posted August 20, 2019 07:59 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Stoika7:
This is sooo true, I know! I had three longtime rs, one of those we were married for 18 years, and believe me, this is exactly what used to happen, no matter the deep connection and knowledge of each other, we just had lots of misunderstandings all the time, LOL
So it is obviously so much more possible with someone who is not even so intimate...
But yes, I know he didnt mean to hurt me, I know cause I know he has a good heart (otherwise I would not love him of course!)... I honestly think it all happened in the wrong time, with me having my issues and he having this new gf after long time and... being a Taurus guy, you know, once they take one direction, they just see nothing else, LOL
Even so, I say he was contraddictory 'cause after I sent the book and only after that, he went to check for my message on fb, which he hadnt seen before... so I finally found out my last message was viewed the day he received the book, after a few months I had sent it... I tell you this 'cause I cant forget his gaze when we met the first time, the way he talked to me... I mean, I felt the attraction was mutual and he gave other signs after that... so honetsly my impression is that yes, he didnt want to threaten this new rs he had, but just because we live in two different countries, and it all would have been quite difficult, this is what I actually believe... And, no, I dont blame myself at all!! The only thing I blame myself about is that I didnt knock his door that same day I had found his house by chance, in one of the largest towns in europe, where he lives... since at that time he had just met this gf since few days, and who knows, if I had the guts to knock his door that day, everything might have been different!
But well, of course he made his choice, and he chose her, not me...
Btw, I have never ghosted anyone in my life, 'cept for stalkers of course, LOL! so I dont really understand this, and so considering the whole situation, I have come up with the idea that he was scared not by me, but from what he felt for me. I could be wrong of course, since I have no real evidence of this, it is just what I have been deeply feeling and it pxxxxs me off! (I mean, if he felt my feelings as you suggest, even though I never showed him at all, then I might feel his feelings as well, given the psychic connection we have?)

Fact is that whatever he feels, I have experienced this psychic connection developing powerfully and keeping me stuck to him, especially any time I was trying to forget him, some new synchronicity happened between us... they have been many and incredible, until even yesterday, when he posted a picture again showing exact links to the story of my book (other times he wrote exact sentences written in my book, when he didnt even know such book existed).... it is crazy, believe me. I have even stopped wondering about this, I have got used to such madness between us. Like, for instance, I am swimming in a swimmingpool, and in that same moment he posts a picture of him swimming in a pool on instagram... or, I take my guitar and play a song called "Angel", and he posts a picture of the sign of a bar called "Angel, right in that moment... I happen to see a huge flock of birds flying over my car, and after few minutes he posts a picture of a huge flock of birds flying over his car... I write a scene of the character rescuing his black friend's life, and he posts a picture of him and a black friend of his, with the sentence "I saved this friend"... it's crazy, and it never ends, even though I havent talked to him since almost three years. Then he came and got married in my country... wth ?
He's not just connected to my writing, he's connected to my mind and daily life! Even if I wasnt in love with him, I swear God, I would do anything to find out what the hell is going on with this guy 😁
But yes, of course I do love him, and I dont even know why anymore... I'm not blaming myself that he ceased contacts, I'm tormented cause I'm still madly in love with him but things went in a different way and I didnt have the chance to see him again... cause I feel something has remained unsolved, and with my Taurus Moon/Aries Mars, I hate this! 😁

Btw, you're psychic too my lovely, since my novel is actually a saga, and I am writing the next book... ahaha, I dont think I can turn my character into someone rude or manipluated or anything other than my beloved hero! But in the former book I've published yes, he actually fell under the spell of this virtual sexy woman, putting him into big troubles, LOL

😍

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Sometimes I feel true love is exclusively about finding someone who doesn't lash at you for a misunderstanding, I mean just that, it sounds exceptional to me lol I see so many misunderstandings everyday and then they are the ones I don't even see and when you consider this, my, relationships become very complicated, sometimes I think it's simpler if you don't think you understand each other so well or if you don't speak the same language, when you speak another language, you always make more efforts to be clear and people are more likely to give you opportunities to clarify if they're upset... I think it's a brilliant example of how "less means" equals better communication in some cases.
Amen to that sister, I do believe good hearts recognise each other.
I do think context played a huge part in your relationship, not just the timing with his girlfriend now wife (that too), but also, probably his education and who he decided to be, what he pursued in life, not only in astrological terms, but in very specific practical terms too, before he even met you and as you've said, we do know those Taurus, o yes! lol Also, while I've met many Taurus who loved astrology... every single person I've met who completely rejected astrology or any type of connection, psychic or just intuitive was a Taurus, so could that factor in (to a degree) in his rejection of the whole thing?.
Still not contradictory to me (riding that devil's advocate pony to hell! lol) it actually makes sense to me that he checked your message the day he received the book. He gets the book, thinks of you, sees your message, checks it. Especially if he had been purposely avoiding the message not to think of you, now with the book, he was thinking of you anyway so might as well check the message and be done with it, no? There's something practical in managing both at once that makes sense to my earth sun and moon.

I would tend to agree about him picking the "most comfortable" relationship though (but more about that below...)

Still, don't blame yourself for not knocking on his door, I mean, he could have moved his big tush and walked out the door to ask you by what chance you had arrived there. If anything, you may see it as you didn't choose him either, you're just not aware of that yet, but maybe one day this could be the moment you look, at and go "whoa, I actually knew"

yeah, I don't get the ghosting thing either, I think it's cause we're old and women and we've been raised differently LOL No, I don't know, it's just rude is all. I mean, you'd argue it's to avoid confrontation but this is the 21st century, society is designed to avoid confrontation, even the biggest coward can break up via text or on social media, so, really, ghosting is an act of violence, it's so avoidant.
That's exactly what I think (again, more of that below), it's not you but what you represented for him, the possibility of another type of connection, another type of love, another life....
You may or you may not. You being aware of your own feelings could have clouded your reading of his, regardless of him speaking them or just exuding them for your connection to catch upon... again, communication and its many ways to f*** itself ^^
Sarah McLachlan's Angel? (sorry, curious )

In a very pragmatic way I want to say that all these connections happen because you still keep in touch and check on what he posts, I mean if you stopped doing that you wouldn't know what is connected and what is not (not saying that the connections wouldn't happen, but you wouldn't be able to spot them/confirm them...). Have you tried not to check on him? (I know it's super hard, I thank life everyday that I don't have social media, it is such a breakup amplifier)
My idea about connections is, they're here, no doubt about that, but if one of the two people in the equation rejects them, then there's no point. I'd be curious to see what happens if you let the connections go. Would he feel it and look for you? Would you start to feel better? worse?

That's a very good first step to recovery I'd say, it's like loving the person is almost a habit, you don't know why but it's there.
Ooh, I feel this, so much. I was obsessed with closure, as if it was my divine right to heart the exact words that would appease me and allow me to let go. I've learnt a lot from that frustration (cause I rarely obtain closure lol) and also from other people feeling similarly but reacting differently.
1) I did want to let go before I let that change me. I remember this lovely girl I had befriended at a fair. We went out for film and burgers with her cousin and on the way back she asked me to go see a friend of hers who lived nearby. So I walk with her and on the way we start talking. The friend was her ex whom she was obsessed with, she told me every detail of the story, he had obviously no interest in seeing her anymore, but she wouldn't hear it. She just had to walk his street and look at his window to see if he was home and try to get him to see her by buzzing him, and she needed a third party so she could say "please come down, I'll put on a good behaviour I'm not alone" because he had called the police on her before for doing that.
Of course it's an extreme example, but in terms of clinging on to frustration and "feeling for two" and needing closure over and over again, it's a very similar territory. I'd never have the nerve to do what she did, but sometimes I felt as ridiculous as if, just because of how I felt.
2) Silence is an answer. I always hated silence, it was unclear, devious.... until I accepted it was actually something. Of course it's not a defined answer, it can mean anything from sod off to I love you. Silence can be disagreement, indifference, cowardice or fear... it's everything and its opposite which can drive anybody nuts, but what it is for sure is itself: silence. When someone doesn't reply to you, ghosts you, whether they think you're wrong, not worth their time, unable to understand them, fear you or what your represent.... what is sure is they don't want to talk to you anymore. If it's fear, it's fear they have no interest in overcoming, if it's love, it's love they don't want to live, if it's disagreement it's one they don't feel worth questioning their views for, if it's a fight, it's one that doesn't stimulate them...
Silence means it's over. Silence actually is closure. Its multifaceted shimmering face makes us want to deflect that and cling on "but he didn't say he didn't love me" "but he didn't say he didn't want to see me", and so we lock ourselves in limbo because that no man's land somehow hasn't entirely ruled hope out. After all, it was never said. Except it was, just not in a verbal way. Silence is closure. When silence settles, things are solved.
Sure, they are solved in an "unfinished business" 12th house Pisces-Neptune kind of way, but it's still an end, even if it should be resumed to finish more clearly in a future incarnation. In this one? It's over.
It's also tough because as you can't properly grasp the closure, you can't label the other. You can't call someone a tosser if you don't know why they ghost you, I mean they could have real reasons, personal issues and then you'd be the tosser for labelling them that, you can't empathise with them either because, well, they ghosted you: not cool. So you can't really make anything of it, which is why the only way out is to make nothing of it, and move on.
Very difficult, that silence thing.

posted August 20, 2019 09:59 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Moonbeth:
Sometimes I feel true love is exclusively about finding someone who doesn't lash at you for a misunderstanding,

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While reading you, I have been repeating YES almost at any sentence, but especially feeling thankful for all your caring and support ❤️
Sorry if I'm just quoting your first sentence, it says it all, and I love it!

