posted March 26, 2022 04:59 AM            

I don’t know you personally so I don’t know if the feelings I get from your posts are a good reflection of your current state of mind. But I feel a lot of anger in your posts. It is understandable that you are angry when your feelings have been hurt. But if you want peace of mind then at a certain point in time, you’ll have to release the anger and accept that what has happened was unfair but that you can’t change what happened in the past. Not all parents are good parents, Not all people will see your value and life certainly isn’t fair. You can’t let your happiness be dependent on other people or external events. The only soulmate we have with certainty is ourself. We’re stuck with ourself for the rest of our life, so we better invest in loving ourselves. Please don’t see yourself as unlovable because other people happen to be *ssholes. It might sound sappy but maybe you could benefit from positive affirmations. It matters how we speak to ourselves.

posted March 27, 2022 07:17 PM            

other people came into this world confused and found themselves in sh*tty situations too. most people have not felt real love either (especially people who have shown you hate like your mom), even if others show them love. no amount of love from others will change how you feel about yourself. this is obvious from all the toxic relationships that exist. i mean there is so much love in this thread for you and yet you cannot feel it.

what makes you think a woman can love you until you love yourself? unless she is a supernatural saint, she would not have the capacity to do that. another human being is just a traveler in this life with you, dealing with their own mess.

i understand you, but your bitterness will not attract anything positive. yes rejection sucks *ss. i assure you, women feel it too. perhaps generally less on a superficial front, but women and humans feel rejection in one form or another. it is an inherent human fear.

better to focus on a solution, otherwise you are just creating your own self-fulfilling prophecy.

the words and treatment from our parents/family/upbringing are so imbedded into our psyche that we tend to not realize that our internal dialog is conditioned to the same voices of criticism. something that helps to deprogram is active self-compassion. the trickiest part is remembering to do this, since it is so new and foreign.

as a former addict, changing a habit/addiction takes much mindfulness and energy before it is transformed into a new habit. doing something new over and over again, everyday, every minute for months, years until the old program is overwritten. negative internal criticism is very much a bad habit and addiction.

posted March 27, 2022 10:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sauerkraut:
what is love to you? what does “looking at you in a loving way” look like [or feel like] to you? seriously though, based on your line of thought, how would you recognize it when it happens? seems quite futile right?

other people came into this world confused and found themselves in sh*tty situations too. most people have not felt real love either (especially people who have shown you hate like your mom), even if others show them love. no amount of love from others will change how you feel about yourself. this is obvious from all the toxic relationships that exist. i mean there is so much love in this thread for you and yet you cannot feel it.

what makes you think a woman can love you until you love yourself? unless she is a supernatural saint, she would not have the capacity to do that. another human being is just a traveler in this life with you, dealing with their own mess.

i understand you, but your bitterness will not attract anything positive. yes rejection sucks *ss. i assure you, women feel it too. perhaps generally less on a superficial front, but women and humans feel rejection in one form or another. it is an inherent human fear.

better to focus on a solution, otherwise you are just creating your own self-fulfilling prophecy.

the words and treatment from our parents/family/upbringing are so imbedded into our psyche that we tend to not realize that our internal dialog is conditioned to the same voices of criticism. something that helps to deprogram is active self-compassion. the trickiest part is remembering to do this, since it is so new and foreign.

as a former addict, changing a habit/addiction takes much mindfulness and energy before it is transformed into a new habit. doing something new over and over again, everyday, every minute for months, years until the old program is overwritten. negative internal criticism is very much a bad habit and addiction.

if you can imagine how someone should love you, then i suggest you start treating yourself in that way.

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It's so easy for you to sit here and judge me, but I am hurting. Really hurting. I don't even believe in God anymore. How can I believe in a loving God when love has completely passed me by and I only get hate and indifference?

I'm sorry that my emotions are repulsive to you. I'm really sorry I was ever born. I know you hate me. I know 99.9% of the people here hate me. I don't care. I'm the one living this lonely hellish life and I need to express myself as a third house moon. Nobody sees me. Nobody understands me. And I really resent it. I don't know what I ever did to deserve my life.

Love - to me - is something that people can't hide. It comes across in the way people treat you. When you love someone, you make an effort to treat them well. You value the people you love and it shows in how much attention you give them and in the quality of the attention you give them.

I'm sorry, but I don't feel love from strangers on an internet forum. If someone found out I died and posted it here none of you would feel anything because I'm words on a screen to you.

I want real love from people who are real to me. I want people to make an effort to talk to me and spend time with me. I want to be treated like I matter and people value being connected to me.

posted March 28, 2022 03:49 PM            

I have seen women's screwed up and sour faces when I expressed interest in them or expressed appreciation for them in even the most polite and neutral ways. I can't even tell a woman she is pretty or compliment her clothes or something without getting negative reactions.

Also, for the longest time, I was pretty overweight (I have lost a significant amount of weight in the last year) and women who were fatter than me turned me down and I would see them dating guys in perfect shape with six pack abs. People here used to imply that I must only go for the hottest girls if I got completely shut down by women. Wrong. I have been attracted to a lot of very overweight women and other types of women that a lot of guys would call unattractive. I think my condition has allowed me to see the beauty and attractiveness in all kinds of women.

Also, I wasn't blessed with good teeth either. Mind you, my teeth aren't gross and unhygienic. They are just gapped and don't look pretty and straight like the ideal portrayed in the media. And I have had women openly diss my teeth as being a reason they couldn't be attracted to me. I'm being dead serious here. My teeth are a big reason I have low self esteem. Also, they are a big reason I don't smile much. I have had women tell me that I must not smile much because I have ugly teeth. They would say that stuff just to hurt me and be mean. HAHA! Looks don't matter to women you say? How come I have always done considerably worse with women than my good looking friends?

