posted August 30, 2013 10:41 AM            

21 yrs old, she was born with a severe heart defect, 3 surgeries later and many years, the kid is just not right.

I have researched, and I know as a nurse there is this thing called "pump head." The medical community jokes about it and it is never disclosed as being a true affliction, but it is and I think my daughter has suffered from this and just plain lack of 02 to the brain before her corrective surgery at 3.

"Pump head" is when the patient goes on cardio-pulmonary bypass, the machine has to be "heparinized" highly, a blood thinner so that clots do not develop and send blood clots back to the body.

But there is a fine line when one is cuttin on the heart as to how much blood thinner is used, no almost always, NOBODY comes out of bypass nor open heart surgery without some afflictions, due from tiny clots "showering" the brain, ie: a bunch of little mini strokes.

Inutero her brain developed normally, once she was born, due to a general lack of 02, her brain didnt develop so normally.

JUST NOW, and they have been doin her particular corrective surgery 60 years are they beginning to talk about these kids as they grow up.

Upwards of 80% have behavorial issues. Live normal lives, but have experienced and still do a certain degree of behavioral issues.

I raised her as a normal kid, she went to a regular school, participated in PE, etc.

She has had violent tendincies since she was 8 mos. old that I frist noticed.

She got mad at me, at an airport and dug her tiny little claws into my face and wouldn't let go.

I did home daycare for years while I was going to nursing school and she was mean to the other kids, scratching them, biting them, lost a few clients due to such.

I sent her to jail when she was 19 for beating the crap out of me.

But I ended up talking the DA into letting her go, cause mentally, emotionally, physically I could not deal with it.

Since then she has totaled 4 cars, quits jobs or gets fired as quickly as she totals cars so now she is stuck at home with me.

I am financially xausted, and when the house sells my intentions are to purchase her a "beater" of a car, buy a tiny little house to put her in and take off to my dream of returning home to Indiana.

She got in a drunken rage last night and broke my storm door..thus the house is not showable, realtor blocked it from shows till Tuesday when I can fix this mess.

I called the cops and kicked her out.

Bfreind, who is not such the upstanding citizen himself, either, finally found her as she left with nothing, no id, no phone, nothing.

They came back to retrieve her phone and her clutch and she gives me a good right-handed slug to my left jaw. Kind of displaced for a moment, I have bad TMJ anyway, didnt do that any good, swollen and sore.

He got her out of here.

Cops tell me since she lives here they cant do anything about vandalizm, seems she has the right to come and go and mess up my stuff cause she lives here.

That is the background, my quandry:

I cant just throw her out. I am pretty darn sure she would not survive. No job, no car, no anything, her bf still lives with his parents so.....

It is far less stressful on me to keep to my plan, which I have been judged, persecuted and critisized for, to sell this house, I have alot of equity and will walk out with a bit of cash in the pocket, buy her a beater and a small house that will be in MY name (need a tax write off anyway with the amount of money I make) put her in it, then she will have been given the resources, leave the state and let her sink or swim.

I intend not to provide heat, cooling, water, calble tv, internet, etc, only a safe place and a car that she can rely on to get and get to a job.

In a way, it is selfish of me, for me...I have my own health problems and am having issues again due to the stress of the house selling venture.

But it is alot less stressful to carry thru with my plan than to throw her out with nothing.

I know alot of you do not have kids my ages, but we were all here, that age, in diffferent times and different situations.

O, and we have gone the mental health route. She charms the pants off therapists and refses to ever take any meds if she were deemed bi-polar or something.

Comments? Advice? Support?

thank you

posted August 30, 2013 01:18 PM            

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posted August 30, 2013 01:43 PM            

I think you are doing exactly the right thing.
I have two older sisters (41 and 42)
The younger of the two still has emotional issues from time to time but she used to be awful!
I've had dishes thrown at me - knives, remotes, phones, etc. My oldest sister and her used to get in big fights. Thankfully my oldest sister, though not violent at all could handle her own when needed. lol
The trouble one ONCE got messed up on Meth and drove 3 hours away, crashed my other sisters car which she had stolen. Then walked into some old womans house, took a shower and went to bed - thinking she was home.
Fights at school, etc. She'd fight men, she didn't care.
She didn't work for years and my mom who has very little was paying for her car insurance and different things.
I believe in the sink or swim idea. It's kind of like the saying, "You never know how strong you can be until it's the only choice you have."
If she sinks, she might hold a grudge for a long, long time but as we get older those things tend to go away.

posted August 30, 2013 02:51 PM            

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posted August 30, 2013 02:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hippichick:
Thank you Zander, still think I am doing the best for her I can, but many think I am doing too much.

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posted August 30, 2013 02:53 PM            

She is an almost water void, too.

She prolly has severe depression. She prolly does actions and has little idea why people react as they do.

You seemed to indicate this.

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posted August 30, 2013 02:54 PM            

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posted August 30, 2013 02:56 PM            

I am thinking the House system is wrong because it does not show planets in the 6th.

Terri, are you sure the time of birth is right?

