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Author Topic:   Are Truly Monogamous Relationships A Thing?
Snake Lady
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From: Austin, Texas
Registered: Aug 2011

posted February 16, 2022 12:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Snake Lady     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was reading one of the earlier threads on this forum where someone posted statistics on infidelity and divorce.

My guess is that if most people who say they're monogamous were to be honest about their desires, they would probably be mostly monogamous with a fling here or there. My guess is that most people want at least one person who is guaranteed to be by their side, regardless of being mono or poly.

I get that it's possible for people to be in love with more than one person at a time, which is fine for them, but aren't there people who ARE truly monogamous? Who really just want one person and can maintain that love for one?

I think of myself as that person. I would readily end a relationship rather than cheat, because in my experience, if I feel like I'm interested in someone else it's because I've lost interest in my partner and the lost interest is ALWAYS because of a major breach in trust. At the point where I've considered dating other people, it's always at the point where I'm ready to end the current relationship because the trust has degraded to such an extent that it can't be recovered.

This is just how I've always been. I feel that I can have the greatest abundance of love and trust with just one person instead of an open situation. When I'm with someone, I don't think of others in a sexual way at all. It feels too shallow to think of others that way when I already have a deep connection with someone.
If I feel that my needs aren't being met in the relationship, I would rather leave than try to supplement with another partner.

My question is, aren't there men who are like this as well? Who really don't think about other women sexually while they're in a relationship or married? Even long term?
It seems like with the highly sexualized content all over the internet, sexual loyalty and fidelity are hardly a thing anymore and I'm feeling rather depressed about it, because I know where my heart lies and I know there have to be others out there who think the same way.

Does anybody know anyone who carries that level of monogamy?

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saronna
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posted February 16, 2022 03:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for saronna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I like monogamous relationship. I think you can be in love with two people at the same time & monogamous. I like to date one person & be monogamous. I have got to decide who I want to be monogamous with which twin soul in soulmate game when I have two twin souls in soulmate game. I can be monogamous with both twin souls because in real life & not just in the soulmate game I am not dating anyone. But in the soulmate game I have two twin souls that I am monogamous with one twin soul & the other twin soul I try to find true love for him. I have a deep connection with both twin souls. I am not dating or married both twin souls but in the soulmate game. I'm in love with both twin souls. I don't know what will happen. I'm busy playing soulmate game. One twin soul in soulmate game is moving from America Colorado to live with me he doesn't want me to date the other twin soul & be married to him & have parallel lives. In real life one twin soul is living in America with an older woman & my other twin soul we are just friends.

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Sauerkraut
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posted February 16, 2022 11:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sauerkraut     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i have the same views as you. understanding and accepting human nature does not make me feel like i belong. as much as i love freedom and space, i cant even have a true crush on more than one person. i have not been in a relationship in almost 9 years, largely because i am so damn jaded and have more or less been in love with one person for the past 7 years. we dont have any commitment to each other and i still remain “monogamous”. it is ridiculous and to my detriment. i try to see the positives but am really stuck between a rock and a hard place.

i have not yet met a “monogamously-committed” person IRL who is not willing to cheat. my aries venus does not see that as a challenge or as some sort of flattery. it is run of the mill. i can respect people in open, honest relationships but the majority of humanity is disappointing.

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saronna
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From: Sydney Australia
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posted February 17, 2022 12:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for saronna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I haven't been in a relationship or dating anyone since January 2001 since the ex. I didn't love the ex it was a bad experience three years too long. I didn't think I would meet my twin souls. I try to let things unfold with my north node in Aquarius & in 5th house to have fun in soulmate game. It's taken me a long time to feel I belong. Seven years is a long time to be monogamous & not be in a committed relationship. Are you dating. Is he married. You have to be careful if he is married

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Sauerkraut
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posted February 17, 2022 06:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sauerkraut     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
no we are not dating and he has been single since i have known him. neither of us were in our right minds for a relationship when we first met. lots of triggers, healing and separation thru-out the years. now we are very good friends and hook up sometimes. nothing romantic, nothing consistent. though our connection perpetually deepens, there is constantly something that shakes up his life. he said he doesnt have time or his life in order to be in a relationship. this is true because he barely has time for a friendship even. at this point i just want more time with him, a commitment is not as important.

