posted July 29, 2014 08:26 PM            

Love is painful. I think what makes it even more rewarding and beautiful are the times you can cherish juxtaposed against those painful times. Not to say you should take every chance you have to hurt each other, but when times get rough and you stick by one another, those wonderful moments really stand out. You've EARNED that.

I want everything from my "person." Their good, their bad, their ugly. All of it. I want to be by their side. I want to be a rock. I want to be a friend. I want to be there for him--him knowing I will always be there! That to me is beautiful.

It won't always be exciting, or fun, or like that first year you spent together--but that's where deeper love comes in. Learning to love a person beyond their exterior, beyond the excitement and adrenaline, beyond what they can do for you.

I want that. I want all of it.

Sure, I'll be attracted to other men. Sure, I'll make mistakes and be human. But one thing I promise I can always do is be open, honest, and communicate my needs, wishes and what I'm feeling. If we can both get to that point and be mutually communicative, there isn't a single problem that can't be tackled.

I think we can grow together and continually teach each other while bettering ourselves. I want that.

posted August 03, 2014 03:23 AM            

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Okay, so this is my personal view on this issue.

If it was possible to stay married to one person for life in times gone by, then it's possible now. I'm not talking about soulmates, twin flames, or any of that. I'm talking about commitment, patience, maturity, a willingness to work on the relationship, having compassion and consideration for the other person, and not depending on them to 'fill you up' completely.

I think western culture these days encourages a desire for instant gratification, and the notion that a relationship is just for our entertainment.

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It only seems 'off' is you misinterpret my meaning, and over inflate the historical context part. Hey, I'm not a history expert, and I'm not suggesting we go back the 1800’s or whatever. I think the part about having a quieter mind is true. If we focus on always wanting something new instead of remaining content, we wind up with very agitated minds.

In the back of my mind that’s what was meant when referring to the past… Due to people depending on the family unit in the past, they had to learn how to be more accepting and cultivate contentment. You couldn’t just turn around and go “I’m sick of you, I’m splitting!”. I think when you grow up with the notion that divorce is just not an option it influences your mind-set, and gives you a greater appreciation of the value of loyalty and patience. This doesn’t mean I condone putting up with abusive behavior or any of that twisted stuff.

posted August 03, 2014 04:30 AM            

However, it doesn't mean they should be your life partner (I sometimes call it my Earth partner).

Even though I'm married, I don't buy the "one and only" thing anymore. Are we committed to working on it if things ever get tough? Sure. But we cannot predict how we will grow and change over the years.

posted August 03, 2014 06:51 AM            

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Originally posted by lvASTRO:
Despite being a Pisces with a Venus in Aries (known to jump around and be flighty and yada-yada-yada), I actually do believe there is hope of spending the rest of my life with one person. I am such a romantic; I know, however, that it will not be easy.

Love is painful. I think what makes it even more rewarding and beautiful are the times you can cherish juxtaposed against those painful times. Not to say you should take every chance you have to hurt each other, but when times get rough and you stick by one another, those wonderful moments really stand out. You've EARNED that.

I want everything from my "person." Their good, their bad, their ugly. All of it. I want to be by their side. I want to be a rock. I want to be a friend. I want to be there for him--him knowing I will always be there! That to me is beautiful.

It won't always be exciting, or fun, or like that first year you spent together--but that's where deeper love comes in. Learning to love a person beyond their exterior, beyond the excitement and adrenaline, beyond what they can do for you.

I want that. I want all of it.

Sure, I'll be attracted to other men. Sure, I'll make mistakes and be human. But one thing I promise I can always do is be open, honest, and communicate my needs, wishes and what I'm feeling. If we can both get to that point and be mutually communicative, there isn't a single problem that can't be tackled.

I think we can grow together and continually teach each other while bettering ourselves. I want that.

*sigh*

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Why would you be attracted to other men?

I mean, I'm raising this question: can we be attracted to one person only?

Apparently, humans are not monogamous by nature.

