|
Author
|
Topic: ANYONE AN EXPERT ON SEXUAL ABUSE ISSUES?
|
Sunjewel
unregistered
|
posted September 15, 2001 03:46 AM
Help needed from someone versed in the skills of SA Counselling? Any takers?  I won't go into detail till I know... but I'd really appreciate somebody's help as I cannot deal with this issue alone... It's been mentioned before, but it keeps rearing it's ugly head, and we get stuck at the same obstacle each time... Thank you... J  IP: Logged |
chandra
Knowflake Posts: 583
From: oregon
Registered: Jun 2001
|
posted September 15, 2001 04:12 AM
SUNJEWEL,
I really feel for you. I'm going through the same thing. I'm sorry, but I don't know about the counselling you mentioned.
I have been lucky enough, just recently, to
find a therapist/hypnotherapist who is a very nice person; and he says he is the best in the West, so that makes me hopeful. The only thing that ever helped me (and helped alot) is called Ericsonian Waking hypnosis. It's basically counselling, but it addresses the sub-conscious. It's like you really get in touch with the really you, and your real inner child. When I first did it, I felt like for the first time, somebody was actually addressing and listening the the abused child in me who had no voice when I was little. To me, it makes since to acknowledge the subsconsious since most of us used some form of hypnosis (unknowingly) to deal with the abuse. This usually is very helpful, especially if you are a creative person. I was lucky enough to find a trained therapist who actually teaches this. I start actual therapy on thursday. Things seem to be falling into place. I'm If you want, I'll keep you posted on how it works for me, and give you more details about it.
I wish you all the best in your journey of healing. My heart is with you.
Love,
Chandra
IP: Logged |
ghost
Knowflake Posts: 571
From:
Registered: Jul 2001
|
posted September 15, 2001 02:18 PM
dearest Sunjewel and Chendrai have no idea about the counselling but i'm told i'm a good listener and wouldn't mind giving an advice at any given time , feel free to email me and to get that stuff of your chest. be strong all my love and light is with you , ghost
IP: Logged |
Sunjewel
unregistered
|
posted September 16, 2001 04:06 AM
Chandra Thank you so much for sharing yourself with me. I know how hard that is sometimes and I truly appreciate it. And dear Ghost yesterday I went to the website you recommended, and asked for 'absent' healing... something worked because Paul and me had a lovely chat yesterday and he and I ended up doing something we haven't done in a long while  so thank you also, dear friend for your input. The problem isn't so much with me, at the moment, because I have been through every kind of therapy you can think of! I went to Hypnotherapy and I found it to be one of the most healing tools I used in my journey to recovery. Paul is terrified of going through that 'in case he finds out who it was'... bless his heart So Chandra, if you feel like you can share your experience, it would help so much to take the fear out of it for Paul... you can mail me anytime by clicking on the icon above (as you know) and I would be so happy to correspond with you, about anything at all! Thank you both, with friends like you, I know there is hope.  I send you my love and hugs.... Jools xxx IP: Logged |
chandra
Knowflake Posts: 583
From: oregon
Registered: Jun 2001
|
posted September 17, 2001 12:56 AM
SUNJEWEL,
Thank you. It's nice to know that there is someone else to talk to who has been through a similar experience. It's always been hard for me to talk about this, but I'm learning.....the more one can share their trauma, the less alone they feel. And to know that my sharing could help someone else makes me want to open up all the more.GHOST,
You have such a loving heart Thank you.
Love,
Chandra
IP: Logged |
Sunjewel
unregistered
|
posted September 17, 2001 08:46 AM
Purp...  thank you. I am so grateful for your input... sometimes you just need to 'offload' and get some neutral feedback and from a guy's perspective, too... bless you.Ghost, Chandra is right you do have a very loving and I'm glad you're a Knowflake... {{{HUGS}}} Dearest Chandra I said in another string that I just knew you and I were kindred spirits and now I know for sure. I think we can be of great help to each other... I will mail you when I get home to my own computer (at work at present and can't do too much stuff without somebody seeing!)... Thank you all so much. Things are on the up again and I am sure it's all your lovely vibes coming my way... Love and light, Jools xxx IP: Logged |
chandra
Knowflake Posts: 583
From: oregon
Registered: Jun 2001
|
posted September 18, 2001 04:17 AM
SUNJEWEL,
I'm so glad you're feeling better  I'd love to hear from you.