I feel a little silly in replying that I am aware of all things you have written, and I dont mean this to undervalue your words at all, on the contrary to say that I completely agree, that you speak the truth, it all makes sense to me, and this really helps me to NOT forget such truth ! I mean, I had three years to get aware of all the logical things you are saying and you're just confirming that I actually haven't lost it, LOL, despite not being able to let it go and move on yet... But yes, the silence, I know, that's why I said he chose her and not me, and that silence is obviously the only truth that counts (not to mention his wedding, LOL)...
So, I mean, all the possibile theories will always be on the table, getting no answer, while the only answer was that damn silence... I know!! It is not that I dont accept this... I did since long already. It is that I just cant stop feeling he's there, as you said and you know it already, since you also described so well the reason why I can't let this go... I just dont have an answer to this, really. I mean, it's not enough to rationalize as I am doing everyday, I even done so too much and that's why I had decided to surrender, as I explained before, cause there was really nothing I could do against this feelings for him, I can just love him and that's it.
About the connection and the socials... well, I did stop checking his profile since long, but I didnt have the guts to cancel the contact, and so any time he posts something, it shows up on my feed. The fact is that it shows up on my feed any time there is a synchronicity, and it is not me checking him, it's the feed showing me his posts right in those crazy moments even unexpectedly, when I am not even thinking of him... this is what I am trying to explain, it's "him" showing up to me without me doing absolutely nothing, not the other way around. All right, I could erase his contact and so his posts would not longer show up. I did try this also. He "showed up" through other means though. We also have common friends on FB, and somehow he would still show up through them, in the same unexpected way. Or sometimes I happened to bump into something unavoidably reminding me of him, or someone mentioning him out of nowhere, and so on...... Obviously, if I was no longer in love with him, I would not even pay attention to these other "reminders" of him, but I am :-D, and so eventually I just started to follow his profile again, being drawn to him again.........
It is obviously something unsolved inside me, not necessarily between us, even though right now I cant separate the two things...
And yes, the confrontation... I know what you mean!! A friend of mine said the same thing, as soon as he had viewed my message without replying, two years ago... she soon said, "what a coward, he's avoiding confrontation!"... I didn't even pay much attention to her words at that moment, since I was so heartbroken (and she's a brilliant Virgo lady like you!!), but then I obviously realized what she meant, same things you said! ...and yes, skeptical Taurus folk, eheh, I am convinced as well of this, even though he felt the connection, he likely rejected it completely, and maybe this is even the reason why he has ghosted me in the first place.
Thank you SO MUCH for your chart reading as well !! I agree with much of it, especially abotu the Chiron/Venus connection (it's a conjunction in Composite), and the 4th and 8th house placements... The SN/Moon is also intense, as a karmic aspect, but I dont see this, neither the Moon/Sun in 8th, as negative aspects at all, but I believe those Moons connections are actually our main glue, a very intimite aspect, since his Moon is also opposite my ASC, maybe our Sun/Moon is challenged by my Venus/Sun square to that and his Saturn square as well... this looks more as a struggle to "control" each other though, in a restrictive way against the emotional link, more than "fear" and "ghosting"... and his Venus in my 4th housr trine to my Venus would soften such negativity of those squares, I believe... The mutual hard aspects on our natal Chirons, together with my Pluto square his Venus, are the most negative aspects, I believe, even though Chiron always suggests me that "way out" you have described so well in sharing your "healing" experience from the plutonian energy...
But much of what you saw here makes so mcuh sense to me! So just an endless thank you ❤️

Oh, I have been wondering about the Comp. rectangle as well, I'll see if Todd will have something to say about it !

Big hugs and hope to enjoy reading you and sharing with you soon again 💞

posted August 21, 2019 04:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by nomad-monad:
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum28/HTML/004944.html

see if this gives you anything stoika.
i'll return after my friday-deadline.

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This is very intriguing, thanks a lot Nomad!!

Not sure I should reply here or directly in your thread... btw, I just checked and found out:

(synastry)
my Vertex (7th house) conjunct his 111111 (11th house) and opposite my Karma
his 131313 conjunct my Jupiter trine his Jupiter
his Eva (my named asteroid) on his first house conjunct my 292929 in my 8th house
his 292929/Karma conjunct my Mars trine his Neptune and his Mars
my 121212/Chiron conjunct his Amor/SN
my James (his named asteroid) conjunct his 121212
my 131313/Sun/Venus/Juno on his 4th house opposite his Saturn and square to our Sun/Moon conjunction.

(composite)
131313 conjunct ASC/NN opposite Saturn/SN/Nessus
121212 conjunct Juno in 2nd house
111111 conjunct Uranus in 10th house
292929 square Chiron, opposite Moon

... but how to read all this ?

posted August 21, 2019 05:15 PM            

O no, don't you worry about quoting, if anything, the less the better, those rants of mine do take some space ^^

Don't feel silly, I mean I never thought you were not aware of any of the things I mentioned (I don't even expect them to be accurate, I just share and hope for the best lol).
There is no undervaluing anything, what I say has no value, it just is and if it brings you anything, that's cool, if it doesn't, it's ok too, but that it resonates with you makes me happy because it makes me hope that soon you too will feel free from this love, that you'll be left with only the good sides of it and that you'll feel love for other, more available people, starting with yourself, we never love ourselves enough .

Sure the wedding and all, but I think silence is a finger on its own lol It hurts to think that way, but maybe him ghosting you had nothing to do with the girlfriend in terms of he didn't make a choice. If the connection frightened him, then the threatening of the relationship is only more of the same and he would have run anyway.

I do understand surrendering to keep your mind from going nuts over rationalising something, but I think it wasn't necessary to follow him again. As you've said, he was already popping in your feed, it was enough.
Giving in isn't giving up, you can surrender and stop fighting the connection; it still doesn't mean inviting it. And, of course, you know that and you'll get there, in your own time

>>>>Obviously, if I was no longer in love with him, I would not even pay attention to these other "reminders" of him, but I am :-D
It's very interesting that you say that because I would have thought a psychic connection was true in itself and not necessarily linked to your feelings. But if so, it probably works both ways and the connection exists because you keep it alive. In that case, doing a full detoxification the way Luna suggested may be your way out (but honestly: SUPER hard, so not saying "do it" as I know for a fact it's not something you decide to do, it's something you manage to do bit by bit when you're there).

>>>It is obviously something unsolved inside me, not necessarily between us, even though right now I cant separate the two things...

If there is anything I can do to help you, do not hesitate, send me an email when/if you want to talk, really

Haha, yup, us Virgos I think we love judging people who avoid confrontation because it's our dear opposite Pisces' trademark lol I haven't thought of it as cowardly for a while though, it's irritating and can be very rude, but as I've explained, now I understand "silence", why it drove me so insane and why I still won't choose it, or not drastically, but now I feel it actually does tell you everything you need to hear and I'm fine with it too.

Oh, I don't think any of those aspects are bad (the more I think about astrology, the more I think this whole good aspects/bad aspects thing needs to be revisited, some of those archetypes date back to eras when the world was so different and if our primal instincts are the same, our needs and awareness have severely evolved so traits that once were challenging or undesirable are actually very much positive in today's world etc, etc....), just that they could be the field where he decided to drop the ball. I'm a big fan of Chiron actually and I think if handled properly it's fabulously mature and healthy and could make deep and honest relationships (in reality, a lot of relationships that work, do so because they pet both partners in their ways which aren't always the best/healthiest).

