posted November 26, 2008 01:01 AM           

I hope you and your family are well and, inshahallah, you will indulge me (as you usually do) while I make a few comments.

There is, and has always been, a great fear of death and dying. It is one of the greatest mysteries of this human existence. In spite of the fact that saints, mystics and prophets have written and spoke on the subject, it continues to cause an obvious or subconscious emotional disturbance in many lives. It is useful, I think, to touch on this subject briefly and perhaps open a more positive thread then the subject (death) usually opens.

For a person of utter and complete faith, death holds no fear. The person who has that rock solid belief in God and God’s Mercy will not spend a moment of worry or concern over the transition from this life to the next. People of Knowledge are similar, since when there is Knowledge of a thing, complete Knowledge, that thing ceases to create fear or any other emotional disturbance.

From a mystical perspective, this life is the greatest opportunity for an individual to realize his/her potential. To reach great heights and great fulfillment in this human experience. We (all human beings) are given many, many opportunities to realize our potential and, in some cases, even transcend our human limitations. One might say that we all have the opportunity to realize and experience God inside of us, or our Divine Nature.

One of the reasons that murder is such a severe prohibition/sin in so many cultures and religions is because, when a life is taken, all the potential that existed in that person is pre-maturely cut off. When the person passes to the other realm of existence, they have a double trauma, the shock of a life prematurely ended and an unrealized potential. In the other realms of existence, it is a much slower process to realize potential.

Suicide is a particular type of death that is part “murder” and part “natural”. I say natural since there is no power or person in heaven, hell or earth that can give or take life without the permission (if not the blessing of course) of God. Within suicide, we can distinguish between two types. One is of a political/external nature (suicide bombers, Japanese kamakazi pilots in WWII, etc.) and personal/internal nature (caused by depression or other ordinary psychological disorders). Of the two types, it should be evident that external motives for suicide are more damaging to the soul then internal motives. In the case of the former, there is “self murder” as well as the murder of others. In the case of the latter there is only the self that is harmed. In both cases, the Divine Potential of the individuals who are murdered (self or others) is cut off. We can say that in the case of an individual who is depressed, the depression is a sort of prayer to God asking to be released. God answers this prayer by permitting the suicide, but in His great Wisdom, He also knows that the person has many potentials that can be fulfilled. In other words, He answers a prayer that is very bad for the individual. Imagine your child asks you to allow him/her to eat only candy for all three meals. This is a request that is bad for the child, but some parents may actually allow it since their Love overwhelms their judgment. The parent will give in to the destructive request because of Love. Similarly, God may grant the request for release from this life, although He forbids it at the same time.

This is the heart of the contradiction that all cultures and traditions must deal with. The human Divine Potential should be given every opportunity, every breath, to flourish. Furthermore, we should not ask God to express His Love for us if that Love will allow self destruction. It is a terrible position for a parent and an even more painful position for God.

At the end of all of this, however, we can certainly conclude that God has a great Love for those who suffer from personal depression that leads to self destructive actions. If His Love is so powerful as to allow such destruction, we must also see that this Love will be a powerful force in healing that soul in the other realm. In this, we can find peace, comfort and faith that, indeed, what comes after is better than that which has gone before (93:4).

Peace and Blessings, and may your faith remain strong always.

posted November 26, 2008 11:48 AM           

Something that has been bothering me is what I have read about in the Tibetan Book of the Dead and a couple of others like it or based on it. It's not that I am afraid of death, but for someone like my father who lived a very fear based life and died under the circumstances he did (intoxicated and upset), I worry. I dont think he would be punished by God, but by himself; his own choices and actions bringing continued pain to himself in the afterlife. In different writings throughout the years I've read of a "God" who is very detatched when it comes to the choices and actions we take and where they lead us knowing we'll all make it home eventually. "He" waits. ....i just want my dad to be helped.

In the Tibetan literature (and even Hindu to a certain extent) it is said that you take your mind with you when you die and the condition you keep it in throughout your life is very important - even moreso upon death of the physical vehicle (keep in mind I have not delved too deeply into the Tibetan writings, but have read more than the average person i think). I understand and agree that this life is an opportunity and gift to each of us to realize our fullest potential if we so choose to; that that is the point or opportunity presented. Though I also think it makes sense that you take your state of mind with you when you depart. Just because you exit the body doesnt mean you are guarenteed to move on to a better place. You still have to deal with your demons...or so i tend to think. I'm open to learning that that is not the case, or not quite the case.