Love,
ChandraIP: Logged |
ghost
Knowflake Posts: 571
From:
Registered: Jul 2001
|
posted September 18, 2001 02:20 PM
aww shacks , thank you all for all your kind words , and chandra i'l second that i am also glad that your ok sunjewellove and light , ghost IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 16464
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
|
posted September 19, 2001 05:14 AM
I've had a few girlfriends who were abused, so I can relate. Apparently, they are attracted to me, so I have learned to become a counselor of sorts. ------------------
"Man is the only animal that blushes...or needs to." Mark Twain IP: Logged |
chronicprincess
Knowflake Posts: 3080
From: Earth
Registered: May 2001
|
posted September 19, 2001 05:46 PM
Dearest Jools~ This is pretty much *in a nut shell* but, to your precious Paul I would like to say, "The truth will set you free..." ~Princess
------------------
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince IP: Logged |
Grasshopper
Moderator Posts: 285
From: Vermont
Registered: May 2001
|
posted September 20, 2001 11:38 AM
In the fifth grade, my father started to sexually abuse me. Cutting first words. "Son, it's time I showed you what it is to be a man; but don't tell your mom. She won't understand." That was the first moment of abuse. Those words. Yes ... the perversity that ensued is probably a better definition of sexual abuse, but the slime-coated feeling of confusion and violation started with those words.I'm thankful to a friend who gave me courage in the sixth grade to cry out what had been happening to me. Funny, really. Her tender Cancerian insides were braver than my Lionine facade of courage. I began the requisite counseling, and healed very quickly ... w. simple one and one conversation from healer who cared deeply for her work. Ask me anything of it, and I'll tell U; openly, honestly, simply. But if I feel like you're prying, I promise U I will shut down. I don't like the feeling of expectation that I Have to divulge. My brave friend often pryed at me ... feeling that I needed to open up more. Good to my word, I shut down. Sunjewel, it is imperative your friend gets counseling. Bar-none. But only by a professional healer who loves his or her work. YOur role, I'm sorry to say, is merely to be a gentle supporter, and an empathic listener. Hold yOur friend in quiet Love ... But push nothing. Not counseling. Not what sort of counseling. Not how he must go about healing. NoThing. I said Counseling is imperative. Yes. It is. But more so that he seeks his healing with his own light. In Love .... we must stand out of it.
IP: Logged |
chronicprincess
Knowflake Posts: 3080
From: Earth
Registered: May 2001
|
posted September 20, 2001 11:57 AM
Grasshopper
IP: Logged |
Sunjewel
unregistered
|
posted September 22, 2001 03:52 AM
Rats, and double drat... just typed out a long message, acknowledging and thanking you all for your help and giving the latest update, and the darned thing wouldn't let me post... came back with some message about the server not letting me in... contact your Knowflake Administrator...Well, I think Merc Rx has begun a little early! I'll try later, but wanted to say and thanks to Grasshopper - {{{HUGS}}} Love and light, Jools xxxxxxxxxx IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 16464
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
|
posted September 22, 2001 12:57 PM
It's a flaw in the programming. I used to get it at Greg's site. If the Post is very, very long, it would be wise to copy it just in case. If you keep submitting it, it usually works after a few tries. Or split it in two Posts. Or eliminate the smilies. ------------------
"Man is the only animal that blushes...or needs to." Mark Twain IP: Logged |
YIVY
Knowflake Posts: 4747
From: Louisiana
Registered: Nov 2000
|
posted September 22, 2001 07:21 PM
Grasshopper....I wanted to tell you how very impressed I am with your tremendous courage. I am sure that your words are taken to heart by many who don't speak up. Your advice will help many more than you will ever know about. SunJewel...  ------------------
@~>~~
YIVY
"Witchy Woman" IP: Logged |
Grasshopper
Moderator Posts: 285
From: Vermont
Registered: May 2001
|
posted September 22, 2001 11:25 PM
I've been truly fortunate to have Healed so completely from what happened to me. I had a lot of people pullng for me. No scars. Not so much as a twinge of tender bruises. It makes it easier to talk about it. I don't go around touting what happened to me ... but it Is important to talk about it when the timing is right.In 1988, one in four girls were sexually abused, while one in six boys. That statistic is slightly improved today; but not by a lot, in my opinion. I've given a couple of speeches ... and you can recognize the looks of those who still keep it all inside, who need to let it out. Those are the ones I hope I touch. While I'll never truly know if I did or not, Yivi, I think you're right. I hope U are. IP: Logged |
chandra
Knowflake Posts: 583
From: oregon
Registered: Jun 2001
|
posted September 23, 2001 09:09 AM
Hi Grasshopper,
Thanks for sharing your story. Not alot of people realize that boys are sexually abused quite frequently also. And many times, people think that boys are not hurt by the abuse like girls are. They are. A friend of mine was abused as a child (by his babysitter), and he didn't even realize how much damage and pain it caused him until years later because society has this notion that males are supposed to want sex as much as possible. He is on the road to healing now.