I didn't mean real fear, but reaction-fear, you know? But that control idea sounds interesting, have you experienced any sentiment of control in this relationship? (feeling controlled by him or wanting to control or be controlled by him? do you think he could have feared being controlled himself?)

As I've said, I think Chiron (like Pluto) can be brilliant, but I do think they require both natives to have overcome them in their own charts before so, yes, it could explain why some people would run. Nobody rushes in when the sign reads "self work: rewarding, but painful" lol

As for Todd, I don't think I've seen a reading of his that mentioned patterns, he's very mainly about midpoints (which I find very interesting), but it would be interesting if he had a take on the rectangle.
As far as I'm concerned, I'll take it all with a big fat grain of salty salt since he told me the only reason I was attracted to a man was because I had a blind spot for abusive relationships and was forever attracted to their dynamic and the man was cold, manipulative and would only play with me, that anything vaguely good about him would be deception, that he showed clear disrespect for his mate..., to what I responded by exposing the extremeness of such a condemnation (it felt surreal, I mean what were the odds I found a new Ted Bundy?), and also by exposing some contradictions or confusions in places, to which he responded with silence
But yep, I'll check what he's got on your rectangle and global chart though, feeling misled doesn't lessen my interest and curiosity nor my respect for his knowledge, just reasonably questioning its use.
UK and Italy are two different cultures, I'm not saying they're incompatible or "too" different or radically different such as I don't know primal African cultures and modern Northern Europe ones, but they are different
It obviously doesn't matter to you, but it matters to some people, not necessarily in some racist I-can't-be-with-someone-who's-not-from-my-culture kind of way, but just to some people those common references and landmarks are a big part of the foundation they build relationships on.
Also, I just have to say I think you Italian women rule the game. I seriously have never met an Italian woman who didn't own her femininity and I find that so admirable.

posted August 21, 2019 08:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Moonbeth:
❤️

O no, don't you worry about quoting, if anything, the less the better, those rants of mine do take some space ^^

Don't feel silly, I mean I never thought you were not aware of any of the things I mentioned (I don't even expect them to be accurate, I just share and hope for the best lol).
There is no undervaluing anything, what I say has no value, it just is and if it brings you anything, that's cool, if it doesn't, it's ok too, but that it resonates with you makes me happy because it makes me hope that soon you too will feel free from this love, that you'll be left with only the good sides of it and that you'll feel love for other, more available people, starting with yourself, we never love ourselves enough .

Sure the wedding and all, but I think silence is a finger on its own lol It hurts to think that way, but maybe him ghosting you had nothing to do with the girlfriend in terms of he didn't make a choice. If the connection frightened him, then the threatening of the relationship is only more of the same and he would have run anyway.

I do understand surrendering to keep your mind from going nuts over rationalising something, but I think it wasn't necessary to follow him again. As you've said, he was already popping in your feed, it was enough.
Giving in isn't giving up, you can surrender and stop fighting the connection; it still doesn't mean inviting it. And, of course, you know that and you'll get there, in your own time

>>>>Obviously, if I was no longer in love with him, I would not even pay attention to these other "reminders" of him, but I am :-D
It's very interesting that you say that because I would have thought a psychic connection was true in itself and not necessarily linked to your feelings. But if so, it probably works both ways and the connection exists because you keep it alive. In that case, doing a full detoxification the way Luna suggested may be your way out (but honestly: SUPER hard, so not saying "do it" as I know for a fact it's not something you decide to do, it's something you manage to do bit by bit when you're there).

>>>It is obviously something unsolved inside me, not necessarily between us, even though right now I cant separate the two things...

If there is anything I can do to help you, do not hesitate, send me an email when/if you want to talk, really

Haha, yup, us Virgos I think we love judging people who avoid confrontation because it's our dear opposite Pisces' trademark lol I haven't thought of it as cowardly for a while though, it's irritating and can be very rude, but as I've explained, now I understand "silence", why it drove me so insane and why I still won't choose it, or not drastically, but now I feel it actually does tell you everything you need to hear and I'm fine with it too.

Oh, I don't think any of those aspects are bad (the more I think about astrology, the more I think this whole good aspects/bad aspects thing needs to be revisited, some of those archetypes date back to eras when the world was so different and if our primal instincts are the same, our needs and awareness have severely evolved so traits that once were challenging or undesirable are actually very much positive in today's world etc, etc....), just that they could be the field where he decided to drop the ball. I'm a big fan of Chiron actually and I think if handled properly it's fabulously mature and healthy and could make deep and honest relationships (in reality, a lot of relationships that work, do so because they pet both partners in their ways which aren't always the best/healthiest).

I didn't mean real fear, but reaction-fear, you know? But that control idea sounds interesting, have you experienced any sentiment of control in this relationship? (feeling controlled by him or wanting to control or be controlled by him? do you think he could have feared being controlled himself?)

As I've said, I think Chiron (like Pluto) can be brilliant, but I do think they require both natives to have overcome them in their own charts before so, yes, it could explain why some people would run. Nobody rushes in when the sign reads "self work: rewarding, but painful" lol

As for Todd, I don't think I've seen a reading of his that mentioned patterns, he's very mainly about midpoints (which I find very interesting), but it would be interesting if he had a take on the rectangle.
As far as I'm concerned, I'll take it all with a big fat grain of salty salt since he told me the only reason I was attracted to a man was because I had a blind spot for abusive relationships and was forever attracted to their dynamic and the man was cold, manipulative and would only play with me, that anything vaguely good about him would be deception, that he showed clear disrespect for his mate..., to what I responded by exposing the extremeness of such a condemnation (it felt surreal, I mean what were the odds I found a new Ted Bundy?), and also by exposing some contradictions or confusions in places, to which he responded with silence
But yep, I'll check what he's got on your rectangle and global chart though, feeling misled doesn't lessen my interest and curiosity nor my respect for his knowledge, just reasonably questioning its use.
UK and Italy are two different cultures, I'm not saying they're incompatible or "too" different or radically different such as I don't know primal African cultures and modern Northern Europe ones, but they are different
It obviously doesn't matter to you, but it matters to some people, not necessarily in some racist I-can't-be-with-someone-who's-not-from-my-culture kind of way, but just to some people those common references and landmarks are a big part of the foundation they build relationships on.
Also, I just have to say I think you Italian women rule the game. I seriously have never met an Italian woman who didn't own her femininity and I find that so admirable.

Lots of hugs darling <3<3<3

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❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Starting from your last sentence, you're just adorable! Thanks for your lovely words about italian women 😍, even though I'm a radical anti-nationalist anarchist and I dont identify myself with my nationality at all, LOL !

Anyway, just to take things ironically, he married a woman from Iraq... (this is his Gemini Venus 9th house, LOL) so I am sure he and me have much more cultural similarities as western/european people than he and his neo-wife have, LOL You know, I actually loved the idea he married an immigrant, and this only confirms why I was convinced he was "the one"!

Oh yes! I love Chiron too, I always sees it like a "key" to understand deep issues and ways out, and it suggests where our feelings come from, psychologically... in synastry, it is also a great indicator for potential intimacy and mutual compassion, and even when it's in hard aspects signaling a painful situation, I believe it always has to do for the good and self-awareness!

And I also agree with yor attitude about hard aspects needing to be revisited, I usually try to read those aspects that way too and in the whole picture... I have this dear experienced astrologer friend telling me that planet aspects are just energies that we have to learn to use and take the good from, that it all is up to us, how we deal with those energies, to make things work out for the good, even from the harshest aspects. That its all about our self-development and how we're "balanced" with the Universe :-)

I think Todd is honest and spot on in most cases, mainly in offering the "skeleton", the basic structure and traits undelying one chart and its aspects, or the core nature of the relationship... you would need to have a lot of information about the actual situation/person/relationship to read a stranger's chart in a reliable way and in full depth, otherwise the more you go into nuances and details, the more you risk to fail your interpretation ... I think that through a long distance reading like this forum, his approach is more reliable in such a "synthetic" way than one who might go furtherly into deeper details without having a real grasp of that reality and personal experience, you know what I mean? even though in a little "dry", straightforward, sober, maybe sometimes brutal way, Todd gets straight to the point most of the times, hitting an "extreme" trait which might not reflect the actual reality but it might "suggest" a certain "root". This approach he has has given me the chance to understand an overall picture, while I am the one who has to add the nuances and the meanings, since I am the one who is experiencing that reality, not him... it gives me a basic key, even when it's not completely spot on, that I have to interpret related to my situation... actually, I think I take all about astrology this way, something that offers me a track, not a full reflection of the reality, and I am the one who has to find the "link" between the track and my own reality...

quote:

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It's very interesting that you say that because I would have thought a psychic connection was true in itself and not necessarily linked to your feelings.

