trauma (it sucked but they got through it). I, of course, was equally horrified by both.

posted August 27, 2013 08:51 PM            

Great comments!

I agree!

Perhaps that is why some of us are repulsed by such....I have as much, if not more to whine about than anybody else...

That is why I would just like to say....

posted August 27, 2013 08:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by NoRainNoRainbows:
they feel justified to launch and attack that is the equivalent of a medusa's head at you, and say some really deplorable things.... because 'they suffered and you didn't' in their little heads (and little hearts)....

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And I thought I'd toss this in, too:

posted August 27, 2013 09:06 PM            

quote:

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but am not a 'poor little me' person, i like getting over stuff

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LOL Same here.

quote:

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I just draw a red line when they start wishing violence or bad stuff upon others. With energies not under control it is possible that bad wish does come real....but it also goes back to the sender.
Like okay, if they enjoy feeling down, let them, but they have no right to drag others to it.

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That happened to me here, on the forums not too long ago. It's never happened (to my knowledge in 'real life')

this woman 'lost it' and damned me and my friends to hell (i don't have any) and hopes we 'get what we deserve' (what is that? Goodness and love, just like everyone deserves? LOL Why Thank YOU! ) and we can burn in hell or go to hell or something like that. She was fuming.

I thought to myself.....even in the heat of a moment......I never wish ill on people or for them to burn in hell (even if i believed in one).

All it did was make me feel terribly sorry for her. At her age, and supposed level of wisdom......she's wishing ill and hell on people? How terrible for her! No wonder why she is in a hell of her own and writhing in pain all the time. It all became clear at that point. That, this was so easy for her (maybe a habit) - to wish hardship on others....so no wonder she was always complaining about her own life. Quite sad.

I think when she said it, she though she would make me quivver in my boots - it was supposed to scare me and give her some power. But it didnt.

If she doesnt have the power to change her own life for the better, she damn sure isn't going to be changing my life for the worse. No matter how hard she wishes to.

Know what I mean? I think with people like that, it literally bounces right back to them too. So, i wished, that for her sake, she didnt damn me to hell, because I knew it was only making her own situation worse.

posted August 27, 2013 10:04 PM            

So, I can spot them a mile away now and know their game....even if they don't exactly know what they are doing or what behaviors they are unconciously living out on a daily basis. They are waving red flags w/o even realizing it.

So, yeah, the people that seem to be in competition with other people in the 'hurting game'. It makes me sick too.

Why people can't just simply listen to another, without interjecting their own lifetime marathon of hurts as if there was a gold medal at the end of the race, or something, i'll never know.

It's not a competition. I think some only like to hear themselves speak about it. I've watched others disregard helpful caring advice just to go on about the hurt. They werent done yet. That's fine, but hopefully people can get to a point where they move on. Some don't. Some want to hurt and get sympathy from others for the rest of their lives. It has become too tied to their ego.

They don't remember who they truly are anymore. They only know themselves by the hardships that have happened to them.

posted August 28, 2013 02:36 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by T:

Many times people jump right into, "well, you know others have had it much worse, so......" (essentially saying "get over it") Or they go right into an expernience they've had that in their mind, is much worse. I'm not sure if they are uncomfortable with hearing about it and don't know what to say, or they really are rolling their eyes in their head and can't stand to hear people complain.

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This is a great subject because I'm living with a person who gets like this whenever he gets drunk. And somehow my Scorpio style of "anti-socialism" is a problem, according to this roommate and I don't really see why. It's not that I'm anti-social by choice, and it's not 100% because of my Scorpio nature. I have psychological scars from childhood that make me anti-social and whenever I bring up the subject its suddenly a "get over it, everyone goes through this kind of stuff" thing and he goes into his own history and how he made poor decisions and how he's all respectful now and so on. I'm just like Wtf, can't I tell you why I am the way I am without a lecture? I mean I can't help why I don't like to talk to people, and I'm sorry if my mother tore every shred of confidence out of me, but this conversation was about me and how I "need to socialize more" and you can't even let me get it out of my mouth what I needed to say.

Sorry...

