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Author
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Topic: My thoughts, and your perspective please.
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aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 11107
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted May 04, 2015 05:34 AM
  
Odette,
I'm a man and I can tell you that every single man I've ever met will tell you that a woman's looks is what draws him to her in the beginning. That goes for all men of all ages, not just young men looking to hook up.
However, that does not mean looks are the only thing that matters. Nor does it mean that men are only after sex. It just means looks are what gets a man's attention in the beginning. This is common sense stuff.IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 5376
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted May 04, 2015 05:46 AM
You have in mind just *one* pattern of -dating-.For instance, a man could find twenty different women attractive and never date any of them.. and he could marry his best friend (who he initially did not find sexually attractive at all) - but who he still has a fulfilling sex life with (because.. well.. lets say they worked on that with their sex counsellor!) So different things can happen. It's not so clear-cut. IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 5376
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted May 04, 2015 05:47 AM
Love your party thread idea btw!  IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 6365
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted May 04, 2015 06:52 AM
Aquaguy, suffice to say I find you, your way of communicating, and your habits frustrating as well.I'll withdraw my rant (that was here previously before I edited) on explaining why as I should do it when I'm not suffering insomnia and stressing out over things unrelated to LL. At least then I can be clearer...to others if not to you. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 11107
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted May 04, 2015 07:10 AM
And here we have the projection. So predictable. I am not being rude, I'm just telling you how it is. You have been periodically making comments like that since day 1 and I have ignored it for the most part. Now I'm calling you out on it and you don't like it so you are trying to point fingers on me.
I may say controversial stuff sometimes and people may not like it but I almost never make it personal. You, and several others, choose to make it personal when these discussions pop up. IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 6365
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted May 04, 2015 07:15 AM
Perhaps I'll diagram my sentences for you later and show you in no uncertain terms where you're warping my words (either that or realize how unclear I was). And maybe I'll show you just how rude you can be and also how hypocritical and if anyone is projecting it's you. But not now. And it wouldn't solve anything. But your constant "calling people out" doesn't solve anything for you either. IP: Logged |
LeeLoo2014
Moderator Posts: 11518
From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted May 04, 2015 08:53 AM
The Moon is full, not new yet I like your thread and I agree with what everyone said, including Aquaguy, go figure! Just teasing you, AG Both men and women nowadays can be looking for just sex. Traditionally, it has been a male "search", but there's a balancing with that. I view this as a sad, lower part of possible human interactions (mentioning I have done this myself, occasionally). Sex is very intimate and should be lived as such. It's up to us to establish standards for ourselves, thus opening the possibilities for fulfilling experiences. It's good to know the other side of the coin, the male view on things, but I don't think you should determine your behavior based on what men expect. I think you should ask yourself: do I want to sleep with a guy right away? Is this how I want things to happen, how I want to experience sex, intimacy and relationships? This should determine your behavior, your own expectations, what you want in life and relationships. I'd also like to say I think this idea is totally wrong: not having expectations. Of course we have expectations, we are entitled to give the best and expect the best. In the same context, I believe this "friends with benefits" concept is a bunch of crap, a very damaging emotional compromise leading to serious psychological and perhaps even physical damage in the long run, worse than having affairs, no offense.
This is my perspective. ------------------
I seem to have loved you in numberless forms... LeeLoo's Esotericorner Connect for updates IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 3360
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted May 04, 2015 09:42 PM
I really appreciate everyone's perspective. Thanks! I talked to someone at work today when I told her I had a friend with benefits she told me that's how her and her husband started out!