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Well, I *feel* the connection is true, but on a rational level I have doubts all the time... cause I never believed in such things before, and I never wanted to fool myself. All the evidence I had about this psychich connection basically told me that I am not completely crazy and I wasnt just "seeing" things... at the same time, the fact that he ghosted me was telling me that such connection doesn't apparently make much sense and I have been questioning myself all the time... in any case, given the connection is true, if it's me in love causing the connection or if it would be there in any case will always stay a mystery to me!
(Todd just said that given our Composite NN conjunct ASC, the psychic connection is there will always be there..... poor me 😱!!! LOL )

quote:

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But that control idea sounds interesting, have you experienced any sentiment of control in this relationship? (feeling controlled by him or wanting to control or be controlled by him? do you think he could have feared being controlled himself?)

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Well... we have to consider that I never was in a relationship with this person and I have met him very few times... I believe a synastry, and even more a Composite, can show you a compatibility or possible patterns/dynamics of a potential relationship, and nothing more, unless you have actually experienced the relationship already and so you're able to relate those aspects to your realistic situation... so I guess that his Saturn square to our Sun/Moon conjunction would potentially frustrate/restrict our intimate/emotional bond somehow, but in which way/relationship dynamic I just dont know until I actually experience the relationship, I guess... what I felt is that HE has actually controlled himself, his feelings, and that HE has blocked any emotional possibile development between us given by the Sun/Moon and all those other lovely aspects we have... my question is, is this "block" definitive? is this block preventing any future chance, is there really no future chance for that potential to be experienced between us ? For instance, our Progressive Composite shows Comp. Sun will be conjunct to Comp. Moon in 2024, that we will have Prog. Venus conjunct Saturn and Juno conjunct NN already in 2022, that the actual Saturn block wont be there anymore by then, and we alreay have our natal prog. Moons conjunct... what does this all mean? As you can see, I cant give up the hope I will have a chance one day, while Todd just told me my hope is quite "unrealistic"..........

posted August 24, 2019 05:30 AM            

I apologise in advance, I have less time these days because of work (and my health isn't at its best, big brain fog ) and I have tried to rewrite this to make it shorter and also nicer (I felt abrupt and judging in places) but I couldn't, so I'm going to trust you to take this with a grain of salt. Please, if anything irritates you, discard it, ok? that's a spurt, not a properly articulated response, I'm so sorry.

Ha! See, I take the same ingredients and bake a different cake, maybe you weren't different enough, and also, it's actually one more reason he was NOT the one. I mean, if the man was actually on board with different culture and "abroad romance" then it wasn't in the way between you two and it cements the idea that it wasn't some tragic timing problem or something she had on you, but really just his decision (I hope it doesn't hurt, I have Chiron in Taurus, sometimes it comes off as pain is my hobby, but really, it's just that I feel the more I take it in, the less it hurts and becomes a healer of its own....)
And Yes, YES! all the love to Chiron, I mean not only is it a very healthy energy, it was also such a lovely centaur, a very proof that you don't have to be what you were born as, that you can transcend your conditions and become something you approve of, elevate yourself... I just really like the bloke ❤️

Exactly! I very much agree, aspects are just avenues through which the energy comes, and I'll go even further: if the energies of two planets aren't really compatible (for example Saturn/Uranus) then shouldn't a square actually be good because if those two are so different maybe it's better the contact isn't too fluid and requires a bit of diplomacy and work, like a mediator sitting between two opinionated aunts at a family wedding lol

I am not questioning Todd's honesty, just his comprehension (literally, the ability to incorporate, not "understand") of the human factor. Actually, this is very interesting because I felt the opposite to what you describe. I would have taken very well some surface interpretation based on "I can't tell you more because it would require a lot more time and elements", that would have made sense. What was questionable in what he told me was how far he went based on so little information. Abuse is insanely serious and I feel most of the people using the term have no idea what it actually refers to and most important how it *feels*, and have much less lived any such situation. Plumbers recommending brain surgeries?.
To tell me I have a blind spot for abusive relationships is not a "skeleton" interpretation, it's a very deep and intimate thing to say about a person and one that implies a LOT of damage (literally it means I should get committed to a hospital for intensive therapy because I present a danger to my own person, just like any addict or suicidal person, this is the reality of such an implication). In his defence, I think it's at least partly because of how the term "abuse" is used by "shock value" people and drama queen readers around, and how it makes it somewhat of a loose term. But in reality it's not, so unless he would be equally keen on telling people "you have a mental illness" or "you beat your children" or "you're a paedophile" or "you clearly have a drug addiction", just based on a chart and 2 half arsed posts, there is a problem to be addressed in the automatic interpretations of certain aspects. I can forgive a computer for reading mars-venus as sexual even when I'm querying about my relationship to a family member (though even as you know: eehw lol) but such a step from a person, you have to question intent.
I do like that about astrology that it makes you dig and that the further you dig, the more you contradict what you found before and in the end there is no absolute truth unless you find the organic way the person has accommodated their chart with their life events and context. That's exactly why I reject his regular use of the adverb "invariably" when talking about some bad aspects overcoming positive ones. There is no room for life in "invariably" and it's just wrong ,unless the stars are tyrants and we're mere puppets, but if we believed that, we wouldn't need astrologers, we could easily rely on binary computer programs sorting out good and bad aspects and adding them up according to their respective weight.
So, yes I see exactly what you mean and I wholeheartedly agree, I feel that the opposite happened, but the post is still there, if you want to make your own mind, I did my best to clearly express what felt dangerous to me, as well as the contradiction (like when he told me the difficulties in the composite could be overcame if the natal charts showed similar problems and then it turned out my natal showed very similar aspects to the composite but it wasn't a potential tool, it became bad and I had a blind spot and was running into a wall... that sounded more like a catch 22 or a will to defeat than even following a rule).
It's funny because I do love playing devil's advocate and caricature things to the extreme to get perspective, so I would naturally tend to take such an approach very well because it's familiar. But hitting an extreme isn't connecting to the root at all, that's the whole point of an extreme, it takes the root further than it would regularly grow, which is why redefining someone's root based on an extreme of what could be is quite dangerous, and also, it's a bit ignorant of a very basic premise that everything is countered by an opposite force. Deciding that only the bad incarnations can take place is as deluded as thinking only the best can happen. Being negative doesn't make it better or more truthful or anyone right. Pessimism isn't realism; it is just as biased as optimism. And it's not just me, I have gone through pages of his posts here and found dozens of such condemnations which I think are too abrupt (not in tone, but in fact), precisely for such a forum. Getting straight to the point and hitting an extreme are two very different things. I don't need my truths sugar coated, but I need them to be true even if that means blurry and consensual because there are not enough elements, not some dark image of the extreme someone has deduced based on 30% of a situation. Being blunt and convinced doesn't mean one is right.
Do you imagine if doctors told patients they have terminal lung cancers every time someone coughs because coughs are invariably present in terminal lung cancers? They would lose all credibility and be liable to legal charges and it'd be fair. It's violent to tell, sometimes very young, women "this man is only in for sex" just based on a chart. Nobody is *just* a liar, even the people who lie and manipulate and are highly toxic have genuine feelings and tell the truth in some instances, robbing them of that humanity to make something that fits "aspects" is reductive. (also, I haven't read all of his readings, but the only times I've seen him give credit to commitment aspects were when he knew he was looking at charts of actual relationships that were happening or had been ongoing, but had already been through commitment, so if I follow his logic of judging based on chosen factors, should I judge that he only consents to accepting anything positive, only when it's been proven by reality before?)
People are full of surprises, love, fear.... they can change people, push them to do things, reinvent themselves in ways that can't be captured. Not integrating that element is marring an impressive skill set to the benefit of something simplistic, it's actually not a smart move, not if you want to be right.
I'm happy you got a key from his approach, I got a violent judgement of my whole persona and reduction of my life experience and work and a man I barely know got a diagnosis for sociopath.
I do take astrology as a map, not much more, but if the map only has one road that leads to a ravine, well, then in that case, was it even astrology? It's one thing to say "I see attraction on that person's part but no stimulation of their deeper emotions or core values" and "they just want sex". Just because someone isn't wholly feeling for another person, it does not mean they have bad intentions and will take advantage of the other. This is judgement. Someone in a counselling position should never judge, we ask for expertise, not opinion. An astrologer isn't more entitled to impose their views because they have charts to base them upon, they are just as prone to error and misguided use of statistics as any therapist. The knowledge is divine, the reading is human.