I'm not talking about noticing some people are attractive or feeling some warmth about colleagues or people of the opposite sex we interact with, I'm talking about really being attracted and desiring other people whilst being in a long-term couple.

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posted August 03, 2014 10:26 AM            

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Originally posted by Lotis White:
Hmmm. You mean this part.

It only seems 'off' is you misinterpret my meaning, and over inflate the historical context part. Hey, I'm not a history expert, and I'm not suggesting we go back the 1800’s or whatever. I think the part about having a quieter mind is true. If we focus on always wanting something new instead of remaining content, we wind up with very agitated minds.

In the back of my mind that’s what was meant when referring to the past… Due to people depending on the family unit in the past, they had to learn how to be more accepting and cultivate contentment. You couldn’t just turn around and go “I’m sick of you, I’m splitting!”. I think when you grow up with the notion that divorce is just not an option it influences your mind-set, and gives you a greater appreciation of the value of loyalty and patience. This doesn’t mean I condone putting up with abusive behavior or any of that twisted stuff.

But I do like the idea of willingly entering into a relationship with the mind-set the divorce is not an option. I think it makes people try harder and value what they have as if it were something precious. Rather then getting frustrated and quitting when things get ’hard’. And from that mind-set comes the determination to do the right thing… Including not letting your mind run wild about whatever temptations might exist out there in the world, and honoring your partner in this way. It’s a personal choice, and it can’t be forced, but I think the rewards are great.

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posted August 03, 2014 06:42 PM            

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Originally posted by starmoon:
you should watch that new show on the FYI network called Married at First Sight, it might appeal to your view. it makes couples marry one another at first sight, under the assumption that when you marry someone (as opposed to date, stay engaged) you take a relationship more seriously. i tend to agree with that; when you have an 'out' things are less important than when you fully commit yourself to something

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I really like that show.

posted August 03, 2014 08:09 PM            

However, once we lose something we loved with all our soul we develop defence mechanisms we didn't perhaps previously had which makes it hard to attract that sort of partner that would touch us that deeply again and if we do end up attracting such a partner we might run away from it not fully giving into it out of fear that history will repeat itself somehow, preferring to keep such person in our life but at a distance or not at all. Preferring perhaps to play it safe with someone who you don't have as good of a synastry or composite with but that you know will not break your heart.

No matter how phenomenal the courting stage is once you move in with someone and the reality of day to day kicks in and you see them daily this will change things. That is why you hear people say marry your best friend; marriage is about companionship, intimacy, loyalty, security, stability and having someone you can count on.

If you are idealistic, restless and suffer from the grass is greener on the other side like I do you will get bored eventually and question the relationship perhaps sooner than later but I have juno in tauras, venus/mars in leo and virgos are loyal so I stick around but my mercury retro which rules my 7th, 10th, and sun combined with my gemini DC, having neptune as my strongest planet, having mars ruling my 5th, and having moon in pisces in my 4th ruling my 8th makes me really complex and is no picnic. Add psyche in Scorpio to the mix.

When I open my heart I open it completely and give myself fully so once that happens I will always love that person even if I open up again bc mars ruling my 5th and venus/mars/karma in leo will ensure I try again with someone else.

The end result is there are 3 guys in my life that I can honestly say that I love and my natal juno in Taurus in the 5th retro conjuncting hekata exact and chaos and inconjuncting exact my chart ruler jupiter and uranus paints this picture well. Specially when you add my mercury retro which rules my 7th and opposes my moon in the 4th which rules my 8th.

