posted July 08, 2015 08:42 PM            

Can vulnerability be fluid? Maybe depending on who you are with or talking about (friend, family or romantic partner) I think a lot of it has to do with trust.

I ask, because I've wanted to write a reply a few times in this thread but when I do i catch myself and say: "Well, you can't really say that because remember that time with so-and-so when you weren't that way? That contradicts what you are about to say or how you've been with certain people before." It makes me question my own vulnerability, past and present and i can see how sometimes I am extremely open and then have huge walls around me. They both seem to ebb and flow, even within the same relationship or friendship.

I'm still trying to put my thoughts and experiences into sensible, relatable words and having a hard time with it.

I will say the word "vulnerable" kind of gives me cring-y prickles when I think of it on it's most superficial meaning and equate it to being "weak" "wounded" "needy" "susceptible or open to attack".

I think i've been vulnerable in both heathy and unhealthily ways. It's something that might go hand and hand with healthy boundaries?

Can one be soft and hard at the same time? Especially in the span of most relationships or friendships one is never usually static and only one way or the other.

I think i need to turn my music down and focus more.

Wanted to say thanks for the think.

I'll try to make more sense when i figure it out, or how it applies to my life and self. Maybe reading the rest of the pages here will help.

posted July 08, 2015 09:15 PM            

That all made PERFECT sense and I think many, if not all of us, will be able to relate to every bit of it.

Thanks.

posted July 08, 2015 11:19 PM            

Taurus Merc is still chewing on her mental cud. lol

quote:

---

I wonder how to talk about these things with my daughter. I don't want her to get the wrong messages, trust too soon, and become an emotional burnout. But I'm wondering what to say, really.

What do you think?

---

I'm sure you are doing a very fine job. You don't want to go the other way and have her too untrusting too soon either.

posted July 09, 2015 06:46 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PixieJane:
I'm curious about the "too explicit" aspects of talking to kids. It may prove useful to keep in mind someday, too. What does that mean?

Granted, part of me cringes as I imagine learning about how you got some explicit live demonstrations or something as you begged them to stop or what "people will do to you when they catch you" but I'd like to know...

---

No, nothing like that. No live demonstrations (thank god). Just a mom who wouldn't stfu.

I think like Faith mentioned, it's something you have to feel out with the particular kid. You could say something to one and it would rock their world and say the same to another and they might take it with a grain of salt. It's probably a motherly intuition thing. What might be "explicit" to one kid, won't phase another. You have to feel it out.

posted July 09, 2015 07:05 AM            

Your kids are lucky, blessed.

posted July 09, 2015 08:47 AM            

Sheesh, I have mixed feelings about coming here in the morning to read that when I'm not fully awake but in case this gets locked later...besides, this can hopefully be nipped in the bud rather than adding a bunch of weird drama over bizarre assumptions as I'm trying to get caught up on on emails and also in posting new threads which I don't ever seem to have the time or energy for by the time I'm done at LL.

I was specifically referring to THIS (emphasis added):

quote:

---

Originally posted by Faith:
My mother was also too explicit about everything, and would not stop talking despite my begging (!) It's just one thing that I managed to forgive while she was alive and we had a decent relationship, but that memory turned bitter after she died, along with many other memories, when I would have rather distanced myself from her than mourn. (To be totally honest...I think that's what I did. But I can forgive it as I was fourteen and had no guidance or clue as to what to do.)

---

And the part you can relate to about TALKING. As opposed to molesting. (Even in live demos I was thinking of showing all about menstruation to someone five, that would certainly have rattled me.)

I can't believe the bizarre way you'd interpret my question and literally have this sense of unreality like maybe I'm still asleep and dreaming this.

I also said it might be useful to me one day. I certainly wasn't asking "how to abuse" or "when does it become abuse" but rather I was wondering what some people consider "too explicit" to hear about when they were a certain age. Granted, if someone asked me to stop, let alone beg, I expect I would, but not everyone will ask so if I know something really bothered someone somewhere that it caused them lifelong bitterness I'd pay closer attention to how a child was reacting to what I was saying should I come anywhere near that (assuming I ever did) because I tend to be frank and honest in my answers (though I also typically wait to be asked, too, and when I have the luxury I like to show them how to find the answers for themselves).