I remember I used to be friends with a young woman from a certain forum off the site. We emailed and talked on the phone a lot. She never expressed any excitement over seeing my photos, but one night when she saw a photo of my good looking friend she started gushing about how hot he was and even asked for his phone number. Mind you this was a girl I had talked to for some amount of time and we were what I would call friends. She was instantly more interested in my friend than me based on looks alone. He was a thin pretty boy with perfect teeth. So don't try to tell me looks don't matter to women.

Since my Saturn Return, I have adopted a new look. It's funny because Saturn is closing in on my ascendant now and I'm rocking the bald and bearded look. I love when astrology collides with reality like that. Any way, I wouldn't say women are attracted to me now, but I definitely get the vibe that they appreciate my new look to a degree. Maybe it's just striking because I'm tall and have broad shoulders and it gives me a very masculine appearance. I don't know, but I definitely get a little eye contact now, whereas I used to get none at all.

My losing weight and changing my style (going bald and bearded) has improved my experience with women to some degree. I was able to get away with flirting with a woman in the gas station a week ago and she even seemed to enjoy the interaction. That never used to happen. I would get awkward or negative reactions every single time.

posted March 29, 2022 02:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Cancermoon83:
I'm not saying that women can't see who is attractive and who is not, I'm saying it's not what makes them fall in love with them. Believe me, I've known men who are far from attractive, and have learned to accept and even laugh and joke about their "flaws", and it makes them really charming and women come to a point where they just don't see their flaws anymore, they just love their company.

Also, one thing I noticed is that a lot of men don't really reach the prime of their attractiveness until the early 30s or early 40s,because they look more "manly" than their 20s.If Saturn is heavy in your chart this may be the case for you.

---

All of that may be true. The only problem is because I'm unattractive women never even want to get to know me. First off, online dating is all looks-based. It's a simple fact. Women are flooded with messages and looks are one of the main early screening tools that they use to determine whether they even want to read a guy's message and look at the rest of his profile.

Also, women are b####y and defensive in public and don't make eye contact or smile. They also usually have headphones in or their eyes or ears are glued to their phones.

Women are equally defensive and inaccessible in environments like clubs and bars.

It's taboo to even approach women in public any way. It's also considered taboo to flirt at work and is often against company policy or even illegal in some places.

It can be similar on university campuses. As a graduate assistant, I certainly don't feel safe trying to talk to women in such a paranoid and anti-male climate.

There a lot of barriers to meeting women for a guy like me. If your social circles don't expose you to single women that are compatible with you then you are screwed.

Oh, it's not easy to befriend women either because they already have their male orbiters, boyfriends, and female friends. They have no incentive to talk to the unattractive guy in class with an unsettling Plutonian vibe. They might very well like me if they were to talk to me and get to know me , but all the barriers I have already talked about keep that from happening.

I have been on a major university campus since the fall of 2017, and in all that time, the stars have only aligned enough for me to befriend a woman on campus once. We were involved in a program that forced us to spend time together multiple days a week. We were both Taurus moons and our moons were conjunct, so it felt very cozy and natural to be around her.

Unfortunately, she was a Scorpio - and like Scorpios are want to do - she played games and was extremely ambiguous. She would do things like compliment my clothes and scent, but then she would talk about other guys she found attractive with other girls in my presence. She also gave me a chocolate on Valentine's Day and once awkwardly suggested I could come support her at a marathon she was going to run in. She confused me so much and was so hot and cold with me that I never felt safe enough to make a bold move, given that this was in a work/school setting. She ultimately ended up with a very good looking guy and I don't see her anymore. I still don't know if she was actually interested in me or if she was only toying with my emotions.

posted March 29, 2022 03:17 PM            

if i made you feel like i was diminishing your struggles, that was not my intention. you are someone who is hurting. there is nothing wrong with your bitterness and hate. people treated you like sh*t, now it is hard for you to trust others or love yourself. your pain is 100% valid.

i was just trying to help you find possible relief from my own experience with self-hate and how to lessen the pain. wanted to make you feel less alone. MY BAD, seems like it did the opposite. of course i cannot feel how you feel. your experiences are uniquely yours.

i did read your post before you deleted it, but i think you just needed to RANT. i did not mean to re-trigger you. it is definitely cathartic to rant/vent without feeling judged.

side note response to that post - personally i do not care which sex or gender has it worse. i am all about human pain at the core. i was agreeing with you that women have it easier on the superficial side (GENERALLY/NOT TRUE IN ALL CASES), but that wasnt even the point. happiness is a facade in many cases. while your emotions are valid, your perception could be flawed. assuming someone is happy with their life just because they are smiling or seem happy is flawed thinking.

my point is that generalizing is not helping your plight. if you want companionship, the idea is to relate to people on a human level. compartmentalizing women isnt going to make them feel connected to you or want to connect with you. it is a probable fact that someone who emits self-hate energy will not attract real love. find a way to stop doing that if that is your objective.

i am still figuring it out myself, so why the f*ck would i judge you ever? look, i want to end the pain sometimes, but i also want to exhaust my other options first.

options:
- suicide
- suffer quietly
- vent to others and continue to feel like sh*t
- believe in fairy tales and feel delusional
- project unfavorable outcome, attract same
- experiment with different theories
- change outlook on the chance that it might work, adjust accordingly
- learn to trust intuition, not fear or false hope
- shadow work
- learn how to fully love self, especially all the ugly parts

platitudes and toxic positivity are bullsh*t. i want RESULTS, not band-aids. who cares if you believe in "God" or not. navigating this world and trying to not suffer is the bottom-line. there are manuals for that everywhere, templates from other peoples experiences and perspectives. experiment, find your own way. up to you.