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Author Topic:   Alcohol and Escapism
Barbiegirl19
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posted June 26, 2014 03:15 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
DeepFreeze and I were talking and I'm not sure if many know this about me but before he and I met I was a severe alcoholic. There were many times that I even wrote things here and on LL while under the influence. I started drinking at a very early age and as soon as I turned 20 I started drinking heavier, when I turned 21 it became out of control. Whenever the opportunity was available I took it. I drank before work, never during I could never do that, and of course after. I would drink bottles by myself daily. I was in pretty bad relationships and grew up faster than any child at a younger age should have. I was depressed but hid under the "positive blanket" at all times. Never once did I talk to anyone about it deeply, randomly but never too deeply. I had had family counseling when I was younger and even personal but of course like any 16-17 year old I didn't want to talk to anyone about it anymore.

I'm pretty 12th house heavy and was very prone with escaping and for me getting drunk was my safe haven, to escape all things that upset and depressed me. Unlike many when I'm through with something I'm through and had finally hit rock bottom and had enough of killing myself. I got rid of literally everything that influenced me, moved states and even stopped being friends with all of my friends. I know this may seem harsh but for me it's what I had to do. I'm proud of myself for ridding of those triggers and reminders. I didn't do it for DeepFreeze, I did it for myself and I'm damn proud of it.

Im curious are there any others out there that struggled with alcoholism and/or escaping through it. Anyone else heavy 12th house? I'd love to hear all stories, failures and successes.

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BellaFenice
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posted June 26, 2014 03:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BellaFenice     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You should be damn proud of yourself- alcoholism is quite a battle to overcome and unfortunately not everyone is able to overcome it.

I only have Uranus in 12th (only lololol) and have never struggled with alcohol or any type of addiction (...yet).

However, your story does hit home for me. My grandparents were alcoholics and it pretty much destroyed my mom's family. My grandmother drank everyday and was addicted to cigarettes. She was a functioning alcoholic who did it to deal with my grandfather's cheating. It was tough because most of her children were teenagers at the time and she really wasn't all there for them.

Eventually, my grandmother decided to be proactive and kick my grandfather out of the house and overcome her addictions. It was really tough, but she realized her addiction and unwillingness to deal with the situation was hurting the kids. She moved with the kids and supported them primarily by herself. I have tremendous respect for my grandmother for overcoming both of these addictions, pretty much acting as a single mother, and being one of the most loving and generous people in the world.

I tremendously miss her everyday- it was really hard for me when she first died; I was the closest grandchild to her. Because of what happened to my grandparents, alcohol is a Pandora's box to me. I will drink maybe once or twice year, but because alcoholism runs in my family I know there is potential there and I do not want to test it. It also relates to the way I was raised, as my parents constantly stressed the importance of safety and moderation in drinking. My mother didn't want this for my family, so she changed the cycle and made this a priority.

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Barbiegirl19
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posted June 26, 2014 04:24 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you for strocking the ego for me Bella
Not but seriously thank you. I really appreciate it.

I'm so sorry that you lost such a beautiful person. You're so lucky to have had someone like her in your life and your parents sound just as great. My family found it funny with a person of my size drinking as much as I could, they were blind and couldn't see the pain I was in, pretty unfortunate and my father wasn't and still isn't present so you're very lucky. Don't ever substitute alcohol as the answer to any problem. You're doing awesome already!! Like you I have alcoholism on all sides of my family and not one person ever taught me how to be a responsible, un-dependent drinker. It's like its forever a competition and it's the greatest feeling knowing I was able to be free of that. I miss my family and friends sometimes but when I think of how bad I was I'm proud of myself for moving on.

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charlie
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posted June 26, 2014 04:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Me but I only have my 12th house planets in progressed chart.

Sun, Venus, Mercury, Mars, Asc in Virgo.

I used to drink ALOT. 5-6 STRONG martinis followed by a wine bottle everyday. Then I punished myself by super-cardio sessions in gym and I have no idea how my body held up! I detoxed myself by locking the door to my childhood bedroom in parents house and I was sick like a dog. Then I ran in forest until I cried from being so tired but all in all it has taken me 6 years to manage to control my drinking to the point where I can enjoy one glass of wine and not be needing 3 bottles and that is a power I fought for and no one can take that away from me.

