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Author
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Topic: This might be controversial :-/
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charlie
Knowflake Posts: 3301
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 01:20 AM
  
I don't love my SO's daughter. She's 8 and extremely....everything I don't like-or rather, what my Cap Moon doesn't like. I know, she's young-but I've soul-searched myself and I am being honest. I care for her and would protect her from everything if it's in my power but I can't find love for her. Do I have a cold heart or is this normal??? (I don't have any children of my own) IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 11696
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 01:51 AM
I'll probably get flak for saying this but I think it's natural most of the time. I think most people can only truly have that motherly/fatherly love for their biological kids. Of course their are some people that can truly love kids that aren't their own but that is rare and special. Some may disagree with me on this but I have seen too much evidence to support my thinking to believe otherwise. I have seen so many situations where men and women get into relationships and both bring their own kids into it and its clear that each of the people favor their own biological child/children and it creates a rift between the man and the woman and f*cks the kids up. I think this is why the Good Lord wanted men and women to get married and stay married but most people don't want to hear that. IP: Logged |
Valentine
Knowflake Posts: 255
From: Canada
Registered: Dec 2014
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posted September 18, 2015 02:02 AM
Charlie no you don't have a cold heart. I actually left a guy because of his 2 kids.AG I agree with what you said, IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 6139
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 03:53 AM
Kids are people... Young people...You can't love everyone.
I don't think it's about her age necessarily. You're probably just incompatible. Did you look at your synastry/composite? There are people I love - and others I feel neutral towards, of very varied ages. I think that goes for many of us. I don't really agree with you AG.... IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 6139
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 03:54 AM
quote:
the Good Lord wanted men and women to get married and stay married but most people don't want to hear that.
... Right. What about people who cannot get along with their biological children, or parents?
And they might love a friend or someone else - as much as they would a family member, or more... Some personalities clash... Others are great together... It really depends on many factors. IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 6139
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 04:02 AM
Also... I'm sorry to get cynical here, but I think that - purely in virtue of being human, we gravitate towards loving those who make our lives happier... and disliking those who give us problems, and make our lives a little bit "worse"...She could be hard to love if she is very problematic and doesn't give you reasons to smile. I'm sure that if she came home with hand-made cards and friendship rings for you... you would love her back.. right? So it's probably a two-way street, where she isn't very forthcoming emotionally either... IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 3301
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 04:10 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
Kids are people... Young people...You can't love everyone.
I don't think it's about her age necessarily. You're probably just incompatible. Did you look at your synastry/composite? There are people I love - and others I feel neutral towards, of very varied ages. I think that goes for many of us. I don't really agree with you AG....
She's a Taurus Sun, Venus. Cancer Moon, Asc, NN. Aries Mars. I am a Cancer Sun, Venus, Merc. Cap Moon. Virgo Asc, Mars. Scorpio NN. She does do the whole gift-making-thing and it's not that that rubs me the wrong way. I don't want to sit here pointing finger on all the little things, that to me, feels wrong but instinctively, I know there are many things wrong and I also know many of them come from her mom whom she spends 50% of time with. Her father (my SO) painted her up to be this amazing little girl that loves everyone and has the purest of hearts but he's biased and in the "fishbowl". I am unbiased and outside the "fishbowl". I see things he doesn't. I think the biggest problem for me at this point is that she's knowingly manipulative. Not the kind where kids want candy NOW or they will throw a tantrum. This is a darker kind of manipulation that I will never accept-especially not with Pluto aspecting 1/2 my chart..I see it. I feel it. And I want to destroy it. I am the mature one in this situation and logic *should* defy instinct but I can't ignore the signal between my ribs. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 11696
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 04:23 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
...Right. What about people who cannot get along with their biological children, or parents?
And they might love a friend or someone else - as much as they would a family member, or more... Some personalities clash... Others are great together... It really depends on many factors.
