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Author Topic:   HSP and NPD
eyes_like_pisces
Knowflake

Posts: 428
From: mpls, mn, usa
Registered: Feb 2013

posted September 29, 2017 05:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for eyes_like_pisces     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
After going through some tough times with my mom who i am sure has a mood disorder of somekind(i think borderline personality and narassistic personality disorder)...ive been researching NPD. A lot of scorpio moon's javr claimdd to have mothers with NPD which is quite fascinating of itself.

But what I've come across is relationships with highly sensitive people and/or empaths and narcassists is quite common. They gravitate toward each other. Some material I've lookee at have even associated these types of relationships to be soul mates and twin flame relationships. I felt complelled to even post this in the soul union cateagory but thought I'd start here.

I just wanted to share and see how many people on LL are familiar with this phenomenon and have an open dialogue about it where we can share experiences.

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PixieJane
Moderator

Posts: 9123
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted September 30, 2017 01:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Actual NPDs are highly manipulative. A genuine empath I knew (and that's by MY definition which doesn't make it easy to qualify) got the hell away from those people. Even going by looser interpretation of the word empath, many still steer clear of them rather than enabling them. In fact, their enablers are psychic wounded themselves, more often than not, and show an extreme lack of empathy toward others to please a genuine narcissist, though they tend to be easy to manipulate emotionally (and thus why narcissists and similarly afflicted people can pull them into their orbits to make them minions) which could give an illusion of being sympathetic and empathic (even as they help a narcissist harm and abuse others).

I'd think a HSP wanting to avoid overwhelming and upsetting situations, and more aware of subtle nuances in a person, would know to stay well away from genuine NPDs. (Speaking of which, I just reviewed HSPs, and seeing the tests for them, even taking one that was a bit more nuanced, made me think it couldn't be right if only about 20% of the population are HSPs. I'd say it's more like less than 20% that wouldn't score as HSPs on those tests. Btw, I tested positive for being a HSP, though still don't consider myself one. I'm wondering what the original criteria was...despite the suspicious or shoddy nature of the tests I found online, the existence of HSPs actually makes sense to me.)

There are also some big differences between BPD and NPD. And be careful about researching it online as I've noticed NPD has become an umbrella term in a lot of online pop psychology, and has become somewhat vague term, almost meaningless (other than "it means what I want it to mean in regards to someone I really don't like"), as a result. Ironically, I found one site claiming to "help victims of narcissists" that I was sure was created by a narcissist (which wouldn't be surprising given amount of projecting and expert gaslighting many of them engage in).

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eyes_like_pisces
Knowflake

Posts: 428
From: mpls, mn, usa
Registered: Feb 2013

posted September 30, 2017 10:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for eyes_like_pisces     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm aware of how NPD can be misrepresented in pop culture and think I can tell fact from fiction. I've also taken a number of psych courses in college. it is also possible for someone to have mulitple diagnosis despite the difference in definition.

saying that you'd think an empathy or HSP would want to and knoe to stay away from NPDs sounds a little naive to me. people find themselves in abusive relationships all the time never thinking it would ever happen to them. some like NPDs & sensitives are simply born into the relationship which is not something you can easily walk away from.

i think the numbers of relationships ive come across in my search of these types suggests there's something to this theory.

now; I'm not saying all soul mate relationships are of this nature. that was just one interesting thoery I've come across and if anyone (any member on LL) is in a exhausting/painful "soulful" relationship, i just want them to consider what could be going on...but isn't necessarily the case.

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PixieJane
Moderator

Posts: 9123
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted October 01, 2017 01:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yep, psychology and psychiatry are both problematic that deserves suspicion when you can go to 6 different professionals and gain 6 different diagnoses. However, it was my understanding that BPD and NPD are significantly different enough (for example, BPD are more into maintaining relationships, however dysfunctional, while a NPD is more about a sense of entitlement who will abandon the other person all too easily, and a BPD is much more inclined to self-harm out of self-hatred while a NPD will have more diabolical reasons if they engage in it at all), and if that's not the case then psychology is even more questionable than I realized.

And something is wrong with HSP tests online as well. Almost anyone would test as HSP, and yet they're supposed to be only 20% of the population, tops. I wonder how much of that is just wanting validation that their feelings would never lie to them, or that their thoughts & feelings are deeper than most everyone else (when they can't know that for sure). I've noticed there are people who believe whatever they feel must be true (and probably scary to think otherwise). If you're basing HSPs on those who score as one in an online test (as I myself have done) then I'll say they're not genuine HSPs because the vast majority would answer the same (and thus is more "normal sensitive person"), but that would make it appear they're exceedingly common to get into relationships with NPDs and the like (though many others wouldn't).

Suffice to say I've seen the damage done by enablers and best we just don't go there.

It might be worth pointing out that I had a mother that was narcissistic herself, and combined with Dad's drunken outbursts, I had to read emotions very well, and could read the mood of a room and pick up on many subtle clues about a person's state of mind fast. Other life experiences (as a result of a dysfunctional home life) made it a survival skill that got sharpened, and some of that lingers to this day. Some might define that as HSP, but I don't think so because I'm not mistaken for shy or fearful and don't think of myself as being particularly sensitive compared to others (though, like most people, I have moments I am), nor do I consider myself particularly empathic, though I tend to be sympathetic. I don't get particularly upset when working with the homeless, for example, though I do sympathize with them, whereas many others needing to believe in a better world or who drown in the pain of others couldn't be around that (or maybe they're not as caring as they claim to be, pick one).

I could see many people raised in abusive environments being acutely aware and mimicking HSP traits (especially if they have PTSD), and many tend to be attracted to people that repeat childhood traumas in a subconscious effort to work through them (or even just because that's what they understand best). Maybe that's what you're seeing.

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