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Author
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Topic: Do happy marriages actually exist?
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DopGang
Knowflake Posts: 2125
From: INTJ
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted November 07, 2015 09:26 AM
  
There's so much dynamic to it all and I think that there's a lot of people who underestimate that.
I'll give you an example. Let's say that you like a fair amount of personal space. You meet someone else who likes a fair amount of personal space too. Great!! Someone who will understand that need. Problem solved.
Well, not quite. How much personal space?
How often?
You won't necessarily want it at the same time. One of you wants to cuddle in front of the tv while the other is in the mood for personal space. One had an awful day and wants to be alone. The other wants to go out. How do you handle that?
Further, is the need communicated or is it expected that the other should just know these things?
And it goes on.
Any of those can and often do cause tension and arguments. Then this person who was supposed to understand that need actually irritates you.
It's a combination of underestimating the complexity and expecting too much.
IP: Logged |
DopGang
Knowflake Posts: 2125
From: INTJ
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted November 07, 2015 09:29 AM
I think they DO exist but the ones who have it are not bragging. They understand how much sacrifice, patience, and hard work it took in merging their lives together, adjusting, in order to have it. They've finally reached a place that works for both of them. You give up part of yourself, even if it's just little things. You have more than yourself to think about and complete selfishness won't cut it. However, they give you excess blessing where you previously had none. So it makes it all worth it.
I don't mean to come across as if I'm the all knowing one with all of the answers. I won't be shy about having some experience though and learning a lot through it.  IP: Logged |
Voix_de_la_Mer
Knowflake Posts: 1688
From: Sound
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted November 08, 2015 06:16 AM
I've always found the concept of marriage curious. And, after years of reflection, unnecessary.I believe in handfasting, where you can commit for a defined period of time, and when that time period ends, you can review and renew, or part. I feel it's a very honest and attentive way to co-habit. But in emotional or attitudinal terms, I think it's important to go into a relationship with a purpose, a purpose that is lasting and realistic. A purpose that while it is being fed by both parties, strengthens the relationship.
A project, if you like.
So, we take the common ground/interests - that gets you together, however, if you don't create together from this, why would you stay together? There has to be motion and process to keep everyone engaged. What that it, will come from basic compatibility, resilience, and then the determination of each party to keep creating. We see it with couples who have a baby. Why do so many relationships fail after a baby? Aside from the practical challenges, individuals stop creating. They created a baby, so happiness is in the bag? Nope. Humans are dynamic and hard-wired to create and grow. To stay on the same path, both parties need to uphold their own growth. That's where my POV is at just now (as I continue to grow, I'm sure it will evolve, as it should). IP: Logged |
RoseLily
Knowflake Posts: 322
From:
Registered: Jul 2015
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posted November 09, 2015 08:03 PM
My parents have been married for 27 years now, they've known each other for even longer.
There as probably been a couple of ups and downs that they hid from us, kids, but I really feel, 27 years later, that they love each other just as much as they did in the beginning.
They always told me that the secret was : communication.
There well always come a day where the lovey-dovey feeling will fall and you'll notice your partner's, but if you know how to communicate, then you can make a worthwile and long lasting relationships.
I see my parents loving and praising each other, communicating, talking and just being interested in what the other do in life.
They have their own hobbies and aren't always fused and it's a good thing, but they do spend time together and I can't remember once in my 21 years of life where I heard them yelling at each otherIP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 7198
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted November 09, 2015 10:56 PM
With due respect, the question asked was whether happy marriages exist. The answer is that they do exist. Are they commonplace? Perhaps they are more rare than commonly thought, and hopefully the circumstances avail themselves to you, but it is a ridiculous assertion that it is not possible for a happy marriage to exist. Whether you get lucky enough or whether you want to put in the hard work is an entirely different matter.IP: Logged |
diamondbaby
Knowflake Posts: 310
From:
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted April 10, 2016 10:57 PM
Yes, they definitely do exist. IP: Logged |
Condoowit
Knowflake Posts: 75
From:
Registered: Apr 2014
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posted April 11, 2016 04:20 PM
I have seen a handful of happy marriages, and I am a very observant person, in addition to being a person who people usually "spill" to, so I very often know the behind the scenes situation.As an example, two years ago, I met a rather well known person in the world of film, through a project I was involved in. I developed a bit of a crush on him and did the requisite Googling and stalking that only a good Scorpionette can do. This went on for months until it was legit dysfunctional, and the only thing that stopped it was that it was so obvious he and his wife of twenty-something years were so darn happy together and so very much in love. Because there was so much about this guy online, I ended up seeing videos of him talking about their marriage and what a great support she had been to him throughout his career. It was clear there was enormous love there. And admiration. Then, I saw them interacting with one another at a public event I was invited to. There was lots of whispering, smiling, being very close. It was clear as day. And, every once in a while he will post stuff on his Twitter about his wife's career, just to give her a boost, which is very sweet. I saw that marriage, and I knew my crush was going to be unrequited!!! My good friend's parents had one of those happy marriages until the husband died in his 80's. They were people of very modest means, but they created a happy household and did so many things together until the very end. They did the crossword together every day, they watched baseball games together, they went shopping together. It was very very sweet. I've seen other similar examples, so I still have hope for marriage, although I agree that there is no real need for it. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 64101
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 12, 2016 01:25 PM
Like the elusive Yeti...IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 64101
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 13, 2016 02:13 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Condoowit:
I have seen a handful of happy marriages, and I am a very observant person, in addition to being a person who people usually "spill" to, so I very often know the behind the scenes situation.As an example, two years ago, I met a rather well known person in the world of film, through a project I was involved in. I developed a bit of a crush on him and did the requisite Googling and stalking that only a good Scorpionette can do. This went on for months until it was legit dysfunctional, and the only thing that stopped it was that it was so obvious he and his wife of twenty-something years were so darn happy together and so very much in love. Because there was so much about this guy online, I ended up seeing videos of him talking about their marriage and what a great support she had been to him throughout his career. It was clear there was enormous love there. And admiration. Then, I saw them interacting with one another at a public event I was invited to. There was lots of whispering, smiling, being very close. It was clear as day. And, every once in a while he will post stuff on his Twitter about his wife's career, just to give her a boost, which is very sweet. I saw that marriage, and I knew my crush was going to be unrequited!!! My good friend's parents had one of those happy marriages until the husband died in his 80's. They were people of very modest means, but they created a happy household and did so many things together until the very end. They did the crossword together every day, they watched baseball games together, they went shopping together. It was very very sweet. I've seen other similar examples, so I still have hope for marriage, although I agree that there is no real need for it.
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