posted November 04, 2013 10:34 PM            

That said I believe it was the late 19th century when the Army licensed prostitutes to service soldiers who were carefully screened and it was a wildly successful program that reduced venereal diseases and the accompanying effects that hurt the army which back in that day could spell disaster. Natch, the fundies put a stop to that program, too. Life's supposed to be a veil of tears (especially for sinners) and they'll do everything in their power to make sure it stays that way.

(For that matter the states that have true sex ed have less teen STD and pregnancy than "abstinence only" states. All in all it's a mystery why so many conservatives continue to support abstinence only when it's proven to not work and it puts more people on welfare, and yet sometimes Republicans even approve to spend more money to make sure this proven government failure continues to be used which will burden the system further in other ways as well.)

ETA: in case it's not obvious I'm saying there is such a thing as caring without being puritanical and you can help someone be healthy about what they'll do anyway. If the military can do it then why not families?

posted November 04, 2013 11:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
I'm speaking realistically. Guess what? People have sex before marriage. And they generally do so in their teens. At least she is an adult. I am a conservative. But I also live in the 21st century. Parents who are too rigid and strict cause children to rebel. Maybe moving out would be the best thing for her. There is nothing the parents can legally do to alter her behavior. In fact, her strict upbringing is probably the cause of it.

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Well. I run a tight household. My teen hasn't had sex and has no intention of doing so prior to marriage. It is strictly enforced by his mother as well. The consequences are too great to fathom and he understands that it isn't worth it. And it's not about being a teenager till 18. Even at 30, the rules will be enforced.

So it's all about parenting and the failure thereof. You being "realistic" only fosters the break down of social values and the breakdown of the differentiation between what is righteous and what is wrong.

I'm conservative and proud of it.

You sound like you'll endorse handing out condoms because "kids do it anyway." I took the ones my kid received straight to the Headmaster and returned them to him.

posted November 04, 2013 11:34 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Well. I run a tight household. My teen hasn't had sex and has no intention of doing so prior to marriage. It is strictly enforced by his mother as well. The consequences are too great to fathom and he understands that it isn't worth it. And it's not about being a teenager till 18. Even at 30, the rules will be enforced.

So it's all about parenting and the failure thereof. You being "realistic" only fosters the break down of social values and the breakdown of the differentiation between what is righteous and what is wrong.

I'm conservative and proud of it.

You sound like you'll endorse handing out condoms because "kids do it anyway." I took the ones my kid received straight to the Headmaster and returned them to him.

You underestimate the power of proper parenting.

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posted November 05, 2013 12:09 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
^^

Just curious, why do you think you're different? That is, you seem to be the odd one out of your family, very different from the rest. Is it astrology (that is very different placements and synystry with them than say your sister) or did you have some other influence?

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i think i am different from what is expected from someone my age, because I've never dated or had sex and am going to turn 24. I'm aware that to most people this would sound weird. but prior to that incident i did not feel that different from my family since sex is forbidden in our religion before marriage...but anyway those seem to be old rules only fools would follow, and i was told i was weird and different by my sister who was the only person that could understand what its like to make such choices nowadays so i have to admit she is right, because it really isn't as if I had society backing me up on this. And i don't want to sound as if i am having some sort of paranoia delusions but i'm pretty sure that if my mother didn't say anything it is because she sees how this whole rigid education turned out for me (at least she believes it is because of this) and she doesn't want her kids to end up this way (i am not talking about not having sex by a certain age which is definitely not a big deal but i guess not having some sort of social circle, failing at whatever ones do etc is)

posted November 05, 2013 05:06 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ueharaa:
a lot depends on the social environment though. If your son is surrounded by people his age whose parents mostly agree with your views on sex and marriage then it will be efficient. However if he's hanging out with teenagers who put an emphasis on sex and such, it can be more difficult. And it is even more difficult when they leave the house to go for college or to live on their own

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posted November 05, 2013 05:40 AM            

we heard your side of the story and ofcourse people are the 'good guys' in their side of the story.

if you cared,you would've found the right way to speak to your sister directly. What i see is you've been kind of 'locked'up by your religion (i didnt have sex when i was 24, but to me it was if my heart says no, then no, i can't hurt myself or anyone else at that level...and believe me when i say boys try they really do try)
and there is some jealousy that someone so close to you and younger is more 'liberated' than you...so u are trying to find excuses to take it away,and are using your parents as a tool.

yes tell her about the dangers of std's and unwanted babies, but honestly i don't get the vibe of a stupid girl from ur story about her.

....sex is such a personal issue i find people that invade other people's 'lifepath' about it, very...well very much against my liking.

do you work btw,or study or something, because most people who have some sort of control on any of these things in life don't feel the need to get involved in other people's sexual lives, siblings included.

also you say it is against your religion to have sex before marriage...but it's okay to pry into other people's privacy?

i think you are trying to validate yourself by condemning another and that is just wrong.i can't think of any religion that excuses that tbh.

also don't know if u realize this but when people come from open minded societies...they are less likely to do very questionable things, than those who come from close minded one's where religion is used as a tool of repression and control, than a betterment of the quality of life for all.

posted November 05, 2013 05:42 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
I'm speaking realistically. Guess what? People have sex before marriage. And they generally do so in their teens. At least she is an adult. I am a conservative. But I also live in the 21st century. Parents who are too rigid and strict cause children to rebel. Maybe moving out would be the best thing for her. There is nothing the parents can legally do to alter her behavior. In fact, her strict upbringing is probably the cause of it.