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posted August 30, 2013 03:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Zander916:
An ex of mine that I had HUUUUUUUUGE problems with had an unusual chart like that too. Every planet just clustered together. 6 planets in one house with only Mars, Pluto (RIGHT on the asc), and Jupiter elsewhere aspecting them.

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Gemmy has a similar chart but she may have 12th house planets. I can't remember about that

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posted August 30, 2013 03:16 PM            

Funny thing she was induced and I have often wondered how much induction of a pregnancy, if any, has any factor on the native.

My nephew is a Virgo sun with a loaded 6th house, he has alot of allergies, but no major health issues.

posted August 30, 2013 03:18 PM            

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posted August 31, 2013 12:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
R of the 6th is in the 8th

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Yea, I think her health issues derive from the 8th at birth.

She really has no "health issues" now, but she is far from normal physically, lives a "normal" life, tho as I explained these kids will always have behavior problems.

Ceri posted on her chart a long time ago, and it was xcellent, but cant find it.

Will post this on astro to the others you mentioned.

I do what I have to do for my kid and me, but would sure love to have some more indepth understanding of her.

She likes to lament "I am going to die young anyway...."

8th....

Thanks again...

posted August 31, 2013 12:48 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Zander916:
An ex of mine that I had HUUUUUUUUGE problems with had an unusual chart like that too. Every planet just clustered together. 6 planets in one house with only Mars, Pluto (RIGHT on the asc), and Jupiter elsewhere aspecting them.

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Yea, when I first hand cast her chart at birth, was just getting into astrology then, intuitively I said "uh,oh....."

posted August 31, 2013 01:46 PM            

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posted August 31, 2013 02:19 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I am glad you are asking the other people for help, Terri.
Mention to them, if I don't see it, if they think your houses are wrong due to what she went through.
To me, I would think more of a 6th House emphasis would be there, so ask them what they think.
I will try to keep track of the thread.

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Thanks again, using placidius, and knowing when she took her first breath is the chart.

posted August 31, 2013 05:15 PM            

Is she on drugs?

posted August 31, 2013 06:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Kerosene:
Put her in an institution.
She's obviously not of sound mind.
I don't how the court lets her just go scott free...
Does she not get into trouble with the law?

Is she on drugs?

I would say kick her out but she seems unstable and will probably an break down and go on a mass murder rampage....

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lol!

Unless one is deemed homicidal or suicidal, one has to self commit.

And I just cant kick her out, like I have already said....I am doing this half for me too...and MY plans for the future.

Decided to play the sly role...do whatever it taked to get out! Had to do it with her dad, who killem himself when she was 9, can do it again!

posted August 31, 2013 06:36 PM            

I understand your plight..I am a single mother of 6 kids ages 21,19,18,17,15 and 6. My 21 year old was a unmotivated sloth who did what he wanted to do. Coming home wee hours of the morning, sleeping all day, argumentative, etc. He got thrown out on his a$$ with nothing. He didn't like it at first, didn't want to be out there but I didn't budge. It was rough for him and it upset me to see him go through those things but sometimes they have to learn the hard way. As painful as it is for a mother to see happen, it is what we must do by all means necessary to make sure that they become productive adults who can take care of themselves. My son realized he wasn't allowed to come back....he went and got a job and his own place to live. Now he realizes that it really isn't easy out here and has a newfound appreciation.

posted August 31, 2013 07:41 PM            

But I just cant! And this is where I think I am being selfish.

She has no car, no job, no nothing.

So, my plan, has been my plan for a while...set her up and leave...

With her issues, perhaps I will have to "care" for her for her life.

However, she has lived many lives, not only the above mentioned, her dad killed himself when she was 9.

Today I resoloved to do anything that will bring me peace and kicking her out is not what will bring me peace.

Sometimes I think her dad lives vicariously through her.

She and I have discussed this, she disagrees, tho, she is willing to entertain the thought that whatever overcame him is overcoming her.

I, when married to him, made, all kinds of allowences, I planed, I did this and that, put up with this and that, and that is what I am resolving to now...just to save me...

blessed be...

sad.

t~

posted August 31, 2013 10:12 PM            

I hate reading about you getting hit. I hope your jaw feels better.

It's obvious to me that you are doing the best you can with an extremely tough situation. Your plan sounds good to me, for what it's worth.

My dad was in a similar, though less dramatic, situation with my sister who is bipolar. Everyone wanted him to force her to stand on her own two feet, but he felt she was incapable. So she just ran riot over the family with her illness.

Only after he died did she have no choice but to get her act together for survival's sake. She made do for a few years, proving she was capable of it all along. But has cut contact with our family, and now I have no idea how she's doing.

I mention this to remind you that you're not alone, just in case you ever feel that way. And to give you hope~ maybe your daughter is like my sister who, under pressure, proved she can support herself after all.

Thanks for telling us your story.

posted August 31, 2013 10:21 PM            

His father left when he was a toddler and when I was pregnant with my 19 year old. Of course, I created the "monster" that he became by indulging him. Always giving into him and letting him get away with murder. It was a rocky road....

posted August 31, 2013 10:37 PM            

I am too scared to cross my parents.

Yeah when I see other people disrespecting their parents it's really strange to me.