and she would tell her friend's she was just having fun. I still am not going to count on meeting a future husband this way, but you never know. I went out with someone today. It was nice to hang out with a guy after how wild I've been lately. IP: Logged |
Jo B
Knowflake Posts: 612
From: London, UK
Registered: Feb 2014
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posted May 05, 2015 05:32 AM
In my experience, guys are either simple or complex, you find that out on a case by case basis. I've slept with some guys pretty quickly, others after knowing them for a while (they're the ones that always turned out to be longer-term relationships) and some guys never because I just didn't feel that connection, although we remained friends. If a guy you sleep with quickly loses interest, he will probably be as shallow as you were to have slept with them in the first place, so there really is no point is expecting them to want a "relationship" if that's what you DO want. That's the mistake women often make (me included). The ones you spend time getting to know are more likely to be stayers should things get romantic. And men can quickly relegate even a long-term girlfriend to "casual", friends-with-benefits material if she does something that puts them off her. It doesn't usually work the other way round, ie, sleeping without knowing much about them and then entering into a romantic relationship. True I have heard of some couples who slept with each other on the first date and then later got married, but I wouldn't say that's par for the course, and who knows if they stayed married anyway. Anyway that was a rather long post for me. My attitude is not to expect too much from guys, then you'll never be disappointed.  IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 3051
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted May 05, 2015 08:15 AM
I've slept around quite a bit but have had 3 long relationships. The first one I slept with the first night we met. We lived together for 5 years. The second one I didn't sleep with until 6 months down the road. We lived together for 7 years. The last one, and current, took 1 week and we are engaged and live together. Should astrology play a part and be of interest: Nr 1-Pisces, Nr 2-Leo, Nr 3-Aries. Men are different and I don't think there is any way whatsoever, answering this question so that it becomes universally aligned. I also think One should always do what One wants to do but be honest with expectations and a possible future, or lack thereof, as this will minimize disappointments and unnecessary stomach ulcers. IP: Logged |
LovelyAries86
Knowflake Posts: 2016
From: OH, USA
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted May 06, 2015 01:51 PM
I meant to comment yesterday and didn't get to it. Excellent feedback in this thread! Really. I like the Truth - and it was told. IP: Logged |
LovelyAries86
Knowflake Posts: 2016
From: OH, USA
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted May 07, 2015 08:45 AM
quote:
Originally posted by hannaramaa:
They don't think less of you for giving it up, you just get put into a category. You would be surprised how many women think they can change a man's mind using sex. It's not going to work. If you have sex with them too early on it kills the chase and also makes them think you do that with everyone. And the longer you hold out, the more time they have to get to know you as a person.
A standout post. IP: Logged |
LovelyAries86
Knowflake Posts: 2016
From: OH, USA
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted May 07, 2015 09:01 AM
quote:
Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
Sex is very intimate and should be lived as such. It's up to us to establish standards for ourselves, thus opening the possibilities for fulfilling experiences. It's good to know the other side of the coin, the male view on things, but I don't think you should determine your behavior based on what men expect. I think you should ask yourself: do I want to sleep with a guy right away? I'd also like to say I think this idea is totally wrong: not having expectations. Of course we have expectations, we are entitled to give the best and expect the best. In the same context, I believe this "friends with benefits" concept is a bunch of crap, a very damaging emotional compromise leading to serious psychological and perhaps even physical damage in the long run, worse than having affairs, no offense. This is my perspective.
You nailed this!  I also do not approve of "Friends With Benefits". Excuse my bluntness - but if it's really *all* about sex between us...f*ck me and get the hell out of my face and out of my apartment afterwards. No talking and no sharing feelings, no cuddling, etc. Let's avoid confusion about what that was! Why be friends? Why go on dates? Whyyy "play house" if we are never going to actually be a couple?? DUMBEST sh*t I've ever heard of in my life. IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 3051
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted May 07, 2015 09:57 AM
quote:
Originally posted by LovelyAries86:
You nailed this! I also do not approve of "Friends With Benefits". Excuse my bluntness - but if it's really *all* about sex between us...f*ck me and get the hell out of my face and out of my apartment afterwards. No talking and no sharing feelings, no cuddling, etc. Let's avoid confusion about what that was! Why be friends? Why go on dates? Whyyy "play house" if we are never going to actually be a couple?? DUMBEST sh*t I've ever heard of in my life.
LOL! M-hmmm
IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 5376
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted May 07, 2015 05:28 PM
But what if you're already friends.. like close friends.. or best friends.. and you just want to have sex one day? Out of curiosity... or because you both realised there's an attraction (but you are not "in love" or wanting a relationship).I don't understand why people refer to casual sex as "friends with benefits". Either you are actually friends or you are not.
But I never throw the word "friend" around anyway lol
Facebook "friends" doesn't count. A real friend is someone who is there for you no matter what through thick and thin (regardless of their gender), someone who understands you and who you feel safe opening up to..someone you trust!
^ That's a *proper* friend. You can have a *proper* friend of the opposite sex, and NOT fall in love with them or want a relationship.
But maybe at some point over the months/years of your *proper* friendship... you think "why not have sex?" IP: Logged |
LovelyAries86
Knowflake Posts: 2016
From: OH, USA
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted May 07, 2015 09:56 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
But what if you're already friends.. like close friends.. or best friends.. and you just want to have sex one day? Out of curiosity... or because you both realised there's an attraction (but you are not "in love" or wanting a relationship).
Fair question. I've actually pondered my thoughts on this because I'm good friends with this one guy and we are now attracted to each other. He has a girlfriend though, so I wouldn't cross that line right now anyway. Because he and I are friends, enjoy each other's company, have amazing conversations together....sex would *especially* take things to another level between us. In this case, you're very prone to falling in love even if you don't intend to! Which can be amazing, if you both ultimately want to upgrade to a relationship. But if one of you "falls" and the other just wants to stay "friends"... 
Sex once or twice with a good friend? Eh...you may be okay, but it's still risky. Sex with this friend regularly? Feelings are bound to develop and show themselves in most cases. Which can cause confusion, and possibly end your friendship!
IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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