posted November 07, 2015 03:10 PM            

I did once, and I got in a relationship with said person. So maybe if you force yourself to take an initiative it will be good for you.

posted November 07, 2015 03:34 PM            

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posted November 07, 2015 04:42 PM            

What could possibly help in a situation like this, is to simply tell yourself that he is just a person. Like you. Nothing more, nothing less.

It's really simple and a no-brainer, but sometimes you've gotta force yourself to put things into perspective, otherwise you get carried away into your own fantastical (and sometimes dreadful) speculations/ruminations.

So there's not much to be afraid of, all in all, because he is just a human... Not a god, not a demi-god, etc. (lol, really sometimes people tend to see the other as some kind of deity, almost.) He may have the same fears, even; who knows?

We're all just people trying to do our best, and that "best" varies from day to day...

I understand it's hard though, to be vulnerable with someone. You can't have too many expectations about such things, because you're bound to be disappointed more often than not.

The other thing is that if you're gonna be vulnerable, better be as clear and honest as possible (yeahhh I know sometimes being too open/honest is a bad thing, but you can't know how much is too much unless you try).

I think the issue that many people face (myself included) is the inability, or the reluctance, to simply speak up about whatever it is that you're going through. Well, women in general tend to be more expressive when it comes to their needs, desires and what bothers them (sometimes too much so)... You just gotta be really careful with the way you say things, because often times the other person becomes defensive or flees (if you're being too emotional or demanding/"complicated" for them, for example).

So, ideally the way you present things shouldn't be too emotional, but the content has to convey your feelings/thoughts very clearly (to avoid misunderstandings).

You can start slow, for example talk about your fears of intimacy (which propels you into "vulnerable" territory already)... See how they react, how you feel, how easily or uneasily the communication flows, etc. And slowly go from there. Throw bits and pieces of your vulnerable side and see how they deal with it, and respond accordingly. If they're receptive, get a little deeper. If there's something they said, or didn't say, that bothered you, tell them so, right then and there.... Don't let it fester. It's better to risk being hurt even more after exposing yourself more (but calmly - otherwise it's almost assuredly doomed), rather than resenting the other person for something they may not even be aware of and acting passive-aggressive or eventually even blowing up on them (trust me on this...)

I'd also suggest to pay attention to the give and take dynamics. If they're not being vulnerable with you at all, perhaps ask them some personal questions and see how they respond. Might give you an idea about how they handle "bonding", which is essential. One-sided intimacy is not exactly the best of things (technically it's not even possible though, as intimacy implies reciprocity, does it not?)

posted November 07, 2015 05:34 PM            

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posted November 09, 2015 12:39 PM            

Thank you.

Selenite,

I'm glad to hear that you guys are getting closer together and learning some new things. That's wonderful news, keep it up.

Desiring,

posted December 29, 2015 03:22 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Desiring Shadows:
So true. Man if you guys saw the progress I am making, you would be so proud of me

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posted December 29, 2015 03:50 PM            

Basically, whatever issues I had with intimacy were demolished (his Pluto is on my Venus-IC, after all). Sure they pop up every now and then, because it's only been 2 months. Can't be too vulnerable ya know?

But anyway,
His Venus in Gemini opposite Uranus is really coming out.. In the sense that he's not obsessive about me or insecure about our relationship, which is what I'm used to in a partner. Now I'm learning how to not take independence, or lack of neediness, as a threat / sign of disinterest. It's funny because as a Moon square Uranus, I act the exact same way towards people.. Need tons of space, hate texting.. This is the first time someone's ever been that way to me and I see how maddening it is now..

It seems like I'm finally figuring out the balance between the all and the nothing of Venus in Scorpio.