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Author
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Topic: Men don't settle down. They surrender.
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Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 5332
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted September 11, 2013 09:03 PM
  
Of course guys do this, you can't force your lady to do your 'bidding' unless were in the Arab world. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 2401
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted September 11, 2013 09:32 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
Of course guys do this, you can't force your lady to do your 'bidding' unless were in the Arab world.
Works both ways, but the vast majority of men do not realize this factoid. IP: Logged |
MoonWitch
Moderator Posts: 1250
From: The Beach
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 11, 2013 09:38 PM
quote:
Originally posted by FruitTreeFresh:
Now I know this post is going to get many naysayers from men but I do feel that some men just only stay on with women who can trap them.By trapping techniques, they are
1) clingy
2) seduction
3) make his friends her friends
4) make him feel lonely Your opinion on this?
I think this is very demeaning to men in general. Give most of them a little more credit.
IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 2924
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted September 11, 2013 11:40 PM
Men would find marriage valuable if they had something to prove (like "not gay" or "good family man worth voting for"), felt obligated to family (be it to make grandchildren for mamma or for some informal alliance of families), or that pesky love thing that people come down with at times that would want her to be considered family, able to visit in the hospital in emergencies, want covered by insurance and other bennies, etc (or conversely, be covered by her insurance and bennies), and presumably tax purposes in some cases (I hear wildly divergent accounts on whether this is a good or bad thing so I guess tax law varies wildly state to state and probably income to income). I vaguely recall someone describing that married men in the military get more pay and bennies, too. And then some men even want children, and more importantly they want the children to have his surname. If these things aren't a concern then I see no reason for men to marry. And there are women who also shouldn't marry as it's not in their best interest or what they really want, either. Depends on what is desired and what is not. IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2560
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted September 12, 2013 04:15 AM
The men who are traditional and keen on marriage (just for the sake of being married) often have the mindset that their wife will mother them, cook for them, iron their clothes, make pretty babies, take care of the pretty babies and etc etc
In response to Padre's Q^Oh and also... as I was saying its about meeting family and social expectations, making their parents happy.. appearing more mature and responsible to the world - fitting in with other married men at work (so they can hang out, have drinks, watch sports, bi*tch about their wives and show off with their affairs). Single people tend to get socially snubbed by all their married friends, after a certain age.
It's a weird question to ask what men get out of being married - because they basically get the same things women get, give or take a couple of things.
It's easier to be married from a financial perspective as well... buy a house, pay your mortgage etc.
Soooo many ppl care about this superficial stuff.
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Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 2401
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted September 12, 2013 09:05 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
The men who are traditional and keen on marriage (just for the sake of being married) often have the mindset that their wife will mother them, cook for them, iron their clothes, make pretty babies, take care of the pretty babies and etc etc
In response to Padre's Q^
Do such women exist? 
quote:
Oh and also... as I was saying its about meeting family and social expectations, making their parents happy.. appearing more mature and responsible to the world - fitting in with other married men at work (so they can hang out, have drinks, watch sports, bi*tch about their wives and show off with their affairs).
I rarely hang out with the married guys from work as they just seem miserable. To me they seem very much like the dog at the table waiting for crumbs to fall off of the table. Suspect why that is, basically they stopped being men with their own interests that they demand time to cater to and instead became sort of "yes dear, whatever you say dear" types of guys. It makes them fundamentally unhappy yet they won't make demands and there they are..watching sports on TV and sucking down booze just happy they got that small chance to cater to themselves.
quote:
Single people tend to get socially snubbed by all their married friends, after a certain age.
A situation that is optimal actually, it saves the bother of turning down their offers. quote:
It's a weird question to ask what men get out of being married - because they basically get the same things women get, give or take a couple of things.
It's easier to be married from a financial perspective as well... buy a house, pay your mortgage etc.
Hmm, w/Divorce running at 50% that is one hamster wheel I'd think twice before spinning.
quote:
Soooo many ppl care about this superficial stuff.
Nah, I think today both parties have to be wide eyed when it comes to marriage and know the benefits and the pratfalls. Marriage w/children especially has become a sort of Nashian prisoner's dilemma. Though tbh, Fruit Tree Fresh was no necessarily asking about marriage per se, it seemed the OP was more aimed at underhanded things women can do to get a man to commit to a monogamous relationship.