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saronna
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posted February 18, 2022 01:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for saronna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm not dating my twin souls. I would like to see them & spend time with them & get to know them. They are both in America. One twin soul is living with an older woman & other twin soul one of his soulmates is married & he is monogamous with her but they are not dating & his other soulmate wants to be married. I am not worried about committment with my twin souls & getting married. I would like to date both my twin souls

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saronna
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posted February 20, 2022 06:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for saronna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think monogamous relationship is a thing. My soulmate is living with a older woman but he's thinking about being a Christian. We chat on chat channel but we are not dating. I like monogamous relationship. I'm monogamous with my soulmate nearly 16 years even though he is living with an older woman. It works for us. We are best friends

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saronna
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posted February 20, 2022 07:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for saronna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My soulmate & me are open books with each other. He plays soulmate game & nearly went homeless than he met this older woman he lives with. We tell each other everything he knows about my other soulmate I met about 23 years ago. He was going to become a Christian than he met & lives with this older woman. He doesn't love this older woman & it's abusive but he got stuck. & I can't get a visa for him to stay in Australia with me. It's complicated I can't sponser him. I can't marry him because of soulmate game it's a real life virtual reality game & I can't date both soulmates. He does have sex with her he's got nowhere to go he got stuck in the soulmate game

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Stawr
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posted February 21, 2022 10:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think affairs can happen when partners are unwilling to have an uncomfortable conversations about their physical and emotional needs are not being met.

I cannot believe that people would rather cheat than have an uncomfortable conversations with their partner.

Whenever I notice my eyes wondering, I know it's time to have a conversation with my husband.

We have made progress because of it.

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saronna
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posted February 22, 2022 12:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for saronna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I wasted my time with ex three years to long. It was the best decision to leave. I met my soulmates after I left. When you love each other you can talk about needs & wants when eyes wander & talk things through & see things through. & if you want to work things out with them after all the abuse lies & cheating. But I think you wouldn't settle for crumbs & walk away if you don't love them & want to work things out with them. I could have worked things out with the ex but it was like dragging a dead horse to the trough to drink water the relationship had gone to ground. I didn't love him to want to work things out with the ex. The ex wasn't my soulmate & destiny. I didn't have a soul connection with the ex. Some relationships are like oil & water & don't mix. If you want a monogamous relationship don't settle for less than. It's like committment if you want committment look for someone who wants the same.

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Randall
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posted March 09, 2022 03:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bump!

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PixieJane
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posted March 10, 2022 12:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The cheating and such is just more open now, it's not anything new. And women are big cheaters as well.

Important: I see a HUGE difference between desires (especially transient feelings) and actions.

I do believe in genuine monogamous relationships, though I also know some of them are hellish rather than blissful or satisfying.

Experience has taught me that serial cheaters (some who I think do it more for the drama than just having the impulse control of a child) are much more likely to preach about the importance of monogamy than those who actually practice it. Not always, but I'm automatically suspicious when they make a big deal of it.

x

And as for me, female, if I ever leave the monogamous relationship I'm in now, I'm never entering another.

That doesn't necessarily mean I'll ever be in another romantic or sexual relationship, but if I am, it won't be to one person, at least not by design. (Edited: I'd be upfront about this, so it's not cheating as my expectations and whatever rules would be clear, and they can take 'em or leave 'em...and vice versa.)

I do have a soul mate, by the way. Completely platonic and not my significant other (and there are others I think that qualify). My partner knows better than to make me choose between them.

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teasel
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posted March 10, 2022 01:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for teasel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My parents were truly monogamous. My dad never understood the men at work, or his brothers, who cheated on their partners. Neither did mum. Even when she left my dad, when I was a kid (before they got back together, a decade later), the guy who paid for our plane tickets, was an old boyfriend, and he tried to kiss her when we arrived. She stopped him. She was still married, and hadn't even thought about getting together with him. He was a family friend.

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Ami Anne
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posted March 15, 2022 08:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think man's nature is to want variety. I mean the animal nature, so if we go by this we would not stay with one person. I think you have to make the spirit rule you and you can make a decision to be monogamous. If you want to look at it this way, man's nature is to steal, rob, rape and plunder.

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teasel
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posted March 15, 2022 11:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for teasel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don’t think that’s true, and if that were the case, women would never cheat.

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saronna
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posted March 16, 2022 12:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for saronna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think men love variety but there's boredoom & when they find someone special like a soulmate men are like to be monogamous. Men can wander as much as possible but when done all they want they find what's missing. & if a woman wants a monogamous relationship it's law of attraction. universal laws.

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Randall
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posted March 16, 2022 06:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Monogamy is about more than just sex. Women control the access to sex. Men control the access to relationships. It’s as simple as that.