------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

posted August 28, 2013 03:28 AM            

on the other hand ppl that never get over an ex which clearly didn't treat them that well...or else they would have had closure, and not spite....they really get on my nerves! specially when they start hollering the 'you try it' line, as if you have never had low moments even lower than that....that sense of 'i am holier than thou' i guess is what gets me. and i agree with some here, i find those ppl a bit too comfortable where they are and hence why they don't want to put any effort in getting themselves out of that situation. instead they find it easier to drag others down, which is just sick, and explains why some have the need to get away from them.

posted August 28, 2013 04:42 AM            

I'm just grateful for anyone who has stuck with me when I've been in a bad way. I have a little reprieve, but don't expect it to stick at the moment. Just a feeling. But it's nice to be able to take a compliment and just blush and thank someone, instead of thinking that it won't be long before they're taking it back.

posted August 28, 2013 02:32 PM            

I have used the "walk in my shoes" line a few times, but only cause I was being judged, cursed, condemned and critisized by either one of the main player Virgos in my life..

posted August 28, 2013 02:40 PM            

'u try it' when it isn't even something the other person themselves had gone through, is self-righteousness at its best....

and again i'll say subtly showing some really negative wishes towards others...

i don't know, i never told ppl these things and hope i'd never, as i don't have 'poor little me' syndrome...also am aware a lot of people hide their problems so just a bit in shock about how the most inconsiderate people on earth, pretend like they are the ones who care about others or have 'suffered equally' with 'you try it'...'yeah sure...right after you' should be my response if i ever do the mistake of befriending such ppl again.....

posted August 28, 2013 02:46 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hippichick:
norain:
, if one can, in one refuses again and again, and cries again and again...then I walk.

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.....madness....

posted August 29, 2013 09:43 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by NoRainNoRainbows:

And once again, standing a back and not getting into the 'vortex' is proven to be the 'healthier' answer....

my other question about this, is what is the intentions of misinformed people who encourage 'woe is me' people to be like they are or that this is the 'right track' to their happiness.....
'like a bicycle encouraged to go at top speed until it smashes hard and straight into a brick wall!'

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agreed!

I dont think people really encourage the woe is me type, I certainly hope not!

If they do they cant be just misinformed but plain stupid!

I keep thinkin about my mother...a terrible one, but raised by my grandma who wasnt the nicest person, according to my mother, while growing up. IF the scenario my mother paints of her childhood is correct, then my grandma would never had stood for it.

Maybe that is why my mother does it?

My grandma raised me and my bro in part and was never anything but sweet and kind. My grandpa also tells tales that contraindict my mother's perception of her childhood, tho my grandpa only came on the scene when my mother was 17.

My mother is one of those people who cant be alone for too long. She is always zapping somebody of their persoanl power. I have learned to deal with her, but sometimes....

She has to always be doing something, entertains "friends" that are not so good for just to have someone to do thing with, etc.

So, that I am throwing my thoughts back on myself, maybe her mother, my grandma, did indeed shoot her down as a child and that is why she is always about "poor me."

hmmmmm

posted August 29, 2013 09:55 AM            

Great topic!

I think the best way to deal with people who think no one suffered on earth except them is choose not to deal with them at all. These people are so full of negative energy and vibes ,it's a surprise they don't turn flammable!

posted August 29, 2013 10:26 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hippichick:
agreed!

I dont think people really encourage the woe is me type, I certainly hope not!

[b]If they do they cant be just misinformed but plain stupid!

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This cracked me up so badly today i don't know why lol.

Hmm with your mum, i don't know, is it possible mean parents become great grandparents? like the pressure to raise the kid they know isn't their's but they chose to do it anyway and so feel free to spoil the grandchild, like they would have never done to the child....or the 'older' if we do time, the person gets, the wiser they are?

but also you say your mums dad only came at 17, i was told more than once that if the dad isn't their for the child in the first 6 years of life, they become really unconfident people. A mother is needed obviously, but for a healthy child who believes in themselves, a loving dad is needed to. But yeah i know what you mean by the need to 'get away' from such people when it becomes a bit too much...

posted August 29, 2013 10:55 AM            

I SO WANT ONE TOO NOW!!

OMG