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Author
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Topic: Male sexuality shaming
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aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7604
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 22, 2013 11:40 PM
  
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
You think he just said "I like your ankle bracelet," with out any suggestive body language or gestures.
You must be pretty naive to believe him..Otherwise must of really disliked him to complain over something so trivial.
While most women ignore it when guys ask him out at my work place.. They're usually annoyed though lol.
I know the dude personally though. He is very quiet and shy, not the type to make a rude sexual comment. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 2542
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted October 22, 2013 11:42 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
You think he just said "I like your ankle bracelet," with out any suggestive body language or gestures.
You must be pretty naive to believe him..Otherwise she must of really disliked him to complain over something so trivial.
While most women ignore it when guys ask him out at my work place.. They're usually annoyed though lol.
Will say, have heard women say much much more suggestive things to male coworkers..no HR Dept called..odd that...  "Usually annoyed"...oh boy, think AG probably missed that..they are annoyed b/c..they don't find you attractive. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7604
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 22, 2013 11:48 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
I flirt at work, nothing like that intern dude, more "you look great today is such and such new" or something very low speed, not full on 12 am FB invites for sex..I'd think that is AG's idea of "male sexuality shaming" but not completely sure
Heck no lol. Wanna hear a funny story? You remember that girl I mentioned who wanted me to always pay for junk? Well anyways I invited her over to watch a movie one evening and she pulled that bs on me. At
that point in time we had been
seeing/talking to each other for
awhile and had been on a few
dates. When I asked her if she
wanted to come over she flipped out on me and accused me of only wanting sex. In reality I had not mentioned or implied anything about sex, simpl asked her over to watch a movie.IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 2542
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted October 22, 2013 11:51 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Padre35:
[b] I flirt at work, nothing like that intern dude, more "you look great today is such and such new" or something very low speed, not full on 12 am FB invites for sex..I'd think that is AG's idea of "male sexuality shaming" but not completely sure
Heck no lol. Wanna hear a funny story? You remember that girl I mentioned who wanted me to always pay for junk? Well anyways I invited her over to watch a movie one evening and she pulled that bs on me. At
that point in time we had been
seeing/talking to each other for
awhile and had been on a few
dates. When I asked her if she
wanted to come over she flipped out on me and accused me of only wanting sex. In reality I had not mentioned or implied anything about sex, simpl asked her over to watch a movie.[/B][/QUOTE]Well, to be blunt, did you want to have sex with her during your time together. Not necessarily that night IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 6401
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted October 22, 2013 11:56 PM
LOL... well mercury must of been retro because
"come over and watch a movie" means lets have sex on my couch.Maybe if you said I'll cook you some dinner that would probably appeal to her. A free meal! Somewhat romantic too
That's the only innocent way to invite your romantic interest over to your house!! IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7604
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 23, 2013 12:00 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
Will say, have heard women say much much more suggestive things to male coworkers..no HR Dept called..odd that... "Usually annoyed"...oh boy, think AG probably missed that..they are annoyed b/c..they don't find you attractive.
Well no sh*t sherlock, that goes without saying. The thing is I have had a girl flirt with me at work and I wasn't attracted to her at all. I can't stress that last point enough because I was the opposite of attracted to her. However I wasn't annoyed nor did I ever even consider reporting her because that would have been messed up.IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 2542
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted October 23, 2013 12:05 AM
That is how you handled it, could be they see it as why confront the other person when HR will do it and they keep their hands clean.Sounds cold no doubt, merely two different ways of handling confrontation IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7604
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 23, 2013 12:07 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
Well, to be blunt, did you want to have sex with her during your time together.Not necessarily that night
Well yes I am a red blooded straight man afterall. I was attracted to her and was dating her and that's what people who are dating tend to do .However i typically take things slow in that regard.
IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 2542
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted October 23, 2013 12:11 AM
Well AG, do you find her accusation so incomprehensible now. IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 3098
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted October 23, 2013 12:13 AM
I gave examples of why it's not shaming. However, manipulative behavior (like thinking she should bed you because you were nice to her) is a different matter. And in this case men do have it rougher than women, generally speaking (though OTOH women aren't supposed to be assertive so they're expected to be more manipulative instead), though I personally come down on manipulative women as I do manipulative men. I'm fine with honest lust, however, as long as they aren't obnoxious or worse about it. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7604
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 23, 2013 12:17 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
That is how you handled it, could be they see it as why confront the other person when HR will do it and they keep their hands clean.Sounds cold no doubt, merely two different ways of handling confrontation
I wouldn't consider asking someone out or being asked out to be confrontation,
nor would I consider flirting with or
complimenting someone to be
confrontation. However there are exceptions to the rules. If a guy is pushy or rude about it then yeah I think the woman has a legit reason to report a guy to H.R. I just can't see how politely asking a girl out or politely complimenting her is harassment or causing a "hostile work enviroment". That's why I have never gotten involved with a girl at work, I keep my distance.
IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7604
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 23, 2013 12:20 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
Well AG, do you find her accusation so incomprehensible now.
Lol I don't see your point at all. That's on her imo, if she had such a problem with that she shouldn't have been seeing me in the first place. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 2542
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted October 23, 2013 12:23 AM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Lol I don't see your point at all. That's on her imo, if she had such a problem with that she shouldn't have been seeing me in the first place.
Do you suppose she did not realize you wanted to make the beast with two backs with her. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7604
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 23, 2013 12:26 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
Do you suppose she did not realize you wanted to make the beast with two backs with her.
We were going out, we kissed and all that good stuff. She would have had to be naive to think otherwise. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 2542
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted October 23, 2013 12:27 AM
And yet her accusation makes no sense to you?I'd bet you said "..no I don't!..." IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7604
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 23, 2013 12:51 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
And yet her accusation makes no sense to you?I'd bet you said "..no I don't!..."
Your posts are kind of proving what I'm saying in this thread.You are basically saying her reaction to me was cool when it really wasn't. If you actually read what I said you would see that she accused me of "Only"( only being the key word here) wanting sex which
wasn't true at all. I liked
her as a
person and yes I also would
have wanted to have sex with
her at some point. Am I wrong
in assuming that most guys
would want to have sex with the girl they are/were dating? The
fact of the matter is she made
me out like I was a horrible
person for possibly wanting t
have sex with her, the girl I was dating. She accused me of only caring about sex, which wasn't true. I can understand why she might be against that but if she really had a problem with that she shouldn't have been seeing me in the first place. Instead she decided to launch an attack on my character and make me out to be a bad person because she thought I wanted sex. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 2542
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted October 23, 2013 12:58 AM
B/c you DID want sex with her AG!Why wouldn't you just be honest and say "sure, would love to"? You two were dating, she is not a coworker, if that is what you wanted, why not say so. As for her specific reaction and all of the dates etc, that cannot speak to, was not there, she clearly did have you pegged. As for being a bad person, could be she thought you were not living your intention (to have sex with her) and when asked, you lied about it. Not a defense of either party, merely an observation. Could be wrong.
Bow chicka...  IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7604
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 23, 2013 01:03 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Padre35:
B/c you DID want sex with her AG!Why wouldn't you just be honest and say "sure, would love to"? You two were dating, she is not a coworker, if that is what you wanted, why not say so. As for her specific reaction and all of the dates etc, that cannot speak to, was not there, she clearly did have you pegged. As for being a bad person, could be she thought you were not living your intention (to have sex with her) and when asked, you lied about it. Not a defense of either party, merely an observation.
Bow chicka...
Can you read? She accused me of only wanting sex and implied I was intending to make a move on her that night. That wasn't the case at all. I have no desire to deal with that.
IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 2542
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted October 23, 2013 01:06 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
LOL... well mercury must of been retro because
"come over and watch a movie" means lets have sex on my couch.Maybe if you said I'll cook you some dinner that would probably appeal to her. A free meal! Somewhat romantic too
That's the only innocent way to invite your romantic interest over to your house!!
