posted November 18, 2014 01:49 PM              

I agree with everything you said. Unfortunately, I have only now come to realize the politics that governs every nook and cranny of this place. Seeing how I was treated, I wish I would have been more fervent in expressing my beliefs but I took the easy way out, it seems, by trying to be too respectful. I appreciate you and Bella defending me and having my back. Gestures like these will never be forgotten.

I must say, you are right... This thread is most certainly going down the wrong avenue, it's supposed to be a positive and lighthearted space for you and Bella and anyone who wants to drop by and show some love. How upsetting would it be for Bella to see this petty internet drama perpetuated when she is in so much pain, she almost took her life! This whole thing should be given a rest until everyone who's a part of this conversation is capable of responding to the issue as they see fit. For now, let's drop it and set our index fingers aside.

Maybe even reflect upon how we contribute to the drama... And what we can do to change it, despite there being things that are, structurally and systematically, wrong with LL, like you said.

posted November 18, 2014 02:18 PM              

I just can't stand personal (I or others in other topics gone by) or blanket accusations (at the community) that we support such terrible things based on us not having such knee-jerk, passionate outbursts at the absurd comments that some make. Sometimes I just think, "That's an absurd comment" and I don't go further than that.
Some say that silence is worse but are we impacting the world here or simply discussing (fighting) on an internet forum?

For Bella...
I DO care and despite everything. I'm here to talk, pushing everything else aside, if she wants.
Personal email... She can have it. I don't mind. I've been there. I've done many many things, attempts and all. (Leaving the details out here) Writing notes, days or weeks of planning.
Pushing others away. Feeling unlovable was the biggest. I didn't feel that it was actually possible, not about worthiness, about possibility. Feeling just... I can't even describe the exhaustion. It was worth death just to have a break. Just to not have to THINK. It was torture.
So..
Just. I'm here. I understand and if I can be of help. I will.
So I mean, it's important to know to keep my views about the LL politics and how I feel about people in this state, people in general, and you yourself, it's all separate.
It's very important to not mix my disagreement of technicalities here, with my view of you as a person and the compassion that I am capable of, when I want to.
So don't be distraught about this.
Get my email and contact me if you want. I can be a great person to talk to and I AM capable of dropping all else, all bad history.

posted November 18, 2014 03:34 PM            

This was supposed to be a positive energy thread, and I think it is has lost its purpose. Barbie, I don't feel now was the appropriate time to clear the air and prove whatever point you are trying to make. I felt your response in the venting thread was callous and narcissistic. If someone told me they were thinking about killing themselves, my response would have been much different.

So you can continue to try and prove whatever point since you have been gunning for me several months now, but realize that when people are at their lowest, this is the last thing they need. That is the fundamental difference between us. Congratulations, you are right, number one, the winner, or whatever it is; I don't have it in me to defend myself even though I need to.

posted November 18, 2014 03:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by BellaFenice:
Please close this thread. .

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posted November 18, 2014 04:49 PM            

*sigh* Too late for that.
I'd love to have your email, though, also for something I asked about on your PR thread.

You're making the right choice here, leaving the boards. I'm going to miss you a lot, since you're my friend, but I mostly want you to be okay and care about your well-being, which obviously LL won't help you with. Please do take that very long break doing some things you enjoy, work if you can bring yourself to get back to it and please talk to someone in real life. Is there anyone in your family maybe?

posted November 18, 2014 05:33 PM              

All is good.

I would say, just take a good month off at least away from LL. No lurking even.
I did and I can tell you when it comes to here, best damn thing that I ever did.
Go relax and come back refreshed.
The thread will be here waiting.

posted November 18, 2014 09:46 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by meissieri:
Just wanted to say I hope Bella doesn't read this...

*sigh* Too late for that.
I'd love to have your email, though, also for something I asked about on your PR thread.

You're making the right choice here, leaving the boards. I'm going to miss you a lot, since you're my friend, but I mostly want you to be okay and care about your well-being, which obviously LL won't help you with. Please do take that very long break doing some things you enjoy, work if you can bring yourself to get back to it and please talk to someone in real life. Is there anyone in your family maybe?

