posted October 01, 2014 07:52 PM            

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Originally posted by Delilah423:
Watching porn is not a good introduction to sex, IMO. Porn and intimate sex with a partner you care about are two radically different things.

I am an introvert by nature. I have had times in my life when I thought I was asexual, and was celibate for many years. Now, I'm quite the opposite; how you feel at 18 will likely be very different than how you feel at 30, 40, or older. And there is even hope for us geriatrics

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Hey there Delilah yh i dont watch porn anymore, it really bores me, and im an introvert as well, maybe its just im going through a lean phase, patience is key i suppose.

posted October 01, 2014 07:55 PM            

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
Boy, can you explain what you mean by being attracted to women? I'd rather make sure.

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posted October 01, 2014 07:59 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
Boy, can you explain what you mean by being attracted to women? I'd rather make sure.

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posted October 01, 2014 08:05 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Delilah423:
Watching porn is not a good introduction to sex, IMO. Porn and intimate sex with a partner you care about are two radically different things.

I am an introvert by nature. I have had times in my life when I thought I was asexual, and was celibate for many years. Now, I'm quite the opposite; how you feel at 18 will likely be very different than how you feel at 30, 40, or older. And there is even hope for us geriatrics

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You know, Delilah, you may still be. I think there's too much of a myth and stereotype associated with asexuality that I often find the 'I thought I was, but then ... ' That's because there's too little information on it -- and too much speculation.

posted October 01, 2014 08:18 PM            

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
@Aubyanne

According to my research:

THE ASEXUAL SPECTRUM
1. asexuals - do not experience sexual attraction
2. grey zone:
grey-asexuals - experience sexual attraction seldom/experience sexual attraction too weak to bother
demisexuals - can (I suppose it doesn't happen every time, at least not for everyone) experience sexual attraction only after forming an emotional bond, romantic or not
lithsexuals (controversial) - experience sexual attraction but don't want it to be reciprocated, it has an off-putting effect on them

Whether there is a libido, the level of this libido and approach to sex depends on the individual.

Astroboy said he finds women attractive. I assume he meant sexual attraction. Now the question is how many times it has happened so far. Either way, it's possible to be sex-repulsed and not be on the asexual spectrum. Just like it's possible to be somewhere on this spectrum and not be sex-repulsed.

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I believe you're confusing asexual spectrum with sexual anorexia. Like many things, there tends to be an overlap, but the mechanism is entirely different.

I'm unfamiliar with lithrosexual. I've only known of lithromantic, specifically, in this category, which tends to be comorbid to alexithymia. Have you found that to also be true? 'Lithrosexuality', on the other hand, sounds like a malapropism of lithromantic behaviour, which is virtually the same thing. But the only research on it has been in connexion with alexithymia, so we just don't know the cause of the correlation.

Until we know HOW the D1 receptors are polymorphing in schizo-spectrum brains, we can't properly control for dopamine, either, and I suspect that's the root of asexuality. But, until then, it's a lot of guesswork mostly put forth by sexual researchers who may not be the best equipped to handle the work.

Sex-repulsion, on the other hand, is more often a feature of sexual anorexia. So, yes, I agree. The two can be comorbid in an asexual profile, but that requires an extensive sexual history, intake interview, and ruling out many other possible causes.

The issue, I think, lies in definition. It seems that nobody bothers talking to asexuals about sex, and thus the data is either skewed, or nonexistent. Much of it's erroneous assumption, too.

For example: when he said 'attracted to', I presumed nothing. There are more forms of attraction than sexual, obviously, and the danger lies in misappropriating 'attraction' to mean sexual attraction with someone on this spectrum -- or who simply isn't oriented to be sexual.

posted October 01, 2014 08:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
Boy, can you explain what you mean by being attracted to women? I'd rather make sure.

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posted October 01, 2014 08:22 PM            

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Originally posted by Astroboy888:
Hey umm its kind of basic really, seeing a girl and just being taken back by her beautiful eyes or her gorgeous smile, sexual thoughts only occur if someone brings it up otherwise it's just me appreciating someone's beauty from afar, i might pursue a relationship, but havent had that feeling for over a year.

