posted July 17, 2014 01:05 AM            

The only coping method I basically have right now is working out and cutting. I do not want to commit suicide, it's just the act of SI that makes me calm down. I work out obsessively, non-stop sometimes, because it distracts me from my pain, flashbacks, etc. I have felt very betrayed, violated, etc. in the past 5 months. When I am feeling really, really bad and cannot work out, I drink and/or cut myself.

Yes, I am aware I am a hallmark BPD case. I hate myself for all that I have done in my life. I wish I could disappear or be someone else for a while. SI is terrible and I feel bad for doing it; however, it is my only escape.

posted July 17, 2014 01:52 AM            

Always strive to keep your conscience clear.
Please don't deliberately violate it.

"THIS TOO SHALL COME TO PASS"

posted July 17, 2014 04:06 AM            

I would start by finding and reading blogs of people who have written about their BPD experiences and what methods they use to cope and how they are getting through life.

posted July 17, 2014 06:21 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by rajji:
The question is, are we going to wait the wrong or right way? If we wait the wrong way, we'll be miserable; but if we decide to wait God's way, we can become patient and enjoy the wait. It takes practice, but as we let God help us in each situation, we develop patience.
Patience is a fruit of the Spirit.

Always strive to keep your conscience clear.
Please don't deliberately violate it.

"THIS TOO SHALL COME TO PASS"

It is the tool against destructive behaviour.

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posted July 17, 2014 06:22 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
I know you said that you can't but you should try and seek professional counselling, at least someone to listen to you. Odds are that the majority of people you know will not understand BPD or be able to help you with this. Simply because these sorts of health issues are not discussed in schooling or life, so people have no idea what they are, or how they affect people.

I would start by finding and reading blogs of people who have written about their BPD experiences and what methods they use to cope and how they are getting through life.

---

posted July 17, 2014 09:24 AM            

However, the point is that you don't want to be this way and reaching out was the first and very courageous step.

I will be back

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posted July 17, 2014 12:39 PM            

While it may not cure you entirely (or it may, I don't know) I just want to mention that it's important to treat yourself to fresh, wholesome food. Nothing processed, no additives or artificial anything. In Ayurvedic medicine, "sattvic" food...freshly cooked or raw...creates an optimistic spirit, while anything stale or processed darkens the mind. Drugs can also darken the mind, so if you need to take any prescription meds, it is extra important to counteract that with the freshest food you can eat. And drink.
http://www.thelivingcentre.com/cms/body/peace-through-a-sattvic-diet

Best wishes to you, you are so wise, generous, and pretty, I hope you can see yourself the way others do.

posted July 17, 2014 01:16 PM            

As a person who's gone through the exact same I feel your pain. I cut a few times but turned to drinking exclusively. I struggled with issues with my weight, who I was and my life for years. Never talked to anyone about it except for a counselor I'd had at the time but stopped seeing, so I felt lonely a lot. I wrote a lot and was really good at hiding everything. I wore this fake mask everyday for years because I didn't want anyone to find out, I was very ashamed, and I think that's where I went wrong.

You shouldn't be ashamed. You should accept that you are doing this and seek other ways of coping with it. What helped me was finally accepting that I'd hurt myself more by doing what I was doing. I told myself that I was worth more, that I am who I am, that I have a purpose. I stopped dwelling on everything bad and started looking at all of the positives in my life. That's what's saved me. I found myself and never gave up on myself, by myself. Without help from other people.

posted July 17, 2014 02:03 PM            

But I will say this.

posted July 17, 2014 02:32 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Barbiegirl19:
**Firstly I think those that have quoted what she's said here should unquote it. When this has passed and she wants to edit her post, she should be able to do so.**

As a person who's gone through the exact same I feel your pain. I cut a few times but turned to drinking exclusively. I struggled with issues with my weight, who I was and my life for years. Never talked to anyone about it except for a counselor I'd had at the time but stopped seeing, so I felt lonely a lot. I wrote a lot and was really good at hiding everything. I wore this fake mask everyday for years because I didn't want anyone to find out, I was very ashamed, and I think that's where I went wrong.

You shouldn't be ashamed. You should accept that you are doing this and seek other ways of coping with it. What helped me was finally accepting that I'd hurt myself more by doing what I was doing. I told myself that I was worth more, that I am who I am, that I have a purpose. I stopped dwelling on everything bad and started looking at all of the positives in my life. That's what's saved me. I found myself and never gave up on myself, by myself. Without help from other people.