I've forgotten which poster said it, however it was something like "women have the power of sex" (only a bit more explicit)
Men for our part have the power of commitment, we can always walk away. IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 5953
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted September 12, 2013 09:23 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
The men who are traditional and keen on marriage (just for the sake of being married) often have the mindset that their wife will mother them, cook for them, iron their clothes, make pretty babies, take care of the pretty babies and etc etc
In response to Padre's Q^
Err... Not me !!!
I have no need for any woman to take care of me! In fact, I do most household tasks better than most women!! I can't give birth or breast feed. There you go. I need a woman for that. I wanted children and always wanted a traditional family, and I looked forward to marriage all my childhood and finally got married to have the family I wanted. You guys are pretty much focused on your perspective and none of what Padre said applies to me!!! You guys just go on being your single selves. Bid you happiness. Just don't take a royal dump on my parade. I'll withhold my profanities. IP: Logged |
FruitTreeFresh
Knowflake Posts: 218
From:
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted September 12, 2013 10:35 AM
quote:
Originally posted by MoonWitch:
I think this is very demeaning to men in general. Give most of them a little more credit.
I'm sorry. :/ IP: Logged |
mockingbird
Knowflake Posts: 2113
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted September 12, 2013 11:37 AM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Err... Not me !!!I have no need for any woman to take care of me! In fact, I do most household tasks better than most women!! I can't give birth or breast feed. There you go. I need a woman for that. I wanted children and always wanted a traditional family, and I looked forward to marriage all my childhood and finally got married to have the family I wanted. You guys are pretty much focused on your perspective and none of what Padre said applies to me!!! You guys just go on being your single selves. Bid you happiness. Just don't take a royal dump on my parade. I'll withhold my profanities.
Ditto. For my part, I'll look at marriage as getting to live with, share my life with, support, and constantly have sex with my best friend. I see no downside. ------------------
I love it when people use the word "sheeple".
It lets me know not to take them seriously.
••••••••••••••••••
If I've included this sig, it's because I'm posting from a mobile device.
Please excuse all outrageous typos and confusing auto-corrects. IP: Logged |
mockingbird
Knowflake Posts: 2113
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted September 12, 2013 11:42 AM
Except cover wars ಠ_ಠ Although buying (non-fitted) sheets and blankets one size larger than the bed we sleep in has led to a cessation of hostilities on that front. Once again, serious face ಠ_ಠ ------------------
I love it when people use the word "sheeple".
It lets me know not to take them seriously.
••••••••••••••••••
If I've included this sig, it's because I'm posting from a mobile device.
Please excuse all outrageous typos and confusing auto-corrects. IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 5953
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted September 12, 2013 11:56 AM
quote:
Originally posted by mockingbird:
Ditto.For my part, I'll look at marriage as getting to live with, share my life with, support, and constantly have sex with my best friend. I see no downside.
I see only upside. Lots of upside.
Not least of which I don't get to have substandard sex anymore. I actually get to have sex with a most gorgeous woman that I actually love, rather than have to gird my loins at the sight of females out of desperation in the most undesirable locales and inopportune moments. And any woman wants a man who doesn't care about looks, great for you. And great for the guy who says he doesn't care about looks. Over here, my penis doesn't move if the woman isn't sexy. Flame me all you want. Not to crap on their turf, but they shouldn't take a dump on mine and expect me to be happy. And I don't take sh1t from anyone sitting down.
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YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 5953
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted September 12, 2013 12:18 PM
quote:
Originally posted by mockingbird:
Except cover wars ಠ_ಠ Although buying (non-fitted) sheets and blankets one size larger than the bed we sleep in has led to a cessation of hostilities on that front. Once again, serious face ಠ_ಠ
At home, we have two Queen comforters for our King bed. That takes care of the cover wars because we both toss and flip over, thus dragging the blankets to one side.
IP: Logged |
libraschoice77
Knowflake Posts: 1123
From: past, present, and future
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted September 12, 2013 12:29 PM
Whatever happened to the idea that a man CAN fall in love with a woman and want to marry her because he feels great being with her? Now there has to be some hidden agenda behind why a man would want to ever marry?! Oh she made me do it, oh I couldnt say no to her, oh she tricked me, yeah right lol. If any man or woman feels like love is a burden, then by all means stay single, and leave the marriages for people who treat love as gift...NOT a burden! I cant stand romantic atheists. IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2560
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted September 16, 2013 02:02 AM
Poo!