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saronna
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posted March 16, 2022 08:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for saronna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That's interesting.

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Chanterelle
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posted March 16, 2022 11:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Chanterelle     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Snake Lady:
IMy guess is that most people want at least one person who is guaranteed to be by their side…
When I'm with someone, I don't think of others in a sexual way at all. It feels too shallow to think of others that way when I already have a deep connection with someone.
If I feel that my needs aren't being met in the relationship, I would rather leave than try to supplement with another partner.


11 years in a monogamous relationship, with enough turbulence to have almost ended it 3 times. For the first 9 years I literally didn’t have eyes for anyone else — sleeping with his dirty t-shirt when he wasn’t home, all that lovely pheromone-based stuff. Realizing that I was still capable of having that kind of attraction to other people was a really big deal for me, but at this point I see it as more of a step on the road to realizing how crazy it is to expect that one other person can fulfill/complement/challenge you in every possible way. If you meet a new person who does those things, and they happen to be physically attractive and of the appropriate gender, then a crush of some kind is probably inevitable. That could be a major relationship stress-test or a minor one, depending on the people involved and how they handle it. Best case scenario, I can see a positive side in helping to get unstuck from a sort of Bonnie & Clyde, “you and me against the world” mentality. Which, while maybe not sustainable in the long run, I think is a pretty natural reaction to the stress of just getting by in this world. It’s easy to be loving to the people in your life when life is good, and it’s hard when it’s hard. I completely agree that infidelity is one of many valid reasons for an irreparable breach of trust, but I don’t see how that’s compatible with the idea of “someone who will be there no matter what.” For that to work, you’d have to start with the assumption that you would never be capable of doing something bad enough to make anyone stop trusting you, or need to forgive you. Obviously that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hold other people to the same standards of integrity and honesty that you do yourself, but to me it seems like a big leap from “capable of being attracted to other people” to “would cheat if I thought I could get away with it.”
Personally, I just wish that we both consistently had more time and energy for having a social life/ pursuing our own interests outside of work and family obligations. I’m pretty sure that if I did, the people I’d be most comfortable/interested in spending time with would include more men than women, and I like to think that I wouldn’t be too insecure if my partner turned out to be the same.
I guess my question would be, for people who don’t say “my partner is also my best friend” — what do you think about the concept of ‘emotional infidelity’? If you or your partner have a close friend who you turn to for emotional support or intellectual challenge or whatever, is it important to 100% know that physical attraction is not a possibility? Because I’m willing to bet that people who have at least one non-romantic “someone who will be there no matter what” — or rather, the confidence that *someone* will be there no matter what — probably have much healthier relationships than those who don’t.
(Pardon my rambling… I’m just really tired of people assuming that I enjoy making friends based solely on having kids the same age.)

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Cancermoon83
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posted March 16, 2022 11:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Cancermoon83     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
In my mind it's totally normal to be in a long relationship and have a crush every now and then.Those old couples who are still together till their deathbed,it doesn't mean they never liked someone else.They just respected their partner.
Personally i am very honest with my guy and I could never lie to him or betray him.So if i find someone handsome I let him know.If I came to a point where I wanted to be with someone else I would tell him.What he does with this information is up to him,and I know it may hurt him,but the betrayal would hurt much more.
I also know that most men are totally capable of being in a relationship and casually cheat.It's much harder for them to break up from a serious relationship once they get comfortable.We women can't do that for long.We can't have feelings for someone else or cheat and stay with our partner.We will usually leave. Guys can just stay and live double lives for as long as they can.

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Ami Anne
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posted March 16, 2022 12:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
What do you mean, Randal about the men?

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saronna
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posted March 21, 2022 12:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for saronna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hugs to all those who want monogamous relationship.

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saronna
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posted March 21, 2022 01:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for saronna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm happy talking to my soulmate. He says we have been dating I didn't know we were dating. We didn't talk about dating. He says we have been more than dating that we are best friends. We are more than best friends we are soulmates.

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teasel
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posted March 21, 2022 01:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for teasel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
Monogamy is about more than just sex. Women control the access to sex. Men control the access to relationships. It’s as simple as that.

Nope. That isn't healthy, and women can also decide whether or not they want to be in a relationship.

Everyone has to consent, when it comes to either one.

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saronna
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From: Sydney Australia
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posted March 21, 2022 01:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for saronna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
How do women control access to sex & men control access to relationship.

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