I have also done my fair share of other drugs and managed to od on those.

I don't have an addictive personality however. My problem is that I don't have any gray zones. I am Black or White all the way and once I go Black it's to hit bottom so that I can overcome it. When that is achieved I will never do what I did again because that chapter is finished.

Those planets in 12H Virgo are also square a retrograde Neptune in 3H.

To struggle with alcohol demons is real and it's very hard to beat them.

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Ami Anne
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posted June 26, 2014 05:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't have 12th House planets. I feel like I need a LOT of anything like I don't get 20 collard plants, I get a hundred. I feel like I have to have enough, enough so I will be OK.

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DeepFreeze
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posted June 26, 2014 05:22 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm so proud and so happy that she did that. It's a very sad thing to me - alcoholism.

Ironically, having a 12th house stellium myself. I have basically zero tolerance for people who I view as abusing alcohol (or drugs). It's pretty harsh, but... it's just the way I am. It's an intense feeling for me.
It wasn't something that we really discussed, or even that I attempted to set any ground rules for. We talked about it later I guess, but... she explained it, and I trust her.
I grew up around alcohol myself, but with no desire to take part. I have drank, and I will, but I'm one of the once or twice a year people.
IDK why... I just have no tolerance for that stuff. I like my mind to be free... I always feel out of control. Perhaps my Pluto/Asc, wanting total control of myself. Or the virgo 12th. (Her planets are mostly Libra 12th)

I'm so proud of her! So happy... damn I can hardly even type this without crying.
She's talked about it and we talked today for some reason. It's like, I could just feel the pain that she was hiding, just from her story. She doesn't have pain now. I mean, just the circumstances of her life, not her facial expressions. Somewhat in her eyes I guess. It just made sense to me what it was all about. Plus, I know other things obviously that she doesn't share here. But, I'm just overly happy... overly thankful, that she is who she is today. I can't believe it. If I've only ever felt blessed once, it's now. Truthfully... some days I sit in wonder of what I ever did right to have her, to have this... to feel this. The love we share with each other. It's just mind blowing to me.

I know that she didn't do it for me. I know that she would have found her way to do it. But, I can't help to think that I at least made things a little easier. To escape that city, that place, those people... I think she needed that. It would have been a bigger struggle I think.

So, my 12th house escapism?
Suicide. Obviously, I'm here now.
It really was about escape, and not much more. I didn't have that feeling of worthlessness. Maybe hopelessness. Life was boring and it was a cycle. I looked at the big picture of society and saw lemmings. I saw slavery of sorts. For some reason.
I also felt that I needed to escape my own thoughts, my own mind, just... thinking. I needed to stop thinking.
With moon in 9th I also had strong desires to just not pay bills for a month or two and fly away. Just leave, without trace and without word. Just go... somewhere.

But, I don't have those thoughts and haven't for a few years.

I'm just glad that everything is as it is.
Her positivity and drive really inspire me. I always say... it's like she gave me springtime. My life went from winter to spring. I just love everything. It's a new life, with her here. I have sunshine... (Her sun in my 12th? Or Jupiter IDK) and I have growth. I really feel like I'm making progress in life - in the hidden areas. In the deepest parts of me and I just can't explain it.

I know we all have different beliefs but I can't help but to think that it's all been set up for us this way. That it wasn't just chance.

I usually don't worry about this private of information. It's a little concerning to share, but not really that much. I mean, that's who I was, this is who I am. If anyone wants to judge or use things against me it just shows me how small THEY are. That's my attitude and what I believe in my mind and heart. Be yourself and people can take it or leave it. At least you're being true, real.... honest.
I'm just happy for all of this... For me, for her, for us.... It's crazy awesome.
I get really emotional about her.

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DeepFreeze
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posted June 26, 2014 05:27 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm happy for anyone who manages to get out of these cycles.
Whatever your thing is.

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Faith
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posted June 26, 2014 06:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wow...

I don't know where to start. Thanks for telling your stories. Barbie, I never would have guessed that about you. Keep going strong.

Bella, your grandmother sounds amazing, so sorry you lost her.

My father was an alcoholic before I was born. (Side note: hmm, yes so it fits that I have Saturn in the 12H, right?) He went to AA meetings for as long as I knew him, but never touched a drink.