How about it doesn't really matter then? I mean, if you didn't even really believe in psychic connections before, it's not something you built yourself with, it's not a huge part of your identity, so, let it just be what it is: a connection with that man and nothing more. Let it not mean that it has to have meaning, that it has a reason. It just happens. There are thousands of people, in places, in the world, whose lives you could save by offering them a week surfing your couch, or a smile at the right moment... and you don't because you don't come across them (or maybe you do but you just don't notice because unlike him, you haven't met them before). And yet maybe those people they feel you and all the good you could do for them and it just doesn't happen. If there is fate and fate brought you to meet him, then fate is just as fickle as any god and didn't have much else on its mind. It just put the two of you there, maybe it thought "these two have a connection, it could work", but then he was like "nope" and that's it. Just because something has potential doesn't mean it has meaning.
Allow me to think like some mushy Hollywood writer Maybe someday, 30 years from now, you have moved on, and found love again and your love is dying. The connection has never stopped and thanks to it, you sense that your "lost love" is dying too. He reaches out and because you've sensed he was ill, you reply. You realise that he's going to die, but he's also the one who is going to save your current love's life, because he's the right match for an organ transplant. That was the purpose of this connection all this time. But it won't be for **** if you hang on to it and not move on and miss love because you were obsessed with getting to the end of the story.
Now, real life rarely is as rubbish as this pathetic scenario lol but, the thing is, maybe the meaning of this connection is eluding you precisely because you seek it. Maybe it has no meaning and it's fine too.
"talent without practise is just a bad habit". He didn't care for your relationship's potential, you shouldn't have to care for the two of you.

I don't think you need to be in a relationship with someone to feel "control". I mean, I have ran from so many men in bars because just trying to buy me a drink they were impossibly controlling, it can happen real fast lol
You could also read him ghosting you as extreme control on his part, because ghosting makes the other person powerless (it is violent), among all the things it can also mean the "ghoster" has very nasty sides such as imposing their point of view (easy when the other party can't get a reply and is left with their grievances/questions...). I think this very imbalance is what makes it weak and so easy to move on from, but in itself it has as much potential for nasty as it does for good or neutral. Is it really worth it to drown yourself in all these potential knowing the result will be the exact same: ******* silence?

I was taught that a composite would show the relationship as an entity, so it'd be more of something others would perceive and tell you what sort of elephant is in the room when you're together and so it had to be done for actual relationships, not just prospects or people you barely know because at those points it's really only just a potential and nothing more; while the synastry was immediate, just showing how two people react to each other (then the range would vary with the range of the contexts (from polite casual to intimate and sexual...).

>>>>>so I guess that his Saturn square to our Sun/Moon conjunction would potentially frustrate/restrict our intimate/emotional bond somehow, but in which way/relationship dynamic I just don't know until I actually experience the relationship, I guess...

But you are experiencing the relationship. This situation, him having ghosted you, THAT is the relationship. I'm pretty sure him not wanting the relationship is an answer to that. This is how the emotional bond is frustrated, he doesn't want it. Chart, synastry, composite, they can tell you what could be, if you both wanted it to be, but he clearly didn't. So you do know, you are experiencing the relationship, it's one where he isn't there.
Of all the things I was told back then, this is the one I knew was true, it was a health professional and she told me "I know it's obvious to you, and honestly, it probably is obvious for him too otherwise he wouldn't spend the time he does with you or tell you the things he does, but still, he won't stay, because he doesn't want it, you're alone in your relationship". I hated hearing that, but unlike all the other things, I had nothing to reply lol Because it was just pragmatic and true.
Maybe there is a man somewhere in a remote Chinese province, who has the perfect birth chart for me. Perfect synastry, brilliant composite and whose job is something I'd love and would thrive doing. Potential for perfection. Except I don't want to live in China, or learn Chinese at that stage in my life, so sorry, potential, but I'll pass, because what I have now in my life, it's far from perfect but I have it, for sure and I love a lot of it. Potential is great, but reality literally matters.

>>>>what I felt is that HE has actually controlled himself, his feelings, and that HE has blocked any emotional possibile development between us given by the Sun/Moon and all those other lovely aspects we have..

That sounds amazingly objective and that is a form of control, so yes, that would work. But it changes nothing to your situation and going against that would be tantamount to rape. You cannot force the potential of the relationship on him regardless of his will and decision to block those feelings and control them.

>>>>> my question is, is this "block" definitive?

Honestly? It's none of your business. You are a person, not a trip to the Seychelles project, you cannot stay in a drawer just in case at some point in an undefined future the bloke will reopen and revisit the idea. It doesn't matter that the block is forever or until he has 3 kids with his wife and they're old enough to take their divorce well... you need to live and make your own decisions, your own blocks and if he lift his block and you can forgive him and still feel something then he's lucky, and if by then you've moved on and aren't interested then he had it coming and if he never lifts the block then you haven't ruined your life for him.
Would you honestly trust someone who blocked you like that if he came back? Would you feel safe knowing the block could come back at any time?

>>> is this block preventing any future chance, is there really no future chance for that potential to be experienced between us?

This is the same thing Stoika, whether something has no potential or one of the persons involved does not want it, it's the same. It's the result that counts. If someone doesn't want to do something then the potential doesn't matter, it ceases to exist. You had potential, that's the problem with birth charts, they are still there long after you're dead, because they're physical objects, it doesn't make them more real. The charts are still there but he's not and he took the potential away with him.
Everyone has the potential to become a murderer, what matters is our choices. It applies to all things: free will. My neighbour has the most perfect dancer's feet, beautiful arches, she hasn't taken a single ballet class in her entire life, she couldn't care less. Her feet's potential doesn't matter; she doesn't want to pursue it. She's into basketball, which is a real challenge because she's not too tall, but that thing that she has less potential for, it's the one that makes her heart sing and she'd rather work harder for it than work with more rewards for the thing she's got a facility for. Potential isn't contractual. It's not binding.

I would seriously recommend not doing that. It may seem innocuous but concretely you are projecting yourself still waiting for him in 2024. Your brain is recording that **** , you can't do that to yourself, it's bad enough to be hung onto something but if you start planning your life around it you'll never get out. Remember when I said surrender works with Pluto? This isn't it, this is hope, not surrender. Surrender means accepting that by carrying on this relationship that you're alone in, this is all you'll ever get. What you have now is your relationship with him. A rapport in which you are alone and visited by synchronicities, this is it. You can accept that or reject it, either move on or fight it. But if you decide to fight it, by hoping the situation changes, you are risking a lot more pain than you're in at the moment.
Are you familiar with the Kübler-Ross model? Five stages of grief/loss. This is bargaining. You are not accepting the situation, you are bargaining. It has so much potential, potential is meant to be actualised so there must be hope. The connection is so strong, can't be for nothing. There are transits, maybe 2024 will lift the block and he'll revisit his decision.... Basta.
Potential is just potential, if not nurtured, if not chosen, fought for, it remains in a stasis, wanes, dissolves.... it's just potential, not a warranty from the universe. Same for the connection. Some people have blood ties they walk away from. 2024 will come and go and if by then you haven't changed one bit, still clinging on to the potential between the two of you, why would he have changed?