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posted October 01, 2014 09:02 PM            

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Originally posted by Astroboy888:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Aubyanne:
[b] Yep. Exactly what I thought. NOT a sexual attraction. Sometimes an emotional attraction, otherwise an appreciation of physical beauty.[/QUOTE

so its final, im asexual then, if iam this explains a lot. ahh a particular memory comes into my mind, when i was at a party, and two girls were kissing and all the boys were cheering and a friend of mine asked me 'how cool is this?' and i was ike meh, some girl heard this and asked me 'are u gay?' and i said 'no' apparently i was supposed to enjoy it because im into girls, i found it boring, after that there were lots of rumors of my sexuality in my school, ah there still is, i dont think anyone in my school thinks im asexual, if i tell them they are in for a shock [/B]

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Well, I'm glad we could help put your mind at ease. All of this sounds very textbook for an asexual, whether male or female. And, as it's a spectrum, there will be times of ebb and flow.

The only reason anyone 'comes out', so to speak, is to bring greater clarity to confidantes, friends, and possibly intimates. Unfortunately, there's so little GOOD information out there on asexuality because it's such a jumble. I've counselled many from all walks of life; the most 'confused' have been the young asexual men, since, like you, they don't get what all the fuss about sex is about when their peers can't seem to get enough of it, and they're often low-T, (or have a lower concentration of testosterone) naturally.

Altogether it creates a rather partner-sex indifferent personality, who tends to be very ambivalent in the area of romance.

For my partner, I was the first 'hit' he's found on all levels in 17 years. He's 47! I'm learning such fascinating things about my (a)sexuality in this relationship alone, as I'd never been involved with a fellow Ace before. Suddenly, his reticence to become involved with anyone, his general lack of interest in sex, and tendency to over-control all fell into place for me. I already knew of his schizoid personality, but discovering his asexuality was a huge revelation.

Like me, he was a 'closet' asexual, as nobody told us how we're supposed to manage this orientation. Many asexuals choose to be upfront about it with potential romantic partners, (as some are romantic asexual) so there's no expectation for sex. Something that sexual women in general will NOT understand, and is a bit complicated for a Grey Ace whose sexual interest is an extremely variable thing, with the switch mostly 'off' and what counts as sex being very ... odd and experimental. Not in the traditional kinky sense; more of the clinically experimental sense.

But, hey -- it works for us. You'll find what works for you, too. Just be honest with yourself. And, as others have suggested, life is a constant process. It's good to have a baseline understanding, but never be afraid to grow and evolve. You no doubt will over the course of your life. It may just look a bit different from the perspective of the sexual population.

posted October 01, 2014 09:14 PM            

But it's a bit like appreciating good art. There's a power to it, even a sensuality. A beauty.

My sexual girlfriends are very turned on by it, however. 'Two men kissing is SO HOT.'

I still haven't figured out what 'hot' is in this context. For me, my 'intimate drive' gets triggered when I have a sudden yearning for physical and invasive proximity to my partner. This isn't a feature of sexual gratification; it's not so much physical as it is emotional: the overwhelming desire, in that moment, to be 'merged' for a few seconds.

That's my personal issue with sex. This wonderful mounting anticipation for a few seconds of intense merging. However, I think we're both getting better at extending those moments. Sometimes even as long as 30 seconds!

I've also come to determine that sex without eye-contact is a no-go for me. My mind wanders infinitely to everything. Of course, if there's no energy being generated via the eye-contact -- that's just as dissatisfying. But, again, we're learning.

posted October 01, 2014 09:36 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Well, I'm glad we could help put your mind at ease. All of this sounds very textbook for an asexual, whether male or female. And, as it's a spectrum, there will be times of ebb and flow.

The only reason anyone 'comes out', so to speak, is to bring greater clarity to confidantes, friends, and possibly intimates. Unfortunately, there's so little GOOD information out there on asexuality because it's such a jumble. I've counselled many from all walks of life; the most 'confused' have been the young asexual men, since, like you, they don't get what all the fuss about sex is about when their peers can't seem to get enough of it, and they're often low-T, (or have a lower concentration of testosterone) naturally.

Altogether it creates a rather partner-sex indifferent personality, who tends to be very ambivalent in the area of romance.