As for "when they catch you" I was imagining say a talk about "stranger danger" and told that at any time a serial killer might jump out of the bushes and drag you away and then start describing Jeffrey Dahmer's deeds in detail. Or stealing your organs, there are some urban legends about people kidnapped who woke up in bathtubs covered in ice without their kidneys, and being told to watch out for that when I'm waiting for the bus. That would've been too much for me (not warning me about strangers--I wish I'd gotten more warnings than I did--but rather the details of Dahmer or kidney thieves legend) and would've bothered me well into adulthood. So when I tried to imagine what would cause such a lifelong reaction that was what I imagined.

posted July 09, 2015 09:47 AM            

------------------
Want to Read Simple, Fun,Sexy Articles on Astrology? Check Me Out, DUDE.

posted July 10, 2015 09:33 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Faith:
Thanks people.

Relative to the botch-up yesterday...

I think we're getting to a point in our collective relationship where we all kinda have baggage with each other, and that comes through, times like these, when what is said is taken for what could have been meant, all things considered.
We are not all 100% internally kind, and intuitive people can pick up on that in the strangest ways, but it's actually fine, because we can all shrug it off. I think we did. I just didn't want to walk away acting like it didn't happen. Maybe just because the sun is in Cancer opposing my sun, and tinkering with my judgment.

Anyway

---

Given that the only botch up from yesterday was when my post was wildly misinterpreted then "what could have been meant, all things considered" combined with being able to intuitively pick up when someone isn't being kind sounds to me like you're saying I had ulterior motives for asking what I did (despite that I was concerned of hurting kids the way you'd been hurt and didn't want to do that) and may very well been fishing for stories of molestation for my own perverted pleasures as I was accused of in a post that got progressively crazier with more bizarre assumptions being added in while ranting at me, and had it followed an older pattern (which I bet it would've had I not explained what I actually meant right then and there) more and more posts would've been added getting more and more heated until this thread was locked (and then more threads started over it which were also locked).

posted July 10, 2015 01:08 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Faith:
Thanks people.

Relative to the botch-up yesterday...

I think we're getting to a point in our collective relationship where we all kinda have baggage with each other, and that comes through, times like these, when what is said is taken for what could have been meant, all things considered.
We are not all 100% internally kind, and intuitive people can pick up on that in the strangest ways, but it's actually fine, because we can all shrug it off. I think we did. I just didn't want to walk away acting like it didn't happen. Maybe just because the sun is in Cancer opposing my sun, and tinkering with my judgment.

Anyway

---

This is brilliant, Miss Pisces Moon

------------------
Want to Read Simple, Fun,Sexy Articles on Astrology? Check Me Out, DUDE.

posted July 10, 2015 02:08 PM            

There was no need for a botch-up, PJ's question wasn’t even directed at T to begin with… Sheesh.

posted July 10, 2015 02:58 PM            

I don't know why her original post where she said she was not trying to start something was deleted and then edited with the statement about live demonstrations etc either.

I didnt read past the "Hell no!" of the next post either. So don't credit your explaining with the thread getting back on track Pixie.

It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who picks up on these things from this particular person (so i'm told). I've noticed other people bring it up to her before. There have been many times in the past where I've dealt with the same thing in reverse from this person - wildly assuming things about what i've said or twisting it into something it's not and challenging me and seeming to get a kick out of it. I've done a very good job at ignoring a number of comments here.

Of course you wouldn't see it LeiKuei, you seem quite fond of and friendly with her.

quote:

---

We are not all 100% internally kind, and intuitive people can pick up on that in the strangest ways, but it's actually fine, because we can all shrug it off.

---

More could be said, but it would not be worth it.

So again, i shrug.