Do you have any comments on how the state of mind effects the next area of existence you move to? I guess maybe what you wrote above could answer that. I plan on rereading it a few times because i think there is a lot of truth contained within it.

If the inner life reflects the outer here on earth, then how does, or why should that suddenly change on planes in which one is now bodiless or moved into a life in their etheric or lighter bodies? I've come to understand how life here is like a dream, and there are dreams upon dreams, worlds within worlds. I guess I just hope that he has'nt gotten stuck in one of his own nightmares and can have enough sense to make it to the light and recieve healing.

Myself, i'm not worried about or afraid of dying (can't wait actually. lol). I know my mind/self well enough and will be able to handle whatever comes; tests etc. I guess I just feel sad for him that he will most likely have to come back and continue to try and sort through the pain. It's like some sort of sick joke what we go through here and I'm tired of it; for people like my father and for me. I don't want to come back here or exist anywhere else for that matter. I don't find it all fun or funny and i'm very tired - again...and a again. I know that is a sign that I'm not seeing things clearly and am working against myself, but it's how i feel today and often. I feel like I've never met a sane person in my life, not a single one and this planet is one big loony-bin and I want out. It's a good thing i have a sense of humor to rely on eh? lol Not lately though. Ahh.. and on we go. Droning on. That God guy must be saying to himself: "What a brat she is." That's what i sound like, dont i? I want candy for dinner and he's not giving it to me. lol

Well, wasnt planning on writing so much. Please reply at your convienince if you feel so inclined. I am going to be quite busy for a bit, but will try to check back in the next few days.

Again, thank you. BTW the this last part is really sticking with me...

..."what comes after is better than that which has gone before (93:4)."

I truly believe that. Even if what comes is only a little tiny bit better, it's comforting and I believe it to be true.

posted November 26, 2008 12:27 PM           

we can't 'do it' for anyone else, this i know. that is the frustration and what i need to get over in this case. in a sense the only thing we can do to help someone, is help ourselves. you cant touch one part of the web without it vibrating and affecting the rest of it. his pain is my pain. and i guess mine would be his; would be felt by him...sooo...there's an answer.

posted November 26, 2008 12:57 PM         

I believe it is all relative to one's own personal beliefs, especially the belief's of the one who took his/her own life.

The truest burden, certainly lies (as we both know) with those of us who are left behind.

I have been researching, pondering, contemplating death for years and I still have no answers, other than we will never know until we are there, ourselves.

My bfriend a Buddhist, believes we go back to nothing, merging with the source, I am not so sure, not willing to let go of my conciousness so easily.

Many think that those who kill themselves are thrown back into incarnate again, to finish the life they ended, with another body, another life, and similar circumstances. Some believe they are thrown into hell or at best pergatory.

These beliefs are based upon religious thought that suicide is wrong. I disagree, as you know, I think it highly a personal choice.

The other day, during one of my dark nights of the soul, a thought occured to me. What IF suicide is not spiritually, religioulsy, morally incorrect to kill oneself? What IF we are supposed to end our own lives, and IF we do not, then eventually our bodies wear out and we die.

Who said it is wrong to kill oneself anyway?

Probably some man, somwhere a long time ago with high religious affiliations.

I will tell you this, tho and I do not know if I have ever shared this story with you, or not.

A few years after my husband (the causer of my PTDS) killed himself, I ran into former neighbors of ours at the grocers. They asked about Jeff and my heart dropped into my stomach as I had to tell them. I then came home and that is when he came around, for the first time and the last so far.

I felt Jeff's energy all around me. It permeated me, it spilled onto the very matrix of the Universal threads, it was without time, space, emotion...humaness. It was pure "neutral" energy and it was SO BIG! It encompassed everything, including me.

He killed himself in a drunken rage to get back at me, his last words to me were "I will give you what you want....."

