posted February 09, 2017 12:40 PM            

He is 33 (I'm 31) and he's never had a girlfriend, and I didn't exactly take this as a red flag and I wasn't about to judge him on this because he seemed like (and really is) a great guy, but slowly it became apparent that he was emotionally not the most mature just by dumb things he would say, not ever wanting to apologize (getting super defensive instead), etc. I maintained my patience with him, but naturally I would pull away when he would say/do **** that other guys his age likely wouldn't have (largely due to experience I presume).

Anyway, eventually he started telling me all he wanted was for me to commit to us/him and not run away when there was a problem or he was an idiot (he admitted it there at least). So I said ok and everything was amazing, he introduced me to his mom (I had already met a lot of his family at this point) and I know he has had a very tumultuous relationship with her (Scorpio Moon thing I have learned...this tends to be common).

Anyway, a couple weeks later I felt him seriously pull away. He started asking me about future stuff (marriage, kids, etc) and asking me if I was wanting that any time soon and I was honest and told him I'm in no rush for that at all. He said "me either" but then the rest of that night he just seemed so off like he was spooked that I was finally committed to him. I asked him if he needed space and told him it didn't feel like he was "all in" and he said "what does all in even mean?"

This turned into a conversation about us not being on the same page and him still having concerns about out up and down history (never any cheating or dating others in any of this by the way). In my head I'm like what the hell I'm finally giving you what you said you wanted from me and now you're backing out?! But instead I calmly left and we hardly spoke that entire next week. He never asked for space he just "got busy" so I let him.

Finally on Friday he called me and I asked him again if he needed space and he said "I don't know what I need or want" and then he invited me to his nieces bday the next day and said he wanted to see me, then he switched again and says maybe he does need space, etc etc. So I said ok why don't we just try to meet up when you're ready and he decided that Tuesday (4 days later) we could meet up and talk.

Sunday night rolls around and I came to my senses and really recognized that I deserve more than someone who doesn't know what they want with me so I called him and told him it seemed like he needed to be alone and I hope that I'm here when/if he figures out what he wants, but for now I know I deserve to be with someone is 100% about me. We both cried and that was it. That was almost 3 weeks ago.

I dropped off a book for him last week with a note saying thank you for everything and I'm always cheering for him and his happiness even if it's from afar and he texted and said thank you and he's been thinking about things a lot and "it's been hard."

I never responded and now I'm just trying to move on but I still very much love him and do not understand what happened here.

Literally met his mom and he told me he loves me and always has and feels so lucky to be with me and days later, everything changed.

There's no other girl as far as I know and I doubt it anyway. All my friends (and even his) said I was out of his league (not how I feel), and I know he felt a bit insecure with me and even would question me on why I liked him, to which I always filled him with loving, genuine words of why I cared so much for him.

What happened?!

He's Aries Sun/Scorpio Moon/Venus Taurus/Mars Aries

posted February 11, 2017 11:44 AM            

My guess is your subject will come back to you.

With all that fire and a Scorpio moon, he's got a rough set of emotions to handle. It probably makes his life easier to have a rock steady, mature, well-grounded woman around who knows what she's about. You sound like such a person.

In his book, Planets in Love, author John Townley says this about the Virgo Moon in love:

“You are very good at helping your partner and others straighten out personal problems, and you give down-to-earth advice on how they can better fulfill themselves, in relation both to you and to others."

Also,

“You have very specific standards about what you want in a lover, and you tend to be cautious in selecting one. Once you find the right person, the affair will probably go much as you want it to.”

I read that to mean you are not “destined” to engage in difficult relationships if you don't want to.

What's happened between the two of you seems to fit what author Townley says about Venus in Aires:

"If there is too much dallying about with a potential lover, you are likely to lose interest and move on to a new partner.”

posted February 12, 2017 09:57 AM            

I think this guy will come back if you want him to, but it's hard to say whether he has enough integrity to sustain a real, mutual relationship. It sounds like there might be some mixed messages from your end, too. But the things about this story that remind me of my ex are:

-the stewing, pouting, and torment when nothing really big or heavy emotionally is really happening. These guys are so emotionally uptight and fragile that they treat an ordinary few hours of things not being clear and easy the way the rest of us would treat a close friend dying. Someone on this site early on said I need a partner who's more consistently jolly--it's true--the huge, heavy, miserable emotional drama about nothing is just rough. Not sure what causes this. The interaction of Saturn and incompatible Neptune?

-the inexplicable pulling away and going cold on you. Consciously, they do this because they feel extremely sensitive about small slights--"she won't commit to me", "she didn't kiss me goodbye"----but the real reason is that they're too unable to emotionally self-regulate, and they simply cannot handle the regular ups and downs of everyday life, or the basic task of mutually communicating with someone they love. When people with Scorpio placements pull away, it can be subtle and confusing---but with an Aries Sun, the going cold is sooooo unsubtle, you can't miss it, it's like the Aries turns into a wall of ice. It's no fun.