For my partner, I was the first 'hit' he's found on all levels in 17 years. He's 47! I'm learning such fascinating things about my (a)sexuality in this relationship alone, as I'd never been involved with a fellow Ace before. Suddenly, his reticence to become involved with anyone, his general lack of interest in sex, and tendency to over-control all fell into place for me. I already knew of his schizoid personality, but discovering his asexuality was a huge revelation.

Like me, he was a 'closet' asexual, as nobody told us how we're supposed to manage this orientation. Many asexuals choose to be upfront about it with potential romantic partners, (as some are romantic asexual) so there's no expectation for sex. Something that sexual women in general will NOT understand, and is a bit complicated for a Grey Ace whose sexual interest is an extremely variable thing, with the switch mostly 'off' and what counts as sex being very ... odd and experimental. Not in the traditional kinky sense; more of the clinically experimental sense.

But, hey -- it works for us. You'll find what works for you, too. Just be honest with yourself. And, as others have suggested, life is a constant process. It's good to have a baseline understanding, but never be afraid to grow and evolve. You no doubt will over the course of your life. It may just look a bit different from the perspective of the sexual population.

Something it's taken me a LONG time to learn.

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lol i never knew asexual people have relationships with each other, somehow seems very efficient. yep, if i ever make up my mind abt relationships, talking abt it to that girl would be difficult.

posted October 01, 2014 09:46 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
I think two men kissing is kind of beautiful, by the way, if they're really into each other; if you can feel their passion and see the sensuality in their movements. (But then I'd feel a bit like a voyeur, too. No good. ... Only if they're exhibitionists!)

But it's a bit like appreciating good art. There's a power to it, even a sensuality. A beauty.

My sexual girlfriends are very turned on by it, however. 'Two men kissing is SO HOT.'

I still haven't figured out what 'hot' is in this context. For me, my 'intimate drive' gets triggered when I have a sudden yearning for physical and invasive proximity to my partner. This isn't a feature of sexual gratification; it's not so much physical as it is emotional: the overwhelming desire, in that moment, to be 'merged' for a few seconds.

That's my personal issue with sex. This wonderful mounting anticipation for a few seconds of intense merging. However, I think we're both getting better at extending those moments. Sometimes even as long as 30 seconds!

I've also come to determine that sex without eye-contact is a no-go for me. My mind wanders infinitely to everything. Of course, if there's no energy being generated via the eye-contact -- that's just as dissatisfying. But, again, we're learning.

And you will, too. The trick is to let yourself be you, and work from there. To not judge or measure -- or be measured -- according to standards that don't fit you.

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I feel exactly as you do, i do see the the art in sex as do i see it in the merging of any physical energies, i think that is the defintion of art. but i only like it if its done in a very specific, tidy way, in a presentable way. i see the beauty of sex, but what i see might be misinterpreted as rather shallow by some.

my sexual urges are sudden and a rarity, but my mind wanders off this sensation very qyickly. ive lost many relationships due to my indifference towards them, but what they offer doesn't appeal to me at all and in the end, i look like the bad guy, eventhough i helpless.

posted October 02, 2014 09:12 AM            

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I believe you're confusing asexual spectrum with sexual anorexia.

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quote:

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I'm unfamiliar with lithrosexual. I've only known of lithromantic, specifically, in this category, which tends to be comorbid to alexithymia. Have you found that to also be true?

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quote:

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For example: when he said 'attracted to', I presumed nothing. There are more forms of attraction than sexual, obviously, and the danger lies in misappropriating 'attraction' to mean sexual attraction with someone on this spectrum -- or who simply isn't oriented to be sexual.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Astroboy888:
Hey umm its really basic, its usually me being taken back by a girl's beautiful eyes or her gorgeous smile, her flowing long hair etc. sexual thoughts occur only if someone brings it up, it's usually me appreciating someones beauty from afar, i might pursue a relationship but i havent felt like that for over a year now..

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posted October 02, 2014 12:29 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
[QUOTE]I believe you're confusing asexual spectrum with sexual anorexia.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Astroboy888:
[b] Hey umm its really basic, its usually me being taken back by a girl's beautiful eyes or her gorgeous smile, her flowing long hair etc. sexual thoughts occur only if someone brings it up, it's usually me appreciating someones beauty from afar, i might pursue a relationship but i havent felt like that for over a year now..

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[/B][/QUOTE]