"Hecate’s other symbol is the cross, representing the crossroads and the trinity of the triple goddess. When we are at a crossroads we need guidance the supernatural and divining side of Hekate becomes important. We consult an oracle when we have no idea which road to take. Sometimes we may fall into the depression of the Black Dog because we do not want to make a decision; we are stuck in limbo, between realms, unable to move forward."

posted August 03, 2014 08:14 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by starmoon:
you should watch that new show on the FYI network called Married at First Sight, it might appeal to your view. it makes couples marry one another at first sight, under the assumption that when you marry someone (as opposed to date, stay engaged) you take a relationship more seriously. i tend to agree with that; when you have an 'out' things are less important than when you fully commit yourself to something

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posted August 04, 2014 06:58 AM            

You don't have to be married nowadays to be accepted by society. You can even have children and raise them with a friend, without being a couple. The reason people who are inclined towards variety choose to be with a stable partner is because they want everything, with the price of lies and compromise - and of course, they hurt themselves and the others in the end. They want to know there's someone there for them, at their disposal, catering to their needs, that they are not alone and have an "s.o." like anyone else. They want the benefits of a stable partner, and at the same time, they can fantasize and even act upon all kinds of "crushes". This is not true love, it's a compromise in which we use or mutually use another person.

I think people who feel variety within themselves or are interested in variety should stay single and experience themselves, be true to themselves and the others. If they are in a stable relationship and feel the need for variety, they should separate first and then experience it. I am sorry if I seem harsh or judgmental, but I've made a decision about this some time ago (about never doing this or accepting this) and I think a lot of pain in this world comes from this type of weakness, duplicity and compromise.

posted August 04, 2014 10:00 AM            

Although I respect where you are coming from life is more messy than this at times. Not all situations are equal; everything must be looked at case by case.

I tried breaking up with my husband many times even before we got married and when that happened he would not let me leave the house or tell me he would kill himself. He knows I reconsider relationships a lot and change my mind a lot so when I want to break up he doesn't feel I really want to deep down. My mercury retro ruling the 7th opposing my moon usually leads to me initiating break ups before my menstrual cycle arrives. Usually at that time of the month I want to break up. This is the only relationship that has lasted for me bc he got that about me and I remember warning him that I do this.

When I met my husband he was living in an office sleeping in the floor; years later I find out that my angel conjuncts his IC exact and my eros conjuncts his IC by one orb. It was bec of me he was able to get out of this situation. Even right now is bc of me he has a roof on top of his head; I am his only support system and that is it.

His mother always uses conditional tough love on him which doesn't work with him.

We have sex occasionally and not regularly like my chart is designed to and yet I am faithful to him except I did have a fling with an aqua guy before we got married after been faithful for 4 years, who I bonded with.

I met my ex before I met my husband and I can't force myself to not have feelings for him; I have tried but can't.

I was meant to get married to my husband and we are meant to be together. I am not horrible bec I have feelings for three guys; I do the best that I can to not hurt anyone. Maybe you think that I dont love any of them but I love with all my heart and maybe how I love is not good enough for you which I respect but it does not mean that I dont truly love.

I do love my husband and he is far from perfect and I am far from perfect and we are two wounded people who came together and our lives are better having each-other in them and we are definitely each others best friends.

BTW you don't have to cheat to completely destroy someone's heart; you can break up first and then get together with someone new a few months later and that hurts more or just simply breaking up can hurt more than been cheated on. "You can do it right" and do more damage that way; it depends on who you are talking to. Many people look the other way and don't break up for a reason so this idea that cheating is always the worst thing you can do I don't agree with as many marriages recover from such including my mother's parents marriage for example.

My ex did not cheat on me and our break up completely destroyed me; I never thought it was possible to feel so much pain and for absolutely everything to ache for so long. I felt completely betrayed in a deep level and no cheating was involved.

On the other hand I caught a guy I was dating doing another girl once and I laughed and walked away and got over him immediately.

I have had conversations with my husband at the beginning of our relationship were I explained that if our sex life continued at this frequency that I might end up at some point cheating; he knew that about me. I warned him. In spite of this I have been overall pretty faithful. We had conversations were he confesses he prefers I cheat than that I break up although he does not want me to cheat ofcourse just like I don't want him to either but if he did I would try to work things out if possible as life is hard, humans are very imperfect and we are all trying to do the best that we can.

posted August 04, 2014 11:30 AM            

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Originally posted by Vajra:
amelia28,

I understood LeeLoo's post to mean that it's an ugly thing if non-monogamous people purposefully lie to and use other people as supposedly monogamous partners, but never intend to keep up their end of the bargain. I'm fully with her in that regard.

