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Author
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Topic: Baggage in relationships
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somethingexcellent
Knowflake Posts: 2517
From: vodka fine, I'm so divine
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted September 02, 2013 04:23 AM
  
Can you do it? Stick it through with someone who has baggage? It would make things difficult for me. I might be valiant and skillful at first, but after a while, it gets draining if the results aren't paying off for the effort.Observing others, I find relationships work best when there is equal footing. If only one person is bringing baggage, it tends to make things hard and I haven't seen very many success stories tbh. Either both people have to have issues or both people have to be reasonably functional and good to go - that's when it seems easier for the couple. It doesn't seem to be conducive when one person relies on the other, but the other doesn't need to rely on them in the same way. But how about you! By baggage, issues...I mean anything that lowers their quality of life: a traumatic past that still affects them, a hard life such as complications in their career, personal issues they still have yet to resolve such as depression, and so forth. IP: Logged |
hippichick
Moderator Posts: 3147
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted September 02, 2013 04:51 AM
O, my, you are speaking to the choir.I am doin it. Virgo dude has SO many issues...believe me SO many "mommy" issues and vaguely claims some sort of sexual abuse in the past. But he doesnt want to handle MY issues? Funny, tho, he keeps coming back. WE all have baggage and issues from former relationships. I am, unfortunately, willing to accept too much from another, and I shouldn't..but Pisces me will always take on all of another.... In answer to your query? Yea, until somebody becomes a total jerk (like former, (I hope) stalker dude) I will deal with more than my share of baggage I should.  But, that is just me! IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 4792
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted September 02, 2013 04:58 AM
Im guilty of finding potential in fixer uppers in the past...
You can't change them unless they want to change...
Unless love binds you I think it's a waste of time.
Also it almost never works out when two people are living in completely different circumstances. Which is why I don't date people well beyond my years even thou I have been tempted.... oh so tempted. IP: Logged |
hippichick
Moderator Posts: 3147
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted September 02, 2013 05:09 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
Unless love binds you I think it's a waste of time.
tempted.... oh so tempted.
wow! excellent! Should be a song lyric! IP: Logged |
FruitTreeFresh
Knowflake Posts: 169
From:
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted September 02, 2013 08:58 AM
They say "Men don't settle down. They surrender".Can your persistency makes a man fully chained to you? Is that the only way to make a man stay for you? IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 46398
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 02, 2013 09:19 AM
I think my son just met his soul mate on a Christian dating site, as I wrote on another thread.To me, the charts are given by God to answer just this kind of question. One man's passion is another man's poison. We each have to find our own weirdo could be another way of saying it. True soul mate charts are rare. Ian has one with his wife. My son's is very close, also. This is the way to do it, in my humble opinion  ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 5882
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted September 02, 2013 10:44 AM
quote:
Originally posted by FruitTreeFresh:
They say "Men don't settle down. They surrender".Can your persistency makes a man fully chained to you? Is that the only way to make a man stay for you?
Where did you get that dribble from? It's absolute nonsense. If I weren't married, I can have a different date lined up every day for the next fortnight without even trying. Men don't surrender and don't get chained. You should know that. It's about personality and charisma, and ultimately resources also buys power. Men stick to women and their families out of love. In the absence of love, many men can walk as easily as women. So, don't nag and nag a man. Or play mind games to entrap a man. That doesn't work. And don't get fooled that men get less attractive in their middle age. You know as well as I do that it's not true, and quite to the contrary, the reverse is often true. So, if you think an old short bald guy with resources can't get a bunch of 20 something's tagging along, you are deluded. Granted, those leeches are highly undesirious, but my point is that scummy men can walk easily. . IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 46398
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 02, 2013 10:53 AM
It's about personality and charisma, and ultimately resources also buys power. True ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 2380
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted September 02, 2013 10:58 AM
quote:
Originally posted by FruitTreeFresh:
They say "Men don't settle down. They surrender".Can your persistency makes a man fully chained to you? Is that the only way to make a man stay for you?
Actually the opposite, keep in mind men no more like clingy women then women like clingy men. For me the key is to keep things interesting and not stale, it has little to do with resources more about being unique.
IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 5882
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted September 02, 2013 10:59 AM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Men stick to women and their families out of love.
Out of love and only love. IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 2856
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted September 02, 2013 07:52 PM
quote:
Originally posted by FruitTreeFresh:
They say "Men don't settle down. They surrender".Can your persistency makes a man fully chained to you? Is that the only way to make a man stay for you?
Didn't work for the Beldam who had a similar philosophy with kids... 
http://youtu.be/abbUC2qgtMg?t=14s IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 2856
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted September 02, 2013 07:56 PM
quote:
Originally posted by somethingexcellent:
Can you do it? Stick it through with someone who has baggage? It would make things difficult for me. I might be valiant and skillful at first, but after a while, it gets draining if the results aren't paying off for the effort.
