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Author Topic:   Friendship on the rocks
Solar_Leo_Queen
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Posts: 2655
From: Planet Earth
Registered: Jan 2014

posted August 26, 2017 04:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Solar_Leo_Queen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My relationship with my best friend has been on the rocks lately. I'm finally realizing that she and I are both too different from each other. Of course, there are still things that we get along on, but for the most part, it has been getting harder and harder to maintain my relationship with her. It started getting difficult when I moved to a city way farther away from her. We had plans to move in and get an apartment together but then she got a boyfriend and moved in with him instead. I was alright with that since I could handle living by myself anyway.

She and I had different taste in friends too. Our circles are different; I feel out of place when we hang out with her friends and she just doesn't even try to get along with my friends. Her circle is quite superficial; they only hang out to smoke weed, drink, and party. Not saying those things are bad bc I do them too, but I know there's more to life than just that. My circle.. I don't really have a circle anymore. I have a few friends who I hang out with one on one. She's said to me before, she doesn't eeally have any real friends other than me and her other best friend.

She likes crowds because she likes being adored, especially by men and when we go clubbing. I go clubbing to have fun, whether or not I'm attracting anyone. I'm not a big fan of crowds. She thinks it's okay to grind on other guys when we're out dancing or talk to other guys over the phone while she's in a relationship. I think otherwise.

Travel. We both want to travel but for different reasons. I want to travel to experience new things and possibly face my fears (like heights, getting lost, trusting strangers that aren't really bad). As far as I can see (and she told me), she wants to travel to find romance with foreigners and have awesome snapchats and instagram photos.

In general, I feel that it's very difficult to communicate with her. She says I judge her, but I feel she does the same. Things got worse since I began my relationship with my boyfriend. She thinks I'm being too tied down for my age. I might be, but what she doesn't understand is that I am just very old fashioned when it comes to relationships. I show respect to my partner by giving him the complete loyalty he deserves. No matter who it is, that's how I treat them.

Our values are very different.

I am beginning to think I should just break it off with her, but I am hesitant. We have been best friends for a long while now. Maybe we're just misunderstanding each other too much?

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waxlobster
Knowflake

Posts: 437
From: Birmingham
Registered: Mar 2011

posted August 26, 2017 05:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for waxlobster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think this does sound like you judge her. Friendships are supposed to change and evolve through adulthood, having a 'best friend' is not like having a partner. You don't 'break up' you meet up when you want to meet up, you share what you enjoy sharing.

It sounds to me that your friend is exploring her life and figuring out who she is and you'd prefer to remain exactly the same as she was. I'm also getting the feeling that she genuinely loves you and you don't feel the same way anymore.

I had a best friend at school and our paths have gone in completely different directions at times since. They've always meandered back together though because I love her so much. To me she is my soul family and I just adore her.

That's what friendship is about, it's spending time with people because you really love them, and enjoy who they are. If you don't have that then I guess drift away a little, focus on what is right for your life...but I want to discourage you from 'breaking off the friendship' I think that is an unnecessarily hurtful and unfriend like thing to do...

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blog: http://waxlobster.blogspot.co.uk/

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waxlobster
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Posts: 437
From: Birmingham
Registered: Mar 2011

posted August 26, 2017 05:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for waxlobster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
PS with Pluto currently conjunct her Venus she IS going to feel sexually curious, be aware of her own attractiveness at the moment. Big changes always occur with Pluto transits, but they're also a bit scary and tumultuous.

If you know astrology then you'd see this? Also that you've both got Uranus squaring your Neptunes and for her Jupiter too so that's where this whole evaluation of your 'values' is coming from.

You're growing up, you're learning who you are too. Perhaps try not to be so sure about what's right and wrong and enjoy the journey a little.... Uranus transits can be quite exciting if you just enjoy the ride ;-)

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blog: http://waxlobster.blogspot.co.uk/

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 85145
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 03, 2017 04:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bump!

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Lalafortunaea
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Posts: 113
From:
Registered: Jul 2017

posted September 04, 2017 08:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lalafortunaea     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Over all your charts suggest you two are very compatible as friends.

Sun conjunct Uranus is also pretty good - and generally denotes the ability to let each other "be" who they are and do whatever they've gotta do, separately.

IDEALLY! But something is getting in the way of that.

It's fine for you two to be different and be on different paths in life - but when you both start judging each other for it and not accepting it, that's when it becomes an issue.


A friend of mine and I have this placement.

They tell me they like drugs, like clubbing, and I'll be fine with that. And I'll tell them I'm not big on drugs or clubbing, and they'll be fine with that.

We both have that mutual respect where we don't feel like we need to validate the other by being completely similar. We both DO have some different values.

More than anything, this comes down to mutual respect and finding a middle ground where you two can share some time together.

I mean for example, just because I love peanut butter, doesn't mean my friend has to love it. We can be okay with our differences. That's just a basic example.