My post got deleted in the glitch. I'll sum up briefly...Padre - I was answering about men in general and why they might want to get married. I know you personally don't feel this way. The "power" discrepancy you mentioned is not so obvious from my perspective - as men can also have "the power of sex" - and many women have no interest in commitment. & Women who are the typical house wife do exist in many cultures around the world. You were asking if they exist, and they do. YTA - I think you already saw my post but in any event I was saying - you didn't marry for the sake of being married, but rather - because you met the right person (although not many people are as lucky) ... so my post did not apply to you. IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2560
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted September 16, 2013 02:12 AM
I wanted to add something else to the thread because I think it fits in with the topic...
Earlier today I overheard two guys having a conversation about how all their other friends are married and they're not. It was quite strange because its the kind of conversation I'd expect girls to have. Both were dressed in construction worker uniforms and having lunch near me. They seemed kind of 'macho'-looking, but obviously I don't know them - so that could just have been my interpretation. One of them had a strong Scottish accent and the other guy was Aussie. The one with the Scottish accent was very loud so I could hear everything he was saying. He was lamenting about his age and how he wants to be a father and saying he would want to marry an Australian woman while he is here (although I partially wondered whether he is after a visa- but he seemed genuine). The other guy was saying he wasn't worried about it because he has a gf and he thinks she'll be his future wife. The Scottish guy started prodding him and asking why he hasn't proposed but the Aussie guy got embarrassed and changed the subject. It was just funny to hear them talk about this! IP: Logged |
somethingexcellent
Knowflake Posts: 2723
From: vodka fine, I'm so divine
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted September 16, 2013 04:01 AM
quote:
Padre35: The more poignant question for men:
-What advantage for men is there in getting married?
-What advantage for men is there in being a monogamous relationship?
TBH, organically I do not see many advantages for men in either scenario.[/B]
I don't think you should view relationships in an advantage/disadvantage light - I think that, if you'd be happier one way or the other, then that should be reason enough, no? Unless you're actually engaging this person for a reason other than romance (sugar daddy/momma/baby?), which is a different story. And what do you mean "organically"? No really! I don't know what you could mean by that... IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 5953
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted September 16, 2013 08:21 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
YTA - I think you already saw my post but in any event I was saying - you didn't marry for the sake of being married, but rather - because you met the right person (although not many people are as lucky) ... so my post did not apply to you.
Odette,
I didn't just "get lucky." I wanted it all my life and worked extremely hard at it. I did everything I had to do to the best of my abilities, including getting into shape, getting the best career, being able to buy a home outright before marriage (without a mortgage) and preparing in every single way for the arrival of children, even before the right woman came along. Yes, I married for the sake of getting married. I started preparing at 5 years old when I entered kindergarten. There was an objective, and I worked towards attaining my goal. Any girls who were not prone to raising a family were avoided. Maybe for sexual encounters, but never for a relationship. Many guys are just plain lazy at that with their stupid bachelor lifestyles and expect happy marriages to fall on their laps. IP: Logged |
Faith
Moderator Posts: 5644
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted September 16, 2013 10:05 AM
quote:
Originally posted by mockingbird:
Except cover wars ಠ_ಠ Although buying (non-fitted) sheets and blankets one size larger than the bed we sleep in has led to a cessation of hostilities on that front. Once again, serious face ಠ_ಠ
I joke that you can always tell what season it is in my house by who has all the blankets. In the winter, he's got them, and in the summer, I've got them. 
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FruitTreeFresh
Knowflake Posts: 218
From:
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted September 16, 2013 10:10 AM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Odette,I didn't just "get lucky." I wanted it all my life and worked extremely hard at it. I did everything I had to do to the best of my abilities, including getting into shape, getting the best career, being able to buy a home outright before marriage (without a mortgage) and preparing in every single way for the arrival of children, even before the right woman came along. Yes, I married for the sake of getting married. I started preparing at 5 years old when I entered kindergarten. There was an objective, and I worked towards attaining my goal. Any girls who were not prone to raising a family were avoided. Maybe for sexual encounters, but never for a relationship. Many guys are just plain lazy at that with their stupid bachelor lifestyles and expect happy marriages to fall on their laps.