Your hope is not unrealistic, hope is not realistic to begin with, that's why it's hope lol
The opposite of hope is despair though, so, you having hope is not a bad thing. You just need to redirect it. Hope for your freedom, hope for hoping about other things. You want realism? Realism isn't about waiting for the planets to align and do the job (and what job! I mean, the Saturn block goes, he comes back to you and 3 months later, some other planet comes and causes a stir and it all goes to **** again, that's no life), realism is about working for your goals.
If your goal is closure, go for it with all you have. If your goal is him, go for him with all you've got. But you won't, because he's married and you already had his answer. You're not hoping, you're trying to find tangible reasons to ground hope into. Because you know better which is why you look for reasons because you know hope isn't enough to make sure of anything and in this situation it's all you have because every tangible reason has already yielded its answer. You just resist those because you want to hope. And you can, you can have hope for this, but not at the expense of your life. Make yourself happy, put yourself out there, and if doing all those things, you never meet anyone who gets your attention the way he did and somewhere down the road you find each other again, then it was meant to be, or maybe somewhere along the way you'll stop loving him or begin to love someone else and that would have been meant to be too. But if you sit your life out to conjure all the energy you can to build "realistic hope", you are designing a big fat fail. Remember when I told you I was eager for things to sacrifice to get my relationship back and better? This is what I'm talking about, you can't sacrifice your life because there's nothing else to do. It won't work. There is no sacrifice to make because it's not the universe or some witch keeping you apart, it's him. His decision and you need to make a decision too, and stick to it, because right now you're in limbo between what you know is real and what you wish was real. One of these forces has to take the lead though for your life to go on.
Stop bargaining. Start accepting.
If he's the love of your life and losing him means no more love for you, ok, but it has nothing to do with hoping he comes back, changes his mind and lifting blocks. Accept that loving him means like this because so far, this is the only sure thing. If you're fine with this, good. But if you bargain so hard, I think it means you're not fine with it, so why not visit that anger stage and feel at him accordingly? He left you, ghosted you, married someone else. There's a lot there that'd justify ending a relationship. Break up with him, be mad at him, resent him for ******** on this incredible potential, and then move on.
Put that Pluto control to good use, instead of seeking control of the planets to make him change his mind, control yourself, your own emotions, trust me, as hard it is, it's easier to control you than it is anyone else or planets

posted August 25, 2019 09:41 PM            

No problem really, what you say is just reasonable again. It's just me, and my feelings being out of control, not to be reasonable against my reason first of all, lol

It's not that I will want him in 2024... it's that since he became the character of my novel, he's part of myself forever, unavoidably 😄
I am not kidding, art and creativity is my life, so this bond will be forever and there's no way I can reject, regret the long way taking me to him and my writing work, passing through my longtime physical sickness and seclusion, nor I will ever be able to stop loving him. I have accepted this simple fact since so long. It's not matter of "moving on". I did move on, thanks to this love, otherwise I would have died three years ago. I cant explain you what I have been through in my last 16 years of a paralyzing broken spine after an incident. "Moving on" was not contemplated, not even to go from the bed to the bathroom. This is just to explain that I dont care about putting myself out there, I dont care about having relationships... My last twenty years of relationship with my husband were just made of hospitals, surgeries, physical therapies, impossibility to communicate what I was experiencing with any human being, not even with my husband. I am not interested in these things anymore, I mean, "relationships". I'd like to enjoy myself now, my own healing path. Who wants to share is welcome, who doesn't want to share it, is free to go. This man didnt even know anything about this all, and he didnt want to share anything at all. He didnt even want to hear about the novel he had inspired... even so, I could not stop loving him for the new creativity he has inspired to me, the fact that I was in love again after 20 years of a nightmare was the greatest gift he could have given to me. And the books I wrote. I couldnt really ask more than this to anyone else in the world.
But of course, being in love in a way I had forgotten, means also to have dreams, hopes, desires, heartbreak... otherwise it wouldnt be being in love!
No, I am obviously not happy. Its not that I'm enjoying being alone in this "relationship". There's just nothing I can do. If I will meet someone else who will give me such dreams again and the chance to have a relationship where I am not alone, I'll be happy and very lucky again. But I am not looking for that. I wasnt even looking for that when I met this person, I was only looking for a way to get out of that bed and broken spine. At Ieast I made it to walk again, and it's not a little thing for me... its a very big thing, not to mention all the rest. No, I wont ever stop loving this man! 😄 And I cant stop wishing to have at least the chance to meet him again one day, maybe in 2024 or in 2039 or before I die, to tell him these things, how important he was for me, the gift he gave me, coming back to feel alive again.

As for Todd... I understand what you mean. I will read your thread to see what your exchange was about. I agree about the wrong superficial use of the word "abuse". I guess he uses it in a general meaning, and that again you know better than him the "level" of abuse you can link to that aspect or pattern, or if you just reject the reading he's offering based on such use of the word... it's up to you. I think he's here to offer his knowledge, however you judge it, it's free, take it or leave it. On the other hand, I think that your reaction, feedback, critic, whatever, can be also useful for his experience and astrological studies. As you said, you can take any reading, Todd's or mine or whoever's reading, with a grain of salt, with your own critical sensibility, questioning, personal experience, take the part that can be useful for you to understand those aspects and reject those who just don't reflect your experience. I mean, it's not big deal. It's not an astrological reading changing your own awareness and first hand experience. When Todd told me something which I could not recognize myself at all in, I just simply told him and then made up my mind about other things he said that were useful for me to understand those astrological aspects, and that's all. It's still a way to share and exchange knowledge and discuss, in a friendly selfless way, I think.

And as always, thank you so much for your support and sharing, it means a lot to me and I mean it. Your words always resonate so well and always help me to NOT forget what I have accomplished in terms of awarenss! Hope I'll have a chance to support you so well too darling, whenever you need/wish!

posted August 27, 2019 01:18 PM            

My bad, when I said "putting yourself out there" I meant generally, not in terms of romantic quests. I'm hopeless with those lol I don't even compute how that works: dating apps, going out in bars.... my friends dragged me with them (sometimes physically so lol) in university and it was always so miserable, I kept on suspecting the lads to be serial killers and struggled to just have conversations for no reason really lol It feels so unnatural to me.
I meant more for yourself, but I understand you've actually already been doing that to the best of your ability

I'm so sorry you went through all this. I was the only person who had a good relationship with my grand-mother because everyone else felt frustrated, my mother especially, she would walk out on her, slamming doors, yelling... her illness was awful and she could go on hours long rants about how she wanted to die, or describe how she was losing her mind, which annoyed my cousins to no end as she was very much sane, but that was not what she meant, sanity was her torture as the pain was excruciating and never-ending and she had all her marbles to just watch it, understand it, see it, feel it, suffer it without the slightest filter or soothing help from disconnection or madness; but they didn't get that and resented her, which I always felt was cruel and selfish.
I was the youngest and closest to her, helping with her physical therapy from as young as 5. I loved her so much I felt listening to her in her dark moments was such a small price to pay to have her in my life (ironically, I was the one she talked about death the least because me listening apparently soothed the need to talk about it a bit), it never left my mind, my heart, that no matter how difficult it could be to hear her suffer, it wasn't me who was suffering and that allowed me to suck it up and be there for her. But I also knew it wasn't enough and she was still extremely lonely because of the illness, her husband had passed away long before she was bed bound, but I imagine the type of strain those situations can cause on a marriage and I understand why you wouldn't want/need a relationship now, I feel the same to some extent about other things.

Ha! yes! I keep dreaming about that so-called Christian love, where you just love and miraculously don't hope for reciprocity, never felt it haha lol at least not towards men

I told you the very first time, you are a rockstar!!!! And then some
Sometimes I wonder about that annoying life tendency to have the best people be unhappy and suffer, is it the only way it works? Do human beings need to suffer to stop being arseholes and become good people? Could be lol But, it still upsets me. You've had your share and you've been so strong already, happiness should beg for you.
Walking is absolutely huge and you also published books, fuuucking plural! I'll still say this though, that love you feel he's given you? Mama, it's you. I mean, he was the inspiration, I'm not trying to belittle his contribution, but the power, that's all you ❤️❤️❤️

I hope your wish is fulfilled but if it's not, I wish you to feel a little bit selfish. Wouldn't it be nice, should you never see him again, to actually feel happier that way, keeping that gift he's given you all to yourself, without feeling grateful, no thanks? Time will tell, but either way, I really hope you get everything you needed.

