What does "letting go" even mean?

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Author	Topic: What does "letting go" even mean?
aquaguy91 Moderator Posts: 12812 From: Uranus Registered: Jan 2012	posted August 28, 2022 08:04 AM People always use this phrase in regards to people and their trauma. They say to just let it go. How exactly does that work? Serious question. If my pain was so easy to let go of and it was a choice I would have done it years ago. People don't choose to be lonely and treated like #### their entire lives. IP: Logged
Lexxigramer Moderator Posts: 8645 From: Here since March 24th.2005/..& Have been Lexagramming going on 2/3 of a century to date! LEXIGRAMMING.♥is my Passion! Registered: Feb 2012	posted August 28, 2022 10:24 AM quote: Originally posted by aquaguy91: People always use this phrase in regards to people and their trauma. They say to just let it go. How exactly does that work? Serious question. If my pain was so easy to let go of and it was a choice I would have done it years ago. People don't choose to be lonely and treated like #### their entire lives. I honestly do not know I could tell you why and how I feel this way but do not want to accidentally hijack your thread hogging it up with my experiences that believe it or not are more like yours in more ways than you realize. I shall post in one of my threads about that issue and how I have tried and failed for the most part to deal with these issues. Whilst it may not give you answers perhaps it might help you to realize that being lonely and alone are not the same things and that alone definitely beats lonely when one is actually with someone. You may choose to ignore me or reply there. Nevertheless I do sincerely care about you aquaguy91 and it breaks my heart that you are in unrelenting emotional and psychological pain. Being afflicted with Asperger's and or Autism as we are makes life and communication with others often beyond difficult. I wish I knew how to help us both to deal with it all. Okay leaving your thread now; and feel free to reply on a thread I shall try and start concerning folks like us who are on the Asperger's/Autism Spectrum. I shall post link if you are interested but if not that is okay. **************** The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.💙😎 ― Nietzsche** IP: Logged
PlutoWasHere Knowflake Posts: 621 From: The Nether World Registered: Mar 2021	posted August 28, 2022 01:44 PM Letting go is to stop fighting and being angry but to accept the situation for what it is and move on. Sometimes life is unfair and sh*tty things happen to good people. But even with a scratch or a blemish, things can still be worth while. “To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche IP: Logged
PlutoWasHere Knowflake Posts: 621 From: The Nether World Registered: Mar 2021	posted August 28, 2022 01:48 PM @Lexxigrammer, that’s a funny coincidence. I only noticed just now that we both posted a quote by Nietzsche. IP: Logged
Lexxigramer Moderator Posts: 8645 From: Here since March 24th.2005/..& Have been Lexagramming going on 2/3 of a century to date! LEXIGRAMMING.♥is my Passion! Registered: Feb 2012	posted August 28, 2022 03:35 PM quote: Originally posted by PlutoWasHere: Letting go is to stop fighting and being angry but to accept the situation for what it is and move on. Sometimes life is unfair and shtty things happen to good people. But even with a scratch or a blemish, things can still be worth while. “To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche* Whilst it all so much more complicated than that yes I agree in part💙 Stopping the fighting often means walking away from the person or situation but that does not mean the issue has resolved😢 Then yes one must accept the situation as it is and move on💙 But the letting go is not easy for some😢 When the things keep on happening, when it is even in your dreamings and even when you are not even remotely thinking of the traumas and are feeling good enough or even happy; then out f the blue a trigger will fly in your face unexpectedly and all the old crap and PTSD and the memories of the last time such a thing happened in my case are not just an emotional flashback but are as of the previous event had just happened😳😢 Old stings and barbs and oppressions and all old and new merge in those terrible moments and seriously hard to let go then😢 After that each time leaves one more on edge wondering when the bad will hit them again or worse when will the had leave again if ever⁉️😢 Just when I feel optimistic it always seems to be that something shoots me down😢😳 I always feel hyper guarded and tend to apologize, often profusely even when I feel that I have done no heinous wrong or even anything wrong in hoping my apologies will make the other party not hurt me or hate me so again I just apologize in case I did offend unintentionally even though that was not my intention to cause any kind of offense😳😢 On that note I am going to do it again just in case I have somehow upset or offended him by posting on his thread or too much or just in case I said too much etcetera 😳 I am going to apologize to aquaguy91 for posting here in case it has offended him somehow💙 aquaguy91 I hope it is okay that I posted on this thread If not please say so and I will keep away from here😎💙 To continue about the great difficulty of letting go for some folks, such as in the case of aquaguy91 and myself; He on the Asperger's side of the Autism Spectrum and myself on the Functional Autism side of the Spectrum; just letting go is harder than for normal folks😢 By the way I love that quote too😎 PS pardon any strange typos and weird autofills as usual👽 ------------------ Take a look at my LexIgramming/LexAgramming Biography Nearly 2/3 of a century to date of ♥ LexAgramming Lexperience!🔠✍️ IP: Logged