Lots of hugs your way. :hug:

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posted November 18, 2014 10:27 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Sorry, I didn't see it earlier.

Well, I have my opinions which I usually keep to myself. There has to be leeway all around in order to establish even a semblance of peace. People bother me sometimes but I can usually look around it.

But I can't handle injustice on an organizational level-- it drives me bonkers. And I think Sweet Peas is systematically sexist as I have said before, meaning the hierarchy of power supports and condones it, and that bigotry is not healthy for the people who go there and are exposed to it. In fact it is super creepy!

PisceanDream just bumped into that monster that lurks in the dark there all the time, and she was upset by it. I wish I could protect people BEFORE they encounter that spirit of darkness...I mistakenly thought things were improving there, but that's wishful thinking.

*edit

I'll let sleeping dogs lie.

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posted November 19, 2014 07:57 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PisceanDream:
Faith, my dear!
I agree with everything you said.

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Thank you, that means a lot to me.

quote:

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Originally posted by PisceanDream:
Unfortunately, I have only now come to realize the politics that governs every nook and cranny of this place.

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It does! Well...sometimes. Usually it's not an issue and then suddenly it's everything...if that makes any sense.

quote:

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Originally posted by PisceanDream:
I appreciate you and Bella defending me and having my back. Gestures like these will never be forgotten.

---

quote:

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Originally posted by PisceanDream:
Maybe even reflect upon how we contribute to the drama...

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posted November 19, 2014 02:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
Faith, I have already stated that I would do the exchange.

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You just said, "Contact me if you want to connect." You tried to block me last time I wanted an email address, so I assumed this meant, contact you for permission.

posted November 19, 2014 03:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by BellaFenice:
Juni,

How do I send you an email because your profile doesn't show your email?

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Check the forums in which she's a moderator. Her name will be near the top, with a blue email link.

posted November 19, 2014 08:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Thank you, Juni!

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Ok, I sent you an email.

posted November 19, 2014 08:36 PM            

I replied

posted November 23, 2014 12:51 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PisceanDream:
Take all the time you need, sweetheart. I had a big feeling this would upset you. Please forget it all and just focus on your wellbeing. None of this matters when you're feeling as distraught as you are. I would love to keep in touch with you, only if you are willing to do so of course. No pressure at all. I just want to check up on your from time to time and make sure you're alright.

You will get through this. That's all that matters and that's all you should focus on. I hope that the next time we see you on here, you'll be stronger and happier than ever, as you deserve.

---

Could I keep in touch with you? You have a gift of getting people to open up and explore new ideas. There is something calming and almost therapeutic about talking with you, hard to explain.

I'm totally willing to go incognito and drop my email. Hope your night is going....good...?

Apparently you left your number up at some point? Please tell me you haven't gotten noodz, "pizza guys," you didn't vote in the primaries, or I got your audition tape for Jerry Springer. You're a little crazy.

posted November 23, 2014 11:58 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by BellaFenice:
Could I keep in touch with you? You have a gift of getting people to open up and explore new ideas. There is something calming and almost therapeutic about talking with you, hard to explain.

I'm totally willing to go incognito and drop my email. Hope your night is going....good...?

Apparently you left your number up at some point? Please tell me you haven't gotten noodz, "pizza guys," you didn't vote in the primaries, or I got your audition tape for Jerry Springer. You're a little crazy.

---

OMG! I just saw this... Yes, we can definitely keep in touch. And yeah, we can do email exchanges the illegal way.
I sure as hell don't mind.

I'm so glad you feel that way towards me. That truly means a lot and it really did touch my heart. I would love for you to open up to me and to just chat and have a heart to heart. You're oh so lovely, Bella.

My nights have been alright, a little sleepless. But how are *you* feeling? I'd love to hear all about it in a nice lengthy email. I'm just glad your presence is gracing us.

LOL. YES I LEFT MY NUMBER! Girl, am I crazy??? You don't even know. I take things like this very seriously though and there was no way I wasn't going to do anything that I can to help, even if it meant getting weird late night calls from "statefarm"

It's a pleasure, really. Let me know when you're ready to sneak-up your email and I'll catch it in a flicker.