Please do read the thread, I'm quite curious about your take... I am impossibly sensitive and I know that some people find I overreact. I don't see things that way, not because I think my emotional scale is the norm (I know it's not lol), but because I think what matters to someone, anyone, matters.
It's not just Todd to be fair, I've seen plenty of other people do that, label to death... and this thing actually is abusive.
See, take that Neptune aspect in your composite he mentioned. Saying that man is lying to you and the aspect is about deception puts abuse on the table because it paints one liar and so therefore a victim, it brings foul intentions and colours the ways you're left with to handle the outcome. It's very mean because in order to process what is given here you have to accept a bad guy/victim situation, which is bound to undermine your memories of the other person, but, most importantly undermine your own self-esteem. Breakups and relationships are painful enough that we don't need people making them worse by asserting and forcing violent intentions into them through the soft science astrology is.
Here are a couple of things I've found on that very aspect on the net. You'll see that everything is there, same issues, it's not necessarily a different opinion, but it offers ways out and mostly, it doesn't impose judgement on anyone. There is no master liar and stupid victim. Nobody's self-esteem is attacked, no one's ability. There is no bad guy/good guy, just two people and a dynamic that brings bounties and challenges, as most things in life. Again, it may just seem like I nitpick about diplomacy, but counselling is mainly about communicating and if the therapist, doctor, teacher, astrologer, psychic... cannot express themselves in ways that protect the integrity of the person they talk to then all their knowledge is marred.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>
The Illusion of Perfect Love
You could find it difficult to stay grounded in this relationship, even if you're both ordinarily very practical. Something will happen when you're together that stimulates your idealistic sides, or perhaps your escapist tendencies, and you'll both find it hard to get back to reality. Together you'll buy wholeheartedly into the illusion of perfect love -- of spiritual communion, emotional intimacy and ever-expanding enlightenment.
And while you may certainly experience moments of bliss in this pairing, it won't be perfect -- no relationship is -- and the comedown could be quite a disappointment once reality intrudes. You don't have to choose, however, between deluding yourselves and bitter pessimism. Just make it a point to accept the truth of your connection. If things aren't as wonderful as you might wish, don't waste time pretending they're idyllic; instead, put your energy into either working to fix them or accepting them as they are. Trust in your moments of happiness and communion, but try not to allow problems to conceal themselves beneath the surface of your relationship.
The truth obscured
Your partner stimulates the most idealistic parts of your nature, which sounds nice -- except that they could encourage you to step off the edge of the mundane world and into the stratosphere with them. While this is fun and pleasurable, and makes you feel closely bonded as a couple, it does present some problems. You're so idealistic when you're with your partner that you could become quite irresponsible.
After all, if all your focus and interest goes toward the uplifting feeling of being together, you can't get much done in the way of tedious, day-to-day responsibilities. You tend to be indulgent and enthusiastic, while your partner is rather gullible and impressionable, and that can be a bad combination. Your partner misleads you -- unintentionally, of course -- and could actually deceive you about good risks or investments. You talk each other up and it could be hard to come down again and face reality when it intrudes, which it has a nasty habit of doing. And over time, you've likely realized that you've overlooked the fact that you're not all that spiritually or philosophically attuned; all this time, you've been convincing each other to get involved with ideas or activities that don't even match up with your true values. This confusing effect has to be faced and dealt with; otherwise you just mislead each other without even meaning to.

>>>>> With Jupiter square Neptune in the composite chart, together you are particularly soft, compassionate, and trusting. You want to believe in people, in life, and in the universe on an essential level. You may, quite unwittingly, encourage one another to be impractical or escapist at times, as your kindness and sympathy make it hard to discipline one another. Wasted opportunities may be a frequent issue in this relationship. Your optimism and compassion are also strengths when you see one another as imperfect humans. It’s important to, rather frequently, perform reality checks.
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By calling every painful experience in an interaction "abuse" there is serious damage that is done. People seeing themselves as victims who will be changed by this recording of the experience and may behave poorly in the next one, and others rewritten as villains when they may just have been confused and clumsy...
That sort of negative judgement on people's intention based on mere energies the charts reflect can be quite damaging to the human experience because it installs a feeling of mistrust and reinforces the ugly side of power plays.
"If his Venus is unaspected he's not in it for love, don't expect more than sex", so you go and have sex and ghost them and it turns out that you ghosting them destroys them and you became an abuser because someone on the net convinced you the other was the enemy just because they may not have felt as committed as you did.
Sure, every single person is responsible for their own actions, but the people holding and wielding the knowledge are too.

An analysis tool is supposed to help relationships, not complicate them. Abuse is insanely complicated, so many instances of it.... even statistically, (and lord knows I don't trust those beasts, especially with soft sciences), it makes no sense, if so many aspects indicate abuse and so many relationships show it then the world is divided into two categories: stupid victims and ruthless abusers, and excuse me, but that just isn't the reality and anyone thinking in such Manichean terms has missed too much on human nature to be good in human sciences.

Abuse has many faces and is so terrible, even if you heal, you're forever facing that god awful question "is the next person to make it into my life a predator", because, unlike what some Nessus readings have you believe, abusers don't show up with a big sign and horns, some of them aren't even abusers until they meet you (for reasons that are nobody's fault, how could you be blamed for how someone else feels about you and how could they be blamed for not handling a violent energy they had never encountered before?). It's terribly difficult to sort out the regular being upset or circumstantial humiliation from abuse, which is why abuse creeps in so bad, a lot of it is part of casual human contact, it's the disproportionate effect and malevolent intention that makes it so damaging. Even if astrology had ways of being certain to spot relationship types, it would still be detrimental because it would strip people of that bit of free will, that bit of courage required, it would be an insurance and seeking that is actually part of the abusive dynamic. It's control oriented, and as a victim one of your biggest chore healing is to accept that your safety is in your hands and you cannot control its exposure, only your decisions. In other words, it's unrealistically too easy to only get into relationships that you know will work and be safe, real love involves at least a bit of risk taking, 100% safety is what dating gurus promise but that's not love, only compatibility. Once you're out of that dreamy promise, unpleasantness will be part of the equation and if you can't confront yourself to the energy because of its potential, then you'll never grow.

It's a big object of disappointment for me here if I'm being honest. I have read so many fabulous people, but it's highly matched by real toxic talk and mostly super elitist views. I felt astrology wouldn't bring such types en masse because it's so marginalised, those delving into it would have to be some underdog types, my innocent mistake as I sadly found a lot of them speak as if they had super awareness or keys to the human psyche that made them smarter, stronger... just as power hungry and addicted as any surgeon or business man gone sour under the disguise of knowledge, research and helping. O well 🤷

posted January 29, 2020 12:24 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LunaIscariot:
Wow! Idk how I missed this! I usually check the threads every couple days. Sorry!!!

Lol but before I start, are both TOB accurate? Or just yours?

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Oh dont worry about missing this darling ❤️ it was a few months ago, but I knew I would have the chance to ask you again, LOL

My TOB is correct, his TOB was given me from a close common friend, so I am not 100% sure, his Libra ASC actually matches with his (very handsome and charming) look, even though I always felt a strong Leo vibe from him, but it might be cause of his Leo Mars (?)...

If you need more context just ask 🙏

posted January 29, 2020 03:09 AM            

Ok, so right away I’m seeing Mercury square mercury and mercury conjunct Saturn, hmm. Is communication an issue between you two? Maybe some communication barriers or blockages, feeling like you can’t express yourself or vice versa. Forced or awkward convos?

I can totally see why you’re into him!
His moon conjunct your DSC, his sun conjunct your 5th ruler moon exact, plus his asc with Pluto conjunct it and he probably has Uranus late in the 1st house too wouldn’t doubt it, which would also match your DSC with Pluto and Uranus in there. So strong feelings on your side, check, check, check! He even matched your 8th with his libra rising! Lol
On his end; you match his 5th house perfectly. Your sun/Venus in aqua matching his 5th in aqua, and your Venus falling into his 5th, his ruler Saturn highly aspected, plus his other ruler Uranus conjunct your asc ruler Jupiter in Scorpio, AND it’s in the 2nd house matching your moon in Taurus! Wow. Can’t get a stronger 5th house match than that, all around hitting it on all level, by symbolism, aspect, and overlay.
But the issue is you’re not matching his 7th as much, and this house is way more important. 5th is crush/infatuation, it’s fun and exciting and feels good in the moment, but it’s a more shallow/temporary and fleeting energy. You need the 7th for something stable, real, serious committed and truly fulfilling what you’re looking for and most attracted to in a romantic partner. 7th is our IDEAL mate. It’s why it’s the house of marriage. 5th is bf/gf, we can have multiple people we date/dated, but our spouse? We usually only have one if not a couple of those. These are the people we love/loved the most, it’s why we married them and not Jenny when we were 20 lol. 7th is the SPOUSE. It’s deeper. It’s that “I pick YOU out of everyone in the world, you’re the one, you’re better than everyone else to me, you’re what I want if I could make my perfect person” when we have a strong 7th house match. It’s ruled by Venus! The planet of love! 5th is ruled by the sun.... there’s no comparison lol. 7th is also our magnetic axis. It’s the people we are biologically (opposite asc, same axis which rules our physical body remember), instinctively, magnetically drawn and attracted to. It’s automatic. Also since it’s how we act in relationships, it’s who we are naturally most compatible with. Who get just mesh with. It’s compatibility AND attraction. 7th will show all your closest most intimate personal connections, your fav family member, best friend and your partners. It’s who we love, it’s stronger than planet Venus herself. More personalized and immediate. I’ve seen it without fail.
I stressed the importance so you’d understand why it’s an issue you lacking his 7th. You DO have mars conjunct his DSC, but this is mainly sexual. And not the most compatible aspect lol, can be bad.
And your mars is also in your first house, which helps, but his mars is in leo (you don’t have any Leo or 5th house placements), or strong mercury to match his mercury in the 7th. His mars is lacking in aspects to your chart too in order to try compensate. You also don’t have the strong cap/10th house or Saturn with mars in the 10th.
Unfortunate, but very common when I study charts. There’s always one person who has the stronger feelings and is more committed/attached and wants a future etc. so a bit of an unbalanced connection here. He felt and seen this as something more fun while it lasts, temporary and sexual in nature (5th and mars in 7th), but you were head over heels. He was a very strong 7th match for you! Plus the 5th and your mars too, even 8th! Plus 4th. Everything! lol.

