posted August 08, 2015 01:31 PM            

I know what you mean.

I`ll never understand why THIS composite is the way it is:

[/URL]

And that only took into account the conjunction opposition as far as I could put them in there.

Not mentioned for example:

Lancelot (exact on Pluto) opposite Guinevere (bit more than 3 degrees though)

Hatshepsut conjunct Tuthmosis exact

Mars opposite Aphrodite

Tristan trine Isolda exact

Siva quinkunx Parvati exact

Hades trine Proserpina (on interesting degrees)

Horus trine Hathor

and probably more . lol

posted August 08, 2015 01:50 PM            

And I had not even met him yet, back then.

I fell in love with a voice and a fantasy, and it got a life on its own, compeltely detached from any reality, but weirdly the emotional consequences were just as real.

Falling out of that delusion was not just bringing heartbreak but it shattered my world, my beliefs, my trust in my own perception, severed any link to my own spirituality AND emotions (if approaching an inter-personal romantic or erotic feeling), filled my life with self-loathing and numbness.

Shall I go on?

It`s puzzling how that could all happen on the basis of - nothing really.

So if anyone should wonder why I am constantly doubting myself, always try to name the counter argument to an opinion I have or express, THAT is why.

posted August 08, 2015 01:56 PM            

Funny enough it was him who sort of shoved me into Mr Sag`s path, or Mr Sag into my path.

posted August 08, 2015 02:01 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aunt Anomalia:
Wow, wait. Is he a singer?

---

my first singer, yes. my first unavailable, sort of celebrity-crush ever. lol

And yet also the one who triggered all that psychic things in me, the telepathy thing. astral travels and some more.

Oh at the time I took notice of him he was not even somewhere. I mean I had no clue where he was, as he had already left the cast of that certain musical, and he stayed gone for some years.
And then 2 years later I was walking down a street and suddenly felt like struck by lightening, with the sudden knowledge (I had not even wondered about it at the time) to which city he had returned,w here he was.

It was a most weird occurence, but it turned out to be exactly the case.

Just one of some weird things.

Needless to say it also turned out that not all I had thought or dreamed up the years before was really delusional, some of it turned out to be the truth.
A truth I could not and should not have known about a random stranger!

But that is how it was.

posted August 08, 2015 02:07 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aunt Anomalia:
What a waste of aspects...

---

posted August 08, 2015 02:11 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Living in complete delusion (I was 15 btw, when it started) I was thinking he was the love of my life, I would never love anyone else, he was the other half of my soul (I did nto know the term twin-soul back then, but it was what I described in terms of him).

And I had not even met him yet, back then.

I fell in love with a voice and a fantasy, and it got a life on its own, compeltely detached from any reality, but weirdly the emotional consequences were just as real.

So if anyone should wonder why I am constantly doubting myself, always try to name the counter argument to an opinion I have or express, THAT is why.

---

Weird. 'Falling in love with a voice and a fantasy'. That actually really hits home. Yes. When everything came crashing down in January 2013, it was as if I suddenly realised I was in admiration of a fantasy, which I thought everything in my life was supporting -- but it wasn't.

And ... 11:11.

It wasn't. It was a fantasy, and I needed to go through believing it was reality, as it taught me so, so much.

Nonetheless, what a waste of aspects.

Oh, and yes, the voice element. Now, I 'fell in love' with my boyfriend's 'voice', too -- before I even heard it. But my karmic soulmate -- we were all text. Words on a screen.

posted August 08, 2015 02:14 PM            

btw

I'm curious about the details now. I'd be great if you shared this story and posted charts in a thread made for this.

posted August 08, 2015 02:18 PM            

So, like you, Ceri, I've been scratching my head -- for years! Wondering -- what am I honestly to take away from this?

posted August 08, 2015 02:26 PM            

You two got together in your youth, and, probably headed Cali at one point -- where we met.

Instead of moving in with my abusive boyfriend in 2004, I moved out to Phoenix (in 2003), and lived with my uncle and his new wife for a year before heading out on my own, and meeting my karmic soulmate. Probably going to one of his shows. And that would've been that.

Now, I MIGHT've still moved to LA. But it's a crapshoot whether my twin would've been in LA at all -- or stayed back in Texas. Or Northern Cali. It's tough to say. At that point, he was knee-deep in Hollywood -- but he didn't have to be.

However ...