And also, sometimes you can take 'breaks' from friendships. This doesn't mean stop being friends or anything, but if it feels impossible to find a decent compromise now, you can both simply live your lives and not see each other as much - doesn't mean you're not friends anymore - until some growth spurt occurs in your relationship where you both have more understanding.

A different friend of mine moved away and started doing loads of things I don't do and while they were doing them, I couldn't participate, but I was happy enough they were traveling around and all that and finding out who they were at the time. We kept in touch via msg, skype, texts, and slowly, those became less and less - and then 3 years later we got together again and are still good friends.

And also all these things, with your own friendship, takes confidence and faith. Have faith and confidence in each other. Too much worry and fretting is a real wedge.

One of you will have to do the "cease fire" on judgements - because as that new song says "cause you don't judge me and if you did I'd judge you too" which is quite true. (IDK if those are the exact lyrics but you get the idea)

It's obvious you care about this friend, and they you, so, hopefully it'll easy enough to make the effort.

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Iridia
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Posts: 211
From:
Registered: Mar 2017

posted September 05, 2017 09:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Iridia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Are you sure of her TOB?

Astrology aside, I don't think it's wrong of you to be considering moving on. You became friends when you were teenagers, probably by circumstance and compability wasn't on your mind. Now you care about it. Good for you, I say. Sometimes even similar people grow apart eventually and it's not anyone's fault. Most people undergo lots of changes by the time they leave their early 20s. Maybe with time she will gravitate towards your mentality or maybe she'll become even more alien. The fact is, it's becoming more and more difficult for you to appreciate her. Since you're hesitant, I suggest you distance yourself from her first, I believe it would help you make up your mind. And who knows, perhaps in a few months you'd discover you're not that different anymore. Don't be too hard on yourself, don't try to change her and expect the same in return. If it's supposed to work, it will. I've been there myself. I let go of a long relationship that used to be a friendship and it was a relief more than anything. It occured to me we were very different and even if he didn't mind, I did.

quote:
Our values are very different.

And your 9th house Jupiter doesn't like it. The Sagittarius Descendant may be drawn to or draw in people from fairly different paths and backgrounds, Aquarius may be tolerant but at the end of the day your Jupiter wants to feel that the people he keeps close hold a value system that is more compatible with his than not. I find it interesting that he doesn't touch her chart (probably). Which means there's a disconnect on paper too.


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Astrology is descriptive, not causative.

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 85145
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 11, 2017 09:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sometimes friends just grow apart.

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MoonMystic
Knowflake

Posts: 789
From: ♤ Ethereal Umbra ♤
Registered: Nov 2016

posted September 13, 2017 02:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MoonMystic     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm studying the composite.
Is she the Leo Sun? I wonder
what both your progression
charts are like.


-The 12th H is connecting though.
In those cases I find there's a
pull that might be karmic? Yes
we do grow apart but those are
luminaries and I wonder if your
quitting her is heartbreaking to
you?

It is painful when we change
our friends and have to let some go
but sometimes we learn and there's no
new ties to learn with them. You
might have soul contracts to fulfill
with other, newer friends nw.
If you feel strongly to let go
of this friend, that's my guess.
Moving forward is a growth process
and we are always growing.

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kewf1988
Knowflake

Posts: 130
From:
Registered: Dec 2015

posted September 15, 2017 07:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kewf1988     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The OP is the Leo Sun.

I am going through a similar situation, though not quite as bad. I've also been realizing that I'm different from my best friend, as well as his wife. They're both right wing extremist Evangelical Christians, and outside of music, I don't have much in common with either of them. Ever since getting into the astrology, I've made new friends two of the last three years (this year it was with a family of Mexican immigrants and in 2015 it was a mix of Mexican immigrants and Mexican Americans, and my solar return hinted at this, as well as learning a foreign language this year. In fact, both those new friendships were in the solar returns for those years), and when I got their DOBs, there were lots of Vertex and nodal conjunctions, which are a sign of fated encounters. Both encounters certainly felt like they were meant to happen, as I didn't approach them. Check your solar return chart, as this is likely in it (the solar return chart is like a preview of your year).

I'd stay friends with her, as you do have great aspects, like Sun and Moon conjunct each other and your Moon in her 11th house. I went through this with him before, though last time it was because he and his wife, who was his girlfriend then, were into drugs while I was concentrating on college, so I'm not going to end it this time either, as I do have similar connections in synastry with both of them, despite the extreme GOP politics (they both have strong right wing economic and cultural indicators in their charts).

quote:
Originally posted by MoonMystic:
I'm studying the composite.
Is she the Leo Sun? I wonder
what both your progression
charts are like.


-The 12th H is connecting though.
In those cases I find there's a
pull that might be karmic? Yes
we do grow apart but those are
luminaries and I wonder if your
quitting her is heartbreaking to
you?

It is painful when we change
our friends and have to let some go
but sometimes we learn and there's no
new ties to learn with them. You
might have soul contracts to fulfill
with other, newer friends nw.
If you feel strongly to let go
of this friend, that's my guess.
Moving forward is a growth process
and we are always growing.


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