I always assumed he crossed over in peace, possibly anger, but I never really knew what happened to him, and for a while I was so worried as you that he would not, infact, end up in peace. When I found out that he had gone, I cursed him and told him to never come around me, that he may watch over our kids, but NEVER come around me.

But after his energy touched me, I know our conception of "the afterlife" is not theirs.

Religion is a human belief system and I do not think that it applies to the afterlife anymore than anything else human does.

I just wanted you to hear about how one committer or suicide chose to make me a bit more aware.

Blessings always

posted November 27, 2008 11:20 PM         

quote:

---

Back and forth between overwhelming anguish and love and guilt and frustration. I failed.

---

My special trauma is raised, angry male voices. I was conditioned during my time with my ex that those waves of anger precede violence done to me. I freeze, go numb. I can't watch movies where men display anger to women.

Chronos is indeed the Healer, T -- it's been 11 years for me, and the reaction of numbness and the freezing of all feeling and activity due to that trigger has receded. I don't know that it will ever entirely go away -- I feel emotionally scarred, but one can live with scars, be they on your skin or in your heart. There is still plenty of room for joy

posted November 27, 2008 11:36 PM         

quote:

---

Love and Hugs to you, T -- and all of you who shared your pain and challenges here

---

posted November 28, 2008 10:01 AM         

Beautiful and inspiring words.

I, too, can not tolerate male anger toward women, me especially, or in general for that matter.

Yes it does trigger something deep, but in the triggering, I feel is where the healing is.

The other day at work, I had a young man who took a slew of Tylenol, in attempt to kill himself. He got impatient waiting for the doc to come and assess him, so he got very verbally agressive with me and I had to leave the room, ask for aid from the other 2 nurses I was working with, and could not go near the freak for the rest of my shift.

Just yesterday a man was cussing his wife out cause he wanted to leave the hospital and she wanted him to stay and recieve the treatment he needed. I stood by the door as the nurse in charge of the patient tried to calm him and I came SO close to telling him a thing or two as his wife fled the ICU.

I can get a bit righteous where men's poor behavior to women is concerned, but when driven toward me I have to retreat.

blessings

posted November 28, 2008 01:04 PM         

26, you were looking for natural alternatives and therapies -- taking off from what hippi wrote, here's some google results:

Excerpts from Dr. Ray Sahelian’s page:

”Dopamine is an important brain chemical involved in motor functions and general arousal. Dopamine is also involved in the ability to learn and the encoding of stimuli. Virtually all drugs of abuse, including heroin and other opiates, alcohol, cocaine, amphetamine and nicotine activate dopamine neuronal systems. So called "natural" rewards such as food, positive social interactions and even humor, likewise activate dopamine neurons and are powerful aids to attention and learning. Sweet solutions are a well-characterized natural reward. When a source of sugar is encountered, animals will consume substantial amounts, return to it preferentially, and will work to obtain access.

A number of psychiatric disorders are associated with imbalances with dopamine, particularly schizophrenia, Parkinson’s disease, and mood disorders, including certain types of depression. Dopamine may also be involved in restless legs syndrome.

How is Dopamine made?
Dopamine is made from the amino acid tyrosine. Once produced, dopamine can, in turn, convert into the brain chemicals norepinephrine and epinephrine.

Phenylalanine
to
Tyrosine
to
L-Dopa
to
Dopamine
to
Norepinephrine
to
Epinephrine

The herbs in Mind Power Rx [Sahelian's formula] include: Ashwagandha, Bacopa, Fo-Ti, Ginkgo biloba, Ginseng, Gotu kola, Mucuna pruriens, Rhodiola, and Reishi. The nutrients and vitamins in Mind Power Rx include Acetyl-l-carnitine, Carnitine, Carnosine, Choline, DMAE, Inositol, Methylcobalamin, Pantothenic acid, Trimethylglycine, Tyrosine, and Vinpocetine.

Natural Ways to increase dopamine:
A decline in dopamine activity in the brain is linked to cognitive (learning and memory) and movement problems in those with Parkinson's disease. The amino acids phenylalanine and tyrosine, along with the nutrient NADH and some of the B vitamins, influence the production of dopamine. An herbal supplement called mucuna pruriens elevates dopamine levels and it has been used in India for many centuries for Parkinson's disease. Mucuna Pruriens is found in a sex booster called Passion Rx. See index at top of page. Dopamine is also enhanced by massage therapy.