We aren't talking about "getting along". Parents and their children rarely get along. I'm talking about that powerful bond that usually only occurs between parents and children. Me and my mom don't have much in common and we annoy the hell out of each other but we still love each. We have spoken ill of each other but we would punch anyone else that spoke ill of the other. That's the kind of bond that parents and children have. They can annoy each other to the point that they would hate them if they were anyone else. Thats why I say it's rare to see people truly love other kids because we usually aren't as tolerant of others as we are of those that are part of our family. IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 3301
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 04:37 AM
And this is screwing so much with my head I'm actually doubting I want a child of my own. Feel completely lost in a fog :-/IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 11696
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 04:42 AM
Just curious... What do you mean when you say she is manipulative in a dark way?IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 3301
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 04:43 AM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Just curious... What do you mean when you say she is manipulative in a dark way?
I don't really want to get into that, if you don't mind!? It's not clear in my head yet. I might get back to it though. And just so you all don't think I'm imagining things: I lived with my ex and his daughter for 7 years and I NEVER had these feelings and thoughts during that period!! Ever! IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 11696
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 04:53 AM
No problem. I was just curious. IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 6139
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 07:08 AM
Taurus and Cancer Moon are thick as thieves. I'm not surprised they are so close.
I'm Capricorn Moon and don't mash with either... They are the most challenging Moon signs for me (they are very compatible with each other, but apparently not with me). I think I understand why you might be feeling uncomfortable in this whole situation... As to whether you'd want to have your own kids - I think that depends more on who the father of those future kids might be.
I think that there are men out there (for example, Scorpio men, with Scorpio Moon) who you might actually feel a lot more open to having kids with. My Capricorn Moon is very trusting of Scorpio Moon... There is a deep bond between these signs. Being a Cancer you would be even more compatible with Scorpio energy.
It just kind of surprises me that you are with this hyper-Aries guy, with the Taurus placements... Are you sure you are not having second thoughts about having kids because *he* is the problem? Like maybe you don't want him to be the father of your kids? I'm sorry to ask such crappy and overly serious questions. Please don't answer if it's too personal.
But you do need to really think about these things before you go ahead and marry him. As I remember, you're engaged. IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 6139
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 07:11 AM
^ AG - please don't respond to this by saying something from a Taurus Moon perspective 
I know that your clingy Cancer Moon ex annoyed you - but you do have a Capricorn stellium!And in all fairness, if you also had a Capricorn Moon (rather than Taurus) to add to that stellium - you would have never dated her in the first place...  IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 3301
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 07:20 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
Taurus and Cancer Moon are thick as thieves. I'm not surprised they are so close.
I'm Capricorn Moon and don't mash with either... They are the most challenging Moon signs for me (they are very compatible with each other, but apparently not with me). I think I understand why you might be feeling uncomfortable in this whole situation... As to whether you'd want to have your own kids - I think that depends more on who the father of those future kids might be.
I think that there are men out there (for example, Scorpio men, with Scorpio Moon) who you might actually feel a lot more open to having kids with. My Capricorn Moon is very trusting of Scorpio Moon... There is a deep bond between these signs. Being a Cancer you would be even more compatible with Scorpio energy.
It just kind of surprises me that you are with this hyper-Aries guy, with the Taurus placements... Are you sure you are not having second thoughts about having kids because *he* is the problem? Like maybe you don't want him to be the father of your kids? I'm sorry to ask such crappy and overly serious questions. Please don't answer if it's too personal.
But you do need to really think about these things before you go ahead and marry him. As I remember, you're engaged.
He is a great father and is not really the problem. Not directly anyway. He just doesn't see that us getting another child will most likely create huge problems with his daughter at this point in her life. I am 39 and don't want to become a mother at the age of 45..Him and I have a great emotional bond but our egos (Suns) clash sometimes. We also have our issues that doesn't involve daughter but saying she's not a big factor would be lying. I've dated more Scorpio Moons than I care to recall and yes, there is a sense of belonging but it's just never worked out-mostly due to alcoholic reasons from both sides. It's been gasoline on fire.. I don't mind his Aries hyper-activity! The only other man I spent more than 1 hour with was a Leo Sun/Aries Moon so I'm used to energy  Anyway, her Moon on my Sun should sit nicely so perhaps it's MY moon that yet again messes things up?
I'm due to marry Sept 26.