When he died, the church was full of strangers alongside friends and family. It turns out that were the struggling alcoholics who came to know my father through all the meetings he attended. You could tell who they were because many of them started sobbing when my uncle mentioned them in the eulogy. We had seen some of these folks at the hospitals while my dad was slipping away, but the crowd all there at once was big...very touching.

There's more to it but I'm talking too much today. All I want to say is that one person heals they have the potential to lift so many others up with them.

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Faith
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posted June 26, 2014 06:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wow and DF just read your post more carefully and caught some of your tragedy. Not sure if you want me quoting it, and I feel weird giving a dude a heart but, sending empathy your way.

Yeah I'm a delete-aholic because sometimes I am in the mood to reveal things, but the mood usually passes.

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Barbiegirl19
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posted June 26, 2014 06:07 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm very happy for you Charlie that you were able to overcome it. It's like you're even better than you were before you started drinking after you're done.

Unfortunately I do have a very addictive side and once I dig too deep in the bad it's very hard to pull myself out of it if I'm not willing. Thank God I was very willing with the alcohol, I didn't fight myself, I just let it go. I got drunk one last time before I quit and have been sober for over 5 months.

EDIT Violets and I posted at the same time! And I didn't even see your post Faith but thank you. There are many things people don't know because I'm so secretive. I'm very happy for you that your dad got the help he needed. There's nothing like growing up with parents who are alcoholics I'm telling you. When DF and I have children and they're old enough I plan to share everything with them and teach them the importance of being responsible and un-dependent of alcohol.

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Faith
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posted June 26, 2014 06:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by charlie:

I don't have an addictive personality however. My problem is that I don't have any gray zones. I am Black or White all the way and once I go Black it's to hit bottom so that I can overcome it. When that is achieved I will never do what I did again because that chapter is finished.

Glad you are doing better!

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ariestaurus
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posted June 26, 2014 06:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ariestaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Congrats! I think removing yourself from that environment, from those friends is key. It's a very difficult thing to overcome. Surrounding yourself with positive supportive people is so important.

My good friend suffered from alcoholism (mixed with antidepressants), as well as a cutting habit. She'd get drunk and cut up her thighs, arms, and would even burn herself. Was so horrible. She swallowed a bunch of pills once and ended up in the hospital and nearly died. She was 24 at the time. That was get rock bottom. She entered rehab and she hasn't had any incidents since. She still drinks a bit, though, which makes me nervous. She'll have a beer or a couple glasses of wine when we are out to dinner, for example. She says she has it under control but I still worry.

I'm also 12th house heavy. My sun, uranus and saturn are in there. I don't drink but I'm addicted to marijuana. Have been for over 8 years. I love it so much. I just like numbing out. Helps me escape from daily stresses and life in general. I don't know how I'll ever stop. I keep it hidden from others and you'd never know it if you saw me.

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Barbiegirl19
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posted June 26, 2014 06:28 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^I also mixed that with drinking and it is the scariest s hit ever. Take it one day at a time. You'll get to that point where you're tired of it ruling you and will want to get ahold if it I promise. Don't let anyone else persuade you, do it all on your own.

I'm soo happy your friend was able to get herself cleaned up. That's the scariest thing ever. I've swallowed pills and luckily never died from it. She's lucky to have a friend like you who cares. I would still worry especially with her background. Not one of my friends knew any of my deep rooted emotional and self hate problems, still to this day don't know how I never said anything. Guess that's that 12th house in full affect for ya lol. It took a lot to get where I am now and I'm very proud of myself for it. You'll get there too just take it one day at a time. I don't like letting things be in control of me, I wanna be in control of them.

Thank you for the encouragement, I wish you the best as well.

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Sibyl
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posted June 26, 2014 08:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sibyl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Alcoholism is such a scary addiction. It kind of sneaks up on you! I am currently graduating university and unfortunately I am seeing some of my friends headed well down that path. To be quite honest it terrifies me. It is all fun and games... Until suddenly it's not.

I think if you have already experienced some addiction issues with alcohol (or any other thing, really), the best course of action is usually complete abstinence (like you say). So well done on that! Stay strong.

For me, having an extreme personality type actually helps. If I get very drunk one night (or several nights in a row) I will probably swing over to the other extreme and abstain completely for several weeks (or months).