I didn't realize that there were people without unresolved issues (ie, baggage) of some kind out there. That is it seems to come with the territory, like sharing a bathroom, it's pretty much inevitable. Granted, some people have more than others, but I find it hard to believe that there's someone without ANY baggage whatsoever. Maybe I'm not understanding the question. IP: Logged |
FruitTreeFresh
Knowflake Posts: 169
From:
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted September 02, 2013 08:55 PM
Resources meaning?IP: Logged |
somethingexcellent
Knowflake Posts: 2517
From: vodka fine, I'm so divine
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted September 02, 2013 09:29 PM
quote:
Pixie: Granted, some people have more than others, but I find it hard to believe that there's someone without ANY baggage whatsoever.
Well obviously! But did you not see this to help specify as the opposite of having baggage: quote:
reasonably functional and good to go
IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 2856
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted September 03, 2013 12:37 AM
quote:
Originally posted by somethingexcellent:
Well obviously! But did you not see this to help specify as the opposite of having baggage: *"reasonably functional and good to go"*
I did, but I must've misunderstood (I was tired and distracted). I'm still a wee bit confused... ETA: No, I get it now, it's a measurement about how many or intense issues people have. As best as I can say, I've been (and am with) people who had issues that were bad with others were still OK with me, they seemed to get over their issues for the most part (with rare flare ups, and I learned to avoid certain triggers). That is to say just because they're dysfunctional with some people doesn't mean they're dysfunctional with everyone (though they can be). I'm clear and upfront with my boundaries & triggers so they don't have to figure them out and thus minimizing unnecessary drama. I have gotten into relationships with wild nut cases before, but that was because I jumped in too fast and luckily I had sense enough to jump back out just as quickly. As I got older I learned to be more careful and haven't had problems since. IP: Logged |
FruitTreeFresh
Knowflake Posts: 169
From:
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted September 03, 2013 08:17 AM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Or play mind games to entrap a man. That doesn't work.
I don't play games but some men buy into it. They just simply fell for it. In fact, all too easy. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 2380
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted September 03, 2013 08:29 AM
quote:
Originally posted by FruitTreeFresh:
I don't play games but some men buy into it. They just simply fell for it. In fact, all too easy.
How funny, one of my dictums is one is not really in a relationship until you have your first argument, so may as well get it out of the way quickly.
IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 5882
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted September 03, 2013 10:48 AM
quote:
Originally posted by FruitTreeFresh:
I don't play games but some men buy into it. They just simply fell for it. In fact, all too easy.
I have my hand on the eject button most of the time. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7327
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted September 03, 2013 12:21 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
Actually the opposite, keep in mind men no more like clingy women then women like clingy men.For me the key is to keep things interesting and not stale, it has little to do with resources more about being unique.
Actually that's not always true, As a man I can say I like clingy women. If a woman isnt clingy she isnt into you, atleast that's been my experience. However there are exceptions to every rule.
IP: Logged |
MetalAphrodite
Moderator Posts: 1383
From:
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted September 03, 2013 03:27 PM
It depends. I'm willing to deal with baggage as long as it doesn't threaten my livelihood, meaning, I will not sacrifice my health worrying over problems you are not willing to deal with as well. I've been through a lot of shiz too and I am not perfect by any means, but this is my baggage to lug around until I unpack it little by little before finally discarding the need for it altogether. A person who expects you to pull the weight of their own baggage on top of yours is just no. You're going to kill me at this rate. I can't help you, or anyone else, like that. I am an independent woman, but I also enjoy the company of a partner. I want to be able to share with him and be near him. I take it that a guy who isn't willing to spend time on me is better off being single or with another person anyway. I don't consider this clingy. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 2380
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted September 03, 2013 04:56 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Padre35:
[b] Actually the opposite, keep in mind men no more like clingy women then women like clingy men.For me the key is to keep things interesting and not stale, it has little to do with resources more about being unique.
Actually that's not always true, As a man I can say I like clingy women. If a woman isnt clingy she isnt into you, atleast that's been my experience. However there are exceptions to every rule.[/B][/QUOTE]Hmm, what I've found it to mean is they have a hole in their personality or life that they believe somehow a man can fill. Does not really work like that long term AG, initial attraction wears off and that hole is still there and guess what comes next? IP: Logged |
FruitTreeFresh
Knowflake Posts: 169
From:
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted September 03, 2013 11:56 PM
A kind of feeling like an empty cup. Like you are watching the person dating someone else but you are not really dating that person because there is no depth in the relationship and its leading nowhere.It's as though watching people enjoying in the playground where you are behind the glass window, only watching and imagining you are part of their life - just watching. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 32024
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 04, 2013 08:49 PM
Don't we all have baggage of some type?Too bad we can't defragment our brains like a computer. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 32024
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 04, 2013 08:49 PM
Don't we all have baggage of some type?Too bad we can't defragment our brains like a computer. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 32024
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 04, 2013 08:49 PM
Don't we all have baggage of some type?Too bad we can't defragment our brains like a computer. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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