Had we met where our mothers ran a school under the tutelage of Maria Montessori's number one, and he followed in his mother's footsteps, he would've been my teacher. And a close family friend, due to our mothers being close, and our families being so as well. I wonder if he has siblings there? Or if the one I was to have ended up being born? No doubt he would've been very influential in my life, and it's unlikely I would've moved to Phoenix. Or LA. I would've gone to whatever university where he was faculty, and studied creative writing under him.

... I think my head just exploded.

posted August 08, 2015 02:48 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aunt Anomalia:
Aubyanne, this is the "beauty" of having a Pisces DSC :/ I'm so done with online crushes. Or phone crushes. Or celeb crushes (I'm not getting rid of my alleged celeb bf though (yet?)). In most cases it's delusional more than less. I'm even quite wary of online friendships now. I'm determined to know someone personally and spend lots of time with them before coming to strong conclusions. My imagination can run way too far if I don't keep it in check and it's simply easy to get manipulated from afar.

---

Yeah. And here I thought that Pisces DSC of mine wasn't causing any issues, either.

HAH!

posted August 08, 2015 04:18 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Weird. 'Falling in love with a voice and a fantasy'. That actually really hits home. Yes. When everything came crashing down in January 2013, it was as if I suddenly realised I was in admiration of a fantasy, which I thought everything in my life was supporting -- but it wasn't.

.

---

Yes, that was what I experienced MANY many years ago. Feels like another life actually.

Interestingly I have sometimes weird accompanying images in my mind, like a soundtrack or movie playing actually. And there was this moment, ONE moment, when I could literally HEAR a door, no, the door to the past slam shut. There was no way back anymore, that door was closed, only a way forwards from that moment on.
But it took me year to really believe that, accept it somewhow process it and in fact I was for some time standing in between those two doors, stuck in time. No way back through the now closed door, but did not dare move through the open door into the future either.
Just an image of course. Movie in my mind and so.

my higher Self or subconsciousness likes to talk in metaphors and images with me, and sometimes songlyrics.

I had fallen in love with a fantasy, yes. Actually Ithink I might have projected parts of my own animus on that poor man. lol

And when waking up, I was starting to punish myself, I was punishing myself real good for many many many years.
I had let myself stupidly believing in love or what I was convinced was love, without reason nor rhyme, and I was going to pay for this folly.
I think I probably have the toughest Karma with myself .

I can`t even begin to describe the extend of my selfloathing for my silliness and stupidity and what don`t I know. believing in a fantasy. how silly.

But things aren`t always at they seem, and years later, actually only AFTER I let it go, I came to realize that some of it was actually not a fantasy, and some of for what Ihad been berating myself so much for, for not having realized, not having noticed, believing such a lie, and then years later, it turned out it was not even a lie.

But nevertheless the "love" was a fantasy. WEll that fairy-tale-romantic-dream was.

And yet I love him even today. Or maybe not love him, but thinking of him fills me with warmth and thankfulness. I wouldn`t be where I am today without his effect on my life.

I needed to go through all of this (well Iprolonged my stay in hell probably longer than was intended, as form of selfmutilation or something like that).

And the irony was not lost on me, but the first time I ever saw him on stage was him portraying "The man of la Mancha".

Have you ever listened the lyrics? I mean for real?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6KUR3iW6Aw

The dreamer`s song. lol

Also another piece of irony is not lost on me. The year I realized that that particular phase of heartbreak wsa over and done with and moving on from it, beyond it was in order, or actually realizing that I had ALREADY DONE without quite noticing, it was coincidentally the year Mr Sag re-surfaced in my life. Okay let`s be honest. I re-surfaced in his, after having been running in circles and tryin to avoid him for 2 years.

And coincidentally Mr Fantasy started to work with Mr Sag for another musical project that year.
(he had also been staging a concert-program 2 years before, which had sort of "lured" me to that concert, actually intending to see Mr Fantasy on stage, who had to cancel though - again- like 2 years before, and instead Mr Sag showed up there - again - like 2 years before that. lol and it was the prequel to me finally giving in and saying: "okay universe, if you want me to see that man in a real musical so badly, then I will oblige. Even if only to get you off my back, dear universe. " WEll I guess I was underestimating. lol)

Anyway after that second musical program, Mr FAntasy and Mr Sag seemed to not have had much to do with each other; however, a few months after I had started to frequent Mr SAg`s facebook, I noticed Mr Fantasy started to show up there, too. So I guess they must have still be in contact.
I also noticed that despite Mr Fantasy befriending pretty much EVERYONE, one name is blatantly missing from his friend`s list. And EVERYONE, really EVERYONE, who is befriended with Mr SAg, also has his wife in his friends list.
Well, everyone but Mr FAntasy, curiously.
I am just noticing, I am not analyzing btw.