But I’m not liking this synastry in terms of harmony, ease or compatibility.
I like the sun conjunct moon, moon, mercury and mars trine to each other by sign, this is an excellent foundation/starting point. But that t-square bring created with your sun/Venus, moon and his Saturn is ouch! Hard Saturn rarely if ever feels good or works long term hitting personal planets like in tough aspect/pattern. And if it does, it’s never pretty. Saturn rears it head more and more apparently over time, so you might be able to miss it or ignore it or focus/gloss over the restricted, blocked, critical, insecure or heavy feelings etc. created towards each other by Saturn at first in the beginning stages of love, (that’s what love does! Shuts off the thinking/logical part of your brain for awhile lol aka rose coloured glasses phase we all get at first). But over time, I can assure you, you dodged a bullet. Especially since HE is Saturn. He’s going to be mainly the one doing the judging, controlling, criticizing and brings his wet blanket heavy every to YOUR planets (you’re the one with the personal planets in these aspects so you’re feeling it way more and getting the brunt of it).

His Venus conjunct your IC, and it’s his asc ruler too, so you’re going to feel an instant sense of comfort/familiarity. Sun/moon/Venus in the 4th are attachment/emotional bonding aspects, especially if said planet rulers an angle in that persons chart like this one.
Your IC ruler mercury is also conjunct his IC, another powerful attachment/bonding aspect, and a strong soulmate indicator as well. Usually past life based, or karmic in nature.

And considering that Saturn of his rules his IC, and given Saturn is also a karmic type planet by itself, I can assure you this connection was HIGHLY karmic. A karmic soulmate in a nutshell. 100 percent positive.
These types of connections are never made to last, usually causes heavy pain as well, for one or both people, and the experience changes you. It’s usually difficult and the relationship is fraught with challenges, barriers or obstacles from the get go, but it’s compulsive feels intense and like you’ve known each other forever, and you can’t escape until you’ve learned what you needed to through this person and/or the experiences with them because it teaches you invaluable in lessons that help you grow. So remember that. Ask yourself, what did this teach me? How can I grow from this? What was I supposed to learn or take from this?
Is it boundaries? Self love? How to let go? How to be independent? Do I know know things I need to change within myself before I can find the relationship I want? Do I need to work on jealousy? Trust? Communication? Etc. Usually karmic relationship show you aspects of yourself that need healing or change for just you as person, but also as a partner, what you need/want in a relationship in the future.
You’ll only ever feel like you can’t let go, because you haven’t learnt that something yet, but once you take time and step back and figure out what that is, you’ll be free

Your own IC ruler mercury is square to Saturn, did you have a tough relationship with your mother? Maybe separation from her? Abandonment? Maybe even perceived? Saturn connected to the IC somehow by overlay or IC ruler tends to show that. And he’s putting his Chiron there on your Saturn triggering these potential childhood wounds, either with mom (IC) or dad (Saturn), or both. Does he remind you of a parent? Or did your relationship with him mirror feelings or play out a similar dynamic you felt as a child with them or your childhood fears (Saturn)?

And with your Chiron tightly conjunct his SN, and all this heavy Saturn, IC stuff, plus his moon conjunct your SN. This usually shows you two have history in a past life. I feel like you hurt (Chiron) him (his sn) maybe in a past life. I just know you two must have known each other, typical of karmic soulmates too. And you have a debt to settle. This time around maybe you being the one hurt in the end....
but with Uranus conjunct NN, again, the destiny of this connection was always meant to be short lived/unstable.

So final thought, he definitely DID like you, probably a lot a lot, definitely was infatuated with you in the beginning with that strong 5th house stuff, so don’t doubt that at all! but his 7th and Venus symbolism lacking was the issue. He didn’t feel you were “the one”, his ideal, had everything he was looking for in partner. But DO NOT take this personally. There is absolutely wrong or missing/lacking about as an individual. These are just HIS relationship/attraction needs etc. that are totally personal and subjective, there’s no “better” or “worse”. I stress this a lot with clients. You and your chart and planets and personality etc. can be someone else’s ideal!!! So never change, be yourself and the RIGHT person for YOU, will come along
Also, I’m curious, did he not want to fully commit either? Or broke up when you wanted more? I see this a lot in synastry like this.

posted January 29, 2020 04:02 AM            

All you wrote is very very interesting to me cause I understand nothing about rulers, and how it all works, LOL !!

But somehow through a different analisys from mine own, you pointed to all the same aspects ane meanings I also have considered, especially his Saturn square as a big burden, obstacles and so on...

I am not sure I have understood your point on his 7th house, cause it seems to be ruled by Mars (?) and our mars are in trine, so this wouldnt count at all by your perspective? (I ask cause, as I said, I dont understand much about rulers aspects!!)

Then, yes, I am aware this is an extremely karmic relationship... we've been also having strong synchronicities, telepathic connection and even precognitions about each other. In Composite there are also aspects pointing to this, such as Nodes on the ASC/DSC and other Vertex aspects...

Yes I did learn a lot about myself through this connection, I also could find healing from a longtime severe health issue and I also changed my life writing and publishing books that he highly inspired. I also learnt a lot about myself, my past wounds and my strong potentialities as an artist but also about the power of my mind, surprisingly making things happen in my life that I considered impossible to achieve... but this all wasnt enough to stop loving him and move on, LOL, on the contrary this all makes me love him more and more and I feel is like eternal love or so, no matter what.

As for your questions... this was mainly only a platonic relationship. We met just few times occasionally but we only had TWO very intense meetings and conversations and that's all. Nothing more than that ever developed cause first time we met he had just dated his (now) wife. But I swear God it all was very weird and intense and I KNOW he felt the same as me, it was so intense that it was scary.
After that first intense meeting our "weird" psychic connection started, we have been far away from each other for three years, and the psychic connection never ended. But yes there were/are HUGE communication issues cause after our first meeting he has blocked my messages on Facebook for no reason and I never had the chance to contact him again, until I met him at this public event last December. This meeting was also very intense like the first time, and even more... he dedicated all his time to me, ignored all the people who were there to attend his public performance, also his friends and his wife (!!!) and he only stayed stuck to me, asking me thousands questions and the feeling was just that we both wanted to stay together in that exclusive otherworldly corner of the theatre looking at each other eyes for eternity. Until his wife came, not looking very happy (!), and literally dragged him away.... so I didnt even have the chance exchange our contacts for future communication or so...

posted January 29, 2020 04:40 PM            

Since you’ve only had a couple meetings, it’s hard to say forsure. You don’t know each other too well, so who knows lol but if his TOB is accurate I’m thinking things might have progressed the way I mentioned if you did get involved.
Either way, I think it’s best if it stays platonic. This doesn’t look like it has long term potential, and now that I look at the composite too, I’m pretty confident about that.

posted January 29, 2020 05:25 PM            

I honestly have no realistic expectation anything will ever happen... even though my hopes and dreams are out of my control and haunt me against any logic !

But I completely agree about the scattered Composite aspects and I dont like it at all. It all looks very otherworldly to me, with the Nodes on the ASC, the Vertex conjunct Moon and Neptune in the 12th... even if we knew his TOB 100%, I am not sure this strong otherworldly yet "unattainable" sense of the Composite would change....

Oh wait... there's Juno conjunct Ceres in the second house, and Venus trine Jupiter, LOL !! (this is me keeping dreaming against reasoning 🤣 )