Lexxigramer Moderator Posts: 8645 From: Here since March 24th.2005/..& Have been Lexagramming going on 2/3 of a century to date! LEXIGRAMMING.♥is my Passion! Registered: Feb 2012	posted August 28, 2022 03:39 PM quote: Originally posted by PlutoWasHere: @Lexxigrammer, that’s a funny coincidence. I only noticed just now that we both posted a quote by Nietzsche. very cool that we both quoted Nietzsche😎 He is right on though with both quotes in my life experiences😎 Even though it was said that he was a mysogynist, he had some really insightful observations about human existence and coping with the negatives in our lives😎 ******************** The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.💙😎 ― Nietzsche** IP: Logged
Lexxigramer Moderator Posts: 8645 From: Here since March 24th.2005/..& Have been Lexagramming going on 2/3 of a century to date! LEXIGRAMMING.♥is my Passion! Registered: Feb 2012	posted August 28, 2022 04:02 PM PlutoWasHere💙 And aquaguy91💙 To the both of you💙😎 This is a very very good article about life and coping etcetera from two great wise pessimists😎 htt p://iai.tv/articles/schopenhauer-vs-nietzsche-the-meaning-of-suffering-auid-1801#:~:text=Suffering%20is%20not%20just%20something,the%20destruction%20of%20the%20present. aquaguy91 Not sure if it will give you any insight on life and coping but I found it rather intriguing and worth some serious pondering 😎 IP: Logged
PlutoWasHere Knowflake Posts: 621 From: The Nether World Registered: Mar 2021	posted August 29, 2022 01:59 AM Thank you for that link Lexxigramer. It’s a very interesting read and shows that humanity has struggled with this since the beginning of our existence. I agree with you that it’s not easy to let go, it demands a certain detachment of the outcome of our endeavors and acceptance of unavoidable disappointment. These are not easy things to do. But that doesn’t stop life from trying to teach us this lesson over and over again… We need to be careful to not become numb and closed off to the experience of life but learn to love all and everything without conditions. And we need to be compassionate…most of all to ourselves. IP: Logged
Lexxigramer Moderator Posts: 8645 From: Here since March 24th.2005/..& Have been Lexagramming going on 2/3 of a century to date! LEXIGRAMMING.♥is my Passion! Registered: Feb 2012	posted August 29, 2022 04:18 AM PlutoWasHere Thank you 😎 ------------------ Take a look at my LexIgramming/LexAgramming Biography Nearly 2/3 of a century to date of ♥ LexAgramming Lexperience!🔠✍️ IP: Logged
aquaguy91 Moderator Posts: 12812 From: Uranus Registered: Jan 2012	posted August 29, 2022 10:05 AM I think the issue is that when people are saying "let go" they can only relate to the level of difficulty they were faced with in letting go. It's all very personal. For example, when I talk about rejection and being treated badly by women women always throw in my face here that they got rejected by Chad. And that's true and I won't deny that. However, these women have undoubtedly been highly desired by numerous men. So it's all very different as far as I can tell. Rejection hurts a lot worse when you don't have n at least somewhat equal balance of validation for your emotional health. It's a matter of degrees. I'm dealing with a much higher degree of rejection so it's not easy to cope with. IP: Logged
PlutoWasHere Knowflake Posts: 621 From: The Nether World Registered: Mar 2021	posted August 29, 2022 12:06 PM @aquaguy91, I can understand that it makes you feel like they don’t take your pain seriously but these people are giving you the socially acceptable response. The alternative: “OMG, your love life is a complete disaster! You’re so socially awkward, your chances of ever finding a suitable partner are minimal. I’m glad I’m not in your shoes.” Is not something you say unless you’re in a really close friendship where brutal honesty is something you both agreed upon. People will play down issues and say it’s not so bad or I had a similar experience or better luck next time, because that is what we are expected to say. Honest question: what kind of response do you really want from people when you tell them about the things that bother you? PS: I think reading some of the things Nietzsche wrote about, would actually be a good idea for you. IP: Logged