Love,
Chandra
IP: Logged |
Sunjewel
unregistered
|
posted September 23, 2001 11:46 AM
Grasshopper... I echo what Yivy said. It takes a lot of courage, and I thank you so much for sharing your innermost with me. It helps tremendously towards my own healing...Chandra: bless you darling... Paul was also 'got at' by babysitters, and from what I can gather from what he's told me family members too.. it's worse for him than me because he has no memory (yet) and doesn't know exactly who it was and what was done, but the pain is there, I can see it in his face and it hurts me to see it. I can keep supporting him, because you guys are supporting me. I know the vital importance of never pushing anyone or invading or intruding upon their space, as to an abuse survivor (won't use the word 'victim') their space is totally sacred. Heck, I don't even drive Paul's new car because he needs that to be the one place that is just his... and that is okay... Bless all of you... so much Jools xxx IP: Logged |
Sunjewel
unregistered
|
posted September 23, 2001 11:47 AM
ps...  sweetie, forgot to say thanks for the tips... bless you I shall try to bear this in mind when rambling on, as I tend to do  ... hee hee...Yivy Jools xxxxxxx IP: Logged |
lunacrab
Knowflake Posts: 180
From: s. kingstown, RI,USA
Registered: Aug 2001
|
posted September 23, 2001 03:29 PM
Sunjewel, I was sexually abused for 4 years when I was younger, and also, 5 or 6 of my good friends, and my daughters father. If I can be of any help whatsoever, let me know. I've been through a lot of therapy, but sometimes it just gets to be too much and i feel like I'm going crazy, so I have to stop for a while. I have been told though by various therapists that it always gets really bad when you start to really deal with all the hard stuff,and usually you have to go through all that before you can really heal from it. If you need to talk though, I'm here, feel free. IP: Logged |
ghost
Knowflake Posts: 571
From:
Registered: Jul 2001
|
posted September 23, 2001 08:38 PM
ooooh lunacrab...i'm so sorry for you , this things shouldn't happen... oh man love and light ghost IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 16464
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
|
posted September 24, 2001 01:00 AM
------------------
"Man is the only animal that blushes...or needs to." Mark Twain IP: Logged |
chandra
Knowflake Posts: 583
From: oregon
Registered: Jun 2001
|
posted September 24, 2001 02:24 PM
Sunjewel,
I really feel for your Paul. Somethimes the betrayal is just too great to deal with. I don't remember alot of mine either. I have always remembered how I finally fought and got him away from me. How I tried and made plans to before. Like when I was in the second grade and was hurting so much. They were hurting me so much and my little body just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to tell my teacher(she didn't like me very well, so I was even more afraid) so bad. I thought if I told her and the principle, mabye I could be put into foster care. But I didn't. I was so afraid. In that time, and in a country town, there just wasn't much help for children who were being abused, as least not in my surroundings. I thought if I told her and it didn't work out, they would kill me.
So, I had to depend on myself, and one of the ways I survived was to block out most of the abuse because I had to live with these people.....I had no other option.
Whenever anyone tries to take me back to the abuse, I feel this tremendous fear, and start shaking all over. Sometimes I get this spiliting headache also.
I know I have to go back there. And I think in the near future, I will.
My new therapist says he knows what to do. He says he's "the best in the west", so this makes me feel hopeful. He is a good caring person, and sometimes this is hard to find.
If whatever he is going to do works for me, I'll let you know what he does for me that helps so you can pass is on to Paul.
Tell him not to give up. There is hope and he will make it.
Love,
ChandraIP: Logged |
YIVY
Knowflake Posts: 4747
From: Louisiana
Registered: Nov 2000
|
posted September 24, 2001 11:26 PM
Chandra...I think by your telling that story here...you just made a GREAT LEAP forward Give your 'inner child' a big HUG!!!
'She' has been very very brave. Then go get 'her' a big chocolate sundae and celebrate...and don't be selfish...let 'her' have the cherry on top ------------------
@~>~~
YIVY
"Witchy Woman" IP: Logged |
chandra
Knowflake Posts: 583
From: oregon
Registered: Jun 2001
|
posted September 25, 2001 02:27 AM
Thank you YIVY
Well, as for splurging, I already did that today. Had a piece of double chocholate cake on my way to Olympia today
Love,
ChandraIP: Logged |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