Just know that right now is only temporary and that this will pass. [b]You are full of worth and purpose. You just have to find yourself and once you do don't ever let that go. I'm actually crying a little bit because I know what this is like. Please don't give up, don't let anyone else tell you who you are. I will keep you in my prayers sweetheart. Stay strong!! [/B]

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posted July 17, 2014 02:34 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
I've been there but... if not in person. I'm not confident in my abilities to help. My communication is not really the greatest online.

But I will say this.

Care to join us? http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum27/HTML/001966.html

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posted July 17, 2014 02:40 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Faith:
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling like this.

While it may not cure you entirely (or it may, I don't know) I just want to mention that it's important to treat yourself to fresh, wholesome food. Nothing processed, no additives or artificial anything. In Ayurvedic medicine, "sattvic" food...freshly cooked or raw...creates an optimistic spirit, while anything stale or processed darkens the mind. Drugs can also darken the mind, so if you need to take any prescription meds, it is extra important to counteract that with the freshest food you can eat. And drink.

Best wishes to you, you are so wise, generous, and pretty, I hope you can see yourself the way others do.

---

Thank you for your kind words. They mean so much to me. You are wonderful. I totally agree that having a good diet is very important for emotional and mental health. I am trying to stay away from all processed foods and eat very naturally. I am glad that I have lost weight and felt healthier because of it since my weight went up and that really knocked my self-esteem.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I am really, really glad you shared. Was not able to read all but will come back and do do so.If you have these issues, it is not your fault imo
The chart shows our struggles. It sounds like Moon conjunct dejanira or Child conj dejanira.

However, the point is that you don't want to be this way and reaching out was the first and very courageous step.

I will be back

---

Thank you again Ami for your kindness and empathy. It is very appreciated.

quote:

---

Originally posted by BellaFenice:
I wish I could say something really profound and useful for you, but I really don't have any advice outside of what has been said. My sister went through the same thing, so I understand from a outside perspective the pain and hurt you are feeling.

Sending you positive vibes!

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posted July 17, 2014 02:59 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sweet-scorpion:
Thank you for your empathy and sharing your story. Also, I appreciate all your encouragements. I am trying to see what you said, that I have value and worth in this world... it's funny, I feel like people just have a way of breaking me down, and I've always attracted people like that into my life. Maybe it's a challenge for me to build myself up despite the opposition.

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posted July 17, 2014 03:41 PM            

I wish I could tell you some magic sentence and everything would get better instantly. I know your pain. I've been there too. You feel like there's no light at the tunnel, no one to turn to, no point in living, you're stuck in a dark alley.

However, harming yourself is not the right solution honey. I know it's far easier said than done and advice coming from strangers is sometimes dismissed but the truth is it always gets better. You know, going through hard times always makes you a better person afterwards and makes you more appreciative of what you have.

I know that right now you may feel as though your life is a major void but it's not sweety. There's always someone watching over you whether it'd be someone you know, someone you used to know, someone you're going to meet or simply the angels. You're never really alone. Plus, you have us on this forum, we're here to help too!

Please, do take action and talk to someone. Sometimes, it's necessary to open up to someone to let all that pain out. You can't keep it all in hoping to erase it by harming yourself. You're just going to hurt yourself in the process. It's hard, I know but you have to do it for your own sake.

No matter what happened to you, know that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Some wounds never fade away and never fully heal but the pain stops at some point whether it'd be due to the work of time or simply because you worked on yourself. Scars are meant to make you stronger and wiser.

You have to find a way to erase the past to create a new chapter. Harming yourself is just going to add to the pain you already feel. It's only a temporary relief and what you need is a permanent one. Whatever it is you're going through, you're not alone and it will get better.

Please talk to someone!

posted July 17, 2014 03:43 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by MineAgain:
I'm really sorry to hear that

I wish I could tell you some magic sentence and everything would get better instantly. I know your pain. I've been there too. You feel like there's no light at the tunnel, no one to turn to, no point in living, you're stuck in a dark alley.

However, harming yourself is not the right solution honey. I know it's far easier said than done and advice coming from strangers is sometimes dismissed but the truth is it always gets better. You know, going through hard times always makes you a better person afterwards and makes you more appreciative of what you have.

I know that right now you may feel as though your life is a major void but it's not sweety. There's always someone watching over you whether it'd be someone you know, someone you used to know, someone you're going to meet or simply the angels. You're never really alone. Plus, you have us on this forum, we're here to help too!