Oww..inspiration! Yea I should earn as much as possible while young before the right guy propose with a Cinderella shoe 
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Faith
Moderator Posts: 5644
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted September 16, 2013 10:14 AM
quote:
Originally posted by libraschoice77:
Whatever happened to the idea that a man CAN fall in love with a woman and want to marry her because he feels great being with her? Now there has to be some hidden agenda behind why a man would want to ever marry?! Oh she made me do it, oh I couldnt say no to her, oh she tricked me, yeah right lol. If any man or woman feels like love is a burden, then by all means stay single, and leave the marriages for people who treat love as gift...NOT a burden! I cant stand romantic atheists.
Well said. Romantic atheism doesn't bother me, people can be as grim as they want, but there are people who stay married 70 years and complain it wasn't long enough. I see no reason to suspect that these people are living a lie.
IP: Logged |
Faith
Moderator Posts: 5644
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted September 16, 2013 10:21 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
The men who are traditional and keen on marriage (just for the sake of being married) often have the mindset that their wife will mother them, cook for them, iron their clothes, make pretty babies, take care of the pretty babies and etc etc
I actually enjoy doing all that stuff and don't consider it demeaning~ I just like what I like. HOWEVER, there is always more to life than just the domestic front. Most housewives/mothers that I know are great people with varied interests. Society looks down on us, but we tend to see ourselves in a different light altogether. It's baffling to me, the huge discrepancy between the stereotype of the modern housewife ("desperate," stupid, docile) and the way modern housewives actually are (the ones I know are all smart, ambitious, organized, and fun.)
IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 5953
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted September 16, 2013 04:45 PM
quote:
Originally posted by FruitTreeFresh:
Oww..inspiration! Yea I should earn as much as possible while young before the right guy propose with a Cinderella shoe
Nothing beats having your own wealth accounts and being able to purchase real estate before anything happens. You want freedom from having to rely on some stupid guy, work hard, do well, succeed and excel at your career. Then, you can tell any guy who mistreats you to F Off. IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2560
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted September 16, 2013 06:12 PM
Faith - quote:
don't consider it demeaning
It's not demeaning. quote:
the huge discrepancy between the stereotype of the modern housewife ("desperate," stupid, docile) and the way modern housewives actually are (the ones I know are all smart, ambitious, organized, and fun.)
Yes - It's a crap stereotype... like many other stereotypes.
I try my best not to stereotype. I don't like it when people are simply - lazy though - and some of the men who go into it for these reasons can be *lazy*.. or they simply have the expectation their wife will do everything for them (rather than being grateful for what she does).
Unfortunately I know a handful of Indian men who have this mindset (thinking they basically don't have to do anything - other than bring in money). I am not saying it is only confined to Indian culture.. but I've met a bunch in this particular culture and I also have Indian female friends who always complain about them. IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2560
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted September 16, 2013 06:22 PM
quote:
Odette,I didn't just "get lucky." I wanted it all my life and worked extremely hard at it. I did everything I had to do to the best of my abilities, including getting into shape, getting the best career, being able to buy a home outright before marriage (without a mortgage) and preparing in every single way for the arrival of children, even before the right woman came along.
Oh ok.. I see what you mean. Well in that sense my Cappy Mars gets you. I am also preparing myself for whatever may come - physically and financially because I want to be my best and I always challenge myself. However I don't have the *goal* of being married one day. I feel like - if I meet someone I want to be with and we can really make it work together, that's great... and if I don't, I don't.
It's just not something I have my heart set on at all.. possibly because I'm quite happy with my life being single. I was wrong in my initial reply about men who want to get married for the sake of being married - because obviously they don't all fit the exact same pattern.
Your own story is much more inspirational - and also a good reply to Padre's initial question: "What do men get out of being married?"...
Individual men can get different things out of being married and want to get married for different reasons. IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2560
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted September 16, 2013 06:25 PM
quote:
Romantic atheism doesn't bother me, people can be as grim as they want
Personally - I am not grim. I am just happy being single and don't want extra responsibilities in my life at this stage (unless I really met a person who was so right for me on every level that it would be *worth it*),
I think any relationship takes work.. and I am already working a lot in my life, in many areas... so ... I can't imagine adding on an extra work load and extra problems. When I'm ready for that - if the right person comes along - as I said.. I'm more than happy to go there.. but I don't really see it as a "goal" since I'm ok with things - however they may happen. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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