posted May 28, 2014 05:18 PM            

Basically, I'm asking for signs that a date is going to be completely harmful to you, mentally, emotionally, and/or physically.

I'm not sure if anyone knows much about MBTI personology, but I've seen it said that INFP types(this is me) are not really aware of boundaries. The best way to seduce them is to push boundaries and act nonchalant about it as if it's no big deal and they will follow suit.

This is true for me. I become concerned with trying to use my energy to match theirs, that any niggling feelings of discomfort are ignored. Then way later, I ask myself what happened and if I was okay with it.

Idk if I'm just straight up lying to myself so I don't fortify self to stand up against this kind of behavior, like I understand what is happening in real time but don't want to voice my dissent?

Or maybe it's because I have to ask for red flag behavior, it's a big indicator that I'm not ready to seek a relationship?

posted May 28, 2014 05:39 PM            

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Originally posted by Randall:
That's a tough question. There are many types of bad apples, but one of the most common are sociopaths. They are very charming at first. They have no empathy or compassion, but they have learned how to fake it. I read an article on Yahoo or AOL not too long ago about early give-away signs of a sociopath. Hopefully, I can find it and post it. There's no changing them. They lack something in their psyche that makes us decent human beings. I once overheard a waitress complaining about how her bf cries at chick flicks. Well, at least he isn't a sociopath!

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The two most dangerous warning signs every woman should heed in dating:

1. Fearless Dominance

2. Self-centered Impulsivity

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1. Fearless dominance

Fearless dominance is (sort of) the more ‘useful’ half of being a psychopath.

Having fearless dominance means that psychopaths don’t experience anxiety and are not afraid of anyone or anything.

Far from seeming weird, psychopaths are charming and bold and don’t particularly care what other people think of them, unless they need to manipulate those perceptions in some way.

People high in fearless dominance are certainly not ‘mad’: they tend to be very outgoing people who are not at all neurotic.

There’s even a heroic element to fearless dominance. Some evidence suggests that those high in fearless dominance are more likely to help stranded motorists or break up fights in public.

Perhaps as a consequence, those high on fearless dominance may be more likely to end up doing well in traditional professions, or even becoming president.

2. Self-centred impulsivity

The darker side of being a psychopath is that they find it difficult to control their impulses.

If they want to do something, they just go ahead and do it; there’s no fear or anxiety to hold them back.

Psychopaths continually take risks, with no regard to the consequences. Psychopaths are also usually very manipulative and likely to engage in promiscuous sexual relationships and have the potential to commit crimes (although many do not).

Psychopaths are rebellious egoists and automatically blame others for their own mistakes, which means they rarely learn from those mistakes.

Research has shown that self-centred impulsivity peaks through adolescence (perhaps suggesting parallels between psychopathy and being an adolescent!) and then settles down with maturity.

This side of psychopathy, though, brings with it greater risk of depression and suicide.

Spot a psychopath

Psychopathy isn’t a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ decision, it exists on a sliding scale like other personality traits. But some combination of these elements—the fearless dominance and self-centred impulsivity—together are what make a psychopath.

It may be that their relative balance, one to the other, is what determines how successful they can be in everyday life. Their fearless dominance may help them succeed in some areas while their self-centred impulsivity brings them down.

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Source: http://www.spring.org.uk/2013/08/the-two-steps-to-spotting-a-psychopathsociopath.php#utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+PsychologyBlog+(PsyBlog)

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Here are some of the most notable traits of sociopaths from Hare’s Checklist:

Charm
Extremely high self-esteem
Lack of remorse
Habitual lying
Shallow emotional affect
Impulsiveness
Need for stimulation/prone to boredom
Promiscuity
Reliance on sociological strategies to deceive

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Source: http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2013/08/21/relationshipstrategies/how-to-avoid-d ating-a-sociopath/

posted May 28, 2014 06:32 PM            

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Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.

posted May 28, 2014 08:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
That's a tough question. There are many types of bad apples, but one of the most common are sociopaths. They are very charming at first. They have no empathy or compassion, but they have learned how to fake it. I read an article on Yahoo or AOL not too long ago about early give-away signs of a sociopath. Hopefully, I can find it and post it. There's no changing them. They lack something in their psyche that makes us decent human beings. I once overheard a waitress complaining about how her bf cries at chick flicks. Well, at least he isn't a sociopath!

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posted May 28, 2014 09:16 PM            

Tries to bond by trashing others. If someone talks trash about others to me behind their back then I know it's only a matter of time before they doing the same to me, so unless there's a really good reason for it then it's not a good first impression to make. Once in awhile is one thing (because everyone has bad days, vents, is sharing something without sugar coating, etc), but "habit" (especially when first meeting) is another.

Treating others s/he doesn't want anything from with dismissal or worse (not to say they have to be social, just not treating everyone else as annoyances or worse). Then I see anything nice done for me as an ulterior motive designed to get something from me without caring about me at all, and once they have whatever it is (or no longer want it) then I'll be the one treated that way.