But I find it almost hilarious how those two seem to be interconnected, though not in very public obvious ways nowadays (workwise I mean).
I also,w ell I DO realize there is a certian similiarity between them. Right down to the colour of their eyes. SEnse of humour, playfulness, cockiness, etc.

What is maybe the weirdest however is how Mr Sag seems to have even MORE in common with that fantasy I had fallen for all these years ago, than Mr Fantasy himself.

Not 100%, but well, the similiarity is striking enough for me to recognize and feel a tiny little unsettled about this. lol

AT least it was like that for some time.

But Mr Sag somehow does not want to stay a pure figment of imagination coming from my mind or inner core, but persists to be and show an own personality, extending beyond that, and it has an undeniable effect on me. I guess that one is clear.

But what I find just intriguing is how it is like many pieces of one puzzle.

posted August 08, 2015 04:20 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aunt Anomalia:
Ceri, I think you need a supernatural hug...

btw

I'm curious about the details now. I'd be great if you shared this story and posted charts in a thread made for this.

---

aww, that is so sweet.

posted August 08, 2015 04:25 PM            

Both fire signs (Sagittarius vs Aries)
Both Pisces ASC
Both fire Mercuries (Sagittarius vs aries)
Both earth Venus (Capricorn vs Taurus)
both mutable Mars (Virgo vs Pisces)

posted August 08, 2015 04:33 PM            

quote:

---

I suppose i have a type.

---

posted August 09, 2015 02:15 PM            

Sorry to not have gotten back to you with your questions, but somehow I feel it would take too much time, I don`t know how to keep it brief (and gotta work again tomorrow).

posted August 09, 2015 02:41 PM            

"I'd like to know how you discovered him, "
My friend back then had bought the LP to the musical "Starlight Express" and had been giving me the program to read, where I stumbled across a picture, at the same time coincidentally he started singing on that LP.

And that moment it was like time stopped or froze, I could even hear BELLS in the back of my mind, and for years I could not hear that song and his voice again, without feeling like I was bathed in sweat. lol

"what things about him got you enamoured, "
I heartily disliked him or his role. Very macho-role. Arrogant. overly confident. Player. I HATED that role, so much, that as my friend pointed out, it wsa not normal and covering up something else. lol
Actually she had been right.

"your fantasies and psychic flashes"
Too many to put them on here, sorry.
I remember right in the beginning I was having a dream though. In that dream I had walked right into the picture of a landscape (like Alice down the rabbithole. lol should have made me suspicious).
And I found myself in that landscape, a large crowd, was there, there were mountains in the background, meadows in the foreground, cheering, laughter, a bright sun, it was all so merry and heavenly. and there was a huge pond, where people walked on the water. YEs you heard it right, they were walking ON water.
He told me to do the same, and after a minute of hesitation, I did and I was walking on water, too, until approximately the middle of the pond, and then it dawned on me that this was not possible. It was physically impossible for a person to walk ON water (unless you are Jesus Christ of course, and last time I checked, I was not him).
And just the moment I realized I shouldntībe able to do that and doubted, everything changed, the sky darkened, people were disappearing and I started drowning.
I then found myself at the end of the pond and Mr Fantasy was standing in front of me, clearly disappointed with me and then he disappeared as well, and everything became grey and dull, and like every colour had vanished.
I found myself in some sort of castle then, and the windows and doors were shut ane verything was grey, but I did not even care, cause I was grey and dull and numb myself. I continued existing, but had stopped living.

I donīt know how long that was but eventually at some point there was a breath of wind, and one of the windows fluttered a slit open, and I remember Mr Fantasy coming down from the stairs behind me, not quite bringing the light with him, but a bit of lightening up, and he stopped in front of me and said: "Do you understand why you drowned? You did not drown, because it was not possible. You drowned, because you didnīt believe it could be possible."
I was rather shellshocked still, but nodded, and in that moment, the doors and windows were flung open and there was still a wonderful sunny day outside, and I was blinking, because I had gotten used to the greyness I had been living in since that drowning-incidence. There was someone coming in through the huge portal in front of me, but I couldnīt see him clearly because I was still so blinded by the light.

Interesting, I had that dream in 1990, and I still remember it as clearly as if it had been yesterday. lol

"ent charts would be very welcome if you have them."