-The "what does 'all in' even mean" and "it's been hard" reminds me of my ex. Uh, doucheweasel, "all in" means you're a couple in love, committed to each other, and you see each other regularly and --if you need space--you talk about that with the other person instead of going all stewy and AWOL on them. And when you talk and make plans together about the future and the other person fails to say the exactly perfect thing that thrills your Aries Sun but also makes your plodding, slow Taurus Venus feel secure, you TELL them why things feel off to you and what you are hoping for and looking for. You don't just go all weird on them.

-These guys have dark, heavy emotional needs that they expect everyone to take into account--but they're too Aries Sun-Mars to notice the other person's emotional needs. This might be better with a Scorp moon, especially if he has any placements in the "other people" houses (7, 8, 9).....my ex was all 4th and 12th house and he had issues with being able to communicate about emotions. The going cold and pulling away and "I'm not sure what I want" have always been interspersed with him showing up at my doorstep, passionate and weeping and trying to let loose with some scary, huge amount of "love."" He's not great at the happy medium between those things.

With his Taurus Venus (which makes his romantic processing sloooowww) and his Aries planets, which might be effected by Venus going retrograde in March and April (causing exes to reappear)., he may well still be processing and navigating your relationship.

I think Arieses his age have a lot of challenges (due to their outer-planet aspects) having good relationships with other people. A lot of these guys might not figure it out until AFTER their 2nd Saturn returns. But maybe after transiting Saturn moves out of Sagittarius for good, they'll do better?

You can probaby have the relationship if you want, but it will probably be the kind of relationship it's been so far.

posted February 12, 2017 12:49 PM            

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posted February 13, 2017 10:36 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Orange:
Can you post the synastry wheel?

---

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posted February 13, 2017 10:37 PM            

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posted February 14, 2017 02:37 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lucia23:
My ex is an Aries the same age (which means similar outer-planet aspects)....mine has Sag Moon, not Scorpio.

I think this guy will come back if you want him to, but it's hard to say whether he has enough integrity to sustain a real, mutual relationship. It sounds like there might be some mixed messages from your end, too. But the things about this story that remind me of my ex are:

-the stewing, pouting, and torment when nothing really big or heavy emotionally is really happening. These guys are so emotionally uptight and fragile that they treat an ordinary few hours of things not being clear and easy the way the rest of us would treat a close friend dying. Someone on this site early on said I need a partner who's more consistently jolly--it's true--the huge, heavy, miserable emotional drama about nothing is just rough. Not sure what causes this. The interaction of Saturn and incompatible Neptune?

-the inexplicable pulling away and going cold on you. Consciously, they do this because they feel extremely sensitive about small slights--"she won't commit to me", "she didn't kiss me goodbye"----but the real reason is that they're too unable to emotionally self-regulate, and they simply cannot handle the regular ups and downs of everyday life, or the basic task of mutually communicating with someone they love. When people with Scorpio placements pull away, it can be subtle and confusing---but with an Aries Sun, the going cold is sooooo unsubtle, you can't miss it, it's like the Aries turns into a wall of ice. It's no fun.

-The "what does 'all in' even mean" and "it's been hard" reminds me of my ex. Uh, doucheweasel, "all in" means you're a couple in love, committed to each other, and you see each other regularly and --if you need space--you talk about that with the other person instead of going all stewy and AWOL on them. And when you talk and make plans together about the future and the other person fails to say the exactly perfect thing that thrills your Aries Sun but also makes your plodding, slow Taurus Venus feel secure, you TELL them why things feel off to you and what you are hoping for and looking for. You don't just go all weird on them.

-These guys have dark, heavy emotional needs that they expect everyone to take into account--but they're too Aries Sun-Mars to notice the other person's emotional needs. This might be better with a Scorp moon, especially if he has any placements in the "other people" houses (7, 8, 9).....my ex was all 4th and 12th house and he had issues with being able to communicate about emotions. The going cold and pulling away and "I'm not sure what I want" have always been interspersed with him showing up at my doorstep, passionate and weeping and trying to let loose with some scary, huge amount of "love."" He's not great at the happy medium between those things.

With his Taurus Venus (which makes his romantic processing sloooowww) and his Aries planets, which might be effected by Venus going retrograde in March and April (causing exes to reappear)., he may well still be processing and navigating your relationship.

I think Arieses his age have a lot of challenges (due to their outer-planet aspects) having good relationships with other people. A lot of these guys might not figure it out until AFTER their 2nd Saturn returns. But maybe after transiting Saturn moves out of Sagittarius for good, they'll do better?

You can probaby have the relationship if you want, but it will probably be the kind of relationship it's been so far.

He may also have challenges committing to one person. Even if it seems certain there's no one else in the picture, he may have a hard time being honest and acting with integrity about that sort of thing.

---

Absolutely, in the beginning I can see how I sent mixed messages and that's why toward the end I made my desires and intentions and feelings for him as clear as I could. The thing is though, he was always saying he just wants a stable relationship, etc and of course, who doesn't...but he was failing to see how much of that instability he was manifesting himself. We both contributed, but unfortunately I think he only saw/spoke of my contributions to it.

As far as houses, most of his planets are in the 6th and 12th (Venus, Mars and Mercury all in the 12th) and Sun in the 11th.