I quote this for AG's benefit. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7604
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 23, 2013 01:16 AM
I highly doubt that would have made much of a difference. The bottom line is she obviously wasn't the one for me if she had such an issue with the idea of me potentially wanting sex. Even though it wasn't my intention to go down that road that night I can understand why she might have thought that. I would have been cool if she had just said " no thanks" but she chose to accuse me of things that weren't true and attack my character, that is not cool. I bet if I was a hot narcissistic bad boy she wouldn't have had an issue with the thought of me possibly trying to seduce her, such is life I suppose.IP: Logged |
hannaramaa
Knowflake Posts: 5861
From:
Registered: Nov 2011
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posted October 23, 2013 01:48 AM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
You have a point my friend but you also have to remember that female sexuality isn't seen as a threat the way male sexuality is.
Probably because there aren't as many cases of Female-to-Male rape reported, and if they're not reported they don't make the news, and if they don't make the news then nobody knows about them and therefore all we see are male predators, PLUS all the media brainwashing BS, PLUS age old gender stereotypes. Female sexuality is a threat to men (as a whole) because sexuality is a status symbol, in Western culture, if not all over the world. Sex is power. Men want power because if they have power, then it means they're needed, and men have an inherent desire to feel they're needed because it boosts their ego. If female sexuality wasn't a threat to men, Skyy Vodka ads would be of women standing easy holding a bottle in one hand and two cocktail glasses in the other over men tanning on beaches. ETA: However, the fact we don't have those ads running is also a good example of male sexuality shaming. The body language in such an ad is very obviously dominant vs. submissive (power vs. powerless) and the fact that men can't be seen as "powerless" is sort of the same as shaming them.
IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2728
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted October 23, 2013 05:56 AM
quote:
Imo male sexuality is something that is grossly misunderstood by most people today and it kind of irritates me. Just look at the media, it almost always portrays mens sexual side in a negative light. You also hear a lot of people guilt tripping guys by saying stuff like " You just wanna get laid" .
I have not read the other posts here - only your initial post.. so I don't know if I'm repeating things someone else has said.. I agree with what you are saying.
I've said something along these lines previously.
It reminds me of the Madonna/Wh0re dichotomy in women.. There is definitely a disconnect between the "intellectualised" "rational" supposedly "cold" and "in control" male image - and the more apey/animalistic/sexual/instinctual side to masculinity. And I agree that there is a lot of shaming happening.. and it only leads to more problems.. Because many men end up hiding their sexuality and behaving in odd ways.. like separating their sex life completely - from the rest of their life.. or being unable to be sexually attracted to a woman they love (and have an intellectual connection with) -- almost like they would "dirty" her image by being with her. Male sexuality is not genuinely *appreciated*, but then again neither is sexuality in general (mostly due to conservative and often religious perspectives).
Men are also treated in a simplistic way (in Western society) - as though female sexuality has layers and male sexuality "just is" - like it is simple, uncomplicated and kind of meaningless. I think we need to have a much more affectionate and understanding attitude towards sex in general, and towards male and female sexuality. I'm thinking..*Tantric sex* - but on a social level.. I know that sounds odd..
Maybe what I'm getting at is - an approach to human sexuality that is as respectful and appreciative of sex - on a social level... as tantric sexual practices are in a personal/private setting. I think we are far away from this though ^
And most traditional religious dogmas (constantly guilt-tripping people) are a huge road-block. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 2542
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted October 23, 2013 07:02 AM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
I highly doubt that would have made much of a difference. The bottom line is she obviously wasn't the one for me if she had such an issue with the idea of me potentially wanting sex. Even though it wasn't my intention to go down that road that night I can understand why she might have thought that. I would have been cool if she had just said " no thanks" but she chose to accuse me of things that weren't true and attack my character, that is not cool. I bet if I was a hot narcissistic bad boy she wouldn't have had an issue with the thought of me possibly trying to seduce her, such is life I suppose.
You hit on a key difference between "bad boy" and "nice guy" approaches, the bad boy would have been upfront and not cared what she thought aside from "yes" or "no". Either way they are somewhat detached from it. Nice guy will be personally hurt and somewhat confused at first, then angry, then bitter or what have you. When objectively all that happened is either you realize she is to mistrusting to be with, saving you time and effort on the wrong person, or what can happen is Mr "Nice" will then double down and turn themselves into a doormat for the her or the next girl that catches their fancy. I've seen exactly that play out dozens of times. Perhaps it is better to say male sexuality, unless it is overt and upfront, CAN be shamed for overall creepiness. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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