posted November 12, 2014 05:42 PM            

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Originally posted by deepseablues:
My cat. Actually I have two but one of them is never around anymore and pretty independent I think he adopted someone else. But the other she is very needy and a scaredy cat, she was abused and abandoned like me and had clear fears of abandonment and has become even more protective of me since my partner is gone, so I will never abandon her or put her through that, so I stay alive for her. She is the only thing that has prevented me from killing myself many times. And she is one of the few things that makes me smile easily. She's such a cute little sweet pea. That's one of her nicknames, my little sweet pea (sometimes she's even in the rain!)

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posted November 12, 2014 05:44 PM            

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Originally posted by athenegoddess:
the fact that no matter how bad my life gets, there are people out there hurting more than i do. it motivates me to be grateful for everything i have and to give what i can to help make the world a better place.

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posted November 12, 2014 06:31 PM            

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Originally posted by PisceanDream:
When the road gets tough and you just can't seem to see a way out, what helps you through it? Honestly, nothing is keeping me going. I am merely existing.

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Isn't that a beautiful thing, though? Just existing.

I never think of that as the problem, always the solution. Not trying to be difficult, this is what I've actually been saying to people for years: "When my stress level gets too high, I shut off my mind and exist on the amoeba level. I just breathe, move, gravitate towards warmth..."

posted November 12, 2014 10:17 PM            

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Originally posted by PisceanDream:
That's so funny that you say that... I was gonna say my kitten too after I thought about it for a while. I love cats so much. My kitten really has made me feel so much better, like truly. I know exactly what you're talking about... So sweet Post a picture of her!

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Aw I am glad someone else feels the same way about their kitty. Same with the sleeping thing to avoid life, I used to try to sleep as much of my life away as possible. I don't do quite that anymore but I still love sleep even though I nightmare all the time and I need more of it than most for some reason. Sometimes I get stuck thinking I am the only one who feels this way about life/does these things. Nice to know I'm not alone. And not alone in being reclusive either. I guess that's the thing about us recluses, we're all being alone at home so don't find the others who do the same thing. Reminds me of this quote that went something like this "Introverts unite!! ... Separately, in your own homes"

And I will indulge in a photo... Or few so hard to choose when there are so many cute ones
This one for the cute and funny factor
Her having a sunny "cat bath" in the neighbours birdbath hehe

And this guy, used to be so sweet, gentle, trusting, wise and chill. Then he went missing for a week or two and had turned into a different cat plus barely comes around anymore. Breaks my heart. I miss him and his old self so much.

posted November 12, 2014 11:45 PM            

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Originally posted by Faith:
Isn't that a beautiful thing, though? Just existing.

I never think of that as the problem, always the solution. Not trying to be difficult, this is what I've actually been saying to people for years: "When my stress level gets too high, I shut off my mind and exist on the amoeba level. I just breathe, move, gravitate towards warmth..."

Mm..then again maybe this is the kinda stuff I shouldn't be saying out loud.

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I agree so much with you but I worry when I see that it becomes a way of life instead of a momentary fix. At times, it feels great to just *be* at the most fundamental, imparticular level of being. Other times, it feels like... Purposelessness. Aimlessness. Emptiness.

posted November 12, 2014 11:50 PM            

Because I got her at 5 weeks... Super young! She's so naughty and playful but when she's calm, she's so loving. SO caring and just loves to cuddle.

posted November 13, 2014 12:09 AM            

"I spend so much time building other people up and yet I don't know how to help myself." This is exactly how I am too... And I know this might not be a satisfying answer but I believe, in one way or another, this is my karma. A huge part of my vocation seems to me to devote myself to the wellness of others. Unfortunately, because I'm so unequipped to deal with it properly, I watch my spirit deplete in the process. But the real lesson that needs to be learnt by people like us is that we cannot constantly keep sacrificing ourselves for others, without dedicating the time to heal ourselves. I'm so sorry you're feeling the way that you do. But you will see 30 and I know so many people like you in this forum and we will all make sure you see 30 and even 90!

posted November 13, 2014 12:15 AM            

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Originally posted by athenegoddess:
so CUTE i love siamese.