Brain metabolism of Dopamine:
When released into the synaptic cleft (the space between brain cells), dopamine is broken down by the enzyme monoamine oxidase (MAO). This is an important point to keep in mind since many pharmaceutical drugs take advantage of this reaction. In fact, there are drugs that block the activity of MAO, and hence are known as MAO inhibitors. There are two types of MAO inhibitors—type A and type B. These monoamine oxidase inhibitors can act as antidepressants, and the type B inhibitors are also used to treat Parkinson’s disease. Selegiline (or deprenyl) is a well-known pharmaceutical MAO type-B inhibitor.

Dopamine Research Update:
Cortisol decreases and serotonin and dopamine increase following massage therapy.
Int J Neurosci. 2005 Oct;115(10):1397-413. Field T, Hernandez-Reif M, Diego M, Schanberg S, Kuhn C.
Touch Research Institutes, University of Miami School of Medicine, Miami, Florida

In this article the positive effects of massage therapy on biochemistry are reviewed including decreased levels of cortisol and increased levels of serotonin and dopamine. The research reviewed includes studies on depression (including sex abuse and eating disorder studies), pain syndrome studies, research on auto-immune conditions (including asthma and chronic fatigue), immune studies (including HIV and breast cancer), and studies on the reduction of stress on the job, the stress of aging, and pregnancy stress. In studies in which cortisol was assayed either in saliva or in urine, significant decreases were noted in cortisol levels (averaging decreases 31%). In studies in which the activating neurotransmitters (serotonin and dopamine) were assayed in urine, an average increase of 28% was noted for serotonin and an average increase of 31% was noted for dopamine. These studies combined suggest the stress-alleviating effects (decreased cortisol) and the activating effects (increased serotonin and dopamine) of massage therapy on a variety of medical conditions and stressful experiences.”

What is Tyrosine? (following from: http://www.vitaguide.org/l-tyrosine.html )

L-Tyrosine ~

From an amino acid called phenylalanine, the body is able to manufacture the nonessential amino acid L-tyrosine. Tyrosine plays a key role in the structure of nearly all of the body’s proteins, and is also the forerunner of various neurotransmitters including dopamine, L-dopa, epinephrine, and norepinephrine. Because of the effect it has on neurotransmitters (chemical messengers found within the body), L-tyrosine may prove helpful in treating a wide variety of health conditions such as Parkinson’s disease, depression, and various other mood disorders. Preliminary studies have also suggested the use of tyrosine to be effective in treating people with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia. It is also possible that tyrosine, because it acts as a forerunner to two stress-related hormones (epinephrine and norepinephrine), may be valuable in treating people suffering from physical, psychological and environmental stresses. Skin cells convert L-tyrosine into melanin, a dark pigment that protects the skin from ultraviolet light damage. Tyrosine is also present in the structure of thyroid hormones, which are vital to almost every course of action carried out inside the body.

Following from: http://www.nadh.com/site7/SYSact20.htm

NADH rebuilds brain neurotransmitters

Clinical study confirms NADH has a direct, positive impact on rebuilding brain neurotransmitters. Production of the neurotransmitter dopamine is increased six-fold when taking NADH supplements.

Summary:
A University of Paris research study proves that in brain tissue (neuron cell) cultures, the production of the brain neurotransmitters, such as dopamine, can be increased by adding NADH to the culture medium.

The study's results showed that adding NADH yields a six-fold increase in the production of the neurotransmitter dopamine. It was also found coenzyme NADH stimulates the production of many different brain neurotransmitters, including dopamine, norepinephrine or noradrenaline, and serotonin.

Benefits of dopamine production:
NADH stimulates dopamine production. Medical science has proven that increased dopamine production has a positive effect on the following brain functions: thinking, cognitive functions (like memory & decision making), sex drive, mood, drive, strength, coordination, movement, mobility and much more.