However, that doesn't mean that consenting adults cannot conduct their relationship any way they mutually agree upon. To me, if there is full honesty and agreement on both sides, that's all that matters. Do whatever floats your boat, I would say.

And no, I myself could never agree to have an open relationship. Have seen way too many of those crumble and turn ugly when one of the partners actually fell in love with a sidekick.

Some people say humans are not made for monogamy, but I think a plausible case could also be made that most humans are not made for sharing their S.O.'s love with other people either. Jealousy and insecurity are powerful emotions and can leave terrible psychological scars so I would not willingly set myself up to feel them, or cause another to experience them. But that's my choice. It doesn't mean I won't respect other choices.

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Thank you, Vajra, and I fully agree with your post, on my own subjective level. We share similar views on this matter.

Amelia, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings or if you felt targeted or if you felt I consider myself above others somehow. It's a personal choice and it's very difficult to live up to a personal ideal, we are all imperfect and for me too it has been and will be a complicated path. I fully agree that everything mutually consented in a couple implies there's honesty and a common path and that's all that matters.

What I was trying to say more than anything is that I believe not only it's an ugly thing towards a partner, but I strongly believe it brings pain and suffering to everyone involved, including the "cheater", it's a source for many of the problems in this world. But that's just my journey and everyone has to take theirs.

posted August 04, 2014 01:59 PM            

I was sharing details of my life to point out that we all want life to be simple but its complex and we all are doing the best that we can with our defects and situations we are in; at least I am and that is all I can do.

I also wanted to point out that pain is inevitable and your heart can be destroyed even if someone doesn't cheat and that a break up can generate more pain in some cases than been cheated on or just as much pain.

I completely get that cheating is like opening up pandora's box and that everyone gets hurt in some level including the cheater and even if the person been cheated on never finds out the person cheating may behave differently and that affects the partner etc..

This is true and just thinking about cheating hurts everyone involved and just having the desire hurts everyone involved and breaking up hurts everyone involved too and not breaking up but feeling unhappy also hurts everyone involved...

And every time my husband chose to mastur*ate to porn instead of invest time on our physical relationship this hurt everyone involved too and had a bad cumulative effect; oh but he didn't actually go out and do someone so that is ok but I did so I am the bad one...

I get what you are both saying and understand it completely and even agree!!! but I also don't agree in that in practice life is messy, complicated and in that pain is unavoidable.

Maybe earth is "purgatory" and/or "hell."

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Thousand words, I can hear but I can't be
Caught in a dream, I can feel but I can't leave
I'm a walking disaster, a broken machine
And I know that none of it matters, as long as I'm inside this dream with you

posted August 04, 2014 09:25 PM            

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Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
Just so that you know, I don't think anyone is bad. Because we all go to the same place, into the light. And we all experience and make all possible mistakes on the way.

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Beautiful. Truly beautiful thing to say; angelic.

Do you have asteroid angel conjuncting a personal planet or angle??

posted August 04, 2014 11:44 PM            

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Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
You're a romantic, Amelia

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LOL I know, its a curse ...

posted August 05, 2014 11:38 AM            

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Originally posted by amelia28:
Beautiful. Truly beautiful thing to say; angelic.

Do you have asteroid angel conjuncting a personal planet or angle??

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Thank you, Amelia You are too kind!

No, my Angel is in Scorpio (more like a demon, right? lol), 9th house, trine my Ceres and sextile my Venus exact, square Psyche

posted August 05, 2014 11:39 AM            

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Originally posted by Vajra:
Guys, seekinglight has made a thread with a real-life example of "the one and only":

http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum35/HTML/000648.html

Rare as the phenomenon is, maybe we could collect more of these inspirational and uplifting stories from around the world

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This would be a great project indeed