posted March 02, 2003 06:00 AM           

Everyone says to me 'you have so much potential' Career wise and could do anything. I say I cant wait to have kids and people say 'wait for that, do something with your life first'. That angers me because the one thing I want is to be a parent and no-one else understands.

I know you guys will understand though and I'm glad I can share with you.

posted March 02, 2003 10:05 AM         

From the age of 2, my daughter wanted to be mommy to the world. She`s a brilliant Cancer & any career choice was hers for the taking... Her dad insisted on utilizing her scolarships ect. & be somebody..

Today, shes the mom to my 4 glorious grand babies (all indigos under age 5 )& the happiest Cancer in the universe.

Expect a Miracle & God/dess bless you RRR

posted March 03, 2003 12:15 PM         

And if you're honest to yourself, a small (but great) soul will find a way to you and your husband, guided by a higher will and plan than ours is.

posted March 05, 2003 03:42 AM         

My heart goes out to you concerning your miscarriage. What a strong and courageous woman you are!!!

It is hard when all you yearn to be is a Mum, but due to certain circumstances falling pregnant isn't the "right" time. Do you think your partner is a bit scared for you to fall pregnant due to your miscarriage?
Maybe he is also questioning whether this is the right time to have a child. I think men can be very scared and unsure when pregnancy comes up. My husband wasn't ready for ages despite me being absolutely clucky for a couple of years. He knew he wanted children, but was really determined to get more financial first before trying for a bubby. It was really frustrating for me to wait for so long, but looking back I realise that it was for the best to wait.

It was difficult doing the 8 - 5 grind as deep in my heart I knew that my labour of love was to be a mother. I began to do nice things for myself to try to take the focus off having a baby e.g. having a massage, getting a manicure/pedicure done each month. I also went to a naturopath to better prepare my body for the eventual pregnancy. The longer you prepare for the pregnancy the better it is e.g. getting enough folic acid, trying not to stress to much (hard I know!!) etc.

Being an Aries it WAS very hard to be patient with my Virgo husband, but he eventually became ready to start and I was very lucky to fall pretty quickly. But, even with the wonderful news of us falling, he wasn't very excited. He didn't become excited until the 18 - 20 week scan. This doesn't mean he wasn't supportive or loving. He was absolutely wonderful!!! I could not have wished for a better man to be the daddy of my baby!!!

But, I think it was hard for him to relate to what was happening to my body.

I wish you all the best. I know it is very hard, but be patient. Perhaps the little gift from heaven isn't quite ready to come down to earth to be with you and your partner just yet. Good luck, RubyRedRam!!!

Love and Peace,
Sunmeadow Glades.

posted March 05, 2003 07:56 AM           

My partner also wants us to be financially prepared and I think when I fell pregnant he began to worry about that a lot. We are by no means poor but we don't own our home yet and things like that are important to him. He finds it hard to deal with female type emotions as well as he comes from an all male family (excluding his mum).

I accept that now is not the right time, otherwise I would still be pregnant but I truly can not wait!!!! I feel so maternal! I am willing to compromise though and we decided that 2005 will be the year. Untill then its adoring every child that goes by in a pram!! I also get alot of pleasure from spending time looking after the kids in our family. It gives me some quality time with the kids and the parents time to go out for a meal or shopping etc. Hopefully in the next few years, they will be able to return the favor

posted March 05, 2003 11:05 AM         

Oh, I understand your maternal feelings!! I felt exactly the same way as you about becoming a Mother, from the time I was a little girl. Whatever else I did with my life, I KNEW I wouldn't feel complete until I had children, period.

My first husband (a Virgo) was very aware of my feelings; when his little niece and nephew would visit from Cal. I spent all my time with them, he stood with me as Godparents to my cousin's son, and most jobs I had revolved around taking care of other people's children from the time I was about 10 years old, including working with a friend at her Daycare Home and taking little ones into my own as well, after we were married. I read and read all the books and took excellent care of my body in preparation for the time when I would have a baby. Emotionally, I was more than ready.

So...after we'd bought a home on an acre of land for our future children to enjoy, he informed me he didn't want to have kids! He said he wanted to wait at least 5 years and then MAYBE we would discuss it again. Given the fact that I already had a long history of menstrual problems, I knew instinctively I didn't have that kind of time, particularly when he wouldn't promise anything...so I divorced him. There were other reasons, but this was the "last straw" for me. I felt so betrayed because he always knew how important having children was to me; how dare he deprive me of the one thing most dear to my heart? A few women of the generation before me suggested I get pregnant anyway, but I was not about to "trap" him. He became afraid I'd try to do just this...and it ultimately ruined our physical relationship.

