Lindaland
  Sweet Peas In The Rain
  Need advice from PARENTS!

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   Need advice from PARENTS!
charlie
Knowflake

Posts: 4655
From:
Registered: Jun 2012

posted April 07, 2018 07:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
(Or someone that is now mature enough to admit bad behavior when younger)

Anyway, what to do when an 11 yr old girl is badmouthing grown ups in her life (incl her divorced parents) behind their backs, and thus making them gang up on each other??
It’s gotten to a point where none of these grown ups believe the other grown ups. They only believe the girl.

When confronted about it, her eyes glazes over and she just says monotonally and high-pitched “sorry”.

Should add that she was not yet born when parents divorced and separated.

IP: Logged

Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 103482
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted April 08, 2018 03:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That's a tough problem.

IP: Logged

ReachingForTheStars
Knowflake

Posts: 584
From: second star to the right, and straight on till morning
Registered: Dec 2013

posted April 10, 2018 12:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ReachingForTheStars     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by charlie:
making them gang up on each other??

It’s gotten to a point where none of these grown ups believe the other grown ups. They only believe the girl.


Nobody “makes” a person gang up on another person or group. Personal choices are involved.

This sounds like triangulation.

quote:
When parents are unable to resolve problems between them, they may direct their focus of concern away from themselves and onto the child, perhaps reinforcing maladaptive behavior in the child. The child may then become identified as the problematic member of the family. Detouring occurs when parents, rather than directing anger or criticism toward each other, focus the negativity on the child and the parent-child conflict thus serves to distract from the tension in the marital subsystem. This type of triangulation also is sometimes referred to as scapegoating as the child's well-being is sacrificed in order that the marital conflict might be avoided (Minuchin 1974).

Read more: Triangulation - Systemic And Structural Family Theories - Theory, Development, Child, and Minuchin - JRank Articles http://family.jrank.org/pages/1707/Triangulation-Systemic-Structural-Fa mily-Theories.html#ixzz5CEscl7Cr


I hope this helps.

IP: Logged

Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 103482
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted April 11, 2018 09:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks!

IP: Logged

Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 103482
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted April 12, 2018 01:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have no kids, so...

IP: Logged

Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 103482
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted April 24, 2018 10:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bump!

IP: Logged

Desiring Shadows
Knowflake

Posts: 4429
From: USA !
Registered: Jan 2012

posted May 05, 2018 04:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Desiring Shadows     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Explain to her the problems she’s creating or try to change her outlook on the situation. Have both parents together in the room with her and tell her ‘we know what you have been doing/saying. So any time you say fhose things to us we won’t believe you , we will only punish you for talking so disrespectfully about your guardians. Especially when you should not be using inappropriate words like that to begin with.”

IP: Logged

Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 103482
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 12, 2018 05:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Desiring Shadows:
Explain to her the problems she’s creating or try to change her outlook on the situation. Have both parents together in the room with her and tell her ‘we know what you have been doing/saying. So any time you say fhose things to us we won’t believe you , we will only punish you for talking so disrespectfully about your guardians. Especially when you should not be using inappropriate words like that to begin with.”

IP: Logged

Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 103482
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 08, 2018 08:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bump!

IP: Logged

charlie
Knowflake

Posts: 4655
From:
Registered: Jun 2012

posted September 12, 2018 01:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Desiring Shadows:
Explain to her the problems she’s creating or try to change her outlook on the situation. Have both parents together in the room with her and tell her ‘we know what you have been doing/saying. So any time you say fhose things to us we won’t believe you , we will only punish you for talking so disrespectfully about your guardians. Especially when you should not be using inappropriate words like that to begin with.”

Having both parents in same room is a complete NO-GO. They are total opposites and if the cliché that "some parents should never have a child together" exists, this would be the case..

IP: Logged

Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 103482
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 16, 2018 10:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bump!

IP: Logged

Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 103482
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 14, 2018 01:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bump!

IP: Logged

All times are Eastern Standard Time

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com

Copyright 2000-2018

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.46a