Please don't quote

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Doux Rêve
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posted June 26, 2014 08:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Doux Rêve     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You're really strong, Barbie, I am glad you could get rid of your addiction.
It's definitely not easy, I can imagine.
I hope you won't turn to alcohol or any other substance in the future.


And kudos to ya'll who've struggled with such tendencies as well...


Gladly I've never had to deal with severe addiction to harmful substances, but I did have periods in life where I'd drink quite often.
At one point it started feeling like a daily need, and it was scary. Didn't go too far though and I regained control.

I still occasionally indulge in alcohol but I can't drink much anymore due to my stomach. I know that's a good thing but I can't deny sometimes I'm ****** because I'd like to have a solid drink and can't, unless I'm willing to feel acute pain in the mix.

Anyway, I only have SN in the 12H. Sun sextile Neptune, fwiw.

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Barbiegirl19
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posted June 26, 2014 11:41 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@Sibyl Awe thank you. You're very fortunate! May that strong personality forever keep your head straight and your mind clear. I wish I'd listened to myself and stopped. Oh the dangers of alcohol, and to think that people just turning 21 look forward to them.

@Doux I don't see any reason to ever go back there. Alcohol was what I used to get away from life, the pain, and depression. I dont need to run anymore, be depressed anymore. I have all that I've ever wanted. I couldn't ask for a bigger support system than DF. I'm a lucky girl. Alcohol was also really bad for my stomach. It was terrible, I think that's also another reason I kept it going. I'd have horrible stomach aches and cramps all the time and being drunk I never felt it or cared enough to notice it. I'm proud of you for pulling through that and not letting it control you. Another reason why you're such a strong woman!

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Doux Rêve
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posted June 27, 2014 01:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Doux Rêve     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You're the strong one. =)

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Ami Anne
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posted June 27, 2014 09:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I know what it is like to put stress into your stomach. I am a cancer Moon and Mars. I could barely eat for many years. Now, I can eat a full meal which is a big accomplishment for me.
I went out to lunch with my son and had a salad bar and an entree and it was delicious. I have come back from really bad stomach issues to close to normal.

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http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Randall
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posted June 28, 2014 10:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm very proud of you.

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Randall
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posted June 29, 2014 08:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Barb, I mean.

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Barbiegirl19
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posted June 30, 2014 01:41 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
thanks guy. All of you. And everyone here who's had troubles with addictions. Be proud of yourself and stay strong. Whenever you think of wanting to go back down that path think of the way you were before you quit

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bansheequeen
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posted June 30, 2014 03:08 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was an alcoholic for a while. It started with drinking to ease the pain. Then it started feeling like my sadness was magically beautiful while I was drunk, but only while drunk. Sober I suffered. Drunk my suffering became magic. Of course drinking doesn't make you less sad, it actually made me even more sad. I don't know if I wanted the intensity or the catharsis or if I thought it would hit a wall and snap out of it. I always felt like I wasn't drunk enough, and would take various pills to feel more under the influence to take it to the next level. Maybe see where the edge was. Somehow this blurred into suicide attempts. Many not life threatening. One life threatening due to the combination of drugs I took.

I'm over that now. I have someone to live for. I have a reason to suffer, but I don't suffer so much anymore. I still drink, still do random drugs, but not for the same reasons, and far far less. Now I do it to escape with my boyfriend. Always in a positive light.

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Liliya
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posted July 02, 2014 11:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Liliya     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
.

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DeepFreeze
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posted July 02, 2014 11:24 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^^^
Gooooood!
That's what sweet peas is supposed to be all about right?
Oh, and sorry that I haven't gotten back to you.

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StarlightSmileSupreme
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posted July 02, 2014 11:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for StarlightSmileSupreme     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
When I was a teen I binge drank a lot and you know I am Libra 12 too, with some Virgo.

My mom called an ambulance for me once due to passing out from a bottle of whiskey. I was 16 at the time. My mom is a major pill head and had everything imaginable in her nightstand drawer so she panicked and told the paramedics I must have ingested her Vicodins, Limbitrols and Valiums with the whiskey which wasn't the case. It was just whiskey only too much.

After that, my mother was convinced I had a drinking problem like the old man. At that point I became convinced she had a problem with prescription meds, lol.

I outgrew all that. Now I hardly ever drink just once in a great while and nothing more than a Margarita at a restaurant or one can of Coors Light.

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