I remarried about 2 years later, and after 6 months of trying unsuccessfully to conceive I underwent tests, examinations and minor surgery...and was diagnosed with endometriosis, a menstrual disorder that affects reproduction, in my case rendering me infertile. It's a long story...but after another year of medication, more tests, and finally major surgery that entailed removing 1 ovary and fallopian tube...I did conceive!

posted March 05, 2003 11:06 AM         

The pregnancy was high risk. I spotted the first 3 months and spent the last 2 months on bedrest because of high blood pressure; also a week in the hospital because my liver wasn't functioning properly. But on my 28th birthday I woke up in labor and 32 hours later my beautiful daughter was born! Looking into her little face that night alone in my hospital room...was THE happiest moment of my life, bar NONE. Three years later, we were blessed with a second little girl after another high risk pregnancy. My joy was complete!

Incidentally...within 6 years of my second daughter's birth, I had to have a complete hysterectomy at a relatively young age...and while that in itself was traumatic, I have never lost sight of the fact that the children I was blessed with are living miracles.

I have shared all this with you, not to scare you, but to encourage you to get a complete physical, making sure everything is alright and so you can correct a problem if there is one. Doing this will reassure both you and your partner, especially after your miscarriage (I'm sorry ), and ultimately aid you in your planning/waiting.

For me, becoming a Mother grew into what I call my Magnificent Obsession, requiring a commitment of 101%, and FAITH in knowing in my soul what I came here to do.

I'm sorry this became so long, but when I read your post my heart was touched and I wanted you to know how well I understand where you're coming from. I am certain of this: If becoming a Mother is that important to you, it is because you were born with the desire, and it WILL happen when your time is right. I think LG refers to this in Star Signs, having the desire. KNOW that you will, and you will. Good luck to you, and yes, keep us posted!

posted April 03, 2003 03:53 AM         

I was so sorry to read about your miscarriage -- such heartbreak, especially when I feel you'll make a great mom -- but glad you've received a lot of love and good advice on this thread! I just wanted to add, that while you're waiting for your little child-soul to be ready to arrive in your lives, that as well as taking great care of yourself, this is a great opportunity to love and share even more with your partner. Even if the situation is clear, and agreed upon, he should be able to support you in your feelings, even when you feel sad because you can't yet be a mum. He can learn from you sharing these with him -- it will also help him prepare for the awesome pregnancy hormone parade to come, since he's from that mostly-male environment.

And it's a funny thing about males, finances, and baby-timing. When I first met my partner, he was all gung-ho about us marrying and having kids -- I swear HE would have gotten knocked up with my kid immediately if that had been physically possible! I was no way near ready then. Then he lost his job, and all changed. He went back to school to get a diploma in a new field, and in those couple of years, I discovered a very different man, and I took the opportunity to get him to talk about his feelings about it (wish Lindaland had a WRENCH or PLIERS smilie!!). There was awhile there when I was actually our sole breadwinner, while he was job-hunting. Yikes! Not only is it totally true, that a man is identified with his work, but I think I gained a lot of appreciation of what it's like for a guy to have all that financial pressure weighing down his mind... it must be huge for a good man to want to be able to support his children...

I think many people are never totally "ready" for having kids -- sometimes you have to take the plunge. I guess the main thing, is to know the difference between having enough financial stability, and insisting on having "everything" before a child comes.

I think it's great you're going back to school yourself -- sounds like everybody will benefit from this new initiative of yours! The true timing for your LOL will come around.

Meantime, like Sunmeadow Glades says, take that folic acid, and prepare your body!

And Twin Lady, that's some courageous tale! You are strong!!

posted April 03, 2003 06:09 AM           

That's a great story of your own, your partner sounds like a real sweetheart. I'm glad everything is working out well for the both of you

Another thing that is important to my partner is the stability of the relationship. His parents divorced when he was 14 and I know he took it hard as his parents were the world to him.

Yes, I will be getting into councelling ASAP! I have an interview tomorrow about it and hopefully I can get started in the next month or so.

Love, Ally.

P.S. I think you may have delivered a little message from the heavens to me

quote:

---

I think many people are never totally "ready" for having kids -- sometimes you have to take the plunge. I guess the main thing, is to know the difference between having enough financial stability, and insisting on having "everything" before a child comes

---

That is what Luc's mum used to always say to him when she was begging us to have grandkids!