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posted November 13, 2014 01:10 AM            

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Originally posted by PisceanDream:
@BellaFenice... Darling, it is a venting thread. To "keep going" is not an ideal way to live and that's why I know that so many of the people that are responding here are fighting their own battles. I don't want to probe into your life or anything like that, but, if you don't mind sharing, what's going on in there? Why do you feel like everything is going down the drain?

"I spend so much time building other people up and yet I don't know how to help myself." This is exactly how I am too... And I know this might not be a satisfying answer but I believe, in one way or another, this is my karma. A huge part of my vocation seems to me to devote myself to the wellness of others. Unfortunately, because I'm so unequipped to deal with it properly, I watch my spirit deplete in the process. But the real lesson that needs to be learnt by people like us is that we cannot constantly keep sacrificing ourselves for others, without dedicating the time to heal ourselves. I'm so sorry you're feeling the way that you do. But you will see 30 and I know so many people like you in this forum and we will all make sure you see 30 and even 90!

Thank you for opening up and fleshing out your worries before us. Something tells me what you're going through will ignite a turning point in your life... It's always darkest before the dawn.

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To be honest. I don't feel comfortable getting super personal, so I'll just say that I feel like a massive failure compared to people my age. I also got a reading that said I would have to wait until my 40s to feel happy, which is super depressing to hear. I mean its everything. My chart pretty much screams failure and disappointment.

posted November 13, 2014 07:40 AM            

This might be awkward... for a few... but so? lol

Let me throw this out there, as someone who's already gone through Saturn return.
Saturn is in my 10th house, and looking back... I can really see it, AND, be thankful for it! Saturn rewards you see? Like a nasty, painful test, and then big daddy says... "good job little one. You've passed".

At the beginning of my return, I had just finished college. (I went late) My first job, great people, great perks and benefits. Just awesome, but, I hated the job itself. So, I thanked them for being amazing. I let them know exactly what the deal was. (I'm an honest person) They thanked me and appreciated that I looked at other areas of the company first.
Second job after graduation. I was there a year. I hated that job more than any before it! I was actually fired for my poor customer service. (Imagine that! ) Then I was unemployed for about a month.
I took a job because I needed one. It was less pay though, and 40 miles away. When I got there, I really did like it but I wanted in this one department. As they only hired from the outside, people who were immediately ready to go. I felt hopeless about it. But I stuck with what I had. It was a nice job.
Long story short, I eventually DID end up in that department that I wanted so much. I love it! More opportunity lies ahead as well! Plus, I ended up moving closer so I'm only a 5 minute drive away! It took a while, and took some sacrifice. It took some patience, but the reward came.

So, is it terrifying? Heck yeah
Does it actually suck? HECK yeah

But is the reward worth it? HECK.... YEAH!

posted November 13, 2014 02:33 PM            

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Originally posted by deepseablues:
@PisceanDream she is soooooo sweet, that middle pic is heart melting, so innocent and trusting and full of love. And she has such beautiful blue eyes.

@BellaFenice a lot of what you have written is exactly how I feel. I am terrified of my Satrn Return and don't feel I will make it till 30 either and don't see anything getting better or better prospects on the horizon. And I have an afflicted Saturn with Saturn transit twelfth right before/during Saturn return... Terrifying, then as comes to Saturn Return it's going to make a bunch of nasty aspects not even including the Saturn conjunct Venus right before... And a Saturn square moon right after. I mean if things are this bad now how's it going to be during all that??! Jupiter return/transit 7th was awful and that's supposed to bring good things! So this Saturn Return.. I just don't see how it's going to be ok. It's amazing how many people post things on here that are EXACTLY how I feel yet in my real life I'm going through it thinking no one else is feeling/going trough these things and like everyones life seems so much better and easier and like they all cope so much better than me. I mean it sucks that people feel the same as I do but it's nice not to feel alone. This site is really helping me see there are others suffering the same feelings I am. For me lately I just keep feeling like I had the best years of my life a few years ago and was too depressed to even realize it. Now all those times and memories are all gone and flew by before I even realized how much worse it was going to get. Being depressed about life when I could have been enjoying the only person who's ever made me feel loved, my best friend at the same time but I was too full of self loathing and depression to enjoy the love and now it's all gone and I'm left picking up the broken shambles of my life completely alone. Feeling like I was the cause for someone's relapse... Ugh life feels so heavy sometimes. There's another vent from me.