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posted November 05, 2013 05:23 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by NoRainNoRainbows:

oh lord,i'm going to go against my better judgement and answering this thread....

we heard your side of the story and ofcourse people are the 'good guys' in their side of the story.

if you cared,you would've found the right way to speak to your sister directly. What i see is you've been kind of 'locked'up by your religion (i didnt have sex when i was 24, but to me it was if my heart says no, then no, i can't hurt myself or anyone else at that level...and believe me when i say boys try they really do try)
and there is some jealousy that someone so close to you and younger is more 'liberated' than you...so u are trying to find excuses to take it away,and are using your parents as a tool.

yes tell her about the dangers of std's and unwanted babies, but honestly i don't get the vibe of a stupid girl from ur story about her.

....sex is such a personal issue i find people that invade other people's 'lifepath' about it, very...well very much against my liking.

do you work btw,or study or something, because most people who have some sort of control on any of these things in life don't feel the need to get involved in other people's sexual lives, siblings included.

also you say it is against your religion to have sex before marriage...but it's okay to pry into other people's privacy?

i think you are trying to validate yourself by condemning another and that is just wrong.i can't think of any religion that excuses that tbh.

also don't know if u realize this but when people come from open minded societies...they are less likely to do very questionable things, than those who come from close minded one's where religion is used as a tool of repression and control, than a betterment of the quality of life for all.

i don't blame your sister for not speaking to you anymore, and your mother handled this well, by not making an issue of it. if anything she may have done the right thing to gain ur sisters trust, so that she could speak to someone who really cares about her without a doubt...

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I do not appreciate the fact that you make assumptions on my "inner feelings" about this story and blame me on no basis at all.
Clearly you haven't read any of my previous posts. Or maybe I explained myself badly. But to make it clear I tried to talk to her, i didn't say anything to my mother and when she found out I was the one who told her not to make a big deal out of this, and that's what we did. I have no idea where you got that jealous vibe, or anything else. Yes, i'm a 24 years old virgin and i know people would find this weird, it doesn't mean that i am eager to lose it (if i were, i would do it definitely).i know why i've made that choice and don't want to be judged for it the same way a woman sleeping with many men wouldn't want to be judged for her actions.
And thank you for the "do you work, or study" question, wow really, i am quite amazed at your sense of deduction. Hopefully for me i do not feel the need to prove anything to strangers on the web.
But honestly, either you didn't understand a single thing i wrote, or you like provoking people... Whatever it is, i don't want to know.

And yes, i do find it stupid to get drunk, leave with some unknown guy and not remember anything at all about what happened... I'm sorry this type of situation screams danger to me.
and for your information, i work, study and wasn't even at home when this happened but i still found out because it was obvious my sister was unwell when I saw her. And to add one more thing, i'm not some sort of an extremist. I do not understand who you were referring to when you talked about open mindedness.. I find it quite ironic how you assume that i am very strict on religion and such when you don't even know me or what my beliefs are ....

edit:
I also wanted to point out how you did not once made a comment on what you thin would have been the right way to handle the situation. I came here with what was to me an issue and asked for people's opinions on how to deal with it. I came here because I know people are usually good advice here and have very good insights. I did not came here and asked for understanding or pity or validation or whatever else. There was a situation that was potentially dangerous to me and I wanted to know what to do from there on knowing my family prone traditional views on sex. Notice how you simply attacked me and attempted to uncover my true self, that is painting me as an angry bitter jealous, stifled by religion, person. Oh and I forgot one who does not have a life to be dealing with other people's problem..

So because I am obviously an angry frustrated person who does not have anything better to do than answering your comment, I will point out a few more things in your post that surprised me:

I never said I was the good guy. I know that reading her private messages was wrong. I apologized for it. But I am glad I did. Not for me but because now she at least knows that if there is something wrong she can confide and ask for advice to my mother. And I believe that is important. Now this doesn't make what I did less wrong, this is why she hates me now but well I know why I did it, and I believe that since there were little collateral damages to this it was well worth it.

As I said I do not know what you base your assumption on me being jealous and frustrated on. What is it? Because I'm a virgin, you automatically assume that I am some repressed girl ? Do we live in the same world or are you as aware as I am that sex is the easiest thing to get for a woman? And no I was not kept locked up by my parents or anyone, there is no reason I would and my sister would not. Is that too difficult to understand that I am a virgin because of my beliefs (not necessarily religious but personal beliefs on sex and relationships) and personality?? Or do I have to justify of them too?

I never condemned her, if I did so please point it out to me. I never once made a judgement regarding her behavior. I only said I found it dangerous and reckless. So what ? Did I miss something? Is it not politically correct to call someone out on their reckless behavior?

And last but not least I would love it if you could explain that better "also don't know if u realize this but when people come from open minded societies...they are less likely to do very questionable things, than those who come from close minded one's where religion is used as a tool of repression and control, than a betterment of the quality of life for all." How does this apply to sex? Are you saying people who come from rigid families with strict religion are more likely to do questionable things? Is there some societal studies that were conducted to back this up? And what do you mean exactly by questionable behavior? Because I'll tell you what a "locked up by religion" (as you so wisely defined me)girl like me thinks. I think there is no right or wrong, no condemnable and questionable behavior when it comes down to sex as long as you keep yourself SAFE.

Now I would like to please stop making this thread about me or my sister. I believe the issue of teenage sex is a highly interesting and debatable subject, especially in an over-sexualized media industry. Many people here have made correct points although very different. I think it is even more important to see other people's views on such issue especially to avoid the sort of prejudiced people make once they hear about someone sexual beliefs or education.

posted November 06, 2013 08:43 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ueharaa:
And yes, i do find it stupid to get drunk, leave with some unknown guy and not remember anything at all about what happened... I'm sorry this type of situation screams danger to me.

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