She is now taking care of our children until they are ready to come to us, and they are in the best of hands!!!

posted April 03, 2003 02:30 PM         

Thank you for the compliment; with the Moon, Saturn and Juno all in Scorpio and my 8th house also, I guess I'm nothing if not "strong", lol. There have been many struggles with nothing coming easily, but that fact has only resulted in my appreciating my blessings when they do come, that much more.

And RRR

I completely agree with Lunargirl's statement about never being totally "ready".
Whether it's financial stability or relationship stability...there are no guarantees. The father of my children had several layoffs and job changes during our marriage...and ultimately left for someone else. Things happen, people grow apart, sadly. I've always been told that it's not so much what happens to us, but how we handle them when they do, that matters. In my case, my "magnificent obsession" gave me the strength and "courage" to just take a leap of faith, and I was richly rewarded. Being a single parent has been twice as challenging as having a partner to share, and even with a partner, it's one of the hardest jobs in the world. BUT...the rewards are immeasurable. Do I have regrets? Yes; I have wept for my daughters' pain of not having Daddy at home, though he's always been just a phonecall away, to his credit. That is my only regret. And yesterday, when my (now) 19-year-old first-born said to me, "Mom, you did a good job raising us", and an hour ago when same daughter hugged me tightly and said, "I love you, Mommy"...what can I say? It was ALL worthwhile; the pain and the joy...and I actually feel sorry for their father who has essentially missed it all.

posted April 04, 2003 04:23 AM         

I have friends that have kids, and right now i know that its not for me, and im not sure it will ever be? But i think that being a parent is a very worth while thing to do with your life. Sure you may have potential career opportunities there, but i cannot imagine a more rewarding job that bringing a life into the world and helping it to be all it can be... and there is plenty of time to go back to work later if you wish. Im not at a stage at my life where i am even considering that kind of step But i congratulate you on your LOL, and i think it is wonderful! So 2005? Is that when you plan to conceive or give birth? Its really not that far away!

Love to you

posted April 04, 2003 04:27 AM         

I have friends that have kids, and right now i know that its not for me, and im not sure it will ever be? But i think that being a parent is a very worth while thing to do with your life. Sure you may have potential career opportunities there, but i cannot imagine a more rewarding job that bringing a life into the world and helping it to be all it can be... and there is plenty of time to go back to work later if you wish. Im not at a stage at my life where i am even considering that kind of step But i congratulate you on your LOL, and i think it is wonderful! So 2005? Is that when you plan to conceive or give birth? Its really not that far away!

Love to you

posted April 04, 2003 05:30 AM           

Twin Lady, your children are blessed to have such a wonderful mother. You can talk about it all you like here!! I think it is so beautiful when parents share such a loving bond with their children It is just a shame it is not like that for every child.

posted April 05, 2003 02:31 AM         

I've been having a very "psychic" week this week -- happy to've been your message delivery girl! I think you and I share some interesting similar experiences-- I've also been 5 years with André.

Twin Lady, with all that Scorp, I'm not surprised that themes of birth and rebirth are so strong for you, and your children so precious and hard-won.

Good Lord, this thread is getting all my hormones going!!!!! Not planning anything in particular, but you never know!

posted April 05, 2003 12:32 PM         

I read your post in the Astrology Forum, the thread about Uranus' transit through Pisces where you said it's in your 5th house. Has it been there a while or will it be for the next few years (like...through 2005)??

Ah...doesn't the 5th house have something to do with CHILDREN??? So...
if Uranus transit equals changes and "shaking up" in the house it transits, I wonder if this will indicate the time for you to have a child. Given that the 5th is also the house of romance...well, you know where I'm going with this.

Oh, and incidentally...my NATAL Uranus is in my 5th house, and at the time my first daughter was born, transiting VENUS was conjuncting natal Uranus within ONE degree. Coincidence? I don't think so...

One other BTW: I've always said both my children were prayed into existence. They also were each born under the Sunsigns I was hoping for, Gemini and Pisces respectively (my Sun's Gemini and my Ascendant is Pisces, so I wanted to be sure I'd have a strong astrological connection with them). Not only that, but my Gem daughter's Pisces Moon exactly conjuncts my Ascendant, her Mars and Sun conjunct my Sun, and her Scorpio Ascendant exactly trines my Ascendant, plus my younger daughter's Sun conjuncts my Ascendant and her Pluto conjuncts my Moon (Mother). ASTROLOGY WORKS!

posted April 06, 2003 09:24 AM           

Yes, it moves out in 2005. Maybe I should start earler than I planned??

Lunar, you could be my pregnant partner and we could annoy everyone on Lindaland with our racing hormones At least Twin will be there with all her wonderful advice and support