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You have Saturn in 1st too!??!?! Yeah, I mean I already had Pluto go through 12th O_O, and that was a little tough to manage. I'm actually more terrified of Saturn going into 12th than the actual return, because if I feel so crappy now, I can't imagine how ****** Saturn in 12th is going to be. I had NO luck when Jupiter hit my 7th, which was really lame because love has already been a disappointment for me.

Honestly, some of the thoughts I post on here are things people have no idea that I am going through. IDK, I guess I feel uncomfortable talking about it, or maybe actually talking to people IRL will make me realize that things aren't okay. Probably just Pisces moon denial.

If it makes you feel better, I haven't even had anyone who has truly loved me, which is making me angry and bitter about life. They say life is supposed to get better for Cap Risers as we age, but if anything, I feel life is only getting worse. I have done enough 'lessons' and 'tasks,' why are more needed.

posted November 13, 2014 02:49 PM            

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Originally posted by BellaFenice:
To be honest. I don't feel comfortable getting super personal, so I'll just say that I feel like a massive failure compared to people my age. I also got a reading that said I would have to wait until my 40s to feel happy, which is super depressing to hear. I mean its everything. My chart pretty much screams failure and disappointment.

The scary thing is my saturn return is coming in two years and I don't know how much more I can take.

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posted November 13, 2014 05:20 PM            

A poem that has comforted me many times as life got really rough:

XXI. A TEMPEST.

An awful tempest mashed the air,
The clouds were gaunt and few;
A black, as of a spectre's cloak,
Hid heaven and earth from view.

The creatures chuckled on the roofs
And whistled in the air,
And shook their fists and gnashed their teeth.
And swung their frenzied hair.

The morning lit, the birds arose;
The monster's faded eyes
Turned slowly to his native coast,
And peace was Paradise!

--Emily Dickinson

posted November 13, 2014 06:57 PM            

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:

So, is it terrifying? Heck yeah
Does it actually suck? HECK yeah

But is the reward worth it? HECK.... YEAH!

Fear not.

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quote:

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Originally posted by BellaFenice:
You have Saturn in 1st too!??!?! Yeah, I mean I already had Pluto go through 12th O_O, and that was a little tough to manage. I'm actually more terrified of Saturn going into 12th than the actual return, because if I feel so crappy now, I can't imagine how ****** Saturn in 12th is going to be. I had NO luck when Jupiter hit my 7th, which was really lame because love has already been a disappointment for me.

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posted November 14, 2014 07:47 AM            

I accept that life comes with its highs and lows. So I just want to do what I do best - living my life. And well that's that.

And I'm grateful for what i have. Grateful that I've overcome difficulties. Grateful that I have what I strive for. So I take things in stride.

posted November 15, 2014 02:59 AM            

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Originally posted by 12muddy:
What keeps me going?

I accept that life comes with its highs and lows. So I just want to do what I do best - living my life. And well that's that.

And I'm grateful for what i have. Grateful that I've overcome difficulties. Grateful that I have what I strive for. So I take things in stride.

I have saturn in the 1st conjunct the ascendant too. Papa makes it rough, but he also gives the ability to deal with what he dishes out.

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posted November 15, 2014 03:01 AM            

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Originally posted by sxorpia:
aw cute kitten pics i’m getting a baby kitten sunday and its nice to hear having one helps you to maintain a certain level of positivity.

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posted November 16, 2014 03:44 AM            

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Originally posted by PisceanDream:
I got my baby kitten on a Sunday too! What breed? Oh, you're gonna have a blast but raising a very young kitten is quite a difficult task... I would know, since I got mine when she was 5 weeks (super young) But ugh, they are just too cute and truly tickle your soul

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I'm not sure the litter was found and he's the only one left that hasn't been adopted yet. I just know he's black and about three months old. I'm sure the vet will be able to tell. I had a girl tell me they're best to get when they’re young too.. soo I'm excited

posted November 16, 2014 12:08 PM            

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Originally posted by PisceanDream:
When the road gets tough and you just can't seem to see a way out, what helps you through it? Honestly, nothing is keeping me going. I am merely existing.

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