It was so weird how odd he was about the future and commitment toward the end, because for one...he was always the one gung-ho about those things with me and two....I am absolutely not the type of woman to pressure or ask for titles or anything. He brought it up himself, seemingly out of nowhere, but perhaps triggered by me telling him it felt like he wasn't "all in."

posted February 14, 2017 02:39 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:

---

Yes, when I had someone read the chart they mentioned Chrion.

Here is our chart
http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g198/xbruticusx/composite.gif

posted February 14, 2017 02:42 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gracha:
Im a woman, but his placements are similar to mine except for the scorpio moon, I'm gemini moon. With Taurus venus, I prefer someone who's stable meaning they won't waver with their love and affections for me, if i get a sense of them being wishy washy it turns me off and I start getting confused and become unsure of things. My question to you, is there something behavior wise you're doing, think back because that could be why he's acting distant and of course there could be another person in the picture, maybe in talking stage now.

---

posted February 14, 2017 02:58 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by GrandFireT:
Ambk1734,

My guess is your subject will come back to you.

With all that fire and a Scorpio moon, he's got a rough set of emotions to handle. It probably makes his life easier to have a rock steady, mature, well-grounded woman around who knows what she's about. You sound like such a person.

In his book, Planets in Love, author John Townley says this about the Virgo Moon in love:

“You are very good at helping your partner and others straighten out personal problems, and you give down-to-earth advice on how they can better fulfill themselves, in relation both to you and to others."

Also,

“You have very specific standards about what you want in a lover, and you tend to be cautious in selecting one. Once you find the right person, the affair will probably go much as you want it to.”

I read that to mean you are not “destined” to engage in difficult relationships if you don't want to.

What's happened between the two of you seems to fit what author Townley says about Venus in Aires:

"If there is too much dallying about with a potential lover, you are likely to lose interest and move on to a new partner.”

---

posted February 14, 2017 06:00 PM            

If you want to make the Comp bigger and put aspect lines to Chiron, I will look.

Aspect lines to the NN help too.

I have to try not to strain my eyes on small charts, so I don't get eye strain, my Friend.

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posted February 14, 2017 06:08 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Amb
It was a bit small for me to study cuz I look at charts all day. I tried to make it bigger but it didn't seem to go. I like synastry better and, also, please put aspect lines to Chiron.

If you want to make the Comp bigger and put aspect lines to Chiron, I will look.

Aspect lines to the NN help too.

I have to try not to strain my eyes on small charts, so I don't get eye strain, my Friend.

---

Hopefully this shows up...the chiron and NN are on here I believe

posted February 14, 2017 09:53 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by ambk1734:
Well those things are true of me for sure, and if there was too much dallying about I DO move on, but the thing is, I did some of the dallying here in the beginning, so I had to give him the benefit of the doubt when he began to dally as well. I just don't want anyone else, I'm trying hard to move on without closure, it's just that I still love him and wish things went differently in the end.

---

posted February 14, 2017 10:36 PM            

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posted February 15, 2017 10:08 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gracha:
With that moon opposite Venus, he's got that push pull love thing going on. I'll be honest here, I don't like moon Venus hard aspects in natal because they act as if they want a relationship but then want to be single, guys are heart breakers. My advice, give him some space but let him know you're here if he needs to talk. But I'll personally move on because it'll be a perpetual cycle of push pull.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gracha:
With that moon opposite Venus, he's got that push pull love thing going on. I'll be honest here, I don't like moon Venus hard aspects in natal because they act as if they want a relationship but then want to be single, guys are heart breakers. My advice, give him some space but let him know you're here if he needs to talk. But I'll personally move on because it'll be a perpetual cycle of push pull.

---

Is there something in my chart that likely made it even more difficult for him to stick around? It sucks because he seemed so genuine in his words and affections that whole time.

Giving him space won't be a problem, other than the book I dropped off, we haven't spoken in a month when the breakup conversation happened. I'm sure if he missed me he would have reached out by now.

posted February 15, 2017 10:36 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Amb
Why don't you list the Chiron aspects and the orbs. I try not to study small charts xoxoxoxo

---

Hi Ami Anne,

Unfortunately I only know how to read personal charts and I know nothing about Chiron or Orbs.

What I do know of our combined chart is that:

We have a stellium of venus/sun and mercury

Venus/mercury are opposed to Pluto

Moon square to Jupiter

Chiron conjunct the Mars/node midpoint

The moon/Jupiter midpoint, the Pluto/Neptune midpoint and the Saturn/Uranus midpoint are opposed to Chiron/Mars midpoint.

Moon is sextile to Uranus

Saturn is sextile to Jupiter

Neptune is Sextile to Pluto

posted February 15, 2017 10:46 AM            

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posted February 15, 2017 11:08 AM            

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posted February 15, 2017 11:08 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I see, Amb. If you can get the chart big so I don't have to strain my eyes, I am happy to look, my Friend. I think you got some lovely help from Gracha.

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This might be as big as I can make them..otherwise thanks so much for your help!

posted February 15, 2017 11:08 AM            

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