posted April 19, 2021 12:00 AM            

I feel we don't flow communication wise, it always feels like she has an agenda, it always feels she wants to control. I feel she has information she wants to share but it comes with expectations, and it feels like she wants to suck me into her world and I want to venture off and do my own thing, explore my northnode stuff and relationship with information on my own (mercury in virgo rx rules my northnode).

I feel her southnode is holding me back or trying to trap my northnode ruler and mold it into her southnode if that makes sense. I also feel she feels held back by my mercury bc its setting boundaries on her southnode saying or screaming "I don't want to hear it, talk to me without expectations or an agenda." I want her to talk to me without an agenda, just express herself and tell me what works for her without expecting something from me. It just feels when I talk with her I know there will be tension and it will feel uncomfortable somehow and that there will be some strings attached, something she wants me to submit to in some way.

Mercury RX rules my NORTHNODE and is also squaring my nodes so is my skipped step and it conjuncts her Southnode. Feels like a very karmic synastry aspect and I feel I always have felt not heard by her.

Is possible that southnode aspect a planet in synastry makes both feel held back for different reasons.

Is also possible that the more you integrate your northnode the less you enjoy southnode aspects in synastry if that makes sense, the less tolerance and patience you have for them, southnode contacts in synastry can feel like you are going around in circles with someone and this could be why these relationships don't last and people tend to outgrow them even if there is strong love there which brings me to this: the desire or need for personal growth is stronger than love, love is great because it heals and expands and gives you confidence to take chances and venture off but is not the end game, personal growth is the destination but the bridge to get there is love, love triggers the journey to personal growth and gives you the strength to get through the journey filled with ups and downs which ultimately moves you forward towards a more whole and integrated you but still imperfect.

But yes is clear I have karma with my mother and I need to do some healing work around our issues. She is a good mother but her blindspots are so strong and I am tired of it, tr Pluto square my Pluto in the 10th does not want to deal with this stuff with her anymore, she needs to outgrow certain things bc is is getting harder for me to turn a blind eye to it and allow myself to "live" with it unfortunately.

I let some stuff out today when I spoke with her and my father and it was a bit intense I think for them but I felt peace after. I feel like "I should" feel bad for what I said bc I said it a bit intensely but also felt peace after like this sense of that was hard for them to hear but it needed to be said, I have talked about this already before but today felt different, is like I was trying to clear out a cycle with her, the energy that I put behind my words was strong and backing the need for us to evolve in how we communicate yet I think they felt I was communicating "intensely" but I feel they won't listen otherwise as I said is not the first time I bring this things up. The difference this time was that I communicated intensely but there was power in my words and the energy I put behind them, there was this needs to end and stop energy. Tr PLUTO square Natal PLUTO forming a tsquare with natal atropos while tr pluto is trining my SUN could part of it.

I put it in god's hands this karma I have with my mother, may this karma be healed fully.

Tr Mars in GEMINI conjunct my DC
Tr Mars in GEMINI ruled by Tr MERCURY in ARIES at 29 degrees conjunct exact Tr SUN in ARIES at 29 degrees

^^no wonder I set a boundary and it felt very critical degree 29; like this dynamic needs to end and we need to outgrow it urgent message for the sake of our relationship very Mars on the DC but yes message came out strong, Mars style and Mercury in ARIES at 29 degrees style.

Okay I send blessings and healing to her, may we break through this, may I forgive, may we start a new cycle, may there be peace and healing and love carry us forward.

posted May 05, 2021 12:44 PM            

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Originally posted by VestasLight:
I need to say, some of my greatest friendships/relationships have south node contacts. I've always found I have an instant ease with a person if the SN is in play. A familiarity.

I've never felt a debt due or owed with any of them, nor have I felt held back. IMO I find these contacts to be more like, wow, we already know "this" about each other. We don't have to work on developing it. It's already there. So for eg. if it's moon, the nurture, caring and/or softer affection is already there. Of course, other planets aspecting the conj. will affect this.

Just my personal experience, thought I'd share.

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