Medical science has proven dopamine has a positive impact on growth hormone secretion. Growth hormone secretion is regarded as the key factor for the regeneration of cells and tissue. Increased dopamine production enhances the body's ability to repair or replace damage and wounded cells.

Dopamine has been proven to reduce prolactin secretion, which is the cause of appetite. The higher the dopamine levels in the blood, the lower the appetite. It is believed that higher or normalized dopamine blood levels reduces "binge" eating.

(What is NADH? From: http://www.pathealthlabs.com/whatisnadh.htm )

Only Good Health Ensures Quality NADH

What is NADH:
Every living cell, from bacteria up to human, contains coenzyme nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide (NADH), a coenzyme critical to cellular energy producfion.1 Cells that use the most energy, such as brain and muscle cells, also hold the highest amounts of NADH. Human heart cells, for instance, contain a whopping 90 mcg of NADH per gram of tissue.

NADH is involved in the synthesis of adenosine triphosphate (ATP), the body's primary intracellular energy source.2 When NADH is oxidized in cellular energy-producing organelles called mitochondria, it forms water and energy. This energy is preserved as ATP. Every energy-consuming reaction requires ATP, so the more NADH a cell has available, the more energy it can produce. To keep up with the cellular demand for energy, the body continuously synthesizes NADH (a process that involves niacin, a B-complex vitamin).3

Although NADH occurs naturally in all plant and animal cells, its most plentiful sources are red meat, poultry and yeast. Vegetables are not as rich in NADH as animal tissues, Because food processing, cooking and stomach acids can destroy the NADH present in most foods, sprinkling yeast on meals is a good way to increase NADH consumption.

posted November 30, 2008 08:07 PM         

I very much enjoyed reading your posts on herbal supplements.

Thank you for posting!

You always seem to find good information on the net, I search and search and come up with little, or maybe I am not as able to be focused on the infernal machine as an Air sun!

I was taking St John's Wort for a while, but then remembered it may interfere with the birth control pill.....just what I need...

Anyway, good info, will look into your supplement, why, another pill to my host of vitamins, minerals, and meds I take could not hurt!

blessings

posted November 30, 2008 08:45 PM           

I've had a number of realizations lately; pertaining to many different aspects of my life. One being that that little "death-wish voice" - the one that seems to have been with me since i was born - listened more closely to and heard undistorted, is really a longing for total ego annihilation. "I" don't want to curl up and die, i want my ego-self to and always have. Completely.. gone. Only an "i" can die, however much it fights not to. And in Reality there is no i. This might make sense to some of you. "I'm depressed" and only an ego can be that. I'm practicing seeing more clearly again now.

A dear friend keeps telling me; 'it's time to take care of T'. This is true. One of my biggest problems is I havent done enough of that in this lifetime. I have to let my dad RIP and get myself back on track.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble, for your advice, information and friendship.

posted December 02, 2008 03:39 AM           

gotta have the courage to face this, since the tendency is to run away, isn't it? i used to have panic attacks on a daily basis after several HORRIBLE things happened to me in the course of a 2 month period. after a few months i learned what they were and was able to breathe through them (i have tips if anyone would like them). still when i think about what happened i go numb, because it hurts too much and i can feel my chest tighten up and my breathing start to get difficult, but nothing like the full blown attacks i suffered 4 years ago..

posted December 02, 2008 05:24 PM         

I used to suffer from panic attacks. Of all the health problems that I have experienced, panic attacks are the only one which I will refer to as suffering from. It's a bit of a blur but it was a daily occurrence. At best I would not be able to breathe, shake, feel dizzy, terrified and be convinced that I was about to drop dead. At worst these symptoms would last a whole day. They started when I was about thirteen and became increasingly worse.

Before the panic attacks started, at about twelve, I experienced waves of feeling lonely, upset, anxious and extremely downcast. Thoughts of death, dying and harming myself were frequent. I had so many phobias ranging from common such as water and spiders to more obscure like comets colliding with the planet.

By fourteen I had to attend a school for 'problem children' as my school attendance dropped to the point where my parents could get into trouble. The last day I went to school I ended up having a panic attack, grabbing my friends arm and yelling "I'm dying". I couldn't face going back after that. The new school helped slightly with it's smaller classrooms but most days I couldn't face going. Despite it being my biggest fear, I had a growing interest in death and suicide.