Please, do take action and talk to someone. Sometimes, it's necessary to open up to someone to let all that pain out. You can't keep it all in hoping to erase it by harming yourself. You're just going to hurt yourself in the process. It's hard, I know but you have to do it for your own sake.

No matter what happened to you, know that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Some wounds never fade away and never fully heal but the pain stops at some point whether it'd be due to the work of time or simply because you worked on yourself. Scars are meant to make you stronger and wiser.

You have to find a way to erase the past to create a new chapter. Harming yourself is just going to add to the pain you already feel. It's only a temporary relief and what you need is a permanent one. Whatever it is you're going through, you're not alone and it will get better.

Please talk to someone!

Sending you my love x

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posted July 17, 2014 03:45 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Barbiegirl19:
You're welcome, I'm happy I was able to share. I was the same way. I lived off of how people viewed me and how they wanted me to be. When I stopped giving a crap people like that were talking to themselves, I didn't and don't pay any attention to that. It definitely is challenging but if I can do you can too. You'll get there, it takes lots of patience and believing in yourself and when you do you'll feel incredible. Good luck

---

Thank you. I really need positivity right now... I want to separate myself from the egos and opinions of others, but I was raised to believe that looks are everything, so that also doesn't help my current condition. It's really tough but I know I have to keep fighting. I feel like the most difficult part is that I tend to have greater issues in romantic relationships; I both want one to take away my pain, but I want to run as fast as I can when a love interest comes around because of the possibility of rejection given my track record.

posted July 17, 2014 07:57 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by sweet-scorpion:
Thank you. I really need positivity right now... I want to separate myself from the egos and opinions of others, but I was raised to believe that looks are everything, so that also doesn't help my current condition. It's really tough but I know I have to keep fighting. I feel like the most difficult part is that I tend to have greater issues in romantic relationships; I both want one to take away my pain, but I want to run as fast as I can when a love interest comes around because of the possibility of rejection given my track record.

This is actually what led me to cut last night. Someone new is in my life and I felt rejected/abandoned by this person. It was probably only in my imagination, which only increased the sense of guilt.

---

I know. It's like whenever someone rejects me I automatically start thinking what's wrong with me. Even if they didn't really reject me and I just feel like they did. BPD is hard to live with.

posted July 17, 2014 10:56 PM            

You are one of the first people I communicated with on Lindaland, and one of the only people, since I am not very active on here. It was a while ago but I remember how friendly and pleasant you were to interact with, and you seemed so knowledgable about astrology! I'm so sad to read about how you are feeling.

It sounds like you don't realize how much you are worth. Your worth is not dependent on what anyone else in this world thinks of you or what anyone does to you. God created you as a special, unique person and you are a perfect creation. Stop wishing to be somebody else; you are here on this earth to be YOU (imperfect just like the rest of us).

You mention that you have done things that make you hate yourself. I don't know what it is that you have done but I hope you will find a way to forgive yourself for it. You can have a beautiful future if you let go of past mistakes.

Please draw a line for yourself and tell yourself you will NOT cross that line... injuring yourself is no longer an option. Try to use your Scorpio willpower to overcome your urge. And when you can, work with a professional to work through the underlying causes that make you want to do this. I think a large part of it is learning to love yourself and realizing you are worth too much to do this.

Are there other tools you can use to calm yourself? Meditation, prayer, listening to calming music, etc. Try everything and anything. You never know what might work.

Wishing you the best...
Let me know if you need an ear to listen...

P.S. Deleting this after sweet-scorpion sees it so NO QUOTING

posted July 17, 2014 11:59 PM            

I want to transform. It is a huge theme in my life. I hope to write a book about my experiences one day. I also hope to write a book on difficult astrological placements for helping others. I like how you said 'scorpio willpower', that is a very wonderful phrase... I have to acknowledge that I cannot baby myself, I need to STOP what I am doing, you are 100% right. I am getting a DBT workbook in the next 3 days. It's worth the expense. I really hope it helps me stop from cutting. Cutting will never fix my demons. I do listen to music and work out to help me. But I need to learn how to change my thoughts and escape my mental 'prisons' per say.

I would love to talk to you outside this site if you are interested. I can actually be a wonderful person to talk to when I'm not having a bad day... that's BPD in a nutshell I presume. I have a hard time regulating my emotions but I'm working on it.

posted July 22, 2014 05:18 PM            

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