Someone who goes on about how everyone screws them over. In that case I know it's only a matter of time before they say I screwed them over and I'm inclined to push them away as soon as I note it's an ingrained habit for them.

Those with no past would bother me. Not expecting them to disclose everything of course but if there's no family, no real photos, no signs that a person existed and that person isn't willing to expand on it over time as trust should be developing then I start worrying about all sorts of things, whether this person can be trusted and/or if this person has powerful enemies (on either side of the law) looking for the person with no past.

People with absolutely no impulse control. Spontaneity is fine, stealing is not. I still feel chagrined that one guy stole from me while I was making him a grill cheese sandwich (his saying he had hypoglycemia and asked if I would, so I did while I let him look through a box to show him his magazines I borrowed were not there in which he stole plenty himself, I recall thinking the box felt lighter as I returned it but had figured it was because after carrying the box and moving my arms around a lot cooking got my muscles warmed up which explained it instead of checking it right then). When I went to confront the guy and demand my magazines back I found he'd just lost his job (where I went to look for him) because of constant stealing. As he was such a Rush Limbaugh fan at least I struck a nerve when I told him to get on welfare and "steal honestly."

And I've heard of one guy so bad that he can't stop himself from opening a virus even when he knows it is one because it promised him some money or sex or whatever. He's so scared of missing something good that even after melting his computer several times he can't stop himself. And if that wasn't scary enough the guy had been cheating on his lover for years (finally busted after he used his lover's computer to maintain sex encounters after he melted his own again), and he didn't use protection. So if they're that bad about keeping their impulses in check (not that I expect people to be saints or repressed) then I keep them far away from me.

posted May 29, 2014 12:48 AM            

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Originally posted by MoonWitch:
I have to say that if you go out with someone to a restaurant - if they treat the staff / your waiter badly then that is a big red flag.

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posted May 29, 2014 01:06 AM            

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Originally posted by MoonWitch:
I have to say that if you go out with someone to a restaurant - if they treat the staff / your waiter badly then that is a big red flag.

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posted May 29, 2014 02:12 AM            

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Originally posted by Chiemi:

My *personal* Red flags are:
- if he seems pushy in any way.
- if he shows signs of being a victim.
- if he shows no real concern for anyone other than himself.
- if he bad mouths his ex/ pushes blame without any accountability on his part.
- if he constantly talks negatively about any women in his life.

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quote:

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I have to say that if you go out with someone to a restaurant - if they treat the staff / your waiter badly then that is a big red flag.

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posted May 29, 2014 02:15 AM            

The Sociopath Next Door http://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/0767915828

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Quote by Randall

They are very charming at first. They have no empathy or compassion, but they have learned how to fake it.

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posted May 29, 2014 02:24 AM            

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Originally posted by charmainec:
If he's obsessed with another female.

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Yes, total dealbreaker.

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posted May 29, 2014 02:25 AM            

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Originally posted by charmainec:
I agree with the statement about mistreatment or abusive towards animals and other people.

If he constanstly announces what a "nice" guy he is.. If you're nice, people will notice. You wouldn't have to CONvince anyone.

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posted May 29, 2014 10:38 AM            

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Originally posted by mercuranian:
if he talks about how "crazy" his ex/exes are

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posted May 29, 2014 10:46 AM            

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Originally posted by charmainec:
When he's constantly checking out other women and flirts with them in front of you.

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posted May 29, 2014 01:03 PM            

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Originally posted by Randall:
I disagree with that one. I'm literally a psycho magnet. I think the crazies are generally attracted to stable people. But I've chosen much better as of late. Charmaine and I have been two-gether for over three years now.

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My past two exes were similar and loves the security I provided, but were momma's boys who refused to grow up and wanted to control and keep me under their thumb.

posted May 29, 2014 01:07 PM            

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Originally posted by Chiemi:
And to answer your question, I don't think that by asking about Red Flag behavior this means that you aren't ready to seek a relationship. I think that if anything, it is good to know of the red flags beforehand so that you are not surprised nor wasting time on people who shouldn't get the time of day.

My *personal* Red flags are:
- if he seems pushy in any way.
- if he shows signs of being a victim.
- if he shows no real concern for anyone other than himself.
- if he bad mouths his ex/ pushes blame without any accountability on his part.
- if he constantly talks negatively about any women in his life.

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When we hung out with his friends when we were first dating, he was always going on and on about how his ex wanted him only for the D. After a while, I told him he needs to stop because it's disrespectful to me and it makes him sound stupid.

Ugh T__T.

posted May 29, 2014 01:11 PM            

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
We all love charm but if there is EXTREME charm, I would watch it. Also, if you feel you found Mr Wonderful finally, and he is the man of your dreams, I would watch it. Sociopaths can mirror what you want back to you in an amazing way. Hence, you fall in love with everything you ever wanted, play acted by them

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Sociopath in the making?