Going out in public was almost impossible. I would nearly always have a panic attack, especially in crowds or restaurant-type settings.

To the people who know me, it probably appears that these feelings just wore off. Although a worrier by nature I haven't had a panic attack for years. What actually happened is I got to know myself. This is hindsight by the way, it wasn't a conscious effort. I read constantly, pandering to every curiosity that I had... suicide, serial killers, Satanism, abnormal psychology (I had a fascination with the darker side of life). From the beginning of the world to the end I debated, read, thought and wrote about it all, managing to unpick my own peculiarities and life paths while I was at it. I stumbled across my soul mate in the middle of this, who incidentally was pondering similar things. We would talk for ten hours sometimes.

To cut a long story short, I displayed similar symptoms of PTS after a life changing (medical) experience. However, I think my general awareness of the world contributed a lot too, as some of the feelings I had before my illness. After uncovering many truths I can now make sense of the world and sense of myself. Understanding something changes the fear (to get rid of it altogether wouldn't necessarily be a good thing).

This is what worked for me Words never do such awful feelings justice but I can identify with many of the feelings described in this thread and wish everybody well

------------------
"The pioneers of a warless world are the youth who refuse military service."

posted December 02, 2008 09:47 PM           

Thank you for speaking up. I think that is exactly what I needed to hear and be reminded of right now. I don't think i can heal it on my own anymore either. I believe more people suffer from this than realized as well. I'm going to look into getting some Spirulina too.

Thanks again! Hang in there.

Heartcakes and vivid child, thank you! I will reply soon. My wireless connection keeps going in and out.

posted December 12, 2008 05:48 PM         

From Ground Zero Day to 3 months later:

***dizziness and bewilderment
***increased heart rate
***slept for 4 hours a night

From 3 months later for 3 years:

***HUGE headaches that never ceased
***anxiety attacks
***emotional pain that pushed my sanity over the limit
***lost all physical strength, which never returned
***knots in stomach
***poor memory
*** felt rushes of stress hormones charge down my neck and through my body
***nightmares
***lack of sleep
***physically slowed down
***became obsessive over small daily routines
***constant self-talk "It'll be okay"
***avoided TV and radio as stress levels rose when listening
***saw demons circling above me (seen by Christian friend, aswell)
****heard music, I presume from angels

What I did to survive the shock:

***prayed constantly
***asked God to help me
***had afternoon nap 30 minutes per day
***hugged my cat (they are healing)
***avoided alcohol like the plague
***ate 3 healthy meals per day (even if I had to force myself)
***pushed myself through basic care routines, eg, shower, teeth, cooking, laundry
***concentrated on deep breathing
***set a goal to not go crazy for the next 30 seconds. Increased the goal to 1 minute, 4 minutes etc...
***meditated around my third eye area

I wouldn't wish PTSD on anyone. I think anyone who has experienced PTSD has been initiated into a special group of people. A group that others would not understand until they go there themselves.

I have just read recently that boiling banana skins releases serotonin! An upper drink!!! Fancy that!!!

There are some beautiful messages here. This is why I love LL.

Love to you

posted December 23, 2008 01:02 PM         

The medical community, which I am emersed in 36 hours a week applauds you, and the woman's spiritual community will learn from you.

To all ladies that have posted here: I am SO thankful we are not alone, this friggin affliction that we did not ask for just plain sucks.

All I can say, again, is to eliminate all stressors in your lives that you can, and deal the best with the other ones.

I had to find a home for my two Siberian Huskey brothers, cause they were causing me SO much stress, digging out, getting into the neighbor's yard, etc. I began to have awful heart arrythemias again, but once the Huskies were gone.........no arrythemias.

I miss them, I loved them, but just could not deal....Everyday I walk out into my back yard, I miss them, for just a moment, then I feel so free......

blessings to all you lovely ladies.

posted December 30, 2008 01:56 AM         

PTSD is an affliction that no-one asks for, you are right, there! It made me more compassionate toward people who have to constantly live with disorders and disabilites, after feeling immobilized by this paralyzing disorder for those few years!!