IP: Logged |
Soltze
Knowflake Posts: 652
From:
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted September 18, 2015 12:44 PM
Ok, I'm going to be the Devil's lawyer here but...
do you want to get married with all your heart?It sounds like you're weighting pros and cons here. Which is rational and healthy but still...you know? I had to ask. It would be interesting if you had the ex wife date of birth. To see what kind of influence she has on the girl. Do a tarot Reading to see if there's bad energy or witchcraft involved coming from the mother...I don't know if you believe it. It's just a suggestion. I don't mean to be impolite. So I can delete this if you want. IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 3301
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 01:16 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Soltze:
Ok, I'm going to be the Devil's lawyer here but...
do you want to get married with all your heart?It sounds like you're weighting pros and cons here. Which is rational and healthy but still...you know? I had to ask. It would be interesting if you had the ex wife date of birth. To see what kind of influence she has on the girl. Do a tarot Reading to see if there's bad energy or witchcraft involved coming from the mother...I don't know if you believe it. It's just a suggestion. I don't mean to be impolite. So I can delete this if you want.
Ex is a Libra Sun. Virgo Moon. Aqua Mars. That's all I know. I can talk about most things Things about her are too many to mention and none are positive. To name a few: restricting girls eating. "Touching" where no touching should take place on a girl. Lying about more things I care to mention. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 64467
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 18, 2015 01:33 PM
It is not your fault that you don't love her. You don't have that parental bond for one thing. Feeling guilt will make it much worse, not that I don't feel guilt about everything  ------------------
Want to Read Simple, Fun,Sexy Articles on Astrology? Check Me Out, DUDE.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Voix_de_la_Mer
Knowflake Posts: 1673
From: Sound
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted September 18, 2015 01:43 PM
Often, the "step-parent" can regard the "step-child" as competition for the biological parent, particularly if the child is of the same sex as the step-parent. Mostly unconsciously. The child may even move into that mode also.
The child is also the flesh and blood of another female, so that can be difficult.
If there is no child, there is no reminder of the ex.Projections RE the ex may also be applied to the child virtually unconsciously. Not saying that is the case with you, just throwing in some psychology of step families. IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 3301
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 02:22 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Voix_de_la_Mer:
Often, the "step-parent" can regard the "step-child" as competition for the biological parent, particularly if the child is of the same sex as the step-parent. Mostly unconsciously. The child may even move into that mode also.
The child is also the flesh and blood of another female, so that can be difficult.
If there is no child, there is no reminder of the ex.Projections RE the ex may also be applied to the child virtually unconsciously. Not saying that is the case with you, just throwing in some psychology of step families.
I appreciate your pov! We've been through the whole "competition" thing already. It played out in terms of me being 100% ignored while we had daughter staying at us. It has gradually improved simply because I one day put down my foot and said I'd had enough of the BS. Now it's much better and more "family" but still....I'll revert to my 1st post and stick to it. Also, not to boast myself but I have really, truly and honestly faced every single one of my deep rooted fears in this relationship! I have cried, yelled and done pretty much in between. I have really really tried, so hard, to find love for her as a human but it seems all I can muster is "caring". IP: Logged |
Soltze
Knowflake Posts: 652
From:
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted September 18, 2015 06:25 PM
Haven't been around until know...well, caring is enough and acceptable. I mean, you're doing what you can. Nothing more can be demanded of you.
What you answered me, I felt creeped out when you talked about the ex. I honestly think you mean the best, so in the end of the day, you should be fine. If the girl won't warm up to you, well...you can still demand your respect. Like it seems you're already doing. IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 6139
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted September 18, 2015 08:28 PM
Wow! So you're getting married now???
In a few days?
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charlie
Knowflake Posts: 3301
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted September 19, 2015 12:37 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
Wow! So you're getting married now???
In a few days?
Yes. In a few days IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 64467
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 19, 2015 09:04 AM
Congratulations, Charlie ------------------
Want to Read Simple, Fun,Sexy Articles on Astrology? Check Me Out, DUDE.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Soltze
Knowflake Posts: 652
From:
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted September 19, 2015 07:29 PM
God sorry. I didn't give you congratulation yet.
I was distraction not rudeness. That said:Congratulations :-)) IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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