Lexxigramer Moderator Posts: 8645 From: Here since March 24th.2005/..& Have been Lexagramming going on 2/3 of a century to date! LEXIGRAMMING.♥is my Passion! Registered: Feb 2012	posted August 29, 2022 06:45 PM quote: Originally posted by PlutoWasHere: @aquaguy91..................... Honest question: what kind of response do you really want from people when you tell them about the things that bother you? PS: I think reading some of the things Nietzsche wrote about, would actually be a good idea for you. aquaguy91 💙 Yes that is something I would like to know so as to be able to better communicate with you and help hopefully💙 It may not seem like it to you but many of us here at LindaLand do indeed care about you💙 PS I wonder if Neitzche was afflicted with Asperger's and or Autism⁉️👽 It could explain some of his intense pessimistic personality and his attitudes towards human interaction/communication💙 I can identify with him and other pessimists better than with normal folk who often confuse me or worse👽 Hope your day was a-okay 😎🌻 IP: Logged
Stawr Moderator Posts: 7511 From: N. America Registered: Nov 2010	posted August 30, 2022 01:21 AM The best advice I've ever gotten was "how to deal with unreasonable people...First start with yourself you are expectations an unreasonable person to be reasonable" I can't even find the video anymore. I also really like youtuber Marie Dubuque on life advice on how to deal with toxic people. But yeah if you are venting to someone and they said "just let it go" or whatever I would be pretty annoyed. I would take it as a few things...this person doesn't actually care, they are burned out from hearing about your problems, toxic positivity, I need to tone down sharing with them. IP: Logged
charlie Knowflake Posts: 5374 From: Registered: Jun 2012	posted August 30, 2022 12:03 PM I’m assuming you are an Aquarius-something? Do you have any Uranus going on in your charts? IP: Logged
aquaguy91 Moderator Posts: 12812 From: Uranus Registered: Jan 2012	posted September 03, 2022 11:49 PM quote: Originally posted by PlutoWasHere: @aquaguy91, I can understand that it makes you feel like they don’t take your pain seriously but these people are giving you the socially acceptable response. The alternative: “OMG, your love life is a complete disaster! You’re so socially awkward, your chances of ever finding a suitable partner are minimal. I’m glad I’m not in your shoes.” Is not something you say unless you’re in a really close friendship where brutal honesty is something you both agreed upon. People will play down issues and say it’s not so bad or I had a similar experience or better luck next time, because that is what we are expected to say. Honest question: what kind of response do you really want from people when you tell them about the things that bother you? PS: I think reading some of the things Nietzsche wrote about, would actually be a good idea for you. Plutowashere, I'm not looking for any specific response. And by the way, nice passive aggressive insult there. It's not just about me. That's what you don't get. A few years ago there were stats that said some 30% of American men had not had sex in the past year. I think that was 2018. And keep in mind that a lot of men would even lie to a survey. Personally, to me, it feels more like around half of men get next to no attention from women. IP: Logged
PlutoWasHere Knowflake Posts: 621 From: The Nether World Registered: Mar 2021	posted September 04, 2022 01:04 PM @aquaguy91, relationships are difficult for everyone. To each it seems like the other is in control. None of us are taught from a young age to comfortably communicate our insecurities and vulnerabilities in any kind of relationship. We fear the other. Both man and women face these issues and it’s very tempting to blame the other but there’s no point to it. We all have to face our own demons. I have my own very painful memories of being denied any form of affection in the last couple of years in my marriage. We all struggle in our own ways. There’s no competition, nor is any of us entitled to a struggle free life. IP: Logged
aquaguy91 Moderator Posts: 12812 From: Uranus Registered: Jan 2012	posted September 04, 2022 05:08 PM Lol. It must be nice to be worthy of being married. I've never been good enough for anything. That's what you don't get. You say everyone gets rejected. I only get rejected. There's a difference. There's quite a bit of difference there. My experience is infinitely more painful and difficult. I don't want a struggle free life. I want to be able to feel good emotions and like I'm worthy of love. I hate you and your condescending tone. You suck. I truly hate you. You are so hateful to me. I'm sick of it. You talk to a suicidal person with zero compassion. I need positivity and encouragement and kindness, not someone being an a$$#0/e who makes me feel even more hatred and bitterness. My whole life has been pain. How dare you lecture me about life not being easy. You're not smart. You're not clever. You just say low level cliche bs. IP: Logged
aquaguy91 Moderator Posts: 12812 From: Uranus Registered: Jan 2012	posted September 04, 2022 05:26 PM Plutowashere, My point is getting a little validation is better than getting none. A bad or failed marriage is still validating because you were good enough for someone for some amount of time. My lack of relationships has traumatized me to the point where I'm emotionally crippled. I don't feel like I can trust anyone and my self esteem is non existent. I honestly feel like nobody loves me and nobody has my back. That's my lived emotional experience. That's what I feel every single day of my life. One of my only friends who told me I was his only friend recently stabbed me in the back. That's all I get. I get treated like s### by people. I wish I was worthy of being treated with love and respect. Keep being hateful and condescending to hurting people. You're a great person. IP: Logged