Funny enough Inever realized but the day we met I had a Ceres-Return. lol

this was our first meeting chart (actual physical handshake meeting) and I just realizd today how apt the metaphor of Alice seems to have been!

posted August 10, 2015 09:40 AM            

It`s funny weird, but I found something, a bit of a fragmented "story" I wrote years ago (and completely forgot about until now. lol), You asked the effect the meeting of Mr Fantasy has. I think it is well integrated in this story.

---------------------------------------------

Fairy tales don`t exist

Fairy tales don`t exist; they`re not real. At least that`s what they say. Not even I had noticed I was living in a fairy-tale, until... But let`s save this part for later.

Allow me that I introduce myself.
I`m a girl, rather a woman now, almost normal looking with some unusual ways of behaviour. Even though - it`s rather these things, I don`t do, that are unusual. I don`t drive, I don`t smoke, I don`t drink, I don`t have sex, I don`t live, at least not until this day, when I noticed that I had been trapped in a fairy-tale.

Which one, you ask?
It wasn`t Cinderella; I can assure you, I have neither a talent for riding nor for dancing.
It wasn`t the frog-tale either; even though I can`t say, I`m particularly fond of those slippery amphibians, I never felt the need to be cruel towards them and throw them against a wall.
No, the fairy-tale, I`m speaking of, is another one. Maybe you remember. A naive princess, a very angry fairy, a spindle, a drop of blood, an impenetrable hedge of thorns, a hundred-year lasting sleep and finally the redeeming kiss of Prince Charming.

But not so fast... don`t let yourself be fooled!
It`s not our darkest memories, that chain us to the past. It`s those beautiful memories, the moments of pure bliss, the moments of absolute pleasure, that freeze us arousing the desire, time would stand still forever; for we know just too well, that every step, every minute will seperate us further from the moment of happiness, fully knowing, our life will never be so full of magic again like we experienced in this one unique moment.

Sometimes a person even manages to freeze time and stay in this moment of the past. I did.
I created a world full of wonder, magic and romance just for me. A world, where no dream was impossible, no star unreachable.
Granted, this world was far from reality, but it was unlimited, boundless. Every dream was a reality of its own, every desire was a vision, every moment of happiness an eternity.

Why I did choose to remain there though
? What was the spindle, that pricked my finger and made me tumble into a deep sleep?
Honestly, I don`t know. Surely there was a special event -there`s always such an event-, but if I think about it, this event wasn`t so compelling to explain my falling into a dreamworld. Probably it had always been inside me, the wish to escape a grey reality, the need to find freedom in a wonderworld without boundaries.

My dreamworld was perfection; from merry mirth down to deepest despair. But who would be surprised? After all it was me who created it. I was enchanted by my creation, circled around this perfect image, didn`t see anything else anymore. I was creator and follower in one person; and I never realized, that I followed just myself; that I circled around myself, my idea of a world, that could never have existed in reality. I was mesmerized, and so I didn`t notice the thorny hedge, that slowly grew around me, estranging me from the rest of the world.
Oh, but of course I heard the voices! I heard the people call for me; heard how they tried to lure me out of my wonderworld. Out of the corners of my eyes I saw the sharp daggers tearing the brushwood. But I never turned my eyes off my creation; I never turned to the world on the other side, the world, that wanted to get through to me. In fact I withdrew, sensing the danger, that came from outside.

What danger, you ask?
Well, was I supposed to let reality sip into my perfect world? Was I supposed to let the world distract me, to force me moving on? Moving on, growing, changing and leaving my dreamworld more and more behind?
I didn`t let it; for a long time I didn`t let it happen, maybe hundred years, maybe ten, possibly an eternity.

But then on a sunday in spring something happened, as it always happens in fairy-tales; Prince Charming had his entrance.
And that day, when my frozen wonderwold melted under the glaring light of reality, he stood before me.
You can imagine the state of shock I`ve been in, when I reazlized, that, even though similiar to the image I had created of him, he was an autonoum person and not a mere echo of my dreams. No, firmly planted on reality`s ground he was; a reality, that constantly changed, constantly flowed like a river.
He didn`t wake me up with a kiss; no, nothing so romantic happened. He just reached out his hand to me
; a hand, that was warm and living. Not cool and flawless like a dream. NO, it was pulsating with life and reality.
And for the first time, I realized, that life can only be, where change is possible, even if it means to be seperated from the unique moment of happiness.
Life can`t be found inside an image, an idea; life can only be found in living.

Now that I`ve reached the end of my story, you want to know where Prince Charming is?
I don`t know.
AFter our brief encounter he moved on in his life, as I did in mine.
Besides you know:
Nothing is eternal and Prince Charming doesn`t exist.