aquaguy91 Moderator Posts: 12812 From: Uranus Registered: Jan 2012	posted September 04, 2022 08:45 PM You constantly gaslight me and try to make it out like everyone has it hard. That is not true. Take my niece for example. She got married to her high school sweetheart straight out of high school. The guy is handsome and from a rich family and seems like a good guy. My niece didn't have to spend her whole 20s feeling lonely, sexually frustrated, and constantly insecure. She began her 20s in a positive loving relationship. I am 31 and have had to go through a ton of rejection and heart ache and I'm still searching for what came so easily to my niece and others I know. Relationships have been nothing but pain for me. That includes family, friends, and work acquaintances and mentors. I don't really have any relationships with anyone that I feel a net positive about. People only have a negative impact on my sense of self worth. That's why I mostly stick to myself anymore. IP: Logged
aquaguy91 Moderator Posts: 12812 From: Uranus Registered: Jan 2012	posted September 04, 2022 09:04 PM I was hanging out with family tonight and my sister's husband made a sh*y joke like he always does and it made me angry and I left. After I got home I sent him a text explaining why I left and why I was angry and let him know calmly and respectfully that I don't appreciate those jokes, especially when I have been open about my depression and low self esteem. He attacked me and called me an a$$hole and said I was too sensitive. That's how it always is when I defend myself and set boundaries with people. I always get attacked and people just double down on their hurting me. I'm done. It's over. People who disrespect me will not be in my life at all. Bye. There's the door. Get out! No more! I blocked him and my sister everywhere so they can't contact me anymore. But maybe you can understand why I am the way I am better now. I have been treated like that - just like that - since childhood. My feelings have never mattered to anyone. I have been treated like garbage since day one. I'm "too sensitive" for people that emotionally **** me up by disrespecting me and denying me affection and positive feedback of any kind. I don't have anyone that truly loves me. My life is very lonely. IP: Logged
PlutoWasHere Knowflake Posts: 621 From: The Nether World Registered: Mar 2021	posted September 05, 2022 11:59 AM - IP: Logged
PlutoWasHere Knowflake Posts: 621 From: The Nether World Registered: Mar 2021	posted September 05, 2022 12:36 PM @aquaguy91, I’m sorry that you feel very lonely but true self worth can never come from outside validation. It comes from being aligned to your own internal values. It’s something you need to feel inside. But I know from my own experience that it’s not an easy thing to do. I’m still struggling with it. It helps me to realize that each and everyone of us is unique and there is no point to compare ourself with other people. There is no one like you and that in itself is enough. IP: Logged
PlutoWasHere Knowflake Posts: 621 From: The Nether World Registered: Mar 2021	posted September 05, 2022 12:41 PM quote: Originally posted by aquaguy91: You constantly gaslight me and try to make it out like everyone has it hard. That is not true. … Seriously? Gaslighting? I have been honest with you from the beginning. And I still stand by what I said before, each and everyone of us struggles in their own way. Yes, some people struggle more but it’s irrelevant. Stop comparing yourself with other people. It’s a recipe for being miserable and serves no real purpose. IP: Logged
aquaguy91 Moderator Posts: 12812 From: Uranus Registered: Jan 2012	posted September 05, 2022 10:41 PM Plutowashere, I have a childhood friend who lives a transient lifestyle. He does seasonal work and works all over the United States and he has met countless people. When he was passing through last summer he told me that he had traveled all over and I'm the most unique person he has ever met. He told me this like it was a grand compliment. I suppose on the outside it might appear grand to be so unique but the on the ground reality is it's f###ing lonely. That's the result of being the square peg in a round hole society. Nobody gets you and most people even have a subtle animosity towards you because they sense that you aren't like them. I'm completely alone. IP: Logged
PlutoWasHere Knowflake Posts: 621 From: The Nether World Registered: Mar 2021	posted September 06, 2022 01:26 AM Some things we need to figure out by ourselves. From a philosophical viewpoint we are all alone and we are all connected at the same time. Being a loving person and feeling connected to other people without needing or expecting that this is reciprocated, is difficult. But it’s the only real